Episode 3
Looking at the hateful face of my half-sister Viart, memories of attending the ball with her rose to the surface.
It was the day I would reveal my existence to the world for the first time after my power manifested.
It was also a day when, though terrified of how people would receive my title of bastard, I harbored hope that I could finally leave the shadows and step out into the light.
How my heart had fluttered when I put on a dress tailored to my body and face for the first time, and adorned my hair.
Fear and anticipation mixed into a chest that felt fit to burst; barely containing it, I set foot in that place called a ball.
And after that day, I never attended any event again.
I still remember. How Viart introduced me to the approaching crowd.
"You likely already know without my saying. This is my half-sister, Herna. I thought it time to find a suitable match for this child as well, so I brought her along."
Unable to catch the mockery and contempt laced through her words, I simply stood beside her, beaming.
Because I wanted to leave a good impression on people.
I smiled so hard the corners of my mouth trembled, but what returned were only dagger-like whispers.
"Oh my, just as Lady Croisen said, it seems she's come to seduce men. Look at how shamelessly she smiles."
"The blood doesn't lie, does it? They say her mother was quite the beauty. They say Count Croisen was so smitten with her that he lost his mind."
"I heard he searched for that woman until his dying day. Looking at the daughter, it is easy enough to see why."
Wherever I went, it was nothing but talk of my half-blood.
People only spoke to my sister; they did not deign to speak to me. There were many young ladies who cast openly scornful or mocking gazes.
In the end, I fled the whispers and hid in a secluded corner of the ballroom.
Thinking back now, it was an introduction exquisitely crafted to drag me through the mud.
By emphasizing that I was her half-sister, she made sure people knew I was a bastard; by saying we had come to find me a match, she made them think I had come to ensnare men.
Ignorant Herna, foolish Herna, stupid Herna.
When the image of my past self rose up—blaming only my circumstances for being born a bastard, unaware that I was being toyed with by my half-sister's machinations—I quickly dropped my head.
It was to hide an expression that surely betrayed the ridicule I felt toward myself. I could not be discovered before I had even begun my revenge.
While thinking that I would have to manage my expressions better from now on, I kept my head lowered silently, until finally the Countess's voice rang out,
"You were right, Via. That child too will learn what reality is if she goes out alone. If you wish, you may go out. I shall tell the butler."
As if bestowing some tremendous favor, the Countess granted me my first outing.
They probably could not even guess what results this small permission would bring upon them.
Hiding my scorn, I thanked her several times over and left the reception room.
Listening to the mother and daughter gossip about me as if chewing on scraps through the closing door, I twisted my lips.
If it is like this even now, how much must they have wanted to tear me apart during those two years they had to spend with me? They must have sharpened their claws over and over, so as to cut my breath in one fell swoop.
And in the end, they had succeeded.
But that was the past. I had no intention whatsoever of letting it happen again.
Returning to my room, I hurried to prepare for my outing. If I was to return before nightfall, I had to move diligently.
First, I opened the wardrobe door and pushed my hand deep to the bottom of the wardrobe.
If my memory served me correctly, there should be clothes I had stashed away—belongings of a servant who had caused trouble early last year and been expelled from the mansion.
My groping hand caught a neatly folded set of clothes and a hat.
A snow-white shirt, black trousers, a neat brown hat—they had belonged to that servant.
As I spread the clothes out and looked down at them, the image of that servant being expelled suddenly came to mind.
I had not meant to witness it.
It was merely that when I looked out the window at the noise, the sight of the servant being dragged away by knights had caught my eye.
Even from afar, I could tell who he was.
There was only one servant in the mansion with such shining, golden hair.
He had been an extremely handsome young man, and a servant my sister had quite favored.
I had been curious why such a person was being expelled, but there was nowhere I could ask.
However, judging by how all his belongings had been sent to the incinerator, I could only assume he had been driven out without being able to pack a single thing.
Was it truly a coincidence that this servant's belongings, stacked in a corner of the incinerator yard awaiting burning, had caught my eye during my evening walk that day?
Perhaps it was a fate destined for this very moment.
Otherwise, there would be no reason I would have coveted a man's clothes and hat, things I would not normally have paid any attention to.
As if bewitched, without any reason, I had taken the cleanest set of clothes and one hat among them, hiding them away in my room.
"Fate, you say... Then I ought to make use of it."
Murmuring low, I threw off the cumbersome dress I was wearing and picked up the men's clothes.
I slipped my legs into the trousers, pulled them up, and threw on the shirt.
Perhaps because it was my first time wearing them, fastening the buttons on the trousers and the buttons on the shirt felt nothing but awkward.
After putting them all on, the biggest problem was that the clothes were far too large for me.
I had thought the servant was not particularly tall, but seeing with one's eyes and the reality of it were clearly different. Especially the trousers—they kept sliding down even after I had buttoned them.
Wondering what to do, I tucked the loose shirt into the trousers.
Recalling that men wore belts on their trousers, I found among my dresses one with a sash around the waist and used it to tie the trousers.
I folded up the cuffs of the sleeves and the pant legs, then coiled my tied-up hair, stuffed it into the hat, and pulled it down firmly; there was little discomfort in moving.
"All done."
Just in case, I twisted my body this way and that and hopped a few times. Once I confirmed the clothes would not slip down, I stood before the mirror.
Reflected between the shards of the broken mirror glass, I looked like a village boy who ran errands for noble masters and earned pennies.
As I smiled at the somewhat satisfactory sight, my eyes caught the glint of a platinum chain around my neck.
Pulling the chain, a small, beautiful purple gem in the shape of a water droplet, fashioned into a pendant, revealed itself.
According to my father, it was the only item my mother had left me.
The necklace my mother left behind...
I raised my hand to touch the necklace, and irritation welled up.
How dare she leave behind a necklace when she abandoned her child and left.
The old me had always worn the necklace around my neck, wondering if perhaps my mother might return, but I knew very well now that all of it had been futile.
So now I intended to throw away such lingering attachments and put it to valuable use.
I stuffed the necklace back inside the shirt and quickly left the room.
After walking across the vast garden for some time and approaching the main gate, two uniformed knights standing guard blocked my way. They were the family's knights.
The knights looked at me and tilted their heads.
It could not be helped. There was no boy dressed like me among the Count's household employees.
So I decided to relieve them of their dilemma.
When I removed the hat I was wearing, I felt my tied-up hair cascading down with a soft rustle.
To the surprised knights who saw my fully revealed face, I spoke in a low voice.
"I am Herna Croisen. I have received the Countess's permission to go out."
"...!"
How amusing they looked in their confusion. It seemed quite disconcerting to see the rumored bastard with their own eyes, right before them.
Still, true to knights of the Count's house, they quickly regained their composure.
"Please wait a moment. We will open the gate for you shortly."
The young knight with brown hair, perhaps embarrassed, gave a dry cough and quickly ran to the main gate to undo the locked latch. The other knight helped him.
While they opened the gate, I raised my head and gazed at the elaborate, ornate main gate crafted in the shape of rose vines.
Others might admire its magnificent and beautiful exterior, but to my eyes, the main gate looked like nothing more than iron bars built to confine me.
Thinking so, I was suddenly suffocated.
"You may pass now."
My hand, which had been rising to clutch my throat, stopped at the brown-haired knight's words. Seeing the open gate, my blocked airway cleared.
"Thank you."
"E-Excuse me, miss?"
As I, having pulled the hat back on, tried to exit through the gate, the brown-haired knight hesitantly called out to me.
Why is he calling me? Is he trying to stop me from leaving?
Looking at him nervously, the young knight scratched his head and spoke.
"Shall I not call a carriage for you?"
"...."
I saw the other knight subtly elbow him, but the brown-haired knight paid it no heed, looking at me with eyes that truly asked if I would be alright.
"...What is your name, Knight?"
The question that flowed from my lips instead of saying I was fine was something that surprised even myself.
Perhaps it was because no one had ever worried about me without any ulterior motive.
The brown-haired knight seemed slightly surprised but soon answered politely.
"I am Morris Tefran."
"Sir Tefran, did the butler tell you to call a carriage for me?"
At my question, Sir Tefran's expression turned troubled.
It was only natural.
The order he had heard from the butler was likely not to call a carriage for me.
I suddenly recalled the maid who had been expelled after nursing me while I was ill.
Not wanting such a thing to happen again, I gently cautioned him.
That was the most I could do for him who had tried to extend kindness.
"Half-hearted compassion is what ruins oneself. Do not take on more than you can handle, Sir Tefran."
"...."
Looking at him at a loss for words, I found myself smiling faintly.
"Still, I gratefully accept Sir Tefran's sentiments. I am thankful that you tried to help."
Having left words of gratitude in a low voice, I turned without waiting for an answer.
I thought I heard Sir Tefran calling me from behind, but I ignored it. I did not want him to come to harm because of me.
For in my current state, I had not the strength to protect others, let alone myself.
The moment I passed through the main gate, confusion struck as to where I should go.
I had thought I would find it easily since I had observed the roads while riding in a carriage, but it seemed I had overestimated myself.
The scenery around was more similar than I had expected.
Because I had ignored Sir Tefran's call and come out, it would be awkward to turn back, but it seemed there was no other way than to ask for directions.
Letting out a sigh and turning around, I froze on the spot as if turned to stone.
Silvery hair that seemed to have captured the moonlight of the night sky and emotionless red eyes filled my vision.
"Forgive my impertinence, but may I ask where you are going?"
At the quiet yet low baritone voice that I had somehow grown accustomed to over two years, my body flinched.
Rakein Hekeus, called the Sword of Croisen.
He was right before me.