Chapter 59. The Taste of Marshmallows
2023.10.29.
'Herdin wouldn't like desserts.'
In her past life, there were a few times she had offered him some while eating desserts alone. But he never even touched them once.
It was awkward having her desire to share something delicious rejected, but she couldn't force him since that was just his preference.
For someone like that to bring marshmallows every night meant it was entirely for her sake. She didn't know why it had to be marshmallows of all things, though.
While Blair was submerged in sleep to recover her stamina, Herdin came back late every night, seemingly busy tracking down the mastermind behind the kidnapping.
When Blair, who had fallen asleep early, briefly opened her eyes in the middle of the night, he was always sleeping beside her. Along with the unextinguished fireplace.
Then when she opened her eyes in the morning, he was already gone. Because of this, it had been about a week since she properly saw him.
'Is he waiting for my body to heal?'
Of course, he wasn't heartless enough to hold a sick person and satisfy his desires, so his actions were partly born of pity for her who was ill... but.
That said, she couldn't claim that his waiting contained no desire at all.
If that were the case, she was essentially leaving him empty-handed by falling asleep early every time.
Fortunately, her body had recovered significantly today.
Blair, waiting for him, approached the drawer where she had left the geography book she borrowed during the day, intending to read it. Then, with a casually turned gaze, she caught sight of the balcony scene.
Beyond the full-length window of the balcony, something pure white was fluttering softly.
'...Snow?'
There was no way it would snow in this spring.
Looking closely, they were scattering cherry blossom petals.
When she had seen them the day before the hunting tournament, they were fully bloated as if they would burst their buds at any moment, and while she was preoccupied recovering her body, they had bloomed.
Blair stepped closer to the glass door of the balcony. Cherry blossom petals scattered in the spring breeze as if dancing under the moonlight. Like winter snow.
Blair stared blankly at that scene.
"...Pretty."
Blair's eyes, which had formed a faint smile, soon sank heavily.
When the cherry blossoms fall, and fresh green foliage drapes over the entire world.
Will Herdin come to hate me like that time in the past? Or perhaps, since I said I would cooperate with him from the beginning this time to find the truth, it won't come to that.
But either way, the ending was already decided.
Once I obtain Aziel, I'll leave his side as promised in the beginning.
Before he comes to hate me.
While Blair was pondering plans for the near future as she gazed at the fleeting scenery, she heard the sound of the door opening behind her.
When Blair turned around at the sound, Herdin, who had been entering the room, paused upon seeing her awake.
"You're awake today."
He approached the table and set down what he had brought. It was a bowl containing marshmallows.
"How is your body?"
"I'm fine. But what is this?"
"Marshmallows?"
"No, I don't mean that... Why did you bring these?"
Herdin brought the small candle from the nearby lamp and the lighter next to the fireplace.
"Have you ever tried roasted marshmallows?"
"...No. Never."
Roasted marshmallows cooled quickly. Because of this, Blair, who feared fire, always ate cold marshmallows or only the marshmallows in cocoa.
Even before the accident, there were many kinds of desserts at the Imperial Palace, so she had no reason to specifically try roasted marshmallows.
"Sit down."
Herdin, who sat down first, patted the seat next to him and said. Blair sat beside him without thinking.
"Today, we'll roast marshmallows over a candle."
Blair blinked at the sudden statement and looked at him.
"You said you wanted to overcome your pyrophobia."
Only then did she remember telling him before the hunting tournament that she wanted to overcome her fear of fire.
"Lady Lorellaine suggested starting with candles first."
Of course, overcoming a phobia wouldn't be easy. But she couldn't overcome it just by avoiding it. She had to slowly increase her exposure to the trauma trigger and become familiar with it.
Herdin pulled Blair's chair, which was far away, with one hand. It should have been heavy, but the chair was drawn to his side all too easily.
"If it seems too difficult, tell me now."
Blair looked back and forth between Herdin and the small candle placed in front of her, then nodded as if she had made up her mind.
"I think I'll be fine."
Herdin skillfully lit the lighter and lit the candle.
Blair watched the candle with tense nerves.
As she watched the flame, a fear overwhelmed her that the candle might tip over and set the tablecloth on fire. It felt like the fire, grown larger that way, would burn everything in the room.
"Ugh..."
Even though it was just imagination, sweat formed on her hands and her breathing quickened. Just like that time when she was trapped in the fire and couldn't breathe properly.
Yet she couldn't take her eyes off the candle. Because she was afraid that if she looked away, the fire would grow immensely while she wasn't watching and devour her.
At that moment, a large hand covered Blair's eyes. At the same time, a low voice settled down as if reasoning with her.
"You need to close your eyes, then open them."
Blair slowly closed her eyes as he said. But even with her eyes closed, the memory lingered as afterimages and flickered.
She reached out her two trembling hands and grasped the large hand that gently enveloped her face. Then the fear that had been about to consume her gradually subsided.
At the fact that, at this moment, she was not alone.
"Breathe slowly, too."
Blair steadied her rapid breathing and faithfully followed his voice.
"When you open your eyes, do the same."
Herdin removed the hand that had been covering Blair's eyes.
Blair, who slowly opened her eyes, faced the candle. When her breathing quickened again, Herdin spoke this time without blocking Blair's vision.
"Eyes."
Blair gradually followed what he had said just a moment ago. Blinking her eyes and taking deep breaths.
"Now we'll roast the marshmallow."
He picked up a marshmallow on a stick and brought it close to the small candle flame. As he slowly rotated the marshmallow near the flame, the surface began to brown.
Blair was seized by anxiety again, but remembering Herdin's words from earlier, she squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them.
Herdin extinguished the candle, let the well-roasted marshmallow cool for a moment, and offered it to Blair.
"Eat."
Blair hesitated for a moment before putting the marshmallow in her mouth. The warm and sweet marshmallow melted in her mouth. The marshmallows she had eaten plain were good too, but the freshly roasted one was even more delicious.
In Blair's eyes as she chewed the marshmallow, the earlier traces of fear faded and vitality returned.
To make such a face over just one piece of roasted marshmallow.
Herdin's gaze as he watched that scene softened strangely. At that moment, he met eyes with Blair, who had turned to look at him.
"It's soft... and sweet."
"This time, try doing it yourself."
Herdin handed Blair a marshmallow and lit the candle again.
Blair had a slightly frightened expression, but she nodded without hesitation.
However, as soon as she brought the marshmallow close to the fire, her hands began to tremble. At the same time, her breathing started to quicken again.
At that moment, Herdin's hand grasped Blair's hand. Right hand overlapped with right hand, putting her in a position half-embraced by him.
Over Blair, who was frozen in surprise, Herdin's voice descended.
"It's alright."
As if by magic, the trembling stopped when his hand touched hers.
Herdin roasted the marshmallow while holding Blair's hand.
Blair blankly stared at the marshmallow she had roasted after all the twists and turns.
"You did well."
Herdin raised his right arm and gently stroked her head, then released her from his embrace. And extinguished the candle.
Blair held out the marshmallow in her hand to Herdin and asked.
"Aren't you going to eat?"
But as always, he shook his head.
"I don't really like them."
And so, this roasted marshmallow also became Blair's. As she bit into the marshmallow, the soft and sweet taste spread in her mouth.
As she savored the taste, she suddenly felt a gaze and turned her head, meeting eyes with him who had been quietly watching. When Blair blinked, Herdin let out a small laugh.
"Is it that delicious?"
Her heart fluttered at his gaze, which held a gentler light than usual. It was an all-too-familiar emotion.
At the same time, she realized.
'I, once again, toward this person...'
Even if I'm disappointed, hate, and push away, even if I take a long detour, in the end, I love him again.
"...Ah."
The emotion she suddenly realized surged up uncontrollably fast and fell drop by drop.
Herdin's expression stiffened seeing Blair's sudden tears.
"Do you want to stop?"
"No, no. I'm fine."
Blair hastily shook her head.
But once the tears started, they didn't easily stop. Just like her emotions.
Herdin watched Blair with rigid eyes, then let out a low sigh, wiped her tears, and asked.
"Then why are you crying."
Blair felt her racing heart at that touch and faced him blankly.
Crying in this situation, he would surely think it strange. She needed to say something, but no suitable excuse came to mind.
Blair, who was moving her lips, eventually brought up a reason that even she found absurd.
"Because it's... too delicious."
"Hah?"
Herdin let out a hollow laugh as if dumbfounded by that answer.
Blair smiled brightly on purpose so that he wouldn't guess her true feelings.
"I want to eat more."
Her heart racing toward him ached to the point of numbness.
Like a wound that didn't hurt when she was unaware of it, stinging once she recognized its existence.
Nevertheless, ignoring that emotion, she decided to just smile today.
Because the marshmallow that entered her mouth was sweet enough to make her forget everything, except for this very moment.