Chapter 92. Sense of Betrayal
2023.12.01.
Having moved away from Ivan, Herdin quickly scanned the banquet hall. Blair's figure was nowhere to be seen inside.
'She said she was going to get some air, so she must have gone out to the garden.'
Just as Herdin was about to head out to the corridor, Ruth approached him with a somewhat serious expression.
"Your Excellency. I apologize for being presumptuous, but there is something I wish to ask about your intentions."
"What about?"
"The incident from ten years ago—why haven't you publicly addressed it yet?"
At Ruth's question, Herdin paused.
"You've already secured all the evidence and testimony, haven't you?"
"……."
"Of course, I understand it's a difficult reality for Her Ladyship. But even if you deny and avoid it, it's something that must eventually be accepted."
"……."
"Given how things have come to this, it would be better in the long run to quickly wrap things up and separate Her Ladyship from the imperial family."
Ruth, who had been waiting on one side of the banquet hall, had observed Blair's complexion throughout the event. Even from a distance, her expression toward Katrina and Ivan did not look good.
Though he didn't know her inner thoughts since he wasn't particularly close to Blair, he could guess how she must feel having a mother who had used her life and tried to kidnap her.
That was why he couldn't understand Herdin, who was delaying instead of resolving this situation.
"And although the Elders view Her Ladyship unfavorably, once the truth is revealed, there will be quite a few vassals who will take her side. The public opinion criticizing Her Ladyship will subside that much as well."
"……Probably so."
"Is there another reason you're delaying when you know all this?"
"I negotiated with the Emperor."
At Herdin's answer, Ruth's eyes wavered. A negotiation, when they were already hard-pressed just taking a stand against Ivan.
"A negotiation... you say?"
Of course, he didn't think Herdin would give up the truth he had clung to for ten years.
But he couldn't fathom what kind of negotiation would take place regarding this matter where not an inch of concession could be made.
"A negotiation to gain a greater benefit. So, keep your mouth shut in front of Blair for the time being."
Was the benefit he spoke of truly worth enduring Blair's mental suffering?
Such a question briefly crossed Ruth's mind, but he decided not to ask any further.
No matter how pitiful Blair's situation was, his liege was ultimately Herdin.
"Once I find Blair, we'll return to the mansion, so have the carriage prepared."
Having finished his conversation with Ruth, Herdin stepped out into the garden. Perhaps because it was a cool early summer night, there were many couples and spouses who had come outside.
'Her complexion was poor earlier.'
Recalling Blair's figure as she left the banquet hall, Herdin's footsteps quickened.
Not long after stepping into the garden, Herdin found Blair at a closer distance than expected.
Blair was sitting alone near the fountain in the center of the garden, watching the streams of water. Herdin strode over to her side.
"Are you feeling very unwell?"
The answer that would have come immediately as usual did not return.
She merely sat still, gazing at the fountain with eyes as unreadable as ever.
"Blair?"
Feeling puzzled by this, the moment Herdin took another step toward her, Blair rose from her seat.
"Let's go home."
Herdin frowned as he watched Blair's back as she brushed past him.
The chilly night breeze swept between the two of them.
* * *
Blair didn't say a word the entire ride back to the mansion in the carriage. Her gaze remained fixed out the window, never once looking at him.
She wasn't the talkative type to begin with, but even taking that into account, she was different from her usual self that Herdin knew.
Something had gone seriously amiss without his knowledge.
Noticing that, the lingering anxiety at Herdin's feet began to creep up.
Like that time when he watched her, as if she might disappear into the light at any moment.
Herdin watched Blair's back as she never once looked back at him from getting off the carriage all the way to their room, and the moment they entered the room, he grabbed her hand.
"Blair."
Only then could he finally face her. Her eyes, which had been hidden by the darkness of the night, revealed unmistakable resentment.
Blair tried to pull her captured hand away, but the more she tried, the more firmly Herdin held on.
He suppressed his emotions with a sigh and spoke.
"If you have something to say, then say it. Don't act like a child."
After staring at him with resentful eyes for a long while, Blair opened her mouth.
"Why did you deceive me?"
"……."
"You said you found all the evidence."
Herdin's eyes wavered at Blair's words.
So she found out after all. Did she hear it in the banquet hall earlier? That's why she was so angry.
"You promised me we'd divorce once the truth of the incident from ten years ago was revealed."
If she had remained unaware until the end, this resentment might have been somewhat lessened, but since she found out, there was nothing to be done.
He had no choice but to push through with his plan.
"Ah, that's right."
"Then fulfill that contract now. According to the contract, our agreement is over. You're just delaying it."
"Well, that might be a bit difficult."
"Why?"
"As you've already overheard, I've negotiated with your brother."
"……."
"And that negotiation requires you."
I can't say that the reason I'm keeping you here is you.
To you who has another man in your heart, my feelings would be worthless.
Offering a negotiation proposal that's bound to be rejected would be a meaningless act.
"……So, you're going to use me for that negotiation? Breaking your promise with me?"
"Strictly speaking, unfortunately, that would be the case."
He answered his intention to break the contract quite shamelessly. With a face that was not regretful at all.
Facing that face, a bitter laugh escaped from between Blair's teeth.
She had tried to keep the contract with him. She had worked to overcome her phobia, and faced the truth she had wanted to turn away from.
She didn't regret that.
Not only for him, but also for Esmeralda. It was also a debt of her heart that wanted to honor her.
But apart from that, the betrayed trust hurt.
She felt like she might throw up, just like when she faced Katrina and Ivan at the imperial palace earlier. The fact that he was no different from them suffocated her.
This man, too, only thought of using her.
She hated him for that.
And more terrible than such a man...
Was herself, who had believed him, who had hesitated at Mikhail's proposal like a fool, determined to keep her promise with him.
Herself, who had been so hurt by him in her past life, yet had come to love him again.
"I think this marriage wouldn't be such a bad choice for you either."
"……."
"Because we got along quite well."
"……Do you truly, sincerely think that? That we get along well?"
A trace of puzzlement dwelled in his distorted eyes. It seemed he genuinely thought there was no problem with this relationship.
That fact made her laugh.
"No. We were out of sync from the start, and the one who adjusted that wasn't us—it was me."
In my past life, because I loved you.
In this life, to meet Asiel.
It was always your greed first. The one who always desperately patched up the cracking relationship every time was me.
Would you know the feeling of putting together countless shattered glass pieces alone, that lonely feeling of being hurt yet unable to give up?
"I was holding onto our relationship by myself. To maintain a good relationship with you. You must not have known because it was too natural to you."
"……."
"Now I know for certain. We can never be together."
"Then we can adjust going forward."
There was a time when I believed that too.
Because I loved you, you would eventually recognize my sincerity. That we could adjust to each other.
But now I know that was my arrogance.
"No, I won't do that anymore. There's no reason to, either. Because you're no longer my partner."
"Blair."
"Let me go."
Desperate words close to a plea. But to Herdin, they pierced like a dagger.
His lips twisted as he looked at her. The rising fury flowed out as a frigid tone.
"Everyone lives like that. Unwanted marriages—where emotions are cast aside and you only look at each other's benefits."
"……."
"Your plan was absurd from the start. A princess of a nation causing a scandal and running away in the dead of night... It's nonsensical."
"……."
"At best, you'd run away only to be caught and confined in the imperial palace, or if you're lucky, you'd end up as a remarriage candidate for some old men."
"……."
"Just how long are you going to stubbornly insist on being trapped in your own ideals?"
At his bitter words, Blair's eyes distorted.
Her frail body trembling, unable to contain her emotions, looked extremely precarious. So much so that it wouldn't be strange if she collapsed at any moment.
The feeling of watching that sight became foul. There was no sense of achievement or composure that usually comes with winning an argument.
Herdin roughly loosened the cravat constricting his neck and spoke as if sighing.
"……That's enough. You don't look well right now."
He approached Blair, who looked like she might collapse at any moment, and pulled her into an embrace.
"Let me go!"
But Blair pushed him away. With strengthless hands, desperately.
Herdin eventually let go of Blair. Having barely escaped his embrace, Blair shed tears and looked at him with eyes full of hatred.
"I terribly regret trusting you again."
As if that were the final blow, Blair uttered those words resolutely and turned away, leaving the bedroom.
Herdin swallowed a sigh and swept his bangs back haphazardly.
He knew she couldn't escape this mansion anyway. When she's exhausted and curled up somewhere, he could just bring her back then.
But the moment Herdin raised his head again, he saw Blair, who was leaving the bedroom, collapse just like that.
At the same time, his heart dropped.
"Blair!"