# 39
39. The Count's Circumstances (9)
"I heard strange sounds at night."
"Did you? I didn't hear anything."
I spoke calmly while clearing my hoarse throat. After screaming my lungs out all night, my throat wasn't in good condition. When I quietly coughed, Vincent, with his sharp hearing, immediately turned to look at me. I pretended not to notice and poured water into an empty cup before handing it to him.
As he took the cup, a questioning look appeared on his face. Beside him, Lucas suddenly held out his empty cup. He had come over early in the morning, saying he didn't want to eat alone, and was now eating with us.
"Paula, give me some too."
"..."
I poured the water without even looking at his face. I didn't even acknowledge his thank you. Lucas smiled awkwardly.
After that, the stiff atmosphere continued. The uncomfortable air floated in the room where only the sound of dishes clinking echoed. Vincent must have felt it too, as his brow furrowed.
"Did something happen?"
"Hm? What?"
"You two."
"Nothing happened."
Absolutely, definitely, nothing at all. When I emphasized each word firmly, Vincent closed his mouth. Lucas quietly drank his water. I noisily organized the empty dishes, making clattering sounds.
When I left the room, Lucas followed behind me. I still didn't even look at him.
"You're very angry."
"..."
"I'm sorry for locking the door. After doing it, I got a little scared."
"..."
"Paula."
"..."
Even with his repeated calls, when I didn't answer, his following footsteps stopped. Only my footsteps echoed in the quiet hallway. I glared ahead and quickened my pace. That's how angry I was.
Son of a bitch. Bastard. How could he throw those words out as a joke. I received such a huge shock that my breath stopped and my mind went blank.
He seemed like he was really speaking sincerely at that moment. That was so frightening. I didn't know someone's sincerity could be so scary. So when he said it was a joke, my mind went blank. Honestly, I was relieved. It's a lie, it's a joke. But separately from being relieved, I was also angry.
Lucas kept following me around and begging for forgiveness after that. I consistently ignored him. I knew he was watching my mood, wanting to somehow appease me, but this time I didn't accept it. That was the most I could express. I couldn't curse at him or hit him. In my heart, I wanted to scream "son of a bitch" and even tear his hair out.
So be grateful I'm letting it go.
But thinking about it again.
"That's really too much."
Anger put strength in my hand, and the paper crumpled. I gritted my teeth.
"No, there's a limit to making a fool of someone. What? A joke? Is it fun for you to make such a tasteless joke in this world!"
Fuming and even spitting out curses, I came to my senses. I exhaled and read the letters in front of me. It was a scene where the protagonist's traveling companion was having a conversation.
[Don't do that. I can't let you sacrifice yourself.]
[I'll do anything for you.]
"No, who are you to sacrifice yourself!"
You think you're so great? Huh? Anger rose again. I shouted about how great he must think he is, then gritted my teeth. The paper crumpled so much that the writing was unreadable.
"You think so too, Master, right? It's really too much, right?"
"What have you been talking about since earlier."
Vincent, who had been listening to the book I was reading as always, frowned. I didn't back down. I slammed the table and criticized the protagonist's companion's complacent attitude in the story. I said he doesn't even think about the people around him. Vincent, who heard my words, made a face like he was looking at a crazy woman.
A joke? Fine, a joke! Let's see how far you can go with a joke, you bastard! He said he was Ethan's brother, right? Looking at it now, he's the spitting image. Making people angry like that.
Eventually I slammed the table again. Thump thump thump! I felt pain in my hand, but my anger didn't subside.
"Stop."
He wrapped his hand around my fist and stopped me. I breathed heavily. Then slowly came to my senses. Embarrassment filled my gradually clearing mind. When I tried to subtly pull my hand away, Vincent held it tighter instead.
"Something happened between you and Lucas."
"No."
I answered firmly, but he was already suspicious. His sharp gaze seemed to pierce me. I rolled my eyes to the side and avoided his gaze.
"There was a slightly unpleasant incident."
"What?"
"It's nothing."
"Tell me."
When I stubbornly kept my mouth shut, Vincent sighed. I still didn't want to talk about it. It was something I didn't even want to mention. It wasn't something good for him to hear either.
'I'll give it to my brother. My world.'
Even if it was a joke, how could he say such a thing.
"I don't know what it is, but just let it go."
"If it's an order, then sure."
"I'm saying this for your sake."
He uncurled my clenched hand. And carefully massaged it. When I looked, he was concentrating on one spot, and the skin was red. His fingers stroked that place.
"It looks like it'll bruise."
"It's not that bad."
"It's fine to be angry, and fine to hit, but don't harm yourself."
"Can I really hit?"
"You can hit. I'll allow it."
It was a tempting proposal. Oh ho, really?
"Really?"
"Yes. If necessary, say it's my order."
"Then please lend me a tool."
"A tool?"
"The cane."
My gaze was fixed on his cane that had been swung at Ethan at some point. Although the window broke, the cane was fine except for a few scratches.
I'd been coveting that since earlier. When I glanced at the cane and spoke, Vincent smiled. He seemed to have figured out why I was asking for the cane.
"As much as you want."
So I borrowed the cane from him. I carried it tucked at my waist. Whenever anger rose, I would fiddle with the cane or secretly take it out and swing it. The swoosh sound that came every time the cane cut through the air was quite to my liking.
Not bad?
I went to a wider space and swung it. Oh, I exclaimed in admiration and swung it again. I could somewhat understand why Vincent wielded this. Satisfied with the excellent tool selection, I recalled the faces of people who had troubled me one by one. I swung the cane and hit them. The opponent cries "ouch" and makes a crying face. It was imagination, but I felt better.
Before I knew it, I was spinning around and unconsciously focused. Then, just as I swung the cane to the side, something suddenly popped out in front of my eyes. Startled, I gasped and stepped back. The other person also froze with both hands raised. Something fluttered and fell to the floor between us.
"Please spare me."
"Ah, no. I'm sorry."
Flustered, I immediately lowered the cane. Lucas backed away hesitantly. Then he held his chest and breathed a sigh of relief. His eyes quickly scanned down to the cane in my hand.
"What are you doing here. What's that?"
"It's nothing."
"Are you going to hit me with that?"
"..."
When I remained silent, Lucas hardened his face. With a grave expression, he calmly continued speaking.
"I'm sorry. I mean it. Please spare me."
"Knowing that, why did you say such a thing."
"..."
"I hate such lies."
The anger I had forgotten for a moment rose up. I was more angry that he had lightly mentioned his death than that he had made a joke.
It was a world where some people couldn't live even if they wanted to. At least the lives around me were like that. I had seen many deaths, and I didn't want to treat any of them lightly. It was too much to dismiss it as a noble's wordplay. Moreover, the reason wasn't something that could be easily passed over either.
Of course, I didn't want it to be sincere even more, but still, that wasn't it.
"Everything Paula said is right. I have no excuse. I must have been temporarily crazy. I made a very big mistake to Vincent hyung, and the regret was so big... I must have been thinking about how I could help hyung and ended up saying such a thing. I shouldn't have said it to Paula, but what I had been thinking unknowingly came out of my mouth, and when I was flustered and tried to brush it off, it just... I'm really sorry. It was a mistake. I'll sincerely apologize."
"..."
"Please forgive me."
He suddenly held out his hand. I wondered if he wanted to shake hands in apology, but he seemed even more flustered. Then Lucas quickly scanned the surroundings and bowed deeply. A bouquet of flowers had fallen at his feet. So what fell earlier was flowers.
"I'm sorry."
He held out the white bouquet and bowed deeply. It was the flower that bloomed in that mysterious space in the forest we went to last time. The flower I had said I liked several times. He must have just brought it, as flower petals were also stuck to his clothes.
I glared at the head deeply bowed toward the floor and fiddled with the cane in my hand. Hit? Not hit? Not accept? I hesitated for a moment but ended with a sigh. I already knew he was apologizing sincerely.
"Don't treat death as a joke. Ever."
"I will."
He answered immediately.
"And don't say such things either."
"Thank you for forgiving me."
"I haven't forgiven you."
To be precise, I'm putting it on hold for now.
I stuck the cane into the floor right next to his hand. He slightly raised his head. I smiled and added that I got permission from Master. I didn't say what I got permission for, but sensing danger, Lucas nodded repeatedly.
He didn't seem like he would straighten up until I accepted the bouquet. Left alone, he looked ready to kneel too. I didn't care, but if other servants saw it, bad rumors might spread.
When I finally took the bouquet, he said thank you and straightened up. I shrugged.
"I was worried about what to do if Paula didn't forgive me."
"Then were you going to keep doing this?"
"Yes. I was going to keep following you around and begging for forgiveness."
That's a bit scary. If I had kept ignoring him, wouldn't he have shaken me awake even after I went to bed?
"So it's a relief. I want to get on Paula's good side."
"Me? Why?"
"Because I like Paula."
I was surprised for a very brief moment at his words, but quickly regained my composure. I don't believe it anymore. I laughed it off with a haha, but he didn't stop talking.
"I like Paula."
"Yeah, yeah."
"This is sincere."
"I'm honored."
As I replied casually and looked into the bouquet, my shoulder was suddenly grabbed and my body was pulled forward, and something touched my cheek. It really touched.
Something soft and moist.
"Ack!"
I was horrified and ran away. Rubbing my cheek and turning around, Lucas was smiling brightly at me. It was such a carefree face.
"I told you I was sincere."
He was truly a man I could never let my guard down with.