1
2. Making Love
The day after their first date ended in a grim atmosphere, Do-uk was the first to contact her.
Listening to him force out a lighthearted remark about how the thirsty person ought to be the one to dig the well, Seonha felt a quiet pang of guilt. The wounded look he had shown her that day was still lingering in her mind.
Their second date was to have a meal and go see a movie. It was an even more ordinary date plan than an amusement park, but even though they had lived as husband and wife for three years, this, too, was their first time watching a movie together.
Even while they ate, they carefully kept the conversation going without ever bringing up the fight they had had that day.
“Are you sure this movie is okay?”
Seonha asked as she checked the ticket Do-uk had reserved. The film he had chosen was a melodrama that was, for the first time in a while, showing signs of box-office success. Even if this date was entirely tailored to her, she wondered whether he could endure a film where, for half the running time, the male and female leads were either teary-eyed, shedding tears, or sobbing outright.
“You like this kind of thing.”
“I do?”
“Didn’t you cry while watching some drama or movie before?”
“That was… Uh, when did you see that?”
Seonha’s face flushed slightly.
“Why are you blushing?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
She said this while fanning her heated face with her hand. Since her husband was so emotionless, she had thought he wouldn’t understand her crying over a fictional drama and might even treat her like a fool. So the moment she had heard him coming out of the study, she had hurriedly wiped her wet cheeks, but it seemed he had already seen everything.
“We still have quite a bit of time left.”
Even after the meal ended, they still had time to spare. Seonha was wondering whether they should go to a nearby café when she spotted a tarot café across the street.
“Do-uk, are you perhaps… interested in things like tarot?”
She knew he probably had no interest in such things and wouldn’t believe in them either, but she asked anyway. It meant she wanted to go have their tarot cards read. Do-uk looked ahead.
“That?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s go.”
There was not even a hint of hesitation in his answer. Since the crosswalk light had just turned green, Do-uk abruptly grabbed her hand to hurry across. Then he immediately let go and stopped in place.
“Is holding hands… not allowed either?”
Do-uk asked, watching her reaction. Seonha hesitated briefly, then took the hand he had let go of again herself.
“When we’re in a hurry like this, it’s allowed.”
Seonha pointed with her eyes at the blinking traffic light and smiled. Unaware that Do-uk’s eyes had frozen for an instant upon seeing her smile, Seonha led him along.
If there had been many people, they would have had to wait a long time, but the customer who brushed past them and left the café happened to be the last one.
“What would you like to ask about?”
The tarot reader, who looked to be in her early forties, gazed at the two seated before her with a gentle smile.
Only then did Seonha realize she had made a mistake. Though she did not blindly believe in things like saju or tarot, she did tend to look up her New Year’s fortune for fun when a new year began.
This year, however, she had been so overwhelmed by her problems with Do-uk that she hadn’t done so, and the moment she spotted the tarot café, she had thought, This is it. She had thought it would be perfect for passing time lightly, but there was one awkward point.
With Do-uk sitting beside her, she could not ask about romance or marriage fortunes, and she did not want to ask about money either. Because she was conscious of him in various ways, it was difficult to ask what she was curious about, and she was also worried she might hear a strange answer.
What caught Seonha’s eye then was “Past Life Tarot.” Could tarot readings tell you about your past life too? She found it doubtful, but this seemed the most suitable option.
“Can you find out about past lives too?”
“Of course. Then shall I do past lives for both of you?”
Do-uk nodded with an expression that showed no particular interest. The woman skillfully shuffled the tarot cards and spread them out. Following her instructions, Seonha picked out cards.
“Now, next is the groom’s turn.”
Seonha was startled for a moment. They had not said they were married first, nor were they wearing rings. Most people thought of them as a young couple rather than a married one. So she wondered how the woman could say “groom” in such a certain voice.
‘Is this… not just a place that reads tarot?’
Unnecessarily chilled, Seonha looked around at the interior again. Just as her wariness sharpened, wondering whether they had entered some strange place, Do-uk seemed unconcerned and picked his cards.
“Oh my.”
After reading the cards, the woman smiled.
“You two were husband and wife in your past lives as well.”
“What?”
Seonha’s eyes widened.
“The bond between you two is very deep. Whether to call it fate or ill-fated karma, I’m not sure. Even though you’re opposites, you keep getting entangled.”
“Y-you can tell that too?”
“Of course.”
“In our past lives… what kind of connection did we have?”
“In your past lives, the two of you were married, but the husband caused his wife a great deal of heartache. He was a libertine who left his lawful wife at home and went to courtesan houses day in and day out. His virtuous wife suffered terribly because of her womanizing husband and accumulated a great deal of resentment. She was neglected as soon as she married into the family and spent every day in tears.”
It seemed to Seonha that this person was not merely someone who read tarot. Even if Do-uk was not a libertine in this life, hadn’t she suffered and shed tears because of him often enough? Besides, the part about being neglected as soon as she married in was similar too.
She did not know whether the woman had simply made up a plausible story, but because it subtly overlapped with reality, a small laugh escaped her. Do-uk, on the other hand, was frowning. As if he could not believe it. He had already seemed not to believe in this sort of thing, but now the distrust in his eyes had deepened even further.
When she playfully glanced at Do-uk, who in his past life had supposedly been an unparalleled libertine who made his lawful wife cry, and let out another small laugh, the woman looked at Seonha with a mischievous smile.
“You shouldn’t be laughing here. You were the libertine who made your lawful wife shed tears of blood.”
“What?”
Seonha blinked slowly.
“In your past lives, the two of you had opposite genders.”
“……”
“So even if your husband causes you heartache, think of it as paying for the many sins you committed in your past life and let him off this once.”
At that, Seonha’s and Do-uk’s expressions reversed.
*
As they left the café and headed toward the movie theater, Seonha opened her lips, which had been pouting with discontent.
“Tell me honestly.”
“Tell you what?”
“You arranged things with that woman in advance, didn’t you?”
“Say something that makes sense.”
“Fine, let’s say she told us some ridiculous story about our past lives. But telling me I should forgive you even if you cause me heartache was too obvious.”
“Do you not remember who first suggested we get a tarot reading?”
“That was…”
“And you were the one who chose that café.”
Faced with Do-uk’s perfectly logical explanation, Seonha had nothing to say.
“Hm, so you were a libertine.”
He looked her over and drove in the final nail. His intention to tease her was more than obvious.
“You don’t even believe in things like that, so why are you pretending to believe it now?”
“I do believe it.”
“Ha. Since when?”
“Since I heard that you and I were husband and wife in our past lives too.”
Do-uk gave a light shrug.
“Though I’m very sorry to hear that you were a libertine who wouldn’t even look my way. Maybe the reason I became so obsessed with sex is because you ignored me in my past life.”
“What nonsense… And how am I a libertine? That doesn’t make any sense. She was probably just joking. Ah, maybe she saw the article. The article that had a photo of you and me. She must have seen it and known we were married.”
“If denying it makes you feel better, go ahead.”
He was a man with an exceptional talent for turning someone’s insides upside down. Seonha narrowed her eyes at Do-uk, who was teasing her as if he had found the perfect thing to hold over her.
The moment she turned her head to the other side as though ignoring him, Do-uk’s large hand wrapped around hers. She had felt it in front of the crosswalk too, but his hand was unexpectedly warm.
This time as well, at the feel of his hand enclosing hers warmly and firmly, she flinched slightly, then wriggled the hand he held as if telling him to let go. Though she herself was the only one unaware of it, to anyone else it was much closer to acting coy than refusing.
“Don’t hold my hand.”
“You said I could hold it when we’re in a hurry.”
“What’s there to be in a hurry about?”
“The movie. It says we can enter now.”
Do-uk replied slyly and adjusted his grip on her hand. It was not really urgent at all. Seonha grumbled quietly, but she did not pull her hand out of his.
*
There had been no particular meaning behind starting swimming lessons. A newly opened sports center near the apartment was advertising loudly that lesson fees were discounted, urging people not to miss this chance to master swimming, and somehow her curiosity had been piqued. After quitting her role as a full-time housewife—which, if it could be called a job, was her first job after graduating from university—she had also wanted to learn something with all the time she had left over.
That was all there was to it, Seonha convinced herself with a nod, but Da-ae, who lived with her, seemed thoroughly puzzled. Knowing that the Seonha she had known for a long time was not the type to be enthusiastic about exercise, Da-ae tilted her head when Seonha suddenly said she wanted to learn swimming, and she found it fascinating that Seonha diligently attended the center without fail.
After squabbling with Da-ae like they had when they were young, with Da-ae looking down on her and asking whether she could at least float now, Seonha headed to the center in time for her lesson. Normally she joined the morning class, but today she had delayed the time because she had gone with Da-ae to her obstetrics and gynecology checkup.
The lesson ended well, but the problem occurred afterward. As she headed to the shower room to wash, the floor was slippery and she slightly twisted her ankle. A stinging pain rose in her ankle, but she endured it and washed up. She was drying her wet body and changing clothes in the locker room when a middle-aged woman she often ran into in the morning class lightly tapped her on the back.
“Young lady!”
“Yes?”
“Hurry and get dressed, then go out to the front entrance.”
At the sudden words, Seonha looked at her in confusion.
“I called Instructor Han and told him not to leave for a bit and to wait because you twisted your leg. He’ll be waiting out front to give you a ride.”
“What? What do you mean…”
“That man is so hopelessly shy he can’t even express himself. It’s frustrating enough to drive a person mad. Take this chance to have a nice little conversation, just the two of you.”
The woman smiled suggestively, then headed toward the scale with her unclothed body, not even wearing a single piece of underwear.
Dumbfounded, Seonha stood there for a moment, blinking widely.
The woman had already been famous for being nosy by nature. Though she felt a little offended, Seonha eventually hurried to get dressed and came out. After all, she needed to tell the man who would be waiting because of her that she was fine.
However, even after she went out to the front entrance and faced him, the situation flowed in a direction she did not particularly want. He was immovable, as if he had firmly made up his mind today.
Unable to overcome his stubborn insistence, as resolute as if he would not take a single step unless he drove her home, she got into the passenger seat. She was not so badly injured that walking was difficult, and it would take less than ten minutes by car to reach home, so she could not shake the embarrassment of feeling as though too much fuss was being made.
“Seonha, your smile is so kind and charming.”
“Ah… thank you.”
“I could say it like this too. Seonha is seonhada. Ahaha.”
The man with a peculiar sense of humor delivered what he seemed to think was his masterstroke, but she did not find it very funny.
“Oh, by the way, Seonha, do you perhaps have a boyfriend?”
She felt resentful, wondering why on earth he was only asking now. Seonha smiled naturally and opened her mouth.
“I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a husband.”
“What?”
He raised his voice and asked again. Though she was not facing him, she could imagine how wide the man’s eyes had become.
“Y-you have a husband? You’re joking, right?”
“Why do you think it’s a joke?”
“You still look young, and you don’t have a ring… But is that really true?”
“Yes. It’s been three years.”
The man, who had been radiating a lively atmosphere until just a moment ago, visibly sank. Soon he even began letting out deep sighs. By the time they arrived in front of her home, he barely looked at her and gave only a halfhearted farewell.
“Then I’ll go in. Thank you for driving me.”
The moment she closed the door, the man’s car quickly left the apartment complex. Seonha let out a small laugh, shook her head, and started walking. Then, at the apartment entrance, she spotted Do-uk coming toward her.
By now, she wasn’t even surprised. All she could think was that what was bound to come had come. This damnable timing. Trying not to let her injury show, she walked slowly.
“Mr. Do-uk, what brings you here? I thought our fifth date was tomorrow……”
Seonha fell silent when she realized where his gaze was fixed. He was going to get angry again, wasn’t he? He was the man who had lost his mind at the word blind date, who had gotten so worked up just because she’d talked on the phone with another man. Since he’d even witnessed her arriving in another man’s car, it wouldn’t be strange if an even bigger uproar broke out.
Do-uk’s black eyes, which had been glaring at the departing car as if he wanted to kill it, landed on her. His jaw clenched, he let out a suppressed sigh.
They couldn’t cause a scene in front of Daae’s apartment building. She had planned to persuade him to move elsewhere first and then settle the situation, but what came out of his mouth was something entirely unexpected.
“Do you want to get on my back, or be carried?”
“Pardon?”
“Your leg. You hurt it.”
“Ah……”
Seonha let out a faint sound of wonder, her face blank. It was surprising that he had immediately noticed her leg was injured when it shouldn’t have been that obvious. She took a step back from him, who looked ready to scoop her up at any moment.
“It’s fine. I’m not badly hurt. I just twisted my ankle a little. It’ll be all right if I put a compress on it.”
It was hard to tell whether Do-uk’s expression had darkened so much because of that car just now or because of her refusal. Seonha studied his face, then finally reached out first.
“Instead, could you support me a little?”
Without hesitation, Do-uk wrapped his arm firmly around her shoulders. The two of them headed toward the elevator, their bodies pressed intimately together. Seonha wasn’t so injured that she couldn’t walk on her own, but she quietly entrusted herself to him.
“Why aren’t you asking?”
“Asking what?”
“……”
“The car I just got out of. Does it not bother you this time?”
“You think it doesn’t bother me?”
He frowned as he continued.
“Right now, even the fact that your hair is wet bothers me. There’s nothing that doesn’t. I’m just exerting superhuman strength to hold myself back because the fact that you’re hurt is more important.”
“My hair……?”
Seonha tilted her head, then soon realized what he meant and was horrified. What on earth had flashed through this man’s mind?
“It’s not like that! Don’t imagine anything vulgar! It’s absolutely not that.”
“I’m glad it isn’t. Just in case, though, I memorized that car’s license plate earlier.”
“Why would you memorize the license plate?”
“……”
“Don’t make scary jokes. It’s frightening because it sounds like you mean it.”
“I haven’t even said anything yet.”
She said it because, in that brief silence, she had sensed a great many things. As they stepped into the elevator that had arrived on the first floor, he spoke again.
“If I’m being too much, and you hate that, then I’ll have to fix it somehow.”
She was looking up at the numbers changing on the elevator panel, but her ears were focused on his deep voice.
“But I probably won’t be able to stop feeling this anxious right now. Because you aren’t by my side, because I have no idea what shape your heart is in or where it’s gone…… I feel anxious and impatient.”
“……”
“So even the shadow of another man near you makes my stomach turn. Because it makes me think there might be some bastard who could steal your heart in a single moment I don’t even know about.”
After getting off the elevator and escorting her to the front door, Do-uk smiled bitterly. Seonha was a little shocked when she saw how noticeably thinner his face had become. She had cursed him for being insensitive toward her, yet she herself had failed to notice. Because he had shown her his usual self, speaking in that cynical tone as before, she had failed to properly look at his wounds.
Because of her ambiguous attitude, he had truly been suffering, enduring moments that drained him dry. Once she had become the stronger one in love instead of the weaker one, she had cared only about her own feelings and brushed everything else off as trivial. Seeing him accept whatever she said and whatever she demanded, seeing him approach her first every time, she had grown arrogant, numb, and cruel.
Seonha stared blankly as his figure disappeared completely into the elevator. Should she have stopped him and had a proper conversation with him? She had flatly denied that she had any strange relationship with that man, but he had still clearly been bothered.
His words remained in her ears—that he had been even more anxious because he didn’t know where her heart was. She remembered her former self, anxious and shrinking because she wasn’t loved.
She, too, had once suffered because she couldn’t help picturing beautiful, seductive women around him, tempting him. The moment that anxious imagination took concrete form as a woman named Cha Yuju, she had become unable to endure it.
Seonha started to take out her phone, then stopped. They were going to meet tomorrow anyway, so it would be enough to talk slowly then.
She opened the front door and went inside.
“Oh, you’re back?”
Daae asked as she laid shopping bags out on the living room floor.
“What is all this? Did you go shopping by yourself?”
Seonha tilted her head as she looked at the baby clothes and shoes Daae had just taken out of the shopping bags.
“Did you meet Mr. Do-uk?”
“Mr. Do-uk came here?”
Seonha asked in surprise. She had thought he had been waiting for her in front of the apartment building, not that he would have stopped by Daae’s place.
“Yeah. He gave me all this before he left. I told him bribes don’t work on me, but he cut me off and said it wasn’t a bribe before leaving. He said he was sorry for neglecting me all this time without even saying hello, even though I was your closest friend. He was a better person than I expected.”
Daae added jokingly.
“Seeing those words come out of my mouth on their own, I guess it was a bribe after all.”
Seonha ran her hand over the shopping bags Do-uk must have forced on her. Even though she had come to believe in his heart, she had thought he had not changed. Love could not save everything. It was only natural that a man who had lived for decades with a heart like ice would not suddenly become spring just because he had come to love someone.
But although he could not suddenly become spring, it seemed he had been changing little by little. He was now slowly becoming able to see those around him, too.
She regretted again that she had let Do-uk leave like that. I’m learning how to swim—all she had to do was say that one sentence. Because that was difficult, she had ended up making him anxious again.
It wasn’t as if she had wanted to punish him by loudly recounting the days she had suffered. Hadn’t she thought that Do-uk, who had so many wounds, should truly become happy now?
But the wish that he would meet someone who knew how to love properly—she could not carry that through to the end. Because from the moment she learned that he loved her, she had become unable to let him go.
“Even if I make up with him again.”
Daae listened to the words Seonha began to murmur quietly.
“I’m going to live here until Mr. Gangho comes back.”
“What? No thanks. You’re a nuisance. I’d be grateful if you left quickly.”
It was the complete opposite of what she had said when Seonha had first stayed here. Seonha knew she was saying it out of consideration for her.
“Put up with me even if I’m a nuisance.”
Although she had entered the stable period, Daae had become noticeably lonelier after getting pregnant. She had even glared at Seonha, saying she’d give her a scolding if she looked for a place in the meantime. Seonha wanted to stay by her side until her husband returned.
“Don’t do that for my sake. You had such a grand marital fight and finally got back together. Shouldn’t the two of you be burning hot now?”
Seonha snorted at Daae, who sent her a sly look. When Seonha made it clear there was no chance of that, Daae waved her hands but looked somewhat relieved. Like her, Daae had been all but abandoned by her parents when she was young and raised by her grandmother. Now that she had no family to take care of her, being alone must feel lonely and unsettling.
“I want to date.”
“Date? Ah, true. You said the two of you dated for a really short time, didn’t you?”
“Exactly. So stop scheming to kick me out.”
As she said that, Seonha sat on one side of the living room, placed the adorable baby shoes Do-uk had bought on her palm, and examined them with a tender gaze. Before their fifth date, rain had begun pouring fiercely from dawn. The roads must be slippery. Seonha thought of Do-uk, who should be on his way here by now.
They had agreed to meet early on the weekend morning, but she had no idea where on earth he intended to take her. Was it an itinerary that would be all right even if it rained? No matter how much she asked, he kept it tightly hidden and wouldn’t answer, so she knew nothing.
After sending Do-uk off like that yesterday, they had still not contacted each other up to this point, when the appointed time was drawing near. In truth, she had waited last night too, wondering if even a short message might come from him. Lately, after all, Do-uk had always been the one to contact her first.
But even now, when she had finished getting ready to go out and was waiting for Do-uk, her phone was silent, as if it had stopped working.
“……”
“Is he angry?”
Coming home in another man’s car was more than enough for him to be bothered by and jealous of. On top of that, she had refused to tell him who that man was until the very end, so he might have felt even more frustrated. As time passed, perhaps he had grown angry at how willful she was being and begun to resent her.
For the first time in a while, Seonha found herself fretting over Do-uk as she had in the past. After scraping at her fingernail, she finally picked up her phone. She hesitated for a moment, then pressed the call button firmly.
The ringing tone continued for a long time. The man she had taken for granted would answer did not let her hear his voice. All sorts of thoughts flooded her mind. Was he angry after all because of what happened yesterday? Or had he given up because she still hadn’t given him any definite answer even by the time their fifth date came around?
No. Maybe he had simply overslept by mistake. But Seonha soon shook her head with a dark expression. He was not the kind of person who would oversleep before an appointment.
“Isn’t it time for you to leave? You’re not asleep, are you?”
From outside the room, Daae raised her voice and asked.
“Yeah, I’m about to leave.”
Seonha opened the door and answered Daae with a calm expression, but inside she was burning up. Could she even leave? For that to happen, she first had to get in touch with him, so why on earth wasn’t he answering?
Just then, a ringtone echoed through the room. Seonha hurriedly checked her phone screen. She was certain it would be Do-uk, but it was an unknown number. Since she was receiving a call from an unknown number at this hour of the morning, there was a strong chance it was spam. A deep sigh spread through her.
Seonha was about to press decline when, despite the number not being saved in her contacts, it somehow felt familiar. Since she had kept only the necessary contacts when she changed phones, it might be someone she had known before. She answered the phone that kept ringing persistently.
“Hello?”
—Madam, this is Chief Yun.
The time they had agreed to meet had nearly arrived, yet Do-uk was not answering his phone, and the fact that his secretary, Chief Yun, was the one calling gave her a bad feeling. Surely he wasn’t planning to tell her through his secretary that he was giving up now and they should stop seeing each other. She had fallen into such bleak thoughts when Chief Yun delivered a shock incomparable to that.
—The Executive Director was in an accident while driving. It was the fault of the car behind him, and it seems he hit his head in the collision. I’ve only just arrived at the hospital myself. I think you should hurry here as well, Madam.
*When she had spoken with Chief Yun, she had heard that Do-uk was still in the emergency room, but by the time she arrived at the university hospital in a fluster, he had already been moved to a VIP room. Hearing that he had even been admitted made fear strike her hard.
The moment she heard that he had been in a car accident, she had felt as if all the blood had drained from her body, and the strength left her hand so completely that she even dropped her phone once. As she sat there collapsed, clutching the phone and asking in a trembling voice whether his condition was all right, Chief Yun had soothed her, saying it had not been a serious accident.
At those words, she had suppressed her violently shaken heart and hurried to the hospital, but only after arriving did the suspicion belatedly occur to her that Chief Yun might have lied. Considering that Do-uk had even been hospitalized, he might really be badly injured. Until she confirmed it with her own eyes, she could not feel at ease.
The entrance to the VIP ward was under strict control amid heavy security. As if warning that not just anyone would be allowed in.
She wondered if she should contact Manager Yun again, but perhaps he had been informed beforehand, as the staff member guided her kindly the moment he saw her face. Seonha walked after the staff member, steadying her irregularly beating heart.
When she pushed the door aside and stepped inside, a space so wide it couldn't be taken in at a glance appeared before her. The interior was quite lavish for a hospital. However, Seonha didn't notice anything else; her gaze was fixed solely on the bed where the patient lay.
“You came? Come here.”
Douk spoke with an utterly fine and neat face, in his usual tone. He was sitting on the edge of the bed in a hospital gown.
But Seonha still couldn't set her mind at ease and quickly approached him. With a serious face, she examined his body here and there.
“They said you hit your head. Are you okay? Did you get hurt anywhere else? Does it hurt?”
“Curious? Shall I show you?”
Douk flashed a mischievous smile at Seonha, who was scrutinizing his body, and unbuttoned one button of his gown. She let out a short sigh of relief.
“I suppose that means you're definitely fine.”
The tension that had been swirling inside her heart released completely, and her whole body grew languid.
“I'm perfectly healthy. I'm hospitalized for tests. Other than hitting my head and briefly passing out, there's nothing wrong, but they nagged me so much saying you never know.”
“Of course. Listen to the experts. Don't be stubborn. Good job.”
“What?”
“Huh? What?”
“Why are you being so sweet? If you act this sweet like before, I think my heart will have problems. Because of you.”
She hadn't even been particularly affectionate. Yet simply because her tone had grown gentler, his eyes shone as if he'd received some grand award. It was enough to make her feel guilty, wondering if she'd been too cold to that man lately.
“Then shall I not be sweet?”
She said so, but Seonha's soft hand was already rubbing his rough cheek. Feeling her warm touch, he mumbled blankly as if in a dream.
“If I'd known it'd be like this, I should've gotten into an accident and gotten hurt much earlier. Not just lightly hitting my head—if my whole body had been covered in bruises, that would have been even better.”
He grasped her hand like a child and rubbed his face against her palm. His eyes held a desperate light, enough to make her think of a tender beast craving affection.
“Don't say such things, even if you're joking.”
“The temperature before and after the accident is so different, anyone would think that way.”
“I'm not doing this because you got hurt in an accident.”
Seonha gently hugged him.
“I regretted sending you away like that yesterday. There was something I wanted to say to you, Douk.”
“What is it?”
While sitting on the edge of the bed, Douk asked back, burying his face deep into her chest as she stood. Her soft chest was gently compressed. As if he were starving for her body, he hugged her waist tightly, even seeming to take in her scent, so she gently pushed his shoulder.
“Are you going to act like a pervert?”
“If you tell me not to, I won't.”
“Ha.”
At his shameless answer, a hollow laugh escaped her.
“I thought I was going to die holding back the urge to hold you like this the whole time.”
He murmured softly, stroking down her waist. She hadn't even properly confessed yet, but this man already— She shook her head and laughed.
“You know today is our fifth date, right?”
Douk nodded.
“You have to hear whether my answer has changed, don't you?”
“Seeing you hug me like this, can I take it I can look forward to it?”
“Yes. I'm planning to give you what you want.”
At first, she had been the one hugging him, but before she knew it, she was practically engulfed in his embrace as he stood up.
Seonha stepped back from his body and met his eyes. Douk forcibly stiffened the ends of his lips to hide the smile leaking out, maintaining a serious expression with effort. Whether he didn't know that only made him look funnier.
“First, there's something I want to ask.”
“What is it?”
“Why did you write in the contract that we were free to meet the opposite sex? You never had any intention of meeting women.”
“It was out of consideration for you. I had expected the contract period to be about a year, but just in case it dragged on longer. I must have been crazy back then. To do something so pointless.”
“Ah, I see. Then we ought to remove that clause now. Unlike back then, things are crazy now, aren't they, you?”
“Clause? What are you talking about?”
“As you wanted, let's make a contract again.”
“What?”
“I'm saying let's renew the contract.”
Seonha stared at him blankly. It was amusing to watch Douk's complexion change rapidly. His face, which had been full of anticipation, crumpled in an instant, and he spat out in a rough voice.
“Why are we talking about a contract? Do you still not believe me? Is that it? Just what do I have to do for you to believe me?”
“Calm down first.”
“Do I look like I'm going to calm down right now?”
“You're a patient. Even if it's a minor injury, you shouldn't overdo it.”
“Why don't you ask if it doesn't hurt after stabbing me with a knife, then?”
As if anger were welling up inside him, his characteristic sarcasm began again. Seeing him like that, rather than feeling her fighting spirit ignite, she felt like laughing.
“Wouldn't asking if it hurts after stabbing someone with a knife be a bit too psychopathic?”
“Are you joking around with me?”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“It was a joke. Wasn't it fun?”
As Seonha burst out the laugh she'd been holding back, he leaned his head back and lamented.
“As expected, I should have gotten hurt more seriously here and there, not just my head.”
“Sorry. I just suddenly wanted to tease you.”
She swallowed her spreading smile as she spoke. He shot up and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“I'm not doing any contract. Everything is real now, all of it. Got it?”
“Okay.”
Seonha buried her face in Douk's chest.
“The joke is over, and there's something I really want to say. You don't know how anxious I was, afraid I wouldn't be able to tell you after hearing you'd been in an accident.”
She didn't know how much she'd regretted it the whole way to the hospital.
Why hadn't she said it immediately instead of putting it off?
“I love you. And...”
Now, she wanted to convey it wholly without hesitating any longer. Her heart.
“Will you keep loving me?”
Before long, Douk embraced her with all his strength.
*Every time their eyes met, Seonha smiled. When he asked why she was smiling, she wrinkled her nose and answered.
“You're the one who's been looking at me and smiling this whole time, Douk.”
Was that so?
Douk was now half out of his mind, to the point where he wasn't even aware that he was smiling. How could he be of sound mind after hearing her confession of love?
“You love me?”
“Yes.”
To his words constantly checking, she nodded without showing a hint of annoyance.
“Then saying you'd forgotten me was a lie?”
“That's right.”
“And that you didn't love me, but just liked me lightly?”
Seonha, who had been slowly peeling an apple, set the knife down on the plate and tilted her head as she looked at him.
“Normally, it would be hard to believe such an obvious lie. Did you believe everything I said word for word when I was just being stubborn for no reason? Where in the world is a woman who would get married just out of a passing fondness? Shouldn't the answer be obvious from that alone? In a way, I think you might have a more innocent side than I thought.”
Muttering the last part as if to herself, Seonha began peeling the apple again.
“Then what about me saying I was uncomfortable?”
“Ah.”
“That wasn't a lie.”
Douk approached Seonha closely, his sharp eyes gleaming.
“How could you be uncomfortable after living together for three years? Did I make you feel self-conscious? Why on earth?”
“It wasn't because you made me feel self-conscious or did anything wrong. It was a problem with my heart. Because I had to hide my feelings from you all this time. Every expression or action of yours made my heart flutter, and I was constantly anxious. It felt like I had committed a sin, something like that.”
Even at Seonha's words, Douk's expression didn't ease.
“As expected, it was my fault.”
“How? The mistake was mine for taking an interest in you and liking you first, despite the contract.”
“That contract talk is forbidden now.”
When Douk frowned with one eyebrow, Seonha bit her lip and smiled quietly.
“And you're wrong.”
“What am I wrong about?”
Douk got up from the bed and headed toward the hospital room door. Seonha was bewildered, wondering if he was suddenly leaving without a word, but he wasn't trying to exit the room. Douk, who had stopped in front of the umbrella stand next to the door, came back to Seonha.
“Why did you suddenly bring an umbrella?”
It was still raining outside, not having stopped. Seonha glanced at the rain-streaked window outside the hospital room and set down the knife she'd been using to cut the fruit.
“Do you want to go somewhere? Should I get permission from the doctor?”
“I don't think you're in any position to call me dense, either.”
“Huh? What do you— Huh?”
Only then did Seonha realize the umbrella Douk was holding was the one she had lost before. An umbrella with mixed stripes of dark navy and light sky blue. It was exactly that umbrella she had left behind at Professor An's lab.
“Why do you have this?”
“I stole it.”
“What?”
Seonha asked back with a dumbfounded face.
That day, flustered after meeting eyes with Douk, she had left the umbrella behind and rushed out of the lab. Upon arriving at the first floor, she had to sigh heavily at the drizzle beginning to fall. However, she couldn't muster the courage to go back to the lab. She hadn't been confident she could endure the overwhelming embarrassment of facing him again.
It wasn't pouring rain, and the library she had intended to stop by was close enough, so she ran through the rain without an umbrella. The next day, when she went to the lab, the assistant tilted his head, saying he hadn't seen the ownerless umbrella since he'd arrived for work. She had simply assumed it was lost and erased it from her mind.
“Stop joking and tell me properly. What happened?”
“That day, after greeting my uncle and coming out, I found this umbrella. I easily figured out that the reason you came back was because of this. It started raining almost immediately after you left, so I thought you probably hadn't left the building yet.”
Douk gently placed the neatly folded umbrella at the foot of the bed. Though it had been raining since dawn, her umbrella wasn't wet. It was obvious he hadn't brought it to use, but to hand it over to her. To tell her the story he had kept hidden.
“Back then, I couldn't understand why I did it myself. You were just a woman I didn't even know, yet I went around the building's first floor and basement entrances saying I'd return the umbrella you left behind. After realizing you had already left, I felt empty and wondered what I was doing. I'd never butted into others' business like that in my life.”
“So you've had this umbrella all this time, Douk? Why didn't you return it right away? Even after we met again, or even after we got married.”
Seonha asked, her eyes flickering with curiosity.
“I suppose I didn't want to get caught. My feelings.”
“To me?”
“To you, too. To myself, too.”
Douk took Seonha's hand and brought it close to his lips. He gently kissed her slender fingers, scented with apple.
“So.”
“……”
“It means I was first. The one who started liking you. I was just late in realizing it.”
The corners of Seonha's mouth softly stretched into a smile.
“Why did you come to like me when you didn't even know me well?”
“I don't know.”
Douk furrowed one side of his forehead as if recalling.
“Well... because you were pretty.”
“Because I was pretty?”
Soon, as Seonha laughed loudly, Douk surveyed her face.
“Is this answer a minus?”
“No. It's a total plus. Where in the world is a woman who hates being called pretty?”
“Then why are you laughing? It seems like you're laughing because it's funny, not because you feel good.”
“It's funny. Choe Douk saying he fell for me because I'm pretty.”
“I guess at some point you really started thinking of me as a robot.”
Douk spoke in a slightly sulky voice, but Seonha couldn't stop smiling. It wasn't that the words—ones she never dreamed would come out of his mouth—were funny. She simply loved the fact that she had looked pretty in his eyes in that moment.
*While Seonha was on the phone with Daae, Douk held one side of his forehead the entire time. His face was deeply furrowed in a frown, looking utterly serious.
"Yeah, Daae. Will you be able to sleep alone? No, I'm not treating you like a child, I'm just worried, that's all. Okay, I got it. Call me if anything happens. Good night."
Having hung up with Daae, Seonha stared at him intently.
"Should I call your doctor if it hurts badly?"
"They must have gone home by now. It's late."
"Even another doctor would do."
"There's no need. The pain is subsiding gradually."
At his shameless reply, Seonha lightly shook her head.
"They say only someone who's faked illness before can pull it off. It's really obvious, you know?"
"It was obvious?"
"You suddenly started hurting when I said I was going home, so of course it is."
Even though his trick had been discovered, Douk showed no sign of embarrassment and opened his arms to Seonha. She glared at him without any real malice, then nestled into his embrace.
"If you leave, it won't be a fake illness. I'll really be in pain. I'm sure of it."
To think he would even throw such a tantrum.
Whether he was acting like this only because he'd been injured in a car accident, or whether such a personality had always been hidden inside him, was hard to tell. But rather than being bothered, Seonha felt elated. It was because she felt as though she had glimpsed even a little of Douk's childhood self, who was said to have been full of mischief and prone to throwing tantrums. She welcomed this change in him, his emotional expressions gradually increasing.
"May I kiss you?"
Just before their lips met, Douk asked in a low voice. His slightly rough breath hovered around the edge of her lips.
"...Why are you asking something like that all of a sudden?"
"You said there was a time you hated it."
His black eyes, focused solely on her, seemed to caress her heart.
"That was... when I thought you were holding me out of desire, not love. Now I know for sure."
Their lips touched softly. Douk parted her lips and entered, gently sweeping the inside. It was a sweet kiss that didn't suit the man he used to be. He was lovely, acknowledging love and gradually changing.
"I love you."
Douk whispered against Seonha's lips in a cracked voice. The lips that parted and entered hers again were rougher and more intense than the first time, which had been nothing but soft and tender. Even this violent kiss—that seemed as though it would ravage the inside of her mouth and steal away every last breath—was simply good.
The kiss, which had started lightly, gradually deepened, and the atmosphere surrounding the two grew strangely charged. His uncontrollably mounting heat spread to her as well. Douk slid his hand under Seonha's clothes and gently stroked her waist, smooth and without an ounce of excess flesh. His touch, which she hadn't felt in a long time, made her burn.
Douk moved his hand and caressed above her bra. He brushed over the area where a rounded curve formed, stroking upward in a way that was maddeningly ticklish.
"Hngh."
Seonha let out a short moan through her teeth.
"Wait... just a moment."
When he flipped her bra up and began to knead her bare breast, Seonha urgently pulled her lips away.
"You don't like it?"
"I-it's a hospital. We can't... here."
"It's just the two of us."
"But you're hospitalized because you're hurt..."
"I told you, it's just for observation. I'm perfectly fine."
Douk answered in a firm tone, gently caressing her breast in his grasp. As he rolled her hardened nipple between his fingertips as if toying with it, Seonha's eyes drooped languidly. She grabbed Douk's hand, which was moving obscenely inside her clothes.
"Still, we can't."
Seonha shook her head with unwavering eyes. Because she was held close, she could feel Douk's fully aroused center pressed against her completely. She felt guilty for having aroused him like this, but there was nothing she could do. If someone suddenly walked in, her heart might drop right out of her chest.
"Then it's fine at home?"
"Ah..."
"Let's move your things on the day I'm discharged. You should come back home now."
Seonha became even more troubled.
"That won't work."
Douk's face contorted; he hadn't expected to be rejected.
"Didn't you forgive me?"
"Daae is still very anxious and scared about being alone... I want to stay with her until her husband returns."
Douk sent her a gaze filled with dissatisfaction, but Seonha smiled brightly at him as if to soothe him.
"We can just feel like we're dating during that time, like before. Meeting up and going on dates."
"We can definitely feel like we're dating at home too. If we live together, we can go on dates even more often."
"Still, it's completely different."
He knew that by now he should listen generously, but the answer wouldn't come easily. The time Seonha had spent away from home until now had been incredibly arduous and difficult for him.
"Mr. Douk, please compromise just a little, okay?"
But he could no longer be stubborn. He clearly understood that now was not the time to say, "I'm anxious and scared without you too." He had to suppress the urge to tell her to come home even a day sooner, which welled up right to the tip of his throat.
*Douk spent the entire weekend in the hospital before being discharged. Seonha had stayed by his side continuously while he was hospitalized.
Worried about Daae and wondering if he needed time alone, whenever she tried to get up to leave, Douk suddenly started hurting. It was a fake illness that he didn't seem particularly intent on hiding, but since he truly was a patient who had been in a car accident, she couldn't ignore it.
After completing the discharge procedures, she returned with him to Douk's house—no, their house. As Seonha glanced around the house that Lady Cheongyang had neatly organized, she was enveloped in a wistful feeling.
"Right, Mr. Douk."
She called out to him as she was setting her bag down on the sofa.
"That day, what date did you have planned? I'd asked you before too, but you kept saying it was a secret and wouldn't tell me."
Douk took something out of his jacket's inner pocket and handed it to her.
"Huh? This is my passport. How do you have this?"
Seonha tilted her head with wide eyes, then found the answer herself.
"Daae, right? You've been colluding with Daae behind my back all this time? No wonder. I was wondering why Min Daae had started taking your side so openly."
Seonha pouted, annoyed at the two who had thoroughly deceived her.
"So where were you planning to go that day? After keeping me completely in the dark like this."
"Bali."
"Bali?"
"It's where we went on our honeymoon. We couldn't do anything back then because of me, so this time I wanted to enjoy it properly with you."
"But... if we're going abroad, it wouldn't be just an overnight trip. How could you not tell me? I hadn't even packed."
Seonha was more dumbfounded than moved. There are limits to pushing ahead with what you've decided.
"I've prepared everything."
"What were you going to do if I refused and said no?"
"Well then, I would've tried hard to persuade you."
"...What would you have said to persuade me?"
Douk opened his mouth with a grin.
"That I wouldn't do anything and we'd just hold hands and sleep."
It was the height of shamelessness.
She shook her head and laughed.
"We'll have to go on a trip around the world when I'm old after I retire, but still, let's travel often from now on."
Seonha was dumbfounded by the mention of a trip around the world. At first, she thought he'd thrown it out casually, but looking into his eyes, she could be certain. He hadn't forgotten either.
She had thought she was the only one who remembered. About their first meeting, which she could never forget.
An overwhelming surge of emotion washed over her. She had thought he was a man born without a shred of delicacy, but it seemed that wasn't the case—seeing how he could move her with such trivial words.
A trip around the world... If they could embrace each other, spend the rest of their lives together, and grow old enough that their hair turned white, then leave on that journey holding his hand, it would be truly wonderful.
"So, isn't it about time you told me?"
"What?"
"The man who gave you a ride. Who is he?"
Douk struck while her guard was down. Seonha's body, still brimming with emotion, flinched.
"Now that you know my heart completely, there's no need to be anxious, right?"
"That's that, and this is this."
"What kind of logic is that? I feel like I've been scammed."
Seonha lightly tried to change the subject, but Douk's gaze grew even more tenacious. His doubts only deepened because she was being sparing with her words. Knowing that Douk's imagination could be quite dangerous, she finally opened her mouth quietly.
"...I started learning how to swim. He's a swimming instructor who teaches me. That day, he gave me a ride because he thought I was injured."
Douk's face changed strangely. He was probably trying to gauge why on earth she had suddenly started learning to swim.
"I don't even like exercise, nor was I interested in swimming, so why did I start? I wondered about it the whole time too, but now I think I know."
She had once thought that Douk needed a woman who had grown up receiving proper love. She had even resolved to give him up because she herself had been starved for affection so much that she wouldn't be able to give him proper love.
She didn't know if she had started learning to swim unconsciously from a desire to understand him better. It might be completely useless, but it was one way of loving him.
"If you ever fall into the water, I'll save you. Who knows, if we go on a cruise trip when we're old later, we might fall into the sea."
Seonha smiled playfully.
"What?"
He narrowed his eyes as if bewildered.
"It's true that I don't go near swimming pools because of what happened in the past, but that doesn't mean I can't swim. I was so good that people told me to become a competitive swimmer. Above all, I don't let my woman protect me."
It was an incredibly reliable and cool thing to say, but Seonha didn't bend her stubbornness.
"Still, if you fall into the water, I'll save you."
She wanted to become that for Douk too. Someone completely on his side. A being who gives absolute love. She wanted to become his real family, someone he could trust even if the world ended.
"Because that's... what family is."