# 83
83. To You, Who Couldn't Be Erased Even When Trying to Forget (7)
I told Vincent I would look into the ink, but truthfully it was nothing more than an excuse to dodge that moment. Moreover, it was full of holes. Even so, the fact that Vincent let it slide might mean he noticed my desire to hide things, or perhaps he simply lacked the justification to press the issue right then.
I don't know what Vincent plans to do by finding out the source of the ink, but I had to give him an answer regardless. Just in case, I asked Johnny where he got the ink. I hoped revealing the owner of the ink would make his interest wane.
'I don't know. I got it through connections too.'
'You said someone you knew had it?'
'A friend of a friend of a friend of someone I know got it for me. I didn't think I needed to go into that much detail, so I just said that.'
'Then do you know who that friend of a friend of a friend of someone you know is?'
'How would I know? The friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of someone I know, and all that stuff.'
'Why is the sentence getting longer?'
I wasn't in the mood for wordplay at all. When I asked again where he got it, Johnny, who had been looking annoyed the whole time, suddenly stiffened his expression.
'Did someone say something about the ink?'
'No, it's not that... They just want to know where you got it.'
'Why would they want to know that? They probably sell it everywhere.'
'I heard it's not something you can buy just anywhere. It must be really hard to get.'
'R-really? Was it that important?'
Johnny muttered in panic. I frowned. You didn't know? When I asked, he shook his head vigorously. Judging by his expression, he really hadn't known the value of the ink. Then again, even I who had used it didn't know, so how could he?
'I-I got it through connections too... Oh, what should I do.'
'By any chance, did someone working for another count's family get it for you?'
'I don't know. I just passed on what someone got for me to you.'
'Could there be a problem? Did someone say something? Who was it? Ah, should I look into it?' Johnny grabbed my arm and badgered me with a terrified face. I had a hard time calming him down as he fussed about what would happen if something went wrong.
If he got it through a chain of acquaintances, it might be connected to someone working for the Christopher family. Honestly, it's surprising that Johnny managed to get his hands on something like this through any route. The person who lent it to him is even more surprising.
Anyway, Johnny ended up saying he didn't know where he got it either. He offered to look into it if needed, but I didn't expect that much. Finding out the source wouldn't have much meaning anyway. I only asked hoping it might shake off Vincent's interest. I also felt a bit sorry since he had helped me so much. Still, it was better than being directly interrogated by Vincent.
Since things turned out this way, there was only one method. I would pretend to look into it and stall for time, then when the right moment came, I'd say I couldn't find out. It wasn't an outright lie. It did seem difficult to find out who that distant acquaintance—the friend of a friend of a friend of a friend—was.
But what did Vincent want to do after finding that person? I wondered but decided not to dwell on it. Unnecessary curiosity only invites trouble. He was probably just a little curious.
The provisional employment period would end soon anyway, so I just needed to endure a little longer. Once I leave this place, he'll soon forget about someone like me. Honestly, meeting him again and having a conversation like this was absurd in the first place. Right, given who I am.
I'd tell him I couldn't find it on a day when he seemed to be in a good mood. If I said I tried to find out but it was difficult and apologized, he would understand. I too looked for an opportunity in my own way.
It was break time, so the mansion was quiet. Robert was also taking a nap, so I was walking through the hallway to get some fresh air.
"Oh my, Anne."
I ran into Joely in the middle of the hallway.
"My stocking got torn. Could you get me a new pair? Alicia just went to rest, so it's awkward to call her back."
I went to her room with Joely. I checked the design of the stocking she had been wearing and opened the wardrobe to pick out the most similar design and color.
Taking them, I knelt down in front of Joely. I placed her leg on my knee and peeled off the torn stocking. Then I carefully put on the new stocking. She stared intently at me as I did so.
"How is life here? Have you adjusted a bit?"
"Yes."
"Is there anything difficult?"
"No. Everyone has been kind enough to help me."
People might think it's just lip service, but there really wasn't anything too difficult. Attending to Robert was hard, but not to the point of dying. Well, occasionally it felt like dying.
"How did you come to be here, Anne?"
"I came because they said they'd introduce me to a good job."
"Oh my. What if it had been a bad place?"
"Right. I was lucky."
After checking there were no wrinkles, I lowered her leg. Joely smiled and thanked me. As I held the torn stocking in my hand and looked up, she was looking down at me right above.
I was momentarily flustered, not expecting her to be this close. She curved her eyes.
"You must not be easily scared."
"Pardon?"
"Is it recklessness? Or should I say you have courage?"
Suddenly, what's this about recklessness and courage? I couldn't follow the flow of the conversation but answered anyway.
"Not particularly. I'm quite timid."
"How much? To the point where you can't even open your eyes at night from fear?"
"Not quite to that level..."
"I'm like that. When I'm alone at night, I'm too scared to even open my eyes."
When I opened my eyes wide at her sudden words, she straightened her back. Placing one leg on the chair and resting her cheek on her knee, Joely continued softly.
"I'm very timid."
"How much, you ask?"
"Hmm. To the point where I can't even sleep alone? In the past, I was scared of being with someone, but now I'm more scared of being alone. When you're alone, no one knows, right? Even if I need help right away, there's no one to help me. Given that, it's better to have someone by my side. Even better if it's someone who wants to be by my side."
"..."
"Other people say that the person beside you could be more dangerous, but still, I prefer being with someone. Two is better than one, and three is better than two. The more people, the better. Whether they threaten me or not."
She lowered her eyes and fiddled with her long hair. Then she twirled her hair around her index finger, spinning it round and round. I looked at that for a moment before looking back up at her. She was clearly speaking in a calm voice, yet somehow it sounded melancholic.
"I agree as well."
"...You too, Anne?"
Joely glanced up slightly. I nodded. It was an abrupt topic, but I somewhat agreed with her words.
My relationship with Alicia wasn't much different. We don't like each other, but we can't abandon each other either. Alicia to survive, me to be remembered. In the end, it was a relationship where we used each other for our own purposes. I kept Alicia by my side because she was the only one who could remember my death.
My father died, and I fled from that old house. But I didn't have any close friends or anyone I could rely on. It was a barren life with no one left by my side. That was why it had to be Alicia. I hated and resented her, yet I could feel that I needed her by my side to live.
"There's no such thing as a relationship where everyone can be satisfied."
"..."
"Ah, I'm sorry."
As I spoke, I noticed Joely's expression had stiffened slightly. She looked melancholic, and my attempt to comfort her ended up making me talk too much. I hastily bowed.
"Why are you suddenly apologizing?"
"Because you seemed angry."
"More than angry, um, I was just surprised..."
Indeed, there was no anger in her voice. That was a relief, at least. As I thought that and straightened my back, suddenly her pale hands cupped my face and lifted it. Long golden hair cascaded down on both sides. Seeing her face hovering right in front of me, my body froze instinctively.
I opened my eyes wide. My mouth fell open on its own.
So.
"Ow, ow! It hurts!"
"Does it hurt? Does it hurt a lot?"
"Pardon? Huh? Ah, oww! It hurts! It hurts a lot!"
I waved both hands and pushed her away. Joely just giggled and didn't let me go. She grabbed both my cheeks, stretched them out, squished them together, and then pressed hard, mushing my face around.
When I struggled with my face squished like clay, only then did she let me go. I practically crawled on all fours to get away from her before I could clutch my stinging cheeks. These are definitely going to be red.
"Ahaha!"
Joely clutched her stomach and leaned back. I don't know what was so funny, but she laughed cheerfully. I rubbed both my cheeks and looked at her in disbelief.
"I'm sorry. You were so cute I couldn't help myself."
"...Ahaha."
For something she 'couldn't help,' that hurt way too much. I forced a laugh and composed my expression.
"If it's not recklessness or courage, then is it diligence?"
"Thank you."
"Hmm?"
"Because you thought I was diligent. Thank you for your words."
I bowed and stood up from my spot. I rubbed my still-tingling cheek once more and glanced toward the door. Couldn't I leave now? I wanted to correct what I had just said. Right now, I wanted to be alone, not with someone.
"I heard the news. They said you did a good thing for Robert."
Joely changed the subject. I answered gloomily.
"It's nothing."
"I heard you asked Vincent directly?"
"Yes. The master helped, so it's all thanks to the master."
When I told him a reply had arrived, Robert had a dazed expression. He looked as if he were dreaming. When I placed the letter in his small hands, the child looked ready to cry. He couldn't even think of opening the letter and just stared at it, so the nanny read it for him instead. Robert eventually burst into tears.
The reply from Robert's mother contained words of how much she missed and longed to see him. Though they were apart, the hearts of mother and son were one.
'Thank you, Anne. Thanks to you, the young master's longing must have been eased a little.'
'It's nothing. It's not even something I did.'
'But you asked the Count directly too, Anne. I heard it from the servant who came to receive the letter. Even though the Count was strict and it must have been quite flustering, they said your determination to ask no matter what was apparent. Because you took the initiative, it wasn't difficult for me to talk to the Count either. Thank you so much.'
'You're praising me too highly.'
'I'm just truly grateful. Actually, as the madam's reply was delayed, I was starting to regret whether I had done something pointless. At some point, I must have started wanting to give up, just like the young master.'
'Nanny...'
The nanny made the same face as Robert. With a face that was both sad and happy, she sent me a gaze full of gratitude. I felt a bit awkward, not understanding why I deserved such a look. It was just a letter. Anyone could have thought of it, and it was simply a matter of opportunity.
"When people are too busy, they become consumed only with immediate matters. So their longing dulls. Or they forget for a while. Neither is good. They said she cried a lot reading Robert's letter this time. Whoever conveyed it, you're the one who gave her the chance to read the letter and write a reply again. Thank you."
"It's nothing."
I shook my head firmly. Whether it was the nanny or anyone else, I didn't understand why everyone was thanking me. I truly hadn't done anything. I had made the suggestion out of my own selfish desire to avoid the trouble of Robert doing something dangerous like climbing the horse statue again. It just happened to produce a good result by chance.
Moreover, strictly speaking, it wasn't a result I achieved alone. Vincent only listened because it was the nanny who asked.
"You're really humble."
Joely smiled softly. It didn't seem like a compliment, though.
"Still, you seem like a good person."
"You're praising me too highly."
"I'm not saying you have a good personality."
Her smile deepened. Tenderness seeped through it.
"I mean you have a good heart."
"..."
"Shall I tell you something interesting?"
Having reined in her smile, she tilted her head slightly. Covering her mouth with one hand, she looked like someone about to share a secret. When she started with words that provoked curiosity, as if saying 'This is a really, really big secret,' I too pricked up my ears.
"Actually, there's one more coward here."
"Yes."
"And that's Vincent."
My eyes went round at those words.