Chapter 125. An Emotion Resembling Sorrow
2024.01.03.
While everyone was merely wearing awkward smiles, Beatrice shattered the tension.
"Surely the madam's peace of mind is important. Especially during a time when her body must be exhausted. It is a wise course of action."
Sympathizing with Herdin's stance, Beatrice subtly stepped up to his side.
"Still, it is a shame you have no partner, considering you graciously attended. If you do not mind, may I have the honor of being Your Grace's first dance partner?"
Beatrice assumed Herdin would naturally accept her request to dance.
Though it was rare for a woman to ask for a dance first, men never refused out of consideration for a lady's pride.
Furthermore, as Beatrice was the host of tonight's banquet, becoming her first dance partner would offer Herdin—who was attending as an honored guest—a chance to stand out.
However, Herdin shattered her expectations.
"I appreciate the thought, my lady. But I cannot in good conscience leave my wife, who carries my child, alone to enjoy a banquet with another woman."
By deliberately mentioning his "wife who carries my child," he simultaneously quelled the rumors surrounding Blair and provided a justifiable reason for his refusal.
At this, Beatrice bit her lip.
Having been raised as a pampered only daughter, rejection from others was profoundly unfamiliar and unpleasant to her, yet she could not let it show.
Having lost any further pretext to approach a man who claimed to be uneasy about leaving his pregnant wife behind, Beatrice forced a nonchalant smile.
"It is unfortunate, but if that is Your Grace's wish, it cannot be helped."
Beatrice turned away, concealing her bruised pride. The nobles, whose excitement had fizzled out, likewise averted their gazes from them.
Having finally shaken off the bothersome jackals, Herdin picked up a nearby glass of wine. At that moment, he felt a gaze upon him.
Turning his head in the direction of the gaze, he saw Beatrice. And beside her, a familiar face came into view.
'...A priestess?'
Herdin's brow furrowed as his eyes met Miela's.
"This is my savior and friend, Lady Miela. She is a priestess of the Ardel Empire, and she has come here on a pilgrimage to convey the divine will."
Miela greeted the people Beatrice introduced her to, withdrawing the gaze she had directed at Herdin.
Herdin watched Miela with icy eyes.
Was it truly a coincidence, encountering this woman in such a distant foreign land?
The question crossed his mind, but he could not interrogate her based on mere suspicion. Nor did he wish to initiate contact from his side.
Herdin withdrew his gaze from Miela.
Lest even their eyes remain entangled.
* * *
Herdin's efforts proved futile.
All thanks to Miela, who had chased after him as he left the mansion after holding his ground for a decent amount of time.
"Your Grace!"
Herdin had tried to ignore her and head toward the annex, but ultimately came to a reluctant halt. He did not want to lead Miela all the way to the annex.
"It seems like a situation ripe for misunderstandings, should anyone see us. You must have an urgent matter to chase me even at the risk of that, Priestess."
Panting heavily from the run, Miela stared at Herdin's gloved hand.
"Is your hand... the one you injured before, alright? I wasn't able to heal it back then..."
At Miela's words, Herdin let out a scoff of disbelief.
"The reason you followed me all the way from the Empire to this distant foreign land surely isn't for a mere scratch like this."
Herdin's eyes, probing Miela's true intentions, turned ice-cold, as if his earlier scoff had never happened.
However, even while trembling beneath his piercing glare, Miela did not back down and answered.
"Because... I was worried about you, Your Grace."
Miela's face, as she enunciated every word with a trembling voice, looked quite pitiful, but it stirred no emotion within Herdin.
"Did I look so weak that I needed your worry? Or perhaps, so pitiful?"
"That is not what I meant...!"
Miela, who had been about to argue against his words, bit her lip. Looking at him with tearful eyes, she continued.
"...I am in love with you, Your Grace."
Yet, in the face of her desperately uttered, sorrowful confession, Herdin's eyes remained entirely cold.
"What reason could there be to confess your feelings to a man already married to another? Are you hoping to become my mistress?"
"I-I do not harbor such intentions in the slightest! It's just... I wanted to let you know that I would never do anything to harm you, Your Grace. So I hoped you would at least accept my goodwill..."
Not a single trace of falsehood could be found in Miela's eyes as she spoke.
In other words, it was her pure, genuine heart.
Simultaneously, it was an unintentional malice—she believed her sincerity was for his sake.
Just as Herdin parted his lips to respond—
A now-familiar headache raked through his mind.
'Of all times...'
Wincing at the sudden pain, Herdin furrowed his brow and swallowed a groan.
In his memory, Miela appeared.
The setting was his office, and there, Miela was embracing him.
And past her back, through the gap of the open door, his eyes met Blair's.
Herdin tried to push Miela away, but the him in the memory instead pulled her closer into his embrace.
At the sight, Blair appeared profoundly shocked. Her violet eyes shook so violently that it was vividly clear even to him.
Looking at the scene with eyes distorted as if about to cry, Blair stumbled, turned away, and fled. With that, the memory ended, snapping him back to reality.
'What on earth is this...'
Why do memories that aren't mine keep surfacing?
His chest tightened at the unidentifiable memories.
"Your Grace? Are you alright?"
Finding Herdin's staggering strange, Miela approached with worried eyes and examined his complexion.
"Your complexion looks a bit—"
Herdin dodged Miela's hand as she reached for his arm and turned toward the annex.
In that moment, their eyes met.
With Blair, who was looking at him with trembling eyes—just like in that scene from his memory.
* * *
An hour ago, after finishing her bath and returning to the bedroom, Blair shivered involuntarily at the chilling air.
The weather had grown noticeably chilly.
The temperature itself was milder compared to the Empire, but as it was by the sea, the sea breeze blew fiercely, making the wind chill feel even colder.
As the weather turned cold, she found herself missing the warmth of a fireplace. She was no longer as terrified of fire as she used to be, but she still felt somewhat reluctant to light the hearth by herself.
'When will Herdin return?'
Blair, who had inadvertently thought of him, startled at her own realization. Didn't it seem exactly as if she were waiting for him?
Blair hastily shook off the thought and went to lie down in bed. She intended to fall asleep early before Herdin returned.
Unfortunately, perhaps because she had slept too long during her nap, sleep did not come.
After tossing and turning for a long while, Blair finally gave up on sleep and rose from the bed. Wrapping a thick shawl around herself, she stepped out of the room.
The maids waiting outside her door looked at her with questioning eyes.
"My lady? Are you not resting?"
"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I might take a short walk."
"Ah. Are you going out to greet His Grace?"
At the maids' question, Blair flinched and denied it vehemently.
"No. I am merely taking a walk."
The maids, harboring no further doubts, moved to follow her. Feeling inexplicably embarrassed by their earlier remark, Blair dissuaded them.
"I would like to walk alone, would that be alright?"
"Understood. But the temperature is quite chilly, so please return soon."
The maids stepped back obediently. It was partly because Herdin's surveillance over her had lessened ever since their argument at the academy. Besides, there was no way for her to leave the Neerha estate anyway.
As she began her walk, the fetal movement suddenly grew active. Startled by the noticeably stronger kicks, Blair let out a soft chuckle and whispered.
"Couldn't you move around a bit when your father is here, too? I'm waiting so anxiously."
Walking while responding to the baby's movements, Blair suddenly realized she had reached a point where the estate was visible and came to a halt. Perhaps due to the chilly night air, a cough escaped her.
"I should head back now..."
Just as she was about to turn back, Blair heard voices from not too far away and looked in their direction.
At the end of her casual gaze stood Herdin. With the woman he had loved in his past life.
The moment she witnessed that sight, she realized.
Ah. I was waiting for that man. Like a fool.
Blair forced strength into her buckling knees, refusing to collapse. She had to turn away before he noticed her.
Unfortunately, Herdin turned around first.
Blair only managed to turn her body away after their eyes met.
She wanted to run away and avoid him. No, if she could, she wanted to disappear from this very spot.
"Blair."
But rendering her desperate wish in vain, before she could even take a few steps, she was seized by his hand and spun around.
"We need to talk."
"It seems you haven't finished your conversation. Go back and finish it. Don't worry about me."
A far more nonchalant voice than she expected flowed out. Perhaps it was only natural. She had to desperately feign composure. Lest she fall into misery.
Blair tried to pull her wrist free from his grasp, but Herdin would not let her go.
"No, I want to talk to you. Right now."
"I don't think there's anything so urgent that you need to talk to me while leaving behind someone you were conversing with."
Herdin irritably swept his bangs back, let out a sigh, and spoke.
"That woman and I are not what you think we are."
"Whatever relationship you two have, you have no need to explain it to me. It has nothing to do with me."
Herdin's lips twisted at Blair's calmly delivered retort.
"...It has nothing to do with you? No matter what my relationship is with that woman?"
"Even if it were an immoral relationship, taking a mistress is commonplace in noble society. It is not my place to interfere. So..."
Blair paused to steady her breath, hiding her trembling voice, before continuing.
"Go back and finish your conversation."
Even forcing a smile that didn't suit the occasion.
Faced with her like that, a scoff slipped from Herdin's lips.
"Am I truly nothing to you?"
"……."
"At least get angry! Interrogate me, or even hit me!"
At the sight of Herdin raising his voice, Blair blinked in confusion.
"I... don't understand why you are angry right now."
She could not comprehend the reason for his anger.
Wasn't he the one who wanted her to quietly play the role of his wife for his purposes, without asking questions or running away?
Gripping Blair's arm desperately, Herdin parted his lips several times before finally meeting her eyes properly.
"Because I love you."
With a sigh that seemed like self-mockery, yet also sorrow, he poured out his feelings.
"Because I... love you."