# 77
77. To You, Whom I Could Not Erase Even When Trying to Forget (1)
Still, I think Robert is doing well. The nanny who thinks of Robert first is by his side, and Joelli and Vincent are with him too. And I'm here as well.
"Just, please come visit Lord Robert often."
"……."
"Lord Robert is truly happy every time the Master comes."
Whenever Vincent came to see him, Robert would spread his little hands wide and welcome him. He would run to him with a bright smile, and Vincent would also smile gladly and scoop Robert up into his arms.
I had learned through his actions over time that Vincent cherished Robert too. Even now, he was worrying about Robert. So I told him a method he could use. Emphasizing 'often, very often.'
"What about you?"
"Pardon?"
"Have you ever felt a longing you couldn't forget?"
I smiled bitterly.
"Because everyone has an invisible longing of their own."
Just as I couldn't forget this place, or you.
With that dry answer, silence fell once more. Vincent was quiet for a moment. My gaze still hovered over the floor. After saying it, I felt a bit embarrassed. I wondered if I had rambled too much, caught up in old memories after so long.
I was stealing glances at him when he suddenly burst out laughing. The laughter was so unexpected that I looked up in surprise. He was looking at Robert's door, and his face, partially hidden behind his hand covering his mouth, was genuinely smiling.
"I know too."
"……."
"I know very well."
His face as he let out a short laugh caught my eye. What could he be recalling? What could he be remembering that made him laugh so joyfully, and yet so sorrowfully?
"I know it all too well."
The laughter vanished from his face in an instant as he murmured low. With a somewhat blank expression, he fixed his gaze on me. I had also been staring at him blankly, and when our eyes met, I started and quickly turned my face away.
"I've finished eating."
He held out his empty plate.
"Ah, did you enjoy it?"
"It wasn't bad."
Though he said that, he had completely cleaned the plate. He must have scraped up even the smashed chocolate cream with his fork, for the plate was spotless. Looking at it, the teacup that had held honeyed milk was also nearly empty.
Even in that moment, he had dutifully eaten the sweets. It was amusing.
Struggling to hold back a laugh, I reached for the plate. But he grabbed the edge of the plate and wouldn't let go.
"Um, your hand……."
"Since I ate all of this, let me ask a favor."
A favor?
"Could you tell me about Robert's daily life?"
"Young Master's daily routine?"
"Yes. You just need to report to me once a day."
"There's nothing particularly special about it."
"Just tell me about those unremarkable things."
I wanted to ask why he was asking this of me. Wasn't he displeased with me after what happened last time? His assessment of me couldn't possibly be good. Why on earth?
He seemed to read my unspoken question.
"I asked the nanny too, but she seemed careful with her words, perhaps thinking she owed me. She probably doesn't want to cause unnecessary worry. Moreover, she'll be leaving the mansion frequently from now on. There will be many days when you attend to him alone, so you'd be more suitable than the nanny to inform me of Robert's condition."
"I'm not sure if it's my place to tell you such things……."
I wasn't sure if I should say what the nanny hadn't. But the man before me was the master of this mansion. The person I served was Robert, but strictly speaking, the one who hired me was Vincent.
I hesitated for a moment, wondering which side I should stand on.
"Is there any need to hesitate?"
"But……."
"You made a very big mistake with me, didn't you?"
A mistake? As I looked at him in confusion, he patted his thigh. My gaze followed his hand before I quickly turned my head away.
"It w-was attempted."
"Because of you, my family's line nearly ended."
Vincent, saying that, looked more serious than ever. It seemed his request wasn't simply because I attended to Robert.
"I have no ill intentions. I just don't want Robert to feel lonely, at least within this mansion. Even if I can't forget, I don't want to make him feel it more."
Hearing him say that, I couldn't bring myself to refuse.
"I understand."
He finally released the plate. Then he placed the teacup on top of it. The cup was also completely empty. It seemed he had a satisfying tea time, as he looked quite pleased.
Wasn't the dessert the real purpose? I knew it. Suspicion arose, and I kept glaring at the side of his face. Then Vincent turned to look at me, and I had to quickly lower my head. He's still quick to notice.
"Is there anything else you're curious about?"
He asked abruptly. Do I even have the right to be curious? A sulky feeling rose up. Just as I was about to answer that I didn't, the question I had been pondering earlier suddenly popped into my head.
"Then may I ask you one thing?"
"What is it."
"Are you perhaps considering…… becoming Lord Robert's adoptive father?"
"What?"
Given Vincent's personality, he wasn't someone who would easily extend kindness. I didn't think he had forgotten the memories of when he couldn't see. Suffering is also an emotion not easily forgotten. So it was strange that Vincent treated Robert specially. Moreover, the two of them looked so affectionate together.
Just what is their relationship?
I was so curious that I made my own guess.
He soon gave me the answer. His crumpled face, as if he'd heard the most absurd nonsense in the world, was answer enough.
I didn't need to ask to know that my standing in his heart had sunk even lower this time.
* * *
Just as Vincent said, the nanny went out often. She seemed very busy with something outside. When she apologized for leaving me alone, I smiled and told her not to worry and to go safely. I wanted to take good care of Robert so the busy nanny wouldn't have to worry.
'Just what misunderstanding did he have? I'm afraid some ridiculous rumor might spread.'
Vincent, who had coldly shot back, immediately left. I had only guessed because the two of them seemed so close, but it seemed I'd only earned his dislike, which made me gloomy. I belatedly shouted an apology, but he didn't look back.
I didn't see Vincent after that day. He must have been busy, as he was nowhere to be seen. He had asked me to tell him about Robert's daily routine once a day, but he never met me directly. Instead, a servant came and asked me about Robert's day.
To be honest, it was closer to rambling about what we did during the day than a proper report. But it felt awkward to hold back the busy servant and explain everything in detail. So one day, I asked if I could write a letter to deliver instead.
'Can you write?'
'I can write a little.'
The servant gave me a surprised look.
After that, I wrote letters to hand over. A servant visited every two days to pick them up.
[Today as well, the Young Master…….]
There was nothing different from the previous letter's content, but I picked up my pen anyway. Elegant handwriting smoothly filled the paper.
'Being like this.'
It's just like back then.
I suddenly miss the golden letters.
"What are you doing?"
Robert peeked his head out. He must have woken from his nap without me noticing.
"Are you awake?"
"Yeah. Nanny?"
"She went out."
At my answer, Robert held out both hands. He wanted to be held. As the time we spent alone together increased, Robert had come to rely on me quite a bit.
Glancing at the thick bandage wrapped around one arm, I scooped Robert into my embrace.
"Does your arm not hurt?"
"No."
A few days ago, an incident occurred. As always, when I went to his room to attend to Robert, he wasn't there. That was a fairly common situation. And I immediately figured out where Robert was. Sure enough, he was near the horse statue.
But the problem was that Robert was sitting on the floor, crying.
'Waaaah!'
'Young Master!'
I was horrified to see him clutching one arm. What I had feared had happened.
I immediately called a doctor for an examination. They said his arm had taken a strong impact and the bone was cracked, but fortunately it was minor. Robert's arm was secured with a thick bandage wrapped around it.
A while later, Joelli came and examined Robert with a gaze full of worry. The nanny who joined in was crying and wailing, creating quite a scene.
'If you go around alone again, I'll smack your bottom.'
That was her idea of a severe scolding.
Vincent, who arrived late after hearing the news, asked.
'What happened?'
'Well…….'
At his question, Joelli and the nanny's gazes also fixed on me. Judging by Vincent's demeanor, he seemed ready to get rid of the horse statue at any moment if I told him that was the cause. Robert, with a gloomy face, tightly gripped the hem of my skirt. I hesitated for a moment before opening my mouth.
'We were taking a walk together in the corridor, and the Young Master must have been in a good mood because he was running hastily and fell.'
I told a lie, but I didn't think it would fool him. He had probably heard the general situation from the other servants. Fortunately, they hadn't mentioned the horse statue. They had only told me to keep a close eye on Robert.
'Were you trying to climb up there?'
When the two's attention returned to Robert, the nanny quietly approached and asked. I just smiled. A deep worry settled over the nanny's face. I realized she also knew why Robert kept climbing onto the statue.
Fortunately, Robert seemed to have learned his lesson, as he stayed quietly in his room after that.
Robert was staring blankly down at the letter I had been writing.
"I want to do it too."
"You have to be careful with your arm."
Robert nodded. I brought another chair, placed it beside me, and sat Robert down. I also found some leftover paper and a pen nearby and placed them in his hand.
His small hand gripped the pen tightly and scribbled something on the paper. Hmm. Hmm. He even hummed a tune, looking quite pleased. I also sat beside him, picked up my pen, and continued writing the letter.
Then I glanced at Robert. I thought he would draw, but he was writing.
"You write well."
"Yeah. I write good."
"Yes. Keep writing well."
Was this the result of his education? The shapes were crooked, but the content was legible. Watching him quietly, a brilliant idea suddenly came to mind.