# 78
78. To You Who Could Not Be Erased Even When I Tried to Forget (2)
"A letter?"
"Yes. I was thinking about writing one and sending it to the Madam."
As soon as Nurse returned, I voiced the thought that had come to me during the day. Having said it out loud, it didn't seem like a bad idea. Nurse pondered for a moment, then nodded.
"Come to think of it, it's been quite a while since I wrote a letter."
"Then how about writing and sending one this time? She might even send a reply."
"Good idea. Fortunately, the Madam is staying at the mansion, so I'll deliver it for you."
Permission was granted.
"But I'm not sure if she'll give a reply."
When I signaled "what do you mean?", Nurse smiled bitterly.
"I used to send letters frequently before, but at some point the Madam's replies started coming later, and after that I stopped sending them altogether."
At those words, the atmosphere became gloomy. Still, wouldn't he be happy if she said she'd give a reply? It was safer than climbing up that towering iron wall and looking out the window.
I immediately got prepared and approached Robert. I held out the crisp, clean paper.
"To your mother?"
"Yes. I'm going to write a letter and send it."
But contrary to expectations, Robert wasn't happy. With a sulky face, he fiddled with the pen holder. I thought he'd like it. Instead, he showed an attitude of disinterest.
"If you write a letter, the Madam also said she'd send a reply."
"Liar."
But Robert didn't believe my words. I noticed that in Robert's heart, faded hope had settled into disappointment.
This won't be easy. A letter reply won't be enough at all. I was worried that if he stayed like that, another incident of him climbing the iron wall might occur. It was such a dangerous act that I was surprised no accident had happened until now. This time it only ended at a minor level, but next time it could be a big problem.
For now, I needed something that could catch Robert's interest.
As I pondered deeply, something suddenly came to mind.
"Can you possibly get me some colored ink?"
"Colored ink?"
Johnny blinked. I nodded and continued resolutely.
"Any color is fine. It would be even better if you could get several different colors."
"You're talking about colors other than the black ink I know?"
"Yeah. Is it possible?"
"Hmm. I'll look into it when I go out this time."
The servants here found it difficult to get permission to go out unless they had a justified reason. There were even people who left because they didn't like that.
"I sometimes go out on errands."
"What kind of errands?"
"That's a secret."
Johnny put his index finger to his lips. Oh, really? Not particularly interested, I nodded casually.
"But what are you going to use that for?"
"I'm thinking of catching a child's interest a bit."
"A child? You mean the young master?"
"Yeah."
"How are you going to use it?"
"It's a secret."
You're not the only one with secrets? I have secrets too.
"That's cheap."
Though he grumbled, a few days later Johnny held out bottles of various colored inks to me. I looked down at the ink bottles filling his hands and admired them.
"Wow, that was fast."
"I borrowed them. Use them well and return them."
"Got it."
I picked up one ink bottle and red liquid swished inside. I carefully received them and brought them to Robert.
Robert, who was sitting on the floor playing, showed no interest at all even when he saw the ink bottles. So I took out a piece of paper I had prepared, placed it on the floor, and opened the ink bottle cap. When I dipped the pen nib in ink and drew a line across the paper, the red ink spread. Robert, who had seemed uninterested, opened his eyes wide.
"Wow!"
"How is it? Pretty, right?"
"Yeah. It's pretty!"
Small hands fluttered. When I let him hold the pen holder, he quickly drew a line across the paper. Robert's eyes sparkled as he watched the red ink flowing from the pen nib.
"If you write a letter with such a pretty color, the Madam will like it too."
"Yeah, yeah. She'll like it!"
It seemed Robert was finally interested too. I smiled broadly and pondered what color to write the letter in.
"What color do you like?"
"I like them all! That one, and that one, and that one, I want to do them all!"
"Then, shall we write letters to the other people you like too?"
"Yeah. I'll write to everyone!"
The effect was good. I immediately held out a new piece of paper. Robert dipped the pen nib into the ink bottle and drew rapidly across the paper. Perhaps fascinated by the various colored inks, he didn't think about writing a letter and just drew lines wildly.
"Who shall we write to?"
"Mother, Vincent, Nurse, Carrot, and, and, and."
The people Robert wanted to write to came out without hesitation. So greedy. A laugh came out for no reason. Since I had prepared several sheets of paper, there was no problem.
"Then let's write to the Madam first."
"Yeah!"
"What color would be good. Would you like to choose?"
I slid the various colored ink bottles on the floor toward Robert. Robert pondered deeply, then picked one up. It was purple.
I soaked the pen nib in ink and placed it in Robert's hand. Robert moved the pen nib quickly.
[I mizz you.]
It was expected content. The misspelled words were cute yet bitter. On the other hand, I was pleased to see Robert writing a letter with his head ducked down, even humming a tune.
I gathered the papers that had become messy with lines drawn here and there and set them aside. I tightly closed the caps of the inks that weren't being used so they wouldn't dry out. I was going to tidy up the surroundings while Robert wrote his letter.
At that moment, an ink bottle rolling around on one side caught my eye. Curious about what color it was, I picked it up and held it up to the sunlight. When I confirmed the swishing color inside the transparent bottle, my eyes widened.
'Gold.'
A color so beautiful it made my eyes sting. A color far too sad for me.
'Lucas.'
The man who smiled affectionately without any prejudice came to mind. I squeezed my eyes shut. I gripped the ink bottle tightly and pressed it against my forehead. I felt a cold sensation. The emotions I had suppressed by pressing down hard would sometimes burst out and choke my breath. Just like when I saw Vincent, who could see what was ahead.
Perhaps I'm having pointless thoughts. Just like Vincent is living well, wouldn't Lucas also be living well somewhere?
The last news I heard about him was that his life was in danger. Ethan's deeply worried face when he told that story was not a lie.
But it's already been 5 years since then. It might not have necessarily led to a bad outcome. He might have buried the maid who once comforted him in one corner of his memory, met a new destiny, and be living happily.
'That's what I wish for.'
Please, let him have become happy.
I hope Lucas is as happy as he made me happy.
Vincent, Lucas, Ethan, Violet. The memories that followed one after another brought longing. Can I forget just by making up my mind to forget? If that were possible, I wouldn't even be longing.
Invisible longing stirred within my heart.
"I'm done writing!"
"Ah, yes. You did well."
Robert's voice, suddenly heard, broke my reverie. I set down the ink bottle I was holding on the floor. After that, I glanced once and approached Robert.
Robert smiled broadly and held out the paper he had written the letter on. Though crooked, Robert's heart could be seen in the firmly pressed handwriting.
"Shall we write one for Nurse right away too?"
"Yeah!"
When I took out a new paper, he immediately grabbed the pen. This time he picked out the ink by himself skillfully. Seeing Robert writing a letter while swinging his legs, a strange feeling came over me.
Like that, he wrote letters for Nurse, Vincent, and the others. After that, Robert's hands were stained with ink. I frowned and rubbed Robert's hands with the end of my apron. Robert kept smiling, not minding that his hands were dyed in various colors.
The completed letters were neatly folded, put in envelopes, and sealed. The recipient's names were also written crookedly on the envelopes. Lined up, they were colorful in various hues. They would be noticeable in many ways.
But letters alone felt a bit lacking.
After briefly pondering, I held Robert in my arms and left the room.
They said not to go outside, but just in front of the door should be fine. I went down and stopped, leaving exactly one step before the doorway. I set Robert down there and instructed him.
"You need to stay here quietly, okay?"
"Yeah."
Robert nodded obediently. Only then did I step outside and examined the flowers blooming at the entrance of the forest right ahead. Since they were blooming near the entrance, there weren't many usable ones. But even with a small amount, making them look decent wasn't difficult. I pulled them all out and trimmed the roots. Then I also pulled the baby's breath next to them and added them as accompaniment, making the overall shape look fairly decent.
I headed toward Robert holding the bouquet. The child's eyes grew round.
"Let's send flowers together too."
I pulled one flower from the yellow bouquet I had just made and handed it to Robert. His small hand held it tightly and waved it around. Then he reached for the bouquet in my hand too, so I handed it over. Excited Robert swung it side to side, and flowers flew out in all directions.
Seeing the ruined bouquet, Robert asked for another one, so I made two and handed him one. Then he asked for the one in my other hand. It seemed he had noticed that the one handed to him was made roughly. In the end, I gave Robert the prettily made bouquet. A moment later, the bouquet was disintegrated in Robert's hands.
"Puhaha! It's snow! Snow!"
His expressions are certainly unique. Still, since he likes it that much, I didn't feel like stopping him.
"Young Master. Look at this."
While watching the petals fluttering down, I found a flower with white seeds gathered in round clusters in the doorway crack. When I plucked it and blew, the white seeds spread roundly and fluttered in the wind.
"Wow."
Robert smiled broadly and waved both hands trying to catch the flower seeds.
The second one also liked flowers...... Ah, why am I like this today of all days. With a feeling of constantly becoming gloomy, I tilted my head back. Just seeing the clear sky made me feel refreshed.
The weather was really nice today. The sunlight was warm, the wind was cool. In a few more days, full-fledged heat will arrive. Then the flowers will all fall, and white snow will cover the world. By then, I won't be here. Like the flower seeds scattered in the wind, I won't be able to put down roots in the ground and bloom.
'Once I leave, I won't be able to come back here again.'
I myself will probably never return to this place either. The end. I am spending my last moments in this place right now.
"Me too! Me too!"
"Yes, just a moment."
I looked around and plucked a white flower with clustered seeds and handed it over. When Robert blew, the flower seeds flew in the wind. Robert's eyes sparkled as he chased the seeds. At times like that, he looks like a cute young child.
I raised the hand that was on my knee and propped my chin, staring blankly at Robert. His golden hair, made transparent by the light, became disheveled in the wind, and his purple eyes that curved then rounded in constant motion filled with joy. Joy overflowed as much as his busy attitude of moving around to blow the flower seeds. He really likes it. I should have let him get some fresh air like this more often.
But looking at Robert smiling brightly, somehow... he seemed familiar...
"Ah, you can't come out."
I quickly stopped Robert who was trying to come outside the doorway following the flower seeds. It was just one step, but he would clearly be leaving the mansion.