82. To You, Whom I Tried to Forget But Could Not Erase (6)
However, not long after, he handed me a letter. I bowed my waist again and conveyed my gratitude. The letter in my hand felt somewhat heavy. It was the letter I had waited for so long, but now it only felt burdensome. As I held it to my chest, I could feel my heart pounding.
"If you have nothing more to say, may I go in first? I want to deliver it to the young master quickly."
"One more thing."
"Yes."
"That person you met. By any chance..."
"..."
"Was it... a woman?"
My eyes, which had been wandering the floor, widened. I pursed my lips, about to have something surge up, but swallowed it down. And then, barely, I spat out a voice.
"No. It was a man."
"...Alright. Find out where you got it from and tell me immediately."
"Understood."
Only then did Vincent step aside. I went straight into Robert's room. The brief moment of brushing past him and closing the door felt longer than any other time.
Before the door could fully close, a large hand suddenly stuck out. The shoe tip that came through the crack of the door blocked it from closing. Vincent said urgently.
"Anything, even something trivial is fine. If you find out, tell me."
"..."
"I'm asking you."
"...Understood."
The hand holding the door fell away. The shoe tip stepped back. As the door slammed shut, my legs lost strength. I slumped down but jumped in surprise, lest he notice I was tense. I crawled forward inch by inch. Only after moving a certain distance from the door could I clutch my trembling heart.
Damn it. Did my sense of tension disappear already? I told myself to be careful. Immersed in peace, my sharp nerves must have dulled. I lamented the mistake I made just thinking about making Robert happy. I overlooked the fact that even a single trace of evidence could bring about many things.
I thought of Vincent, who had interrogated me earlier. What did he want to know? By any chance...
"If he's looking for me."
No way.
Right, no way.
I let out a dry laugh. That can't be. Even as we faced each other like this, he didn't recognize me. Let's not delude myself. Whatever the circumstances, I am a maid who fled from the Count's estate. Merely an employer and an employee. There's no reason for him to look for me. Lest I reveal his secret? But that was a useless secret now.
Unless someone told him, he wouldn't know who I am even if he died and came back to life. No, even if someone told him, would he believe it?
My own words pricked at my heart. There must be another reason.
But, if he really was looking for me, would I have been happy? I don't know well. The conflicting desire for it to be true and the wish for it not to be clashed, causing pain. I pressed my chest firmly with my fingertips. So what if he says he's looking for me. Nothing changes.
As I raised my head, Robert was still asleep. After bringing the letter he had waited so long for.
"I should give it to him later."
As a surprise gift to the child when he wakes up. He'll be so happy. That's enough for now. I squeezed my eyes shut and firmly suppressed the swelling emotions that felt like they would burst.
* * *
Darkness cast over the floor. It crawled up slowly and grabbed my ankle. Running away was useless.
In the darkness where even moonlight didn't shine, only faint breathing echoed. It wasn't my breathing. I was clearly alone, yet a sound came from somewhere.
Following that sound, I took a step forward. At that moment, a pale hand suddenly shot out from the darkness and grabbed my ankle.
Startled, I shook it off, and it let go weakly. The hand that fell by my feet was swallowed by the darkness and disappeared.
In the darkness where nothing could be seen, a hoarse voice echoed again.
'...la.'
The breathing grew rougher.
'Po... a...'
The voice, crushed by breath, mumbled. So I couldn't understand it well. I focused to hear that sound.
It was that moment.
'Paula.'
Along with a clear voice, moonlight poured down.
My vision brightened. Only then did I discover someone sitting in front of me. He was hanging his shoulders and keeping his head deeply bowed.
Who are you? I asked, but there was no reaction from the other person. I bent my waist and sat in front of him.
Hey. I grabbed his shoulder and shook it. Then, as if reacting, the other person suddenly grabbed my hand and pushed me away. I fell backward from the rather strong force.
I gathered my startled mind and quickly scanned the other person. Soon, the other person slowly raised their head.
The moment I confirmed that face, my eyes opened wide.
You are...
"Gasp."
I snapped my eyes open. I quickly looked around as if searching for something. Darkness. Darkness. More darkness. It was nothing but darkness. Unable to bear it, I sat up.
Feeling the touch of the sheets against my hands, I quickly scanned the room with eyes gradually growing accustomed to the darkness. Only after realizing where I was did my blocked breath burst out.
As I was panting to catch my breath, something struck the back of my head hard. A pillow fell right next to me.
"It's noisy."
Alicia grumbled in annoyance and turned over. I stared blankly at her back and then gripped the sheets. Only after swallowing dry saliva several times did I curl my body up.
Again, this dream again. This nightmare again. My whole body was cold as if soaked in water. The nightmare of the past brought back sensations I had forgotten. A whisper reached my ears. Run away. Run away quickly. Please, go.
'I have to leave.'
Such a thought suddenly crossed my mind. The loosened tension tightened my whole body again.
I was so scared when I realized I had returned to this place. I was so, so scared that for several days, I trembled in fear every night with the sheets pulled over my head. That was the only thing I could do. It was hard to accept the sudden reality.
I was afraid of this place. Beyond the warm memories existed fear. I saw the person who was kind to me bleeding to death, and someone had even tried to kill me.
The place where I realized that living a glamorous life doesn't mean being happy. The memories of that day still vividly come to mind. As if telling me not to forget.
I agonized countless times over whether to run away. But the surroundings were entirely forest, and I couldn't know where it started or ended, so it would be a big problem if I lost my way. It was too dangerous to take a risk.
No, it wasn't like there was no way at all.
'That place, the space in the forest.'
The secret path Vincent took me to just once a long time ago. He said that going there would lead to the village. If that was true, it was the only way to escape this mansion without anyone knowing.
'It should still be there now.'
But going to find it was difficult. If I was absent for a long time, I would be noticed, and there were many dangerous elements to wandering the forest alone. The only fortunate thing was the probationary period. When the probationary period ends, wouldn't it be okay to leave then?
At first, it was for my safety. Then, as I gradually became accustomed to life here, the suffocating fear also slowly faded. Perhaps it was because, unlike what I had imagined, there was no threat to me. It might be complacent, but with no threat, the fear dulled.
While staying here, I didn't see the butler, Isabella, or even the employees I had kept an eye on a few times. No one in this mansion knows me. That strange yet subtle sense of relief made me think, 'just one more day.'
And then I met Vincent. I found out he was doing well. They say his eyes can see too. That's enough. That's a relief.
But what about the others? I was curious. Then, if I stayed just one more day, wouldn't I be able to find out? Wouldn't I be able to see how they look too?
Just one more day, more, until the probationary period ends. Because by then, even if I want to stay, I have to leave. It gives me an excuse to leave.
It was like that... but my mind changed due to meeting Vincent yesterday. What if I get caught being that maid? I couldn't imagine a good outcome.
I'm not afraid of being punished for running away. The butler who tried to kill me was scary, but I could endure that too. Because my life is more familiar with death. What I'm truly afraid of is.
Him being disappointed in me.
So I didn't want to stay long. That was why I calmed the swelling expectations.
"Let's get a grip."
There's not much left now. I slapped both my cheeks and gathered my focus.
"Hey, are you gonna keep doing that?"
"What."
From the morning, Alicia suddenly fumed. As I rubbed my stinging cheek and signaled with my eyes asking what's wrong, she picked up a pillow and threw it.
"It's so noisy every night I could die! If you're gonna groan, go outside and do it! I lost all my sleep because of you! You're ruining my skin, it's so annoying!"
Alicia stared at her face reflected in the mirror. She grumbled that her nails were ruined.
I blankly stared at Alicia like that. Alicia, who never skipped her makeup every morning, honestly looked amazing. Unlike me, who only waited for the day to leave, it seemed Alicia's desire to stay here grew even stronger.
At first, she threw all sorts of tantrums, but at some point, Alicia adapted well to life here. Now she did her assigned tasks obediently, and didn't cause accidents by failing to control her temper.
Moreover, she subtly catered to Audrey and Joelly's moods. It was my first time seeing Alicia cater to someone's moods other than Avi. It was such an unfamiliar sight that it was almost scary.
Alicia was a girl who knew well how to gain favor from others. A while ago, I saw Alicia laughing and chatting with the maids. Through their conversation, I realized Alicia was gathering information about Vincent.
'But have you ever seen the master of this place, Alicia?'
'I heard he's a great handsome man.'
'Of course. I see him often. Besides, I know him well.'
Alicia smiled haughtily. The surrounding maids were puzzled.
'What do you mean you know him well, how?'
'Well. Maybe we had a connection in the past.'
Tucking her long hair behind her ear, Alicia lifted her chin. The maids asked what she meant and were curious, but Alicia didn't continue speaking. She seemed to be enjoying the eyes of the people full of curiosity.
Listening to that conversation, I was so dumbfounded I lost my words. Anyone who saw that would think she had a special relationship with Vincent. I stuck my tongue out at her brazen words and avoided the spot. Even after that, I often witnessed Alicia with other maids or attendants.
"Did you find out anything good?"
I looked at Alicia focusing on herself in the mirror and asked casually. Alicia glanced at me in the mirror and let out a smirk.
"Well. I wonder~"
The way she subtly dragged out her words meant she must have some good results. I was curious, but I didn't bother to pry.
I simply washed and changed clothes. Before leaving the room, as I steadied my mind to do my best today too, I felt a stinging gaze from behind. I turned around and saw Alicia, who had finished her makeup, staring at me blankly.
"Why are you looking like that?"
"It's nothing."
Alicia shrugged. Then she slipped out first. I wondered why she did that, but for now, I followed behind her.