Chapter 133. Still in Love
2024.01.11.
Upon learning that Katrina was connected to Esmeralda's death, Herdin immediately came down to the imperial capital.
Herdin's first words upon quietly visiting Katrina were neither questioning nor angry....
"Did you know that the Madam visited the Empress's Palace that day?"
It was about whether she had used her daughter's life.
"How could a mother use her daughter's life? I did not kill that woman!"
Katrina desperately denied her sin. Looking at her, Herdin sneered coldly.
The sight of her screaming in malice with a face so similar to Blair's made bile rise in his throat.
"Then at the very least, you are saying you used my wife, the victim of that incident. To hide the truth and escape the line of suspicion?"
"...."
"It must have been quite a relief to His Majesty that the Madam had an accident there that day."
Unable to readily retort to Herdin's sarcasm, Katrina belatedly opened her mouth.
"I...!"
But at that moment, Herdin, who had been watching her with cold eyes, spoke first.
"I will ask no more about that incident. However."
Swallowing his surging anger, he continued.
"Never again try to play family to my wife."
"...."
"That is the condition for burying that incident."
Ivan and Katrina were desperate to line their own pockets, treating Blair as a leash fastened around their own necks.
Were such people truly a tender mother and brother to Blair?
The answer was not difficult to guess.
But even so, to Blair, they were her only mother and brother.
It was obvious that if she, who had lived as a good daughter her whole life, learned that her mother had used her accident as a means to an end, she would be deeply wounded.
Therefore, instead of clearing Esmeralda's false charges, Herdin chose to bury the truth, prioritizing Blair's well-being.
Because she was more precious to him than the truth he had pursued his entire life.
As Herdin left the Grand Empress Dowager's Palace, burying his guilt over Esmeralda in his heart, Blair appeared before him.
The wife he met after half a year had become unmistakably pregnant. Even her newly rounded, swollen belly was lovely.
"Herdin. Just one hour, no... can you not spare even thirty minutes...?"
His wife pleaded, looking at him desperately with those pretty eyes. Cradling her greatly swollen belly that he hadn't seen in so long.
In the carriage heading to the ducal estate, Blair offered to let him touch her belly, but Herdin refused.
If he touched her warmth, if he felt the child's movement, he felt he would want to stay by her side, forgetting his cruel power.
Enduring by suppressing the desire to touch her, he visited Blair's bedroom that night while she slept.
However, unable to bring himself to wake her when she had barely fallen into a light sleep with her uncomfortable body, he only watched her quietly.
Seeing her carrying his child, his desire to sever her feelings hardened even more, having given up on finding a way.
Since I cannot let go of you, who carries my child, you who still love me despite being so hurt, I wish for you to let me go.
A little over two months remained until the child was born.
Herdin vowed he would definitely return before then.
"...Just wait a little longer."
He whispered so, and rose.
However, that vow was not kept.
* * *
One day, a month and a few days after that.
Herdin, who had gone to ancient ruins to find a way to sever the power of the Divine Beast, heard sudden news there.
"Your Grace! Her Ladyship has given birth to the Young Master!"
At that, Herdin's gaze wavered.
"The child... is born? I thought the due date was still more than a fortnight away."
A due date was just a due date; a child didn't necessarily have to be born on that exact day. But having never experienced pregnancy or childbirth, he did not know that fact.
Confused by the sudden news, Herdin asked about Blair's condition first.
"And the Madam? Is she alright?"
"Yes. Both of them are healthy."
Ruth added, looking delighted.
"Congratulations on becoming a father, Your Grace."
Relieved to hear that Blair was safe, Herdin laughed hollowly at Ruth's congratulations.
Even at the place he had visited, leaving behind his wife who was suffering to bear his child, he ultimately could not find a way to save her.
He had become a father without properly fulfilling his duties as a husband.
Should he rejoice at this?
Did he even deserve to be congratulated?
At that moment when he should have been happier than anyone, he was crumbling, feeling a terrible sense of powerlessness.
* * *
For half a year after the child was born, Herdin did not visit the ducal estate even once.
During that time, he gave up on finding a way to break the second constraint and changed his method: to hunt down and kill every last dark mage.
Herdin killed the dark mages he found, killed them, and killed them again. Thinking that among them would be the one who had cast the dark magic on him and Blair.
But no matter how many he hunted and slaughtered, the imprint with Blair did not break, and as he repeated the endless killing, his mind grew hollow.
Nevertheless, he still loved her.
And she, too, still loved him.
It was a truly cruel emotion.
When he was becoming apathetic to everything except her due to the repeated slaughter, Miela, who had been hovering around him, made a proposal.
"Use me, Your Grace."
Miela told him to use her to peel away Blair's feelings for him, and Herdin accepted the proposal without thinking deeply.
He would use Miela to sever Blair's feelings for him, and he would spend his life embracing her while receiving that hatred and resentment. That was enough.
Neither his reputation, which would be damaged by the scandal, nor Blair's feelings, which would be hurt by it, mattered to him, who had grown apathetic from the repeated slaughter. To him, only his love for Blair was precious.
Thus, Herdin returned to Blair's side. With Miela.
* * *
Half a year passed since then.
When Herdin first returned to the estate, Blair, who had tried to restore their relationship using Asiel, soon gave up.
Even so, her eyes still loved him.
Even though she couldn't be unaware that many people, both inside and out, were whispering that Miela was Herdin's mistress.
Around the time when Blair's love for him was no longer a joy to him, Miela came to visit.
Healing the wounds of Herdin, who had just returned from exterminating dark mages, she asked.
"How about showing Her Ladyship our relationship a bit more directly?"
One of Herdin's eyebrows raised.
"...Directly?"
"For example... there could be a way for Your Grace to embrace me."
At that, Herdin burst into an exasperated laugh. But it was fleeting. Soon, with piercingly cold eyes, he glared at her.
"I had guessed as much when a woman serving the gods claimed to admire a man who already had a wife and child, but I never imagined you would stoop to acting like a harlot."
"You want to save the Duchess, don't you?"
"...."
"I know that even if you embrace me, you won't love me. I have decided to willingly fall from grace for you."
Miela's expression as she said so was resolute, like someone who had resolved to make a noble sacrifice. Drunk on her own emotions as if the other person's feelings didn't matter at all, her appearance was terribly loathsome.
"...You've completely lost your mind."
"I love you. I love you, Your Grace."
Miela confessed and pulled him into an embrace, as if not even noticing Herdin's reaction.
Just as Herdin, instinctively sensing that something was terribly wrong, was about to push her away, his eyes caught sight of the slightly opened office door.
Through the gap of that door, he locked eyes with Blair.
Her large purple eyes were shaking violently.
Only then did Herdin realize that all of this was Miela's trap. At the same time, her words came to mind.
'You want to save the Duchess, don't you?'
If he just endured this moment, he might be able to sever Blair's love for him. Without even needing to spend the night with Miela.
Hesitating for a moment, Herdin embraced Miela and stared at Blair.
Just once. Repeating to himself that this one time would save her.
In a fleeting moment that felt like an eternity, when revulsion surged, Blair, with wounded eyes, turned and walked away.
Seeing that sight, Herdin laughed hollowly.
She was the one hurt, yet it felt as if his own chest had been pierced with cold.
* * *
The next day, Blair left a message saying she was going down to the villa to celebrate Asiel's birthday, and departed with the child.
However, the imprint still remained.
Confirming the imprint left on his back, Herdin laughed as if crying.
What exactly am I to you?
You can't let go of me, who hated you for your mother's sin, who didn't even visit you once while you suffered carrying my child.
He could now be certain.
Even if he told her honestly about the imprint, even if she learned that she might die because of it... he would never be able to sever her feelings for him.
Realizing that he could no longer sever her feelings by hurting Blair, Herdin sent Miela away that day.
And he planned to go down to the villa where Blair and Asiel were to celebrate the child's birthday.
Until he obtained information about the ancient ruins.
"Your Grace, they say ancient ruins related to the Divine Beast have been discovered in the Elir Plains to the west."
There were still ten days until Asiel's birthday, and the Elir Plains were a distance that could be traveled in a week if ridden without resting.
Herdin revised his plan to go to the villa and headed for the ancient ruins.
Harboring the faint hope that they might be able to spend Asiel's birthday together as a family of three for the first time.