Chapter 39. Words Lack Power
Blair headed to the sponsor's greenhouse where Agnes would be waiting.
Agnes, who had been reading a book, noticed Blair entering the greenhouse and rose from her seat to greet her.
"Your complexion looks good today, Madam."
Agnes's words seemed to carry no particular meaning, but Blair felt unnecessarily stung.
A month ago, when Herdin had seized her and she could barely leave the bedroom. Blair hadn't been able to meet Agnes for ten days.
Either because she couldn't leave the bedroom, caught by Herdin, or because even on days when he was absent, she couldn't overcome her exhaustion and fell asleep.
So when she finally met Agnes after ten days, the woman had worried, saying she looked like she had grown thinner. Mason wouldn't have told anyone the truth about the master couple's circumstances, but it still made her uncomfortable.
So today, her complexion had no choice but to be good. The one who had tormented her night after night was gone.
Blair asked back with feigned composure.
"Is that so?"
"Yes. Perhaps because the weather has warmed? Anyway, I'm glad you seem healthy again."
After exchanging greetings, the two began their conversation with light everyday talk.
Mostly, Agnes shared minor incidents with her family, and Blair spoke of Pip's growth and her feelings about it.
"Shall we talk about memories related to fire today? Memories from before the accident are fine, and so are memories from after. It would be even better if they're memories you can speak of pleasantly."
As Agnes tried to begin the session as always, Blair interrupted her.
"Madam."
"Yes."
"When might we be able to try hypnosis?"
At the sudden word, Agnes's gaze toward Blair deepened.
"Something has happened."
Instead of answering, Blair's eyes wavered.
The Blair that Agnes had observed was someone who couldn't lie.
"May I ask what happened? Of course, only if telling me would bring you some comfort."
As Blair hesitated, Agnes added as if reading her mind.
"I won't tell His Excellency what we discuss from now on. It will be our secret alone."
It was already an agreed-upon matter between Blair and Agnes that Agnes reported the counseling contents to Herdin. This counseling was part of the process of approaching the truth of the incident from ten years ago, after all.
After hesitating briefly, Blair parted her lips.
"You said you've served the Delmark ducal house for a long time, correct?"
"Yes. Both I and my husband have been vassal families of Delmark since birth."
Even after hearing her answer, Blair remained silent for a long while before carefully asking.
"What kind of person is the Duke, as you know him?"
In her past life, and after returning to the past to become his wife again. She had spent many nights with him, and they had become people who knew each other's most intimate places.
But she still didn't understand him.
What he was thinking, whether he was truly a bad enough person to try to kill her.
She had heard that Agnes was the one who had counseled Herdin ten years ago when he lost both parents in an unexpected accident.
If it was her, she might know Herdin better. At least better than herself, his wife in name only.
"I... still don't understand him well."
Blair lowered her gaze, having seen her own eyes reflected in the teacup.
At this moment, she wished no one would know the emotion revealed in her eyes. Not even herself.
* * *
"Your Excellency, I've retur—"
Ruth, who had just stepped into the office, frowned. It was because of the cigar smoke that hit him the moment he opened the door.
The entire office was hazy with smoke.
'I thought he'd cut back after getting married.'
Herdin was a heavy smoker. After getting married, he seemed to restrain himself for a while, but ultimately couldn't last even a few months and returned to his old ways. That seemed to have started about a fortnight ago.
'Around that time, he stopped spending the nights with the Madam... Is it just a coincidence in timing?'
For it to be a coincidence, it seemed like Herdin's nerves had also become sharper around that time.
After pondering briefly, Ruth erased the question that came to mind. The circumstances between the lord and his wife were not something he should try to know, nor did he need to know.
Herdin, having set down his cigar, asked.
"How did it go?"
"It's been resolved as you wished. The price negotiation went well, and the deal has been initiated."
"Good work. You may go now."
Ruth, looking at the cigar smoke filling the office, was about to add a word of nagging but closed his mouth.
Herdin was a fairly generous lord to his subordinates, but that didn't mean he wasn't fearsome.
With Herdin's mood being unpleasant for whatever reason, it was best not to go against it.
"Then I'll see you tomorrow."
Ruth, having gathered the documents, bowed his head. Herdin acknowledged the greeting with a slight nod.
After Ruth left the office, a silence descended on the room, so quiet that only the ticking of the clock could be heard.
Herdin's gaze, as he smoked his cigar, fell upon the desk. On the neatly organized desk, an afterimage of Blair surfaced.
The woman who had been sprawled across his desk.
Just that imagination alone boiled a desire akin to pain. Irritation surged.
It had already been a fortnight since he last went to Blair. Just because she didn't resist didn't mean it wasn't forced. Knowing that she was desperately enduring those nights made him feel filthy.
It was like opening a gifted box only to find nothing inside.
Herdin extinguished the cigar he was smoking and rose from his seat. Glancing out the window absentmindedly, he spotted Blair.
Blair was with Agnes. She seemed to be on her way back from a counseling session at the greenhouse.
Suddenly, that face came to mind—the one that had glared at him with tearful eyes. That trembling voice too.
'I really... hate you...'
Words lack offensive power.
Eyes hold no strength.
Therefore, such things couldn't inflict even the slightest blow on him.
But the face of his wife, speaking as if those words and that gaze were some grand attack—it was so absurd and exasperating. That must be why it kept coming to mind.
It was then that Herdin averted his gaze from that face.
'Again...'
Something churned inside as if scraping his innards, and his vision went white. At the same time, Blair's face surfaced.
The Blair in his memory was wearing a wedding dress. But that memory was not the wedding he remembered.
Because beneath the lifted veil, Blair's face was clearly marked with tension.
She had lowered her gaze, then briefly raised it to meet his eyes, momentarily dazed, before hurriedly averting her gaze as if coming to her senses.
'At the actual wedding, she had disinterested eyes.'
The moment Herdin became aware of that fact, the suddenly surfaced memories vanished as if erased by an eraser.
What on earth were these memories?
Why did things that weren't even his memories keep surfacing?
As he was trying to compose his confused emotions, a knock was heard.
"Your Excellency. May I come in?"
It was Agnes's voice.
"Come in."
Herdin sat leaning against the windowsill.
Agnes, having entered the office, began to recount today's counseling session. Excluding what she had agreed to keep secret with Blair.
In truth, telling Herdin about that would be more helpful to the two of them, but she had no intention of revealing it. This was between the two of them. Unwanted intervention was arrogance and nothing but rudeness.
When the report ended, Herdin, who had been listening silently, changed the subject.
"There's something I want to ask you."
"Yes."
"Is this thing called déjà vu something that can only be felt when a similar situation arises?"
Herdin asked out of curiosity about the sudden memory that had surfaced before Agnes arrived.
When memories had surfaced previously, the first thought that came to mind was that it felt like something he had already experienced, even though he clearly hadn't.
A symptom similar to that was déjà vu.
"Yes. Because you can't feel the sensation of déjà vu before that situation occurs."
However, seeing that completely different memories from the current situation surfaced each time, it seemed far from déjà vu.
Then how should he understand these abruptly surfacing memories?
At that moment, words Blair had once said came to mind.
'I... can see the future.'
Could it be that, as those words suggested, he had also become able to see visions of the future or illusions?
But Herdin soon closed his eyes irritably, erasing that voice.
Seeing the future—thinking even briefly about such nonsense.
That couldn't be true, and it shouldn't be true.
Agnes, who had been watching Herdin with puzzled eyes, asked.
"Is there a problem?"
"...No, I'm just a bit tired lately."
"If you ever need my help, please tell me anytime."
"I will. You may leave now."
Agnes bowed and left the office.
Herdin ran his hand through his hair and leaned his throbbing head against the cold window. The cold touch eased the headache somewhat.
Having cooled his head, Herdin rose and headed to the study. There was much to look into.
* * *
The carriage carrying Agnes arrived at the Laureline estate.
The servants and butler who had been waiting for the mistress's return greeted Agnes as she stepped down from the carriage.
"Welcome home, Madam."
However, their expressions were somehow dark. Before Agnes, who noticed this, could ask, the butler spoke first.
"A guest is waiting."
Normally, when visiting a noble house, even family members should make an appointment at least two days in advance as a matter of courtesy.
But there had been no such appointment, so in this case, the visitor was either an unpleasant person lacking manners or someone who felt no need to observe courtesy toward her.
There was one person who came to mind.
"Did someone come from the Imperial family?"
"Yes. Countess Magrid has arrived."
Agnes's expression hardened.
There was no noble in this empire who didn't know that Countess Magrid was Katrina's closest lady-in-waiting.
From the time Blair's counseling began, Herdin had anticipated that Katrina would eventually learn of this fact.
He had given Agnes prior notice.
'If someone from the Empress Dowager comes, tell them you're conducting counseling for the psychological treatment of my wife. If you say you're doing it for your daughter, they won't be able to say much about it.'
Herdin had said so and added:
'There's no need to be nervous. Don't forget that Delmark stands behind you.'
Recalling those words, Agnes smiled.
It newly struck her that the boy who had lost his parents and stood precariously had grown so much to rise to a position where no one could treat him carelessly.
And that this person was her lord.
Agnes reaffirmed those words and headed to the reception room, commanding the butler.
"Bring tea."