Hot water poured down over my shoulders.
The whooshing noise filled the narrow bathroom.
The water streaming down my nape was a touch too hot. But rather, that warmth wrapped around my body pleasantly.
The bathroom was quickly filled with thick steam.
Droplets beaded up on the cold tile walls, and the mirror above the sink had already turned white and opaque.
I wiped away the water pouring down my face with a wet palm and let out a quiet breath.
"Huu...."
By now, I'd gotten fairly used to washing this body.
Each time I rubbed my body to work up a lather, soft curves flowed beneath my fingertips.
Even the emptiness between my legs, which had felt so alien, was now scrubbed without hesitation.
It was a place that had made me flinch and flush at the slightest touch at first, but repetition had a way of dulling such things.
Next, it was time to wash my hair.
I reached for the shampoo bottle.
Thump, thump—
The short pump that used to be enough was now two.
Before, I'd just get a little on my palm and rub it in roughly.
Now, if I didn't squeeze out this much, I couldn't even work up enough lather to satisfy all my hair.
Every time I lathered my hair, an artificial fruity scent stabbed at my nose.
I ran my fingers through my hair.
Each time I rinsed with water, I felt the sensation of wet hair falling onto my shoulders.
When I finished showering and opened the bathroom door, the cold living room air rushed in.
I roughly dried off with a single towel.
Water was still dripping from my wet hair.
The towel was already too soaked to dry my hair properly.
But using a second felt too extravagant.
Every step left dark water stains like blotches on the vinyl flooring.
I grabbed the hairdryer.
The whirring mechanical sound struck my eardrums.
The lingering dampness between my fingers refused to subside even after drying for so long.
Only when my arms began to go numb did my hair finally turn fluffy and spill over my shoulders.
I habitually turned on my computer.
The fan spinning in the tower whirred, and the monitor lit up.
And I put on the new pajamas I'd bought.
With these clothes, I no longer needed to roll up my sleeves to type on the keyboard.
My old routine from before I'd changed into this body had more or less returned.
Even after my body changed, my daily life hadn't shifted an inch.
No, if anything, I'd stopped thinking about job hunting entirely, using my changed sex as an excuse.
Maybe that was why my head had been so clear lately.
I stuffed my earphones in. Along with the familiar Discord connection sound, Siwoo's voice came through.
"You getting on now?"
"Yeah... I guess."
I answered nonchalantly and moved my mouse.
The same call as before, the same game, the same silly jokes.
Flashy graphics flickered on the monitor.
The game ended. Silence fell after the results screen passed.
In that lull, Siwoo opened his mouth in a rather grave tone.
"Did you tell your parents?"
Strength entered the tips of my fingers that had been holding the mouse.
"No... Not yet."
"Then what are you going to do about graduation? It's only two weeks away."
"I know that too...."
Graduation.
Time had flowed mercilessly since I'd holed up in this room the moment my second semester of fourth year ended.
The Maginot line I'd wanted to avoid was now right in front of my nose.
University graduation ceremony. My parents had naturally said they would come up.
The heart of ordinary parents who wanted to see their son put on a graduation cap.
But what they would meet wasn't a son, but a daughter. One who might not even be able to wear the cap.
"Anyway, why were you crying so much that time? Did female hormones really come out or something?"
When I trailed off and stopped continuing the conversation, Siwoo tossed it out as if trying to lighten the mood.
My face flushed hot.
"I don't know, can't you just forget about it....... Ah, I got a match. Let's just play."
Click—
I tried to change the subject by deliberately making a loud mouse click, but Siwoo persisted.
"I can't forget it. It was the first time I saw you cry so pathetically in front of me."
"You wanna die. Really......?"
"It was the first time I saw you cry, and the first time I'd made a girl cry in my life, so I was flustered. Ah, is that a weird thing to say?"
At Siwoo's joke delivered with feigned seriousness, I let out a deep sigh instead of answering.
"You know how shocked I was then too? I'm not the only one who was flustered. Of course, you as the person involved must have been the most flustered, but consider my position too."
"Well.... true...."
"My friend suddenly becomes a girl and bursts into tears in front of me; I had no idea what reaction I was supposed to have."
"Ah, I got it! Stop talking about the crying!"
And I closed my mouth, having nothing more to say. Come to think of it, that was true.
"So? Are you doing a bit better now?"
"...Yeah. Well, talking about it does help a bit."
"Yeah, mulling over it alone won't get you answers. You gotta look at it from a different perspective sometimes."
Siwoo paused for a moment, then continued.
"So, the thing is.... I thought about this a lot before asking."
At Siwoo's uncharacteristically hesitant voice, I answered, tensing up unconsciously.
"What is it?"
Silence flowed for a moment. Only after hearing Siwoo take a deep breath did the words continue.
"I.... How would you like me to treat you?"
"Huh?"
"I mean, like.... Should I just talk to you like before? Or, since your body became like that anyway...... I was wondering if I should be more careful with my words."
Well, my answer was obvious.
"I think just keep treating me like you do now."
Siwoo burst into a snort at my answer.
"Okay, got it. So, I'll keep talking to you like before? Don't go crying again later, okay?"
"I'm not crying anymore, you crazy bastard."
Lighthearted jokes mixed with laughter went back and forth for a moment, but Siwoo's voice sank heavily again.
"No, but seriously. How are you really going to tell your parents?"
"...."
"Your parents are coming for graduation. There's less than two weeks left. Are you going to show up on graduation day like 'It's me, Mom'?"
Every word cut to the bone. No more delays were possible.
Would it be a shock to my parents no different than their son having died, or merely their son becoming a daughter?
"Well, I'll have to go tell them in person.... Before graduation."
Either way, in two weeks, I could no longer hide in this room.
But there was something I had to do first.
For the sake of something very trivial, yet difficult for me.
"...I need practice."
"What?"
"I mean going outside. Practice crossing beyond the front door."
My voice trembled faintly.
"What do you mean? Then how did you throw away trash all this time? There were no trash bags inside."
"I sneaked out at two in the morning for that.... Does that even count as going out? For me, going out is a matter of national importance that requires mental preparation at least a week, up to a month in advance."
"...You just open the door and walk out. What's the problem?"
Siwoo asked as if he couldn't understand at all. Ah, how could I explain my deep anguish to this guy?
"Listen. First, if an outing is scheduled, I check the weather for that day. Rain is the worst. That's one more thing to carry—an umbrella. If the weather's fine, I check the route and run infinite simulations."
I took a breath.
"Which subway exit to take, which bus to ride, where the other bus stop is if I miss it, whether the stop is across the street or not—I have to check all of that to feel at ease—"
"Ah. Okay."
"And the day before going out! When I least want to leave. I think, 'Ah, I should've canceled back then....' but canceling at this point is practically impossible. When I really, really don't want to go more than I want to die, I sometimes throw out the excuse of poor health...."
Siwoo, who had been throwing out half-hearted replies, suddenly cut me off sharply.
"Hey. Then that time you suddenly canceled our plans on New Year's Day."
"Ah. Yeah.... Because I didn't want to go out...."
Siwoo was silent for a while. He was probably making a dumbfounded expression.
"Anyway, going out without a purpose is meaningless to me...."
"Okay, okay. Then if you hate going out without a purpose, just set a destination."
"Where to? Me? In this body? There's nowhere to go?"
"Come to my place. It's just one subway stop away."
"Ah.... That's a bit...."
"I'll buy you food if you come."
My ears perked up at those words. I asked cautiously.
"By any chance... do I have to pay that back later? You're not adding it to my debt, are you?"
"That's really hurtful. A friend.... No, a friend for whom going out is a matter of national importance is gracing my humble abode with their presence; would I not treat them to at least that much?"
"...Really? It's not a lie?"
"Yeah, are you coming or not?"
"Hmm.... Then I'll go...."
"Good. Then when are you coming?"
"Ah, by when do I have to be there...?"
"Just come tomorrow."
"...Tomorrow? Hey, tomorrow is too sudden...! I just told you, I need at least a week to prepare...!"
"I'll deduct 100,000 won from your debt."
"...What time should I come tomorrow? Lunch? Or should I come early in the morning?"
My answer was faster than light.
"Come whenever, lunch or dinner. Contact me when you arrive."
"Yeah, okay.... I'll come for lunch. I won't be late."
Then we chatted about silly things before ending the Discord call.
I checked tomorrow's weather.
[Tomorrow: 90% chance of precipitation from morning, Rain]
"Aaaaaaaaah!"
Simultaneously, I threw myself onto the bed and buried my face in the pillow.
'Why does it have to be a rainy day—!'