[Episode 109] - A Time to Leave (3)
Veronica was bewildered.
Only now, in this repeating life, had she finally found a place where she belonged, or so it had felt. Veronica bit her lower lip lightly at emotions she had thought she'd grown accustomed to by now.
The feeling of her heart collapsing and the ground beneath her feet shattering into pieces.
This feeling was that of the 'sanctuary' she had thought she'd finally found, crumbling down around her. The feeling she had thought she'd grown used to in this repeating life now hurt anew.
Veronica didn't want to admit it, but she had truly grown fond of this place. Here, there was Titania, who was like a 'little sister,' and Vivian, who—though Veronica really didn't want to admit it—was like a 'mother.'
The lovely younger sister Titania, and the mother Vivian, who treated her kindly. The sanctuary she had finally found after barely escaping her regression. That comfortable sanctuary was now collapsing.
"...Explain."
Something like bile rose to the back of her throat, and her head burned. She felt as if she might cry, as if hot breath would burst from her mouth. She knew all too well that this was pent-up anguish.
"...You'd better explain it in a way I can accept."
Veronica, who had never imagined she'd feel this way about Vivian, was truly bewildered. She felt as if someone were strangling her, and a throbbing pain pierced her chest.
A hollow laugh escaped her lips—never had she imagined she'd feel this way about Vivian. She didn't want to admit it, but she had no choice. How could she not admit it?
That you are someone precious to me.
That was probably why this pent-up anguish was bursting forth. Because the precious you was saying you would leave. Because you were saying you would leave my side, our side. That was probably why it hurt so much her insides felt twisted.
Vivian, who had been working her lips as if choosing her words, let out a deep sigh and continued with a truly bitter smile. She said the reason she was leaving was a 'promise.'
"...When Titania was six, His... His Majesty passed away. The reason I'm leaving this place was practically decided then. Because..."
At Vivian's bitter smile, Veronica couldn't say a word. Never had she imagined that what she had done would come back like this.
"I failed to receive His Majesty's 'favor,' so I could not receive the royal family's 'surname,' 'Snow White.' Since His Majesty has passed away, there is no reason for me, who did not receive his favor, to remain here. The political reason I married His Majesty was to bear the royal family's little sun."
"Huh...?"
"In the end, His Majesty passed away, and I, who could not receive the royal family's surname, had no choice but to leave. I was able to remain until now only because I begged and pleaded with Her Majesty the Queen Dowager and the ministers. After all that begging, I promised to leave the royal family before Titania graduated from the Academy. That is the 'promise.'"
Stunned as if she had been struck hard on the back of the head with a hammer, Veronica was speechless. She had failed to receive His Majesty's 'favor'—that is, Father's? Vivian had been unable to receive the royal family's 'surname'?
In all her repeating regressions until now, Vivian had always been 'Vivian Snow White.' The second queen, Vivian Snow White. That was the name by which Veronica had known her.
But if Vivian was not a Snow White...
"...You mean you never even slept with Father...?"
"Did you really have to ask that right now?"
Veronica covered her mouth with her hand, speechless. That Vivian? The Vivian who had done everything imaginable to marry Father? Yet that same Vivian had never even spent her first night with him? That Vivian??
Her confusion lasted only a moment. Veronica grabbed her throbbing head and sighed. She understood now—the reason Vivian was leaving the royal palace, the promise, all of it. Moreover, this was also...
Her fault for making Father that way.
"...It's my fault."
"...It's not your fault."
"No, it really is my fault. If I hadn't turned Aurora into Ryanansi, if I hadn't interfered with His Majesty, you wouldn't have to leave. I just..."
...because Father wasn't a good person, either.
Father had been a kind man. A kind king, a kind father. But who could have known? That the love Father showered upon her was not love directed at a 'daughter.'
The more her life repeated, the more she had noticed suspicious signs. That he wasn't sad even if Mother died because he still had his daughter, that he would sometimes call her grown self 'Aurora,' that he often confused Mother and herself.
At the time, she had simply thought that Father was exhausted, that he missed her deceased mother. She had brushed it off as nothing serious with just that level of thought. But...
'When I learned that what Father saw when he looked at me was 'Aurora'...'
Veronica shook her head to cast aside the disgusting memory.
So this time, she had simply made it so the two could never be apart until they died. Because he loved so desperately. So she had only made it so they could be together until death.
'...There'd be no point telling Vivian that now.'
Veronica sighed and fell into contemplation for a moment. What could she do to stop Vivian from leaving this place? She thought and thought, but no answer came. Because there was none.
Having learned that Vivian's reason for leaving was her own fault, Veronica was consumed by severe self-loathing. It was no different from having destroyed the sanctuary she had barely obtained with her own mistake.
At that thought, an anxious Veronica seized Vivian's hand tightly. She racked her brain, desperate to keep Vivian from leaving her side.
"...Then, how about this? Leave the royal palace and come to my cottage. If you're at my cottage, you can see Titania anytime. Hmm? How about it?"
"...Veronica."
"The cottage itself is small, but you'll like it. Because the cottage can go anywhere, you won't feel like it's cramped. Besides, there are dwarves there, so you won't be lonely..."
"..."
"Hmm? How about it? If you, if only you permit it, I'll try to convince the dwarves. So..."
Veronica's voice trembled because her throat was choked and numb. Her breathing came out uneven. No matter how she tried to compose herself, the surging emotions were hard to control.
Her voice sounded as if she were crying without sound, so Vivian gently took her hand. But perhaps that touched Veronica's emotions, because Veronica pleaded in a tearful voice.
"Don't go... I'm begging you. Even if it's not for me, for Titania's sake, you mustn't leave..."
Asking her not to go.
It was the first time she had ever heard such words from Veronica, and Vivian made a sad expression.
The child who had so hated showing her emotions outwardly was now begging desperately, telling her not to go, asking her to stay by her side. She clung to Vivian, saying she would find a way, pleading for her not to leave. But despite such desperation, Vivian continued.
"...The reason I'm leaving this place isn't just the 'promise.' It's also for Titania's sake."
"For Titania...? You're leaving 'for' her?"
"Yes, because that child relies on me too much."
Vivian smiled.
That smile looked so sad that Veronica fell silent.
"You know as well as I do that Titania still has no intention of leaving my side even at this age. She still uses the same room as me, always unwilling to leave my side. Didn't you say it yourself? That it's strange to still sleep with your parents at this age."
"..."
"...Well, I suppose we can let the sleeping arrangements slide. But that child relies on me for most of her life. That is clearly not a good thing for Titania. It's closer to 'poison,' really."
Vivian raised her hand and pointed at herself.
Watching that gesture, Veronica realized that no amount of words would be of any use anymore. Vivian had already steeled her heart. Even if she begged, pleaded, cried, or screamed, Vivian would surely leave her side.
"I am becoming poison to Titania. That is why... I am leaving."
"...I see. That's how it is."
Veronica made a bitter expression and took a step back.
Vivian's words held some truth. Even from Veronica's perspective, Titania seemed to rely on Vivian too much. It wasn't that she couldn't understand Titania's heart. Even though she had only known Vivian for a mere two years, she felt this desperate. Moreover...
'If I hadn't turned Aurora into Ryanansi, this never would have happened. Am I in any position to stop Vivian?'
Veronica smiled bitterly and asked Vivian.
"...When do you plan to leave?"
"It hasn't been decided yet, but I won't be here when you return after graduating."
"You're not going to tell Titania?"
"...Because I'm afraid she'll drop out of the Academy if I tell her. I'm scared."
"Hehe. She probably would."
Veronica let out a soft chuckle.
Indeed, Titania was the type to do just that. If Vivian said she was leaving, Titania would undoubtedly quit the Academy to stop her. Of course, Veronica herself wanted to hold onto Vivian right this instant. She was only restraining herself from locking Vivian up in the cottage that very moment.
"...Okay, I understand. Am I the only one who knows?"
"Ainsel knows too. Right? Ainsel?"
"What?"
Vivian tapped her earring with a *tap*, and from it, Ainsel peeked out her head.
Having had no idea Ainsel had been listening to everything until now, Veronica's face flushed bright red.
'Then that means she heard everything I begged Vivian for...?!'
Veronica fanned her face with her hand to cool her burning cheeks.
While cooling her face thus, Ainsel, who had poked her head out from the mirror, watched Veronica's mood cautiously as she asked Vivian.
"Y-yes... that's right, but... are you really leaving? If you leave..."
"Really, don't do that too. Veronica's begging already has my heart trembling so much I could die; if you do it too, what am I supposed to do?"
"B-but..."
At Ainsel's worried voice, Vivian sighed.
Vivian, sighing deeply that leaving truly was not easy, hugged Veronica tightly and patted her back. Tenderly, gently.
At that tender embrace, Veronica once again felt a surge of emotion and could hardly hold back her tears.
"Ha... I suppose you have no intention of telling only me where you're going?"
"Of course not. That wouldn't be fair."
Veronica chuckled softly and replied, "That's true."
For the first time, Veronica pulled Vivian into a fierce hug. She hugged Vivian's neck, her shoulders, her back as if she would burst, and buried her face in the nape of Vivian's neck.
The warmth she felt each time she tightened her grip was so gentle that it made her even more wretched. It was the first warmth she had ever felt, yet she thought she knew what this feeling was.
"...So this is what it feels like."
"Hmm?"
"No, it's nothing."
Veronica hugged Vivian so tightly she couldn't hold her any closer, then took a brief breath in and out.
Whenever Vivian's scent tickled the tip of her nose, she felt her chest tighten and felt as though she would cry.
Now she understood for certain. As expected, Vivian here was truly a precious existence to her.
Yet the fact that she had realized this only before losing something so precious made Veronica feel as though she would go mad with regret.
Having released the embrace, Veronica turned her body away without showing her face to Vivian.
Because her face was surely a mess right now. Veronica turned and headed toward the terrace door.
"Since you've yielded the fairy's egg to me, I'll keep my promise."
"...Yes, thank you."
"And..."
When the terrace door opened, it wasn't her room on the other side. It was the seaside leading to the dwarves' cottage.
Veronica took a step back inside from the terrace and turned to Vivian with a bright smile.
"Thank you for treating someone like me as a daughter. Mother."
*Creak, slam!*
Veronica vanished the instant she finished speaking, as if afraid to hear a response. The seaside that had been visible beyond the terrace door disappeared without a trace, and beyond the terrace door was Vivian's room as usual.
'Veronica definitely just called me Mother, didn't she?'
Had she disappeared like that because she was embarrassed to hear the answer? Vivian chuckled softly and then sighed for a moment.
Being called Mother by Veronica made her happy, but at the same time, she felt a bitter emotion in one corner of her heart.
She raised her head to look at the sky, and time had flowed on; the night had grown deep.
If night fell just two more times like this, Titania would be far from her side. Vivian couldn't believe that fact.
Truly, she couldn't believe it.