Chapter 60. Nightmare of Cherry Blossoms
2023.10.30.
Cherry blossom petals in full bloom were scattering all around.
The moment he opened his eyes and saw that sight, Herdin instinctively realized.
It's a dream.
It was a wretched dream he had dreamed countless times over the past ten-odd years, to the point where he could now recite even the next scene.
Next would probably be his father's voice.
"Herdin."
It was a voice he used to turn toward with a slight thrill and gladness, but now he wasn't at all pleased to hear it.
But since he had no resistance within the dream, Herdin had no choice but to watch the scene before him like watching a play that moved according to a script.
Before his eyes stood Kasion holding a sword stained with demonic beast blood, and young Herdin sitting collapsed before him.
"Herdin…."
Kasion had gone berserk while fighting off the swarming demonic beasts and was consumed by power.
His blue eyes, so like his son's, had no focus. Mana he couldn't handle was oozing out of his body.
"…Father?"
The father who would have normally worn a gruff yet affectionate smile wordlessly raised his sword.
The terrified son could only stare blankly up at that figure.
The current Herdin watched that scene, which he had faced dozens, hundreds of times before, with indifferent eyes.
Knowing that no matter what means he used, he couldn't change the past that had already passed.
Next was his mother.
"No, Kasion!"
The moment Kasion swung his sword at young Herdin, Eloyz rushed in and embraced the child, taking the sword's blow instead.
"…Mother?"
Young Herdin's palms, hugging the collapsing Eloyz's back, were drenched in red blood. The cherry blossom petals piled like snow on the ground were dyed with blood.
The boy's hands began to tremble violently. At the same time, his eyes began to shake greatly as well.
What filled those eyes in an instant was terror.
Next was a sense of loss.
And finally….
Young Herdin cast magic. The boy's eyes facing his father were no longer filled with fear.
What filled those eyes last was rage that had lost all reason.
Herdin attacked Kasion with magic.
Born with the power of a divine beast like Kasion, and having trained since childhood, Herdin's magic was by no means weak, and Kasion knew this as well.
Nevertheless, he didn't dodge his son's magic. It seemed he didn't even have the reason left to do so.
Taking advantage of Kasion staggering from the magic hit, Herdin picked up a sword dropped by a dead knight nearby.
And the moment Kasion swung his sword, he barely blocked it and deflected the attack. But the strength of an adult and a child couldn't possibly be a match.
Herdin faced Kasion using both sword and magic.
Kasion didn't directly use magic, but the sharply honed mana swirling around him wounded everything in close proximity.
Herdin threw himself at Kasion without caring about the large and small wounds increasing on his body. He didn't have the reason left to care either.
Herdin instantly cast a powerful magic and struck a blow. At that moment, Kasion flinched.
In that split-second opening, Herdin pierced Kasion's heart. With the swordsmanship his father had taught him.
Then the mana threateningly surging around Kasion subsided.
Kasion collapsed onto Herdin just like that. His fading voice fell into his young son's ear.
"Her… din…."
At the same time, light returned to Herdin's unfocused eyes. Only then did the child's eyes, having realized what he had done, begin to shake violently.
"Father…?"
He often thought about it.
That day, did Father recognize me before he died?
Or was it just a name called out unconsciously out of habit?
Some days he thought his father must have regained his reason at the very end and recognized him.
The Empire's greatest magic swordsman, even in a state where he had lost his reason and gone berserk, couldn't possibly lose to his young son. So surely Father must have recognized him and deliberately let him win.
He must have wanted me to kill him.
He must have thought it was a relief….
Then on other days he thought that believing his father recognized him was just self-rationalization, and that his father must have died without ever regaining his reason.
Because knowing the reality that he almost killed his son, then killed his beloved wife with his own hands, and ultimately died by his son's hand would be too cruel for his father.
Thinking about it however he pleased each day toward whichever interpretation made his heart easier, he eventually stopped thinking about it altogether.
What good is any of that?
The fact that I killed Father with my own hands doesn't change.
The extremely few closest confidants buried the truth of that day to protect Delmark and to solidify the position of the young head of household, Herdin.
Thus it was publicly announced that Kasion had gone berserk from Eloyz's death and taken his own life, but no matter how much he hid and concealed it, he couldn't even deceive himself.
"Ah, ugh… Aaah!"
Herdin, watching with dry eyes his own appearance from over ten years ago sitting in a pool of blood and howling like a young beast, slowly closed his eyes as if sick of it.
The vicious dream always made him watch it to the very end before letting him wake up.
Opening his eyes, he saw a familiar ceiling; turning his head, he saw a familiar face. A woman softer and sweeter than a marshmallow.
After gazing for a moment at the peacefully sleeping Blair's face, Herdin raised his gaze to look out the window. Cherry blossoms were scattering like snow.
Just like that day in the dream.
It's because of those flowers. Dreaming that dream around this time every year.
Watching that terrible scenery with indifferent eyes, he slowly rose from the bed. Getting out of bed, he threw on a robe and headed for the table where he kept his cigars.
About to pick up a cigar and lighter, he stopped when he noticed something placed next to them.
It was the bowl that had held the marshmallows.
In the bowl remained three unroasted marshmallows. Last night, Blair had left them saying she would eat them tomorrow morning.
'If you want to eat some, you can have two. Because you didn't eat any.'
His wife had spoken as if she were offering up rations she had carefully saved, even though he was the one who had brought them.
Recalling that voice, Herdin let out a bitter laugh. Then he put into his mouth one of the marshmallows his wife had magnanimously offered as his share.
The soft texture wasn't really to his liking, but the sweetness he tasted after a long while wasn't bad. He let out a chuckle.
Savoring the sweetness in his mouth that his wife had yielded to him, Herdin put the cigar and lighter in his robe pocket and left the bedroom.
* * *
Afternoon, past lunchtime.
Walking through the corridor, Blair saw the garden outside the window filled with cherry trees in full bloom.
Behind the fountain in the center stretched an artificial waterway, with cherry trees in full bloom filling both sides.
According to what she heard from Mason, the current landscaping was personally arranged by Herdin's mother, Eloyz.
He said that since a new lady of the house had arrived, she could change it as she pleased, but Blair didn't want to do so.
It was partly because she didn't want to leave her traces in the mansion she would soon leave, but also because she quite liked the current landscaping herself.
And above all….
'To Herdin, this must be one of the traces of his mother.'
She didn't want to erase that trace arbitrarily.
Blair, who had thought of him again unconsciously, naturally recalled.
The memory of last night when she realized her feelings for him.
Blair intuited that she could no longer avoid and ignore this obsessive and persistent emotion.
Now, rather than denying and running away, she decided to accept it as it was.
'I still love Herdin.'
Separate from acknowledging it, she had no intention of staying by his side. Once their respective purposes were resolved, she planned to leave as he wished.
But even if it was a relationship that would eventually end, in this life she wanted to properly conclude her relationship with him, which she hadn't been able to properly finish in her past life.
I don't want you to remain as a painful memory for me.
Because I don't want to live hating and resenting you like in my past life, and being bound to you again.
So she decided to pour out all her remaining feelings. So that they wouldn't become lingering attachments.
"Ppi-Ppi."
Blair, entering the room where Ppi-Ppi was playing, called the name.
"Ppi!"
Then a baby marten popped out from somewhere. It now looked mature enough to be considered an adult.
Recognizing its owner, Ppi-Ppi came close and gave an enthusiastic welcome by jumping up.
When Blair smiled and bent down to reach out her hand, Ppi-Ppi responded by lightly nibbling on Blair's hand.
"Were you playing hide-and-seek by yourself?"
"Ppi."
"Lots of flowers bloomed today, and the weather is nice—want to play hide-and-seek outside?"
Blair brought out the walking harness from a drawer on one side of the room. She had asked the handy Melly to make it.
But perhaps Ppi-Ppi wanted to play more with Blair, as it avoided the approaching Blair and hid in the corner of the room. For a marten with a long body, even a tiny gap became enough space to hide.
"Hmm, you want to play hide-and-seek with me?"
Instead of an answer, the sound of small movements came from the narrow gap.
Blair approached the corner of the room where Ppi-Ppi was hiding. There lay several frames covered with cloth. Peering inside through the gap, she could see Ppi-Ppi hiding between the frames and the wall.
"Found you!"
"Ppi!"
Then Ppi-Ppi squeezed out from behind the frames. In the process, the cloth covering the frames got stepped on and fell.
The fallen cloth ended up covering Ppi-Ppi entirely.
"Ppi?"
The cloth trapping Ppi-Ppi fluttered according to its panicked movements.
Blair burst into laughter at the sight. Then she stopped laughing when she saw the frame revealed as the cloth fell.
Inside the frame was a portrait of a boy she had never seen before.
He had the same black hair as Herdin, but with green eyes, so it wasn't Herdin. Nor was it a similar face.
Herdin's father Kasion also had black hair and blue eyes like Herdin, so it wasn't him either.
'Who is this?'
Just as Blair had that question, Mason entered with a knock.
"Madam."
Approaching Blair, he stopped when he noticed the portrait she was looking at.