Chapter 79. Anxiety
Herdin's gaze grew coldly settled as he faced her. It was because he had become sensitive to her every move since the kidnapping incident.
"Where are you going?"
"Ah, I was just stepping out for a walk in the back garden."
"Squeak!"
As if proving her words weren't a lie, Pipi, who was nestled in Blair's arms, cried out. Melly was also behind her.
Herdin studied her expression in case Blair had heard the conversation with the elders, but as always, it was difficult to read any emotion from her calm face.
At that moment, the voices of the elders approaching through the open reception room door could be heard.
"Surely His Excellency hasn't fallen for the princess, has he? Honestly, she does resemble her mother in having outstanding beauty."
"Indeed. Her mother also bewitched His Majesty the Emperor in the same way—"
They had come out of the reception room thinking Herdin had already left, but seeing him and Blair, they flinched and clamped their mouths shut.
"W-We apologize, Your Excellency."
They only gauged Herdin's reaction before bowing and turning away. It was an act of completely ignoring Blair.
Herdin's gaze as he looked at them grew coldly settled.
"It seems you lords have grown old after all. Considering your failing eyesight can't even see the person right beside you."
"Herdin."
Startled by his sharp words, Blair grabbed his arm to restrain him, but Herdin didn't stop.
"Or perhaps your neck bones have so decayed that they can no longer bend."
Realizing that his words pointed out their rudeness in not showing proper courtesy to the Duchess, the elders cried out as if aggrieved.
"Your Excellency, are you insulting us old men now? Us who have served since your grandfather's time?"
"Just because you lords have grown old doesn't mean I become your grandson."
At Herdin's stinging remark, the elders clamped their mouths shut. As he said, even if Herdin was of their grandchildren's generation, he was still undeniably their lord.
"Show proper courtesy to the Duchess. Unless you intend to insult me."
"……."
"Ah, and of course, apologize for the drivel that came out of your mouths earlier as well."
His voice, laced with cold intimidation, heavily pressed down on the quiet hallway's atmosphere.
Overwhelmed by that severity, the elders flinched and gauged the mood before reluctantly bowing their heads to Blair.
"……We have committed rudeness against the Duchess. Please forgive us generously."
"I'm fine."
Herdin was displeased with their insincere apology, but seeing Blair's reaction, he decided to let it pass quietly.
The elders, having shown proper courtesy to the two once more, hurried away as if fleeing.
What broke the silence left in the once-frozen atmosphere was the oblivious young beast.
"Squeak!"
Pipi cried while looking at Blair as if urging her to hurry and go for a walk. Herdin, who had been staring blankly at Pipi, spoke to Melly.
"I will accompany the Madam on her walk, so go attend to your duties."
"Ah... Yes, Your Excellency."
Herdin also dismissed Ruth with a glance, then turned to look at Blair, who was standing there blinking with puzzled eyes.
"Shall we go?"
Blair came out to the mansion's back garden with Herdin.
Pipi, who had been fidgeting since feeling the outside breeze, darted into the bushes the moment Blair released it. The marten's fine fur was soon stained with dirt.
Herdin, watching the marten exploring the back garden in all directions with its tiny body, opened his mouth.
"That fellow has grown quite a bit too. I thought it would die soon."
"Thank you. It's thanks to you saving it."
At Blair's words, Herdin mocked himself.
His deed, when he had killed its mother and tried to kill even that tiny creature. It was a laughable statement even to his own ears.
"No. That fellow could live purely because of your stubbornness."
"Then since you're the one who tolerated that stubbornness, let's say it's thanks to both of us."
Herdin let out a light chuckle as if defeated by her stubbornness in somehow turning it into his share as well. The phrase 'both of us' was quite to his liking, too.
Blair, who had been looking up at him whose earlier murderous air had softened considerably, carefully brought up the topic.
"Herdin, you don't have to do that because of me from now on."
Realizing that Blair was referring to the incident with the elders, Herdin's expression immediately stiffened again.
"Then you mean I should just quietly listen while those old men insult you in front of me?"
"I'm saying this because I'm worried about you."
Blair spoke calmly, but Herdin didn't like her attitude.
Because he knew the reason she could be so unaffected despite hearing words that insulted her was the underlying premise that she would soon leave this place.
She was telling him to side with his loyal subjects instead of a one-year fake wife, right now.
Even though he knew rationally that her words were right, an uncontrollable emotion boiled in his heart.
"You knew it too. That it would be like this when the truth came out."
"……."
"It was something I had expected as well, just that the timing was pulled forward a little earlier than anticipated. So it's fine."
Those words, containing not even a shred of resentment, made him unable to bear himself for driving her into this situation where everyone was criticizing her.
"Squeak!"
At that moment, Pipi, who had been rolling in a dirt pit, disappeared into the bushes again. Blair chased after the mischievous little beast.
The moment he saw her receding back, a strange unease that she might just disappear like this within the warm spring sunlight shook him.
Herdin, gazing at her fading figure under the sunlight, strode forward without realizing it and grabbed Blair's hand.
"Blair."
Blair looked at him with puzzled eyes but obediently let him hold her hand. However, the unease that had arisen once did not easily fade.
Having finished their afternoon walk like that, the two returned to the mansion.
As soon as they arrived at Pipi's room, Herdin snatched the harness from Blair's hand and tossed it aside carelessly. Then he trapped her between the closed door and himself, and immediately pressed his lips against hers.
Blair, who had flinched as if startled for a moment, soon closed her eyes and accepted him, just as she always had.
"Mmh..."
Like someone suffering from a long thirst, Herdin urgently parted Blair's lips and tangled their tongues.
The more their wet flesh tangled and rubbed against each other, the more his body heated up and the thirstier he became. Even devouring every ragged breath she let out wasn't enough.
Blair was clearly in his arms, and he was intertwining their breaths at this very moment, and yet... the unease that she might disappear wouldn't go away.
The unease that had taken hold of him fanned his desire.
He felt he would only be at ease if he trapped her beneath him, overlapped their bodies so she couldn't escape, and felt her warmth.
His large hand that had been holding Blair's waist naturally slid down. At that touch, the distance between them closed completely, and Blair pulled her lips away.
"……Herdin."
Blair instinctively pressed against his firm chest to push him away as he tried to capture her lips again, but Herdin seized even that hand and pinned it.
He only barely stopped when Blair avoided his lips.
His blue eyes, fiercely craving her, gazed at her as if they would swallow her up at any moment.
Blair looked at him and spoke as if pleading.
"Not yet... I'm not feeling well, so I want to rest."
Herdin's lips twisted as he looked at her saying she wanted to stop.
After they had fought over the Mikhail issue, whenever he held her arbitrarily at night, she had never once said she didn't want to. She had been stubbornly keeping her lips shut as if she didn't even want to say those words.
Her rejection declared in this desperate moment was unwelcome, but Herdin barely suppressed his greed.
He swallowed a painful sigh and released her. His desire, ready to burst at any moment, roughly scraped past his throat as it went down.
"Thank you."
The moment he became displeased by her attitude of thanking him for what should be her natural right to refuse, a knock was heard.
"Your Excellency. Are you here?"
It was Mason's voice.
"You should go."
Blair stepped away from the door she had been leaning against. Herdin looked at her for a moment before opening the door and going out.
"A messenger came from the Imperial Palace earlier. There is an imperial command for you to enter the palace tomorrow afternoon."
Mason's voice was faintly heard through the crack in the door, but Blair, lost in thought, didn't catch the content.
It was already one day before the full moon of May. Hope dwelled in her eyes as she gazed at the lush green scenery beyond the window.
'It's finally tomorrow.'
The day Ashiel would be born.
* * *
The late spring back garden was filled with the fragrance of flowers in full bloom.
Around the time he was longing for a cigar, feeling as if his sense of smell would be paralyzed by that fragrance, a small pond appeared. Ivan was waiting in the pergola in front of it.
"Did you call for me, Your Majesty."
"Sit."
When Herdin sat across from him, a servant who had brought a tray set down the tea and disappeared.
Ivan studied Herdin's mood over his teacup. With his usual indifferent face, Herdin wordlessly picked up his teacup following suit.
Any typical noble would have at least made an effort to curry favor by starting a conversation first or appropriately flattering him, but Herdin seemed to have no intention of doing so.
'I had known well enough that he was that kind of fellow.'
Ivan clicked his tongue inwardly, swallowed the tea, and spoke first.
"It's been nearly half a year since we became family, but I've been so busy with public and private affairs that I haven't had time to see your face."
Had that much time already passed?
Herdin moistened his lips and gauged the time. Just then, the sound of trees brushing against the wind from the nearby forest could be heard refreshingly, completing the summer scenery.
It had snowed on the day he married his wife, who resembled a snow fairy, so it was a perfectly contrasting scene from back then.
"On days like this, running through the forest and hunting would be a good way to strengthen our brotherly bond. The weight of state affairs is truly heavy at times like this."
"I dare not know how arduous it is to lead an empire, but I understand you must be far busier than I. I will listen even if you speak briefly."
Ivan read the underlying meaning in Herdin's words and smiled askance.
In other words, it meant to just state the business. He was a fellow with the knack of packaging his own insolence as if it were consideration for the other person.
While packaging his words, having no intention to hide that audacious attitude was even more insolent.