My eyes opened. My mind was clear.
Was it because I had talked with Siwoo for so long yesterday? Or was it the sense of liberation from having shown someone my completely ugly state.
No, it was neither.
It was because of the text notification that rang at the perfect time.
Bzz— Bzz—
[Your delivery is complete. Please check the photo at your door.]
My heart fluttered at that single line on my phone screen. Unboxing parcels was always a joy.
I kicked off the blanket and headed for the front door.
Beep—
The cheerful sound of the door lock broke the morning silence, and the parcel box I had ordered yesterday was waiting politely in front of the door.
It was the moment I bent down to snatch the box before anyone saw me.
Cold morning air poured in without mercy through the loose neckline, enough to give me goosebumps.
‘Ugh, cold.’
Then.
Beep—
The door lock sounded once more—
I raised my head at the unfamiliar gaze from the end of the hallway. And I made eye contact head-on with the next-door neighbor.
Someone I had a passing acquaintance with, having run into them a few times during the semester.
Normally, a dry relationship where we’d pass each other with a short nod and a barely audible “Hello.”
But right now, to that neighbor who knew nothing, I was a complete stranger.
The neighbor’s eyes went wide in an instant.
A complicated gaze mixed with confusion, shock, and yet an awkward inability to look away was pinned on me.
Of course. They must have known whether the person who lived in this house was originally a man or a woman. Definitely.
I could feel my facial muscles stiffen enough that I realized I was making a stupid expression.
“…….”
An unbearably awkward silence filled the hallway.
The neighbor’s gaze scanned from my face to the parcel box on the floor in order.
Then, as if satisfied, they averted their eyes.
Unable to endure the atmosphere, I was the one who opened my mouth first.
“Ah. H-hello……?”
“Uh. Hello……?”
The neighbor also answered awkwardly, as if flustered. They were someone who normally just bobbed their head.
I immediately hugged the parcel box and dashed back inside.
The rough breath I had been holding burst out the moment I closed the front door and locked it behind my back.
Beyond the front door, in the hallway, the sound of slightly quick footsteps faded away.
“Hoo…. Hoo….”
The first conversation with a stranger, not an acquaintance, since my gender had changed.
Honestly, this was something too embarrassing to even call a conversation, but….
‘Ah, I should have just come inside without saying anything.’
Shame washed over me belatedly.
“No. No.”
I slapped my cheeks hard with both hands. With a smack—smack—, a stinging pain spread and my mind returned a little.
If I were that neighbor, I’d forget about this brief morning encounter by tomorrow anyway.
* * *
I scraped off the box tape with a cutter knife. With a screech—, the crisp, stiff smell unique to new clothes wafted up.
The clothes I had ordered were neatly packed inside the box.
I took out the very plain, inoffensive designs one by one and tried them on.
Since I had estimated the sizes myself, some parts didn’t fit quite right, but well, they were wearable enough, better than before.
My previous clothes had completely different measurements, so much so that I couldn’t wear them at all.
I stood in front of the full-length mirror. There stood a girl who was now quite familiar to the eye—but still a stranger.
I stared blankly at the mirror.
“……Haa.”
I had thought covering up with an androgynous style would help, but it wasn’t about the clothes.
Because what stood there was just a girl who preferred to dress comfortably.
In the end, it was clear that no matter what clothes I wore, it would be the same.
I had always liked cute things.
Even when playing gacha mobile games, I was the type to pull characters based on looks rather than performance.
I quietly looked over the being in the mirror. Normally, I would never do such a thing.
Instead of thinking of myself as me—by looking at myself with the gaze of appreciating someone beyond a screen, the psychological resistance lessened.
The girl in the mirror made expressions.
She tried furrowing her brows, slightly pouting her lips. And she smiled.
‘Hmm…. Maybe a little cute…. No, this is definitely cute… but.’
This was the first time since changing into this body that I had properly faced the mirror and observed in detail.
I looked down at my hands directly, rather than through the mirror.
I curled and straightened my fingers. The white, delicate fingers moved according to my will.
When I tilted my head, the figure in the mirror tilted its head the same way.
For a long while, I simply looked at myself in the mirror.
This body was still something I had to adapt to.
I sometimes caused disasters by trying to go standing up in the bathroom.
Honestly, I had tried to force myself to do it standing, but the posture became so vulgar that I felt like my human dignity was being destroyed, so I gave up.
To preserve my human dignity, I now meekly sit down to take care of it. This couldn’t be helped.
—Ziiiiing!
“Uwah…!”
At the vibration that broke the silence, I flinched and snatched up my smartphone.
The name floating on the screen was Seong Siwoo.
[Seong Siwoo: Yo what you doing? Get on Deco]
[Baek Eunhae: I was trying on clothes I bought with the money you gave me]
[Seong Siwoo: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ what clothes? Proof. Go.]
[Baek Eunhae: Proof is a bit much;]
[Seong Siwoo: You know that’s my money right? Reporting results to your investor is basic no?]
“Ah… that bastard, really.”
I would have cursed at him right away like usual, but the situation was a bit different now.
He had lent me a hefty sum, so it couldn’t be helped.
I stood in front of the full-length mirror again and turned on the camera app.
My photo gallery was filled with nothing but stray cats I snapped on the street and screenshots of game event notices.
I couldn’t get a feel for where to put the camera lens, or even where to direct my gaze.
‘I have seen things on the internet, but….’
I fumbled through my memories and extended my arm holding the smartphone diagonally.
I slightly bent my elbow and twisted my wrist so the lens was positioned a little higher than the top of my head.
‘Will this work?’
On the smartphone screen, there was a familiar composition and an awkward face.
Click—!
The shutter sound echoed in the silent room.
I checked the result in a hurry and palmed my forehead. And only then did I realize.
‘This isn’t a picture of the clothes, it’s a picture of my face….’
One hand showing very small in the corner of the screen was unconsciously making a V-sign, and the expression from trying to force up the corners of my mouth was so cringeworthy it made my nape burn.
“…I want to die.”
This time, I changed strategies. Instead of blatantly exposing my face, an angle where my face was hidden.
“…Isn’t this angle kind of dangerous?”
At the feeling that I should state my age and name, I changed strategies again.
I maintained the strategy of hiding my face. But I changed my posture to cover my face with the smartphone.
My face was lightly covered by just the smartphone alone.
I was a little amazed.
I took one with my legs stretched out straight.
I took another, changing the angle.
This time, I folded my legs and took one.
I tilted my head slightly and took another.
Each time I noticed my finger joints coyly curling inward in the photos, I retook the picture.
Click—click—
The shutter sounds stopped when my phone rang again.
—Ziiiiing!
[Seong Siwoo: Why is it taking so long]
[Seong Siwoo: Just take a rough pic and send it]
With a screw-it attitude, I roughly picked any photo from the ones I just took where my face didn’t show and pressed send.
[Sent]
The moment I sent it, regret and self-loathing flooded in.
‘Ah, I shouldn’t have sent it. Just because he asked me to send it, did I really have to….’
But the number was already gone.
There was no reply for a long time. No, maybe it just felt that way to me.
‘I shouldn’t have sent it. I shouldn’t have sent it. I shouldn’t have sent it. I shouldn’t have sent it. I shouldn’t have sent it…!’
My heart pounded. Why was he taking so long to reply?
Did I choose the wrong clothes? No, I picked things I used to wear.
Did I take bad photos?
Then, finally, the reply came.
[Seong Siwoo: Well it’s not bad]
“What the heck….”
It wasn’t even that big of a message, so why did it take so long? I felt the tension drain and the strength leave my body.
[Baek Eunhae: It’s not weird right?]
[Seong Siwoo: It’s just the same stuff you used to wear]
[Baek Eunhae: I purposely only picked those kinds]
[Seong Siwoo: ㅋㅋ]
And the conversation cut off.
“Huuu…….”
I exhaled the breath I had been holding and threw myself onto the bed. This kind of indifferent reaction was a greater comfort than any other reaction would have been.
The smartphone in my palm vibrated lightly once more. It wasn’t a message alarm. It was a money transfer.
[KakaoBank: Seong Siwoo has sent you 500,000 won.]
“……Huh?”
I doubted my eyes. Flustered, I checked the messages again, but the conversation was still stopped at ‘ㅋㅋ’.
[Baek Eunhae: What is this?]
[Seong Siwoo: I’m just sending it in advance. Pay me back later.]
[Baek Eunhae: You got a lot of money?]
[Seong Siwoo: Yeah so don’t hit the ceiling when a pickup banner drops.]
[Seong Siwoo: So just get on Deco tomorrow.]
My debt had increased from 500,000 won to 1,000,000 won. And my will wasn’t reflected in it at all.
“He’s not going to charge me interest later is he…. No.”
A hollow laugh escaped my lips. Should I see this as him looking out for me in his own way?
I answered briefly, as usual.
[Baek Eunhae: Got it]
I think I really chose my friend well.