As for the rest, Su Yufan did not want to press further. Doing their utmost and leaving the rest to fate—she understood that completely.
And yet she still could not help asking, “Will my mother die?”
The doctor chose silence in response to that question, merely patting Su Yufan lightly on the shoulder.
That single gesture made the strength Su Yufan had been forcing herself to hold together collapse in an instant.
It was harder to accept than when she had heard her own cancer diagnosis.
She could undergo surgery alone. She could accept dying in the not-too-distant future.
The only thing she could not do was watch helplessly as her mother left before her.
For twenty years, mother and daughter had depended on each other. It was her mother who had given her life of flesh and blood, and it was also her mother who had reshaped the path of her artistic life.
Powerless, she slumped to the floor, tears streaming silently down her face.
When Su Fengxia woke, Su Yufan had already been waiting on the bench outside the ICU for fifteen hours.
After receiving the doctor’s permission to visit, she walked in, somewhat flustered and anxious.
“Mom, you’re awake? How do you feel?”
As an outstanding ethnic dance artist, Su Fengxia had been crowned with the beautiful title of Peacock Queen, but now she was so weak she could not even open her mouth to speak.
She could only blink in place of words, to reassure her beloved daughter.
Su Yufan looked at her still wax-yellow face, at the way her skin and flesh seemed almost separated, her blood vessels starkly visible.
Her mother, who had always loved beauty, now looked just like the wooden carved doll Su Yufan had played with as a child.
Lifeless, carrying a suffocating nearness to death that shrouded her completely.
But her mother had only just turned fifty-five this year. She should not, could not, leave like this.
“Mom, you still can’t eat right now. Let me wipe your hands and face for you?”
Su Yufan rarely spoke to her mother so gently. In front of Su Fengxia, she had always been proud, unrestrained, flamboyant, and passionate.
Su Fengxia’s heart was in agony; even breathing had become a luxury, something she could only rely on the ventilator for.
Unable to speak, she nodded lightly. Her daughter had never been this obedient in front of her before, and for some reason, the corners of her eyes grew wet.
“Mom, get better soon. I promise I’ll take care of you like this every day.”
Perhaps it was because mother and daughter were linked at the heart; when Su Yufan turned away to fetch the basin, her tears burst forth like a broken dam.
Life was just like this. In an unguarded instant, one was forced to endure a heavy blow, powerless to fight back.
Su Fengxia could not stop her tears from flowing either. Perhaps realizing something, she hurriedly opened her mouth. “Mi Bao... your performance...”
Mi Bao was Su Yufan’s childhood nickname, an endearment used only by her mother.
“The performance has been postponed. There’s still some time. Don’t worry, just focus on recovering. You know I won’t give up my performance just to take care of you.”
Su Fengxia nodded again in relief.
Her daughter had danced for twenty years. Dance was her everything, even more important than life.
After so much effort, she was finally about to stand on the international stage. With her diligence and drive, it had not been easy for her to come this far.
From a certain perspective, Su Fengxia regarded her daughter as the continuation of her own artistic life. To lift her onto the great stage of the world had been her lifelong wish.
“Mom, does your heart feel bad? Do you want the ventilator turned up a little?”
Su Yufan wrung out the warm towel and carefully wiped her mother’s face.
“Yes... uncomfortable... suffocating...”
Though speaking was difficult for Su Fengxia, she did her best to respond to her daughter’s concern.
Su Yufan did not dare operate it on her own, so she could only press the call bell and ask a nurse to come over.
She briefly described her mother’s symptoms. After listening, the nurse merely loosened it by the smallest token amount and told Su Yufan not to adjust it randomly.
After visiting time ended, Su Yufan returned once more to the bench outside the ICU to wait.
Her stomach kept growling, and only belatedly did she realize she had not eaten for a day and a night.
In the past, she had been used to hunger and took it for granted. Now she had no appetite at all. She asked the doctor about her mother’s condition, and the outlook was not optimistic.
She did not dare leave. She had to stay by her side every step of the way.
A young doctor on rotation passed by her, then stopped, somewhat excited. “Are you Su Yufan? That young dance genius! I’ve seen your competition performance!”
Su Yufan reflexively lifted her haggard little face.
“Are you a doctor?”
Right now, she needed no halo or glory of any kind. She only needed her mother to live.
“I am, and I’m also a fan of yours. Is someone in your family sick? Do you need help? I can take a look at the medical records for you and offer some suggestions.”
Only then did a glimmer of hope ignite in Su Yufan’s eyes.
She had originally planned to wait until her mother’s condition stabilized a little, then transfer her to a big city for treatment, but the surgeon did not advise moving her mother’s body.
Just now, she had been thinking about how to contact an authoritative major hospital to arrange a transfer.
“I don’t have the medical records in my hands yet. They should be in your computers, right? Could you help me take a look?”
The young doctor was happy to help. He led Su Yufan to the office, searched Su Fengxia’s name, and pulled up a long series of medical record descriptions about her surgery.
The more the doctor read, the deeper his brows furrowed. His mood also sank to its lowest point.
But then again, if it were not serious, why would she be in the ICU?
“Your mother’s condition is very serious, extremely critical. She could pass at any moment. I originally thought that if her condition were a little better, you could take a plane to another province for treatment.”
He was young and did not want to beat around the bush to comfort Su Yufan, because that would be useless.
“Thank you for telling me the truth. Then what can I still do for my mom now?”
Su Yufan had many regrets when it came to the passing of life. When her maternal grandfather and grandmother had died, she had not been present.
Now it was about to be her mother’s turn. She wanted to make some amends for the absurd things she had once missed.
“I’m on duty tonight. You can go in and stay with her. Ask about her last wishes, if she can speak.
“Contact all your relatives and have them come see her. As soon as possible.
“Also, take care of yourself. You don’t look well. You haven’t eaten dinner, have you? I have bread and plantains here. Take them.”
Su Yufan felt no ripple at all toward the doctor’s concern. Her heart was no different from a pool of stagnant water.
“Thank you. My family’s situation is very complicated. We don’t really have any relatives, and they probably don’t want to see my mother either.”
She took the food from the doctor’s hand and walked woodenly toward the ward.
She placed the food untouched on the windowsill, put on protective clothing, and walked into the ICU again.
“Mom, are you feeling a little better?”
Su Yufan tried her best to chat with her mother according to the doctor’s instructions. Knowing her last wishes was better than being left with endless regret.
“Better.”
Mother and daughter went back and forth, question and answer. Su Yufan was unhurried, her purpose clear.
“Mom, do you want to travel? When you’re better, I’ll go out and have fun with you. We can go anywhere.”
“Mom, do you miss Dad? Should I contact him and tell him you’re sick? After all, you were once husband and wife...”
“Mom, if you hadn’t left Dali back then, you’d probably have inherited Grandpa’s woodcarving shop by now, right?”
“Mom, does your heart hurt? If you get better, what do you want to do most?”
Su Fengxia could not fully answer these questions. She could only laboriously reply with a few words.
“Go... play.”
“Miss him...”
“Shop... to you.”
“Want... back to Jianchuan.”
Su Yufan choked up again. These were all things that could have been done with ease, yet they were her mother’s greatest wishes. She truly deserved to die!
The doctor from earlier walked steadily into the ward and whispered in Su Yufan’s ear.
“Your mother’s blood oxygen saturation is dropping, and her heart rate is dropping too. We’re ready to resuscitate her at any time. Try to talk to her as much as you can. This may become your final conversation.”
Su Yufan nearly fell. The doctor supported her.
“Mom, do you want to eat a plantain? The Banna plantains from Grandma’s hometown are ripe.”
Su Fengxia’s eyes lit up at once. She loved plantains most.
“Eat.”