Episode 4
My heart thumped loudly and rapidly for a moment, as if startled. An unexpected encounter with Lakein was enough to bring me confusion.
‘Why is he here now?’
It was not yet time for me to meet him.
In the past, I had first met him some time after my abilities had manifested.
When he, who bore the epithet “Sword of Croizen,” became my escort knight instead of my sister’s, how my heart had fluttered.
I had been so moved that I shed tears of joy, feeling as though I had been acknowledged as the family’s successor.
Thinking back on it now, those were impossibly wasted tears.
He was a tool to monitor me, a powerful shackle bound tightly around me in case I might try to escape.
I learned that truth about half a year after he became my escort knight.
I happened to overhear a conversation between him and my half-sister while taking a walk in the garden.
He was reporting everything to my half-sister—where I had gone, whom I had met, what conversations I had had.
Even then, I foolishly thought it was my half-sister’s consideration for me, who knew nothing. I convinced myself that she had done it to protect me in case I made a mistake.
Because if I didn’t, it felt as though all the happiness that had come to me like a stroke of luck would disappear.
And yet, I had bristled at Lakein.
Perhaps it was the sense of betrayal that the one I had first thought of as “my person” was in fact my half-sister’s person.
From then on, I began to keep my distance from him.
I spared my words and was careful of my actions in front of him. I tried my utmost to keep him from knowing my thoughts or heart.
Whether he noticed that change in me, I could not say. He was not a man who showed his emotions.
He said nothing beyond what was absolutely necessary, and even then, his words were exceedingly terse, so reading his thoughts was impossible.
Had I not seen the deep emotion swimming in his red eyes as he gripped my arm that night, I might have continued to think of him as a man without feelings.
Though I could not tell what that emotion was, I could at least feel that hot blood flowed in his body.
And…….
As memories of sinking into the abyss surfaced, I bit my lower lip slightly without realizing it.
[Who will you use this on?]
Why had Lakein’s face surfaced when I heard that question?
If it had not, I would not be this shaken now. I could have faced him with a heart grown cold.
Upon meeting the one person who could make me react, the remaining emotions within me rippled and swayed, if only a little.
But the Lakein standing before me now was not the Lakein who had tried to save me. He was one who received my sister’s orders and monitored me.
Recalling that fact, the swaying emotions chilled in an instant and sank deep into my chest.
“I have been permitted to go out by the Countess. Is there a problem, Sir Knight?”
The voice that flowed from my lips, pretending not to know him, sounded terribly rigid even to my own ears. I supposed my expression was much the same.
But it did not matter. There was no need to leave a good impression upon the man belonging to the woman who was my enemy and my nemesis.
At my cold reply, Lakein gazed at me quietly.
For a moment, something like a pained look seemed to rise in his red eyes, but I thought it a delusion.
When I blinked in surprise, his gaze was as emotionless as always.
“I merely asked because it seemed dangerous for you to go out alone, My Lady. I apologize if I gave offense.”
Listening to his words, a sudden question occurred to me.
How does he know me?
The first time he met me in my past life was on the day he was appointed as my escort knight.
Of course, he may have known my name. It would have been impossible not to for someone employed by House Croizen.
But there was no way he had seen me, as I spent most of my time inside my room and went only to unpopulated places even when I went for walks.
Moreover, I was dressed as a boy right now.
“How is it that you know me, Sir Knight? Have we met before?”
My doubt immediately became a question that flew toward him.
As I waited for an answer, I scrutinized his gaze and expression carefully, wondering if there was something he was hiding.
But I could find nothing in his answering demeanor.
“I simply overheard your conversation with Lord Tephran a short while ago. And……”
Suddenly, Lakein strode up to me.
Looking down at me, my body stiffening slightly from tension, he lifted my right hand. It was an exceedingly careful motion, as though handling fragile porcelain.
“What are you doing——!”
Startled and flustered, I had urgently opened my mouth only to freeze like a stone.
He had bowed his head, and his lips descended upon the back of my hand.
“My apologies for the late greeting. I am Lakein Hekeus.”
After finishing the kiss, he raised his head and met my eyes, pronouncing his own name syllable by syllable with emphasis.
It was an action as though he were trying to etch his name into my mind.
Without realizing it, I bit my lower lip slightly.
The back of my hand where his lips had touched felt hot, as if burned.
I quickly pulled my hand from his and stepped back, but the emotions I had struggled to suppress were already trembling.
This is not good…….
I judged it so. I had to get away from this place, from him, quickly.
“……I am Herna Croizen. Then I wish you good day, Lord Hekeus.”
Suppressing my emotions as much as possible, I replied curtly and turned my body in the direction opposite to where he stood.
Whether that way led to the village or not did not matter now. What was more urgent was capturing and suppressing the emotions that had slipped away again.
Moving my steps quickly, I strained my senses behind me, wondering if he might be following.
Fortunately, he did not seem to be coming after me.
“Haah……”
My body, which had been tense, relaxed, and my steps slowed.
As my emotions settled, I felt like a fool. What had he said to make me run away like that?
Looking at the long stretch of road ahead, a sigh escaped me once more.
Not even knowing where to go, foolishly…… I could have at least asked which way the village was…….
My slowing steps eventually stopped.
As I was looking around to see if there was a passerby, the sound of hoofbeats came from behind.
Delighted that I had found someone to ask for directions, I turned around with a bright smile without thinking. But the moment I saw the person approaching on horseback, the smile vanished from my face as if washed away.
Lakein. He was approaching me, leading his horse.
‘Why has he appeared before me again? Did the Countess or my half-sister already order him to watch me?’
His intentions being unreadable, my head grew complicated with various thoughts.
In the meantime, he rode his horse right up before me, halted it, and lightly dismounted. Then he extended his hand toward me.
“Allow me to escort you to your destination.”
“…….”
Looking at his outstretched hand, I recalled his hand gripping my arm so tightly that night it hurt.
If only this hand were that hand…….
If it were, perhaps I would have taken it. But it was not.
“It seems Lord Hekeus did not hear the Countess’s orders.”
I deliberately twisted my lips slightly, speaking as cynically as I could.
Perhaps offended by my attitude, I felt his gaze darken, but I ignored it and continued.
“The Countess told me I was not to have a carriage……”
“She said not to give you one, yes. But I have heard no orders regarding words, My Lady.”
“…….”
His soft voice cutting into my words left me speechless.
He was not wrong. The Countess had mentioned only the carriage, not words.
That said, I had not the slightest intention of riding a horse with him.
“I appreciate the thought, but I must decline, Lord Hekeus. Please just tell me the direction to the village.”
I turned away from his offered hand and spat out coldly.
I felt him lower his empty hand after gazing at it for a moment.
He had been slighted by a bastard, so it was natural he would feel displeased—and yet, strangely, my chest ached, and I clenched both fists tightly.
‘He will leave now.’
As I stood turned away from him, wishing he would pass by quickly.
His voice rang quietly above my head, containing something I had not expected.
“I do not know well which direction the village is either. But my horse might know. I have been there several times, after all.”
“What?”
I doubted my ears.
He was now saying, in a roundabout way, that he would tell me the way to the village only if I rode the horse.
A sudden doubt arose: had he originally been such a stubborn person?
The man I remembered had been indifferent to everything but the sword. My half-sister too had always said he treated money, power, and women like mere stones.
‘What is this? Are there things that changed upon returning to the past?’
Suddenly, worry and anxiety surged up.
What if the past I knew was different? If so, what would I do if it became impossible to prepare in advance?
At the same time, another thought occurred to me.
Perhaps this situation was something created because I was moving differently from the past.
Telling myself to watch a little longer, I tried to calm my confused mind, but it did not settle completely.
As I worried about what to do, gnawing on my lower lip, my gaze turned to Lakein, who was waiting for an answer.
Why was it? I suddenly wanted to test him.
I had grown curious whether the hand he held out to me now was from pure goodwill or from my half-sister’s orders.
The way to find out was simple.
“If the horse knows the way, then it can’t be helped. Shall we ride?”
Having refused his hand earlier, this time I extended mine first. Then I saw Lakein’s lips soften gently.
Only then did I realize he had been just as nervous as I was.
At the same time, doubt surged up once more.
Why? What could he possibly be nervous about?
Lost in thought, I failed to notice his two hands grasping my waist.
By the time I realized, my body was already being lifted high into the air.
“Excuse me for a moment.”
Saying “excuse me” after he had already lifted me…….
Too dumbfounded to speak, my mouth merely opened and closed, and before I knew it, I was seated upon the horse.
I felt him mounting behind me, leaving some space between us.
“…….”
It being my first time on a horse, I did not know where to hold.
Grabbing the mane seemed like it would hurt the horse, and holding the reins seemed like something I should not do.
As I was looking around, thinking I needed to brace myself somehow, his voice sounded low in my ear.
“We depart.”
As he urged the horse forward, my dilemma vanished in an instant.
For two hands reached around from behind to grasp the reins, and my body was trapped within the cage of his firm arms.