81. To You, Whom I Could Not Erase Even Though I Tried to Forget (5)
A few days later, the replies to the letters Robert had sent arrived in a stream. Robert was truly happy to receive the replies. I was also glad, as it seemed those letters somewhat soothed his loneliness. For a brief moment, I thought it was a relief to know how to read and write.
However, the most important reply of all did not arrive.
I heard that Vincent, who had been directly requested by the nanny that day, said he would bring back the reply. Despite showing such reluctance toward me. It was good news, but I felt strange recalling Vincent grabbing my arm. What was he trying to ask me?
But as the wait grew longer, I began to doubt whether Vincent had properly delivered the letter. Seeing the face that was once brimming with anticipation gradually steeped in disappointment made me anxious. The nanny seemed to feel the same, as her expression had not been good these past few days.
"It wrote well."
I politely returned the used ink bottles to Jonny.
"Did it catch your interest?"
"Very much. Thanks."
"Then help me get along with Alicia."
"Still no progress with Alicia?"
I had been so busy with my own affairs lately that I couldn't pay attention to anything else. Jonny let out a deep sigh and slumped his shoulders. This situation... I feel like I've seen it before.
"She's ignoring me again lately. Even if I talk to her, she just glares and rarely answers. It's like how she treated me before I came here."
"Did you guys fight by any chance?"
"That's impossible. I'm telling you we barely even talk."
After pondering, she must have finally set her heart on Vincent. Whenever Vincent came here, he went to meet Joely with Robert. The three often had teatime, and every time, Alicia would stand shyly, dressed up beautifully. Once, she went so overboard that Audrey pointed it out.
"Just give up on her."
"That's not easy."
"Do you like her that much?"
"I told you, she's my ideal type I've been waiting for?"
Is that so? Then hang in there. Though it looks hopeless anyway. But it's just as hopeless on Alicia's side.
I patted Jonny's shoulder to comfort him as he suffered from an endless unrequited love.
"But this is fascinating. It really has color."
"First time seeing it?"
"Yeah. Rich people use all sorts of things."
Jonny shook the ink bottle.
"What's good about using something like this?"
"It stands out, doesn't it? And it's pretty."
"Have you used it? Oh, come to think of it, how did you know something like this existed?"
"I've received one before."
To be precise, I hadn't received it myself. I swallowed the rest of my words with a bitter taste. At the time, I regretted burning the letter, but thinking about it now, it was a relief I left no trace behind. Because I left nothing behind, because I couldn't bring a single thing with me, I was able to easily forget.
"Anyway, thanks. It must be incredibly expensive, but you got it for me quickly."
"An acquaintance had this."
"Who?"
I was curious about who would lend something so expensive. Does he perhaps have connections with nobles? It's hard to judge by appearances, but he didn't seem like someone who had such connections.
In response to my question, Jonny just shrugged and carefully packed away the ink bottles. It seemed he had no intention of answering.
"In return, let me know if you need my help with anything."
"You're going to help me?"
"If it's something I can do. Except for Alicia's matter."
It would be even better if he told me before the provisional employment period ends.
I waved goodbye to Jonny and walked down the hallway again. Robert, who had fallen asleep reading letters late into the night again yesterday, woke up late. I left him alone, thinking there was no need to wake him. Thanks to that, I was free all morning.
As I was walking leisurely towards Robert's room, someone was standing in front of the door. Startled. It was Vincent, completely unexpected. I stopped in my tracks at the appearance of a man who had been so busy lately that he was nowhere to be seen.
Vincent, who had been looking down at the floor with his arms crossed, raised his head as if sensing my presence. I immediately clasped my hands together and bowed my head.
"G-Good morning, Master."
"......"
I was flustered, but offered a greeting for now. I bent my waist deeply. It was an effort to not show my face. The gaze reaching the top of my head was stinging.
After a long silence, he strode over to me and abruptly held something out.
"Huh?"
It was a letter. I knew right away what letter it was.
"Thank you!"
I grabbed the letter I had been waiting for so eagerly with both hands. Along with his hand.
Seeing Vincent scowl, I quickly let go of his hand.
"I was trying to grab the letter."
"I know."
Vincent pushed the letter out further. Still bowing, I carefully reached out my hand. Then, suddenly remembering something, I rummaged through my pocket. Vincent looked at me questioningly. Actually, I didn't know he would bring it to me directly, so I hadn't prepared anything, but would this be okay?
I took a chocolate cookie out of my pocket. I had kept it to occasionally pop into Robert's mouth to soothe him. I held it out to Vincent.
"What is this?"
"It's a cookie. A sweet chocolate cookie."
"Why are you giving that to me?"
"You granted my sudden request, and I wanted to express my gratitude, but this is all I have right now. It's lacking, but I hope you enjoy it."
It's very sweet and delicious. I added inwardly. I emphasized the sweetness in particular. Realizing my intention, he scowled fiercely and then let out a scoff. Ah, a cookie was too much after all. I should have prepared a cake. Perhaps he didn't like it; the way he looked at me was murderous.
"I don't need it, so put it away."
"But......"
"Are you not going to put it away?"
Sensing he would throw it away himself if I didn't, I swiftly shoved it back into my pocket. Why does he act like that? I know very well that he likes sweet things a lot.
My attempt to soothe his mood with something sweet had failed. Vincent sent a disapproving look my way.
I fawned again and reached my hand out. But just as my hand was about to touch the edge of the letter, the letter pulled back. My gaze darted up to follow him.
"Before that, there's something I want to ask."
"Please, go ahead."
"This."
He took a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and shook it. My eyes fell on it.
"Who came up with this?"
It was the letter Robert had written and I had passed on.
"The young master missed his mother so much......"
"Not the letter. What's written here."
"......?"
When I didn't easily understand, Vincent unfolded the letter. Colorful letters could be seen.
"The ink color is different."
"Ah—Yes. I used various colors of ink."
"Did you come up with it?"
"Yes. Since he disliked writing letters, I thought he might enjoy it if he used this."
"Have you ever seen ink like this?"
"Pardon?"
"I asked if you've ever seen colored ink like this."
"......May I ask why you are asking such a thing? Is there a problem?"
"Answer first."
Hesitating at his sharp command, I continued speaking.
"Yes. I have seen writing done with such ink."
"Where?"
"In the past, briefly......"
Was it just my imagination?
"Where did you see it in the past?"
It felt like I was being interrogated.
"Have you ever worked here by any chance?"
"......!"
Why, why is he suddenly asking that? I was flustered by the unexpected question. Emotions I couldn't hide in time showed on my face, so I quickly lowered my head. Vincent, whom I glimpsed, was scowling.
What on earth did he see to say such a thing? Was that what he was trying to ask when he grabbed my arm last time? Why, what on earth did he see...
In an instant, a sense of tension ran down my spine. The writing on the letter. The colored ink. I finally realized what he had seen in the letter and what he had recalled. Just as I had recalled, he must have recalled something too.
I made a mistake. I had simply thought it was an expensive item. I hadn't noticed even after seeing other people's reactions. Even though I had also found it fascinating when I first saw it, thinking about it now, I had never seen such ink before coming to this mansion.
Vincent's reaction right now was as if asking where I got such a thing. That meant it was that rare. Or perhaps it wasn't something sold on the market.
"This ink is not sold in the market."
At those words, I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew it wasn't sold. I had blurted out with my own mouth that I had seen it.
"No, it might be sold somewhere across the sea, but I've never seen it sold here. So very few people know about it. Especially if they're a lower-class citizen, they wouldn't even know such a thing exists. It's not for sale, but I know someone who uses this kind of ink. I've received a letter from them. But you said you've seen it. Then you either worked here, or......"
Or you know Lucas.
That was what he was implying.
Who are you.
My lips parted, but no voice came out. I was confused about what to say and where to start. I saw the man waiting for my answer. His face was stiff, just like when he had grabbed my arm.
However, the emerald eyes looking at me held a sharp gleam. As if determined to unearth what the other person was hiding.
Could it be, did he recognize me?
I clamped my mouth shut and swallowed a dry gulp. Should I tell him? Should I just say it? If I told him that I was the maid who attended to you when you couldn't see, what kind of reaction would he show? I was curious. I wanted to tell him. The impulse I had firmly suppressed burst out in an instant.
The moment I was about to spit it out, a light flashed from behind him. I blocked the sudden beam of light with one hand. When I squinted, sunlight reflected off the glass surface crossing the doorknob, sparkling. As the sparkle disappeared, a woman was reflected. A small, skinny, shabby, ugly woman.
"......As you know, Master, I know how to write a little. I used to do transcription work before. I heard it from a colleague there. That there is colorful ink. It was so fascinating that I saw it exactly once since they were keeping a piece of paper written with it."
Strange. Lies flowed out of my mouth one after another. It was so natural even as I said it that a hollow laugh erupted inside me. Since when did I become so good at lying? After stacking lies upon lies, there was no discomfort in adorning myself with falsehoods now.
"Who is that?"
"Well. We don't ask about each other's circumstances."
"Where did you do transcription?"
"It was a small private house near Nobler Square... but it's gone now."
I hastily added, in case he might go looking for that house.
"Then where did you get this ink?"
"I asked an acquaintance to get it for me. I heard they borrowed it from an acquaintance of theirs."
"Who did they borrow it from?"
"I only heard that it was an acquaintance of an acquaintance."
"Then who did you ask?"
"That's......"
The questions continued one after another. No matter how much I tried to evade the subject, he was persistent, as if determined to uncover what I was hiding. I clenched both hands tightly, afraid he would notice my tension.
"Master, could you please tell me what the problem is?"
"It's something I need to know, so answer me."
"Is it an important matter?"
If he said no, I was going to beg, saying I really didn't know.
But he answered firmly.
"Yes. It's an important matter."
"......"
"Who did you ask?"
"Another servant... I will try to find out."
I added another word, thinking he might ask who that servant was. He seemed ready to go meet the person who got the ink right this instant. I couldn't drag Jonny into this.
He stopped speaking. His scrutinizing gaze was uncomfortable. It felt like I was standing on a thorny path.
"Can I not see the ink in person?"
"I've already returned it, so I don't have it. I'm sorry."
It was a huge relief that I had returned it just a moment ago.
"Did the person who said such ink existed mention where they saw it or anything?"
"They only said it was a place they used to work at before."
"Did you hear where?"
"Up to that point... I'm sorry."
I bowed deeply. It was intended to hide my face so he wouldn't notice I was trembling. He fell silent again. During that time, my heart felt like it dropped to the floor several times. I was terrified that he might shout at me to stop lying at any second.