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9. I Love You
She pressed the eight familiar digits in succession, firmly. She briefly worried that the passcode might have been changed, but fortunately, a clean mechanical sound rang out and the door opened.
Seonha swept her gaze over the place that had been her home for three years. The furniture arrangement hadn’t changed, nor had any new items been brought in, yet for some reason, it felt unfamiliar.
“Where are your belongings?”
At the question from the middle-aged man who had followed her in, Seonha headed toward her dressing room.
“This way, please.”
On the day she had been greatly disappointed by Do-uk, who had lost his reason, she had packed only a few essentials in a fit of anger while arguing with him and come out, leaving the rest of her things behind. Even though it wasn’t much, it was more than a woman could carry alone.
After impulsively going on a trip following Professor An’s advice, she hadn’t even thought about coming back for her remaining belongings for over two months.
As expected, the inside of the dressing room was no different from the day she had locked herself inside and shed tears. The boxes she had packed were also in their places.
“Is this all your luggage? A couple of trips back and forth should do it. Please wait here.”
The moving man carried the heavy luggage down with his strong arms. While he went back down, Seonha headed to the master bedroom to retrieve something she had left behind. It was a gift she had wanted to give Do-uk for Christmas but had ultimately been unable to deliver.
In truth, she had left the Christmas gift behind on purpose back then. Since it was meant for him anyway, she hadn’t been able to throw it away with her own hands. She had also hoped that he might discover it someday and, if he liked it, put it to good use.
But now that she had returned to this house, she judged that it would be best to dispose of it herself. Because she couldn’t forget the lingering attachment she had felt when choosing that gift. The heart that had wanted to keep hoping for him until the very end.
Telling herself she absolutely couldn’t throw it away with her own hands was nothing more than avoiding the truth—that she still hadn’t completely shaken off her lingering feelings. Moreover, the chances of him discovering what she had placed deep inside the master bedroom vanity drawer were extremely low. Rather than wondering belatedly whether he would have liked it, throwing it away seemed better.
“……Huh?”
Seonha tilted her head, having checked the empty drawer.
“Where did it go? I definitely put it here.”
Although her memory wasn’t especially exceptional, she clearly remembered that a little over two months ago, she had last placed a thin box wrapped in deep purple paper with a ribbon right here.
“……Did someone put it away?”
She muttered, furrowing her brow in puzzlement, but she knew full well that there was no possibility of that.
It was unthinkable that Do-uk, who didn’t know the first thing about housework and had no intention of doing it for the rest of his life, would have done the cleaning or laundry himself all this time, and even if he had called a cleaning service, they wouldn’t have thrown away household items on their own.
‘Then could it be……’
Would he really have any reason to open this vanity drawer?
Suddenly, Seonha pictured Do-uk sitting down with a thud in front of this completely cleared-out vanity, blankly passing time. A man who didn’t even have enough time to sleep, as if waiting endlessly for something.
At the absurd imagination that seemed to hold her own earnest wish, Seonha smiled silently. During the two-month trip where she had gone wherever her feet took her, she had looked back on her married life and become lost in many thoughts, believing that she was slowly emptying her heart.
But the greedy desire that secretly wished and hoped he hadn’t forgotten her seemed to float to the surface, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. It seemed she still had a long way to go.
She forced the vanished gift from her mind and left the master bedroom. But just then, she heard the sound of the passcode being entered at the front door. She froze in her tracks.
Since she hadn’t told the moving man the front door passcode, if the door had closed, he should have rung the doorbell. Yet hearing the familiar sounds of someone unlocking the door and coming in, she was immensely bewildered.
Could it be him?
Not wanting to run into him, she had deliberately chosen a time when he would be busy working at the office and snuck in like a thief. Since they would have to meet again eventually to sort out the documents anyway, she wasn’t mentally prepared right now.
But on the other hand, she was curious what kind of expression Do-uk would be wearing. Since she had essentially cut off contact suddenly, would he be angry? Or had enough time passed that he was now ready to accept it? She couldn’t get a feel for either.
“Oh my goodness!”
The moment she recognized the familiar face and voice, Seonha’s body, which had been coiled tight, went limp. It was Cheongyang-daek. Judging by the thick shopping bags she held in both hands, it seemed Cheongyang-daek had taken charge of the household affairs since Seonha had left.
“When did you get here? Did you just arrive?”
Unlike Seonha, who felt an indescribable sense of relief that it wasn’t Do-uk, Cheongyang-daek approached her with a start, as though she had encountered a ghost. On her face, lined with benevolent wrinkles, delight was as vivid as her surprise, making it difficult for Seonha to speak.
To Seonha, who greeted her quietly with a shadowed face, Cheongyang-daek seemed to have a thousand questions as she hurriedly set her shopping bags on the floor. Just then, the doorbell rang, filling the large house.
“Who would be coming at this hour?”
Cheongyang-daek muttered, furrowing her wrinkled forehead deeper. Only then did Seonha speak.
“I…… I came to pick up the things I couldn’t take with me last time.”
Leaving behind Cheongyang-daek, who gaped in surprise but ultimately couldn’t say anything, Seonha moved toward the front door.
“There’s only two large pieces of luggage left, so I’ll help carry one.”
“Ah, it’s fine. You don’t look like you have any wrist strength; you might get hurt for nothing.”
The driver waved his hand and nimbly carried down the second piece of luggage. Left alone with Cheongyang-daek again, Seonha felt a corner of her heart as uncomfortable as if sitting on a bed of thorns. Although she had grown relatively close to Cheongyang-daek while frequently visiting Chairman Choi’s house, now that things had turned out this way, she was too ashamed to face her properly.
“If you’re moving everything out, have you found a place?”
“I’ve decided to stay at a friend’s house for now.”
“Oh dear, how uncomfortable it must be to live in someone else’s house.”
Seonha replied with a faint smile.
“Are you really leaving like this? You don’t have any lingering feelings left for the young master?”
She looked so distraught that even asking the question seemed to trouble her.
It had been Cheongyang-daek who discovered their secret contract. She knew that they were not a couple who had fallen in love normally and naturally ended up marrying. Even so, she was asking Seonha if she was going to give up on Do-uk.
She must have long since understood Seonha’s heart, which had truly loved Do-uk despite it being a contract. Chairman Choi probably had too. To those with years of experience, the green, fresh emotions of the young could hardly have been hidden.
Rather than feeling ashamed at having her foolish one-sided love, which she had continued under the guise of a contract, exposed, she felt an inexplicable sense of relief. Because she thought the fact that she hadn’t been able to reveal the truth to Chairman Choi until the end would remain in her heart for the rest of her life. Since Cheongyang-daek was Chairman Choi’s person, it was only natural that she would report what she had learned to him immediately, but even so, Seonha felt grateful to her.
“The Chairman declared that the two of you would never break up, even after hearing about the contract.”
“……The Chairman did?”
Seonha’s pupils shook.
“He said it was obvious that you two had feelings for each other, so what did a contract matter? What mattered was the present, not how things began. He said so without a shred of doubt. So, for the sake of the late Chairman, please go back to……”
Feeling her attention drawn to the words that they had feelings for each other, Seonha forcibly diverted her thoughts and shook her head slightly.
Cheongyang-daek sighed at the sight of Seonha, who seemed to have made a firm decision. It seemed Do-uk must have committed some grave mistake. Seeing this kind, good-natured lady harden her heart so resolutely……
“Men mature later than women, so he might make you feel a bit frustrated now, but he gets better with time. Especially a man like our young master—he’s a true gem. Far from having a wandering eye, he shudders at the very sight of women, so you needn’t worry about other ladies. He’s capable, so he earns good money too. Though being busy is a bit of a flaw. And he may be blunt and his words cold now, but when he was young, how cute and lovely he was. Just thinking about it still makes my heart ache so much I can barely speak. It’s all my fault. I should have informed the Chairman right away. But that woman threatened me so viciously, and I was so scared and frightened back then……”
Cheongyang-daek couldn’t finish her sentence and swallowed a sob.
She wondered if her own cowardly actions in the past had contributed to Do-uk, who had once been a mischievous, playful child, becoming as barren as a desert and as cold as ice. It felt like even Seonha giving up on him and trying to leave was her own fault. Do-uk, wounded and cast aside by his family, had become unable to open his heart to others, and after living such a dry life, he must have continued to show clumsiness even when he met the woman he loved.
When she discovered the contract, she had gone straight to Chairman Choi out of concern for Do-uk as well. Though she had watched the well-matched pair of Do-uk and Seonha with satisfaction and been greatly shocked by the bolt-from-the-blue truth, her greater worry had been that Do-uk might end up unable to open his heart to anyone for the rest of his life.
Knowing that Do-uk had come to avoid women because of his stepmother’s influence, she had sensed that he was different with Seonha. She had been so relieved that Do-uk, who had lived all this time without a single person by his side, had found a good person—only to learn it had been a contract.
Whether he himself realized it or not, Do-uk had clearly changed from before the marriage. His sharp, cold gaze softened only in front of Seonha, and when he dealt with her, he showed not an ounce of pretense or awkwardness. But she had been filled with worry that once Chairman Choi died, the two of them would really part ways like this.
Chairman Choi was someone who carried as heavy a burden in his heart toward Do-uk because of the past. He was certain that he was not a man who would get angry at his grandson for deceiving him. He had wronged that small, frail child too much to be so petty as to get furious.
At her worry about what would happen if the two broke up, Chairman Choi shook his head firmly. It was filled with the belief that such a thing wouldn’t happen. He even laughed heartily, saying that even if they were to part ways for a moment, what problem would there be since they had feelings for each other?
The old folks soothed her worries, saying that all they could do was watch over them, but seeing Seonha actually leaving with all her luggage, she was stamping her feet anxiously. Because she had witnessed with her own eyes how Do-uk’s condition had been no joke for the past two months, she wanted to prevent the two from breaking up completely by any means.
“What happened to Do-uk when he was young?”
Studying Cheongyang-daek’s expression, heavy with regret, Seonha asked cautiously.
She knew to some extent that Do-uk’s past had not been bright. She had once heard from Cheongyang-daek in passing about how, after divorcing Do-uk’s birth mother, the woman his father remarried had hated Do-uk particularly, and how his father, who had held no deep affection for Do-uk, had been blinded by the woman and coldly cast aside his young child.
Even that brief story had made her feel his youthful sorrow and loneliness so vividly that her heart ached. After being abandoned by the family closest to him, she could understand his habit of being unable to trust people. But hearing what Cheongyang-daek had just said, it seemed there had been some greater incident after all.
When Seonha handed her a neatly folded handkerchief from her pocket, Cheongyang-daek dabbed at her eyes. After hesitating briefly, she slowly opened her closed mouth.
* “I cleared it out to use as a child’s room, but I guess you can use it here.”
Da-ae, who had energetically tapped the lone pile of luggage sitting in the chilly room, came out into the living room and spoke briskly.
“Anyway, welcome, Yu Seonha.”
“I’m always indebted to you.”
“Indebted, my foot. Say that one more time and I’ll kick you out for real?”
Da-ae threatened cutely, widening her eyes. Seeing Da-ae’s consideration in trying to ensure that her friend, who would be staying for the time being, didn’t feel uncomfortable, Seonha smiled softly.
When she left the house she had lived in with Do-uk and went on an impromptu trip, she had told Da-ae the truth in advance. As an old friend who had also lost her parents early and was in a similar situation, Da-ae would surely have worried seriously if Seonha had been out of contact, and Seonha hadn’t wanted to keep lying to her when she always asked how she was doing with her husband.
Because she was a tight-lipped friend, there was no worry that the story would leak, but it seemed she had caused her a great deal of concern all the same. Since Daae knew nothing about the contract, she must have assumed it was simply a divorce due to marital discord, and hid her pity behind a joke that, since Seonha had married into a rich family anyway, she should at least get a huge alimony payment out of it.
“When is Gangho coming back?”
“It’s still a long way off. But he says he’ll be back before the baby’s born, so.”
Daae smiled, lightly stroking her belly, which still did not look pregnant.
“Talk about perfect timing, right? He left the country less than three weeks after hearing I was pregnant. Still, he was grinning, saying he’d get paid more if he went on dispatch. Before I got pregnant, he bought so many game packs I was sick of it, but now that he’s having his own kid, I guess he’s finally thinking of saving some money. They say men only grow up after they have kids, and it’s true, I’m telling you.”
Though she spoke as if complaining about her husband, her face was full of happiness.
Daae said she had met Gangho at the company where she worked, carried on a romance so ordinary it was almost boring, and then married him, but Seonha envied that ordinariness.
She had thought any beginning would be fine if only she could win the heart of the person she loved, but now that everything was over, she had come to realize just how important the beginning of a relationship was.
What would it have been like if she, too, had met Do-uk in such an ordinary way and they had come to like each other? It was a pointless question. If not for that special situation and contract in the first place, he would never have even glanced her way.
“My husband was already worried about leaving me here alone, so when I told him you were moving in, he said it was a relief. There’s no one here to make you feel uncomfortable, so stay as you please.”
That was why Seonha had been unable to refuse Daae’s offer in the end. No matter how close a friend she was, she had not intended to impose on her, but when Daae said she felt anxious and lonely living alone while pregnant, Seonha made her decision.
She was a friend who had grown up lonely, just as she had. She did not want to see her spending such a blessed time as pregnancy in solitude, with no family home to rely on.
“Thank you.”
“What are you thanking me for? I’m just making you owe me so that later, when I fight with my husband and run away from home, you’ll have to take responsibility for me.”
Seeing Daae grin, Seonha smiled along with her.
*After leaving the mart, Seonha absentmindedly accepted a flyer being handed out on the street. With the grocery bag hanging from her wrist, she was about to fold the flyer in half when she paused.
It was an advertisement for a sports center that had recently opened nearby. In bold letters, it emphasized that one could learn a variety of exercises there. The reason her gaze went to the paper she had not cared about was because she spotted a photograph of an indoor swimming pool at the edge.
Do-uk immediately came to mind. Perhaps it was because she had heard the story from Cheongyangdaek only yesterday, but more than that, the terror and fear he must have felt, and that emptiness, had lodged in her chest like hard little grains, and she felt she might not be able to forget them for a long time.
How could that woman have done such a thing to a small, young child? As if hating him like a thorn in her eye simply because he was not her own flesh and blood were not enough, she had even done something that should never have been done.
That day in Professor An’s lab, when she had unintentionally overheard the conversation between the two of them, the reason her feelings for him had begun to grow was not pity.
So that man, who seemed perfect on the outside, had a void too. That man, too, had had no family… no one who would be wholly on his side, for a very long time.
She had dared to feel a sense of kinship, and the more she did, the more uncontrollably her heart swelled. If only he could be on my side, and I could be entirely on his. She used to indulge in such absurd fantasies.
But now that she had heard all the hidden details, her heart ached terribly. How could those people have been so cruel and vicious? Why did he have to suffer and be so lonely? She felt even more hurt and wronged on his behalf.
She had thought only her life was too difficult and never went the way she wanted. Though she smiled brightly and pretended to live bravely, inside, she was festering to the point of rot. Even when she wanted to resign herself in the face of one misfortune after another, she still felt wronged and resentful. She was sick of a life that never went as she wished.
Saying she had not hated her parents had been a lie she told to deceive herself. When the children at school made fun of her, the grinding poverty, the fact that they had left her side too early and made her lonely—she had resented it all.
And him, too, who never loved her in the end… she had resented him. She had hated him for never looking back at her no matter how hard she tried. She had only been hypocritical inside, telling herself she did not blame him.
In truth, she had never sincerely wished for him to be happy after she left. If he could not become the one and only person on her side, then she would rather he live alone for the rest of his life as he did now. She never wanted to see another woman standing by his side in her place.
Because she loved him, because she was not loved by him, she had dared to cast such a curse upon a man who had erased his emotions in order to survive after being abandoned by his family.
It was an inner truth so dreadful it reeked. It was a true feeling she did not even want herself to discover. So she had hidden it, and hidden it again. Whenever she faced people who pointed fingers at her, saying she had hidden and deceived others with her blackened heart, she had to do so in order to comfort herself by insisting they were wrong, that she was clean and blameless.
Just as they said, she was in fact a very ugly, cruel, selfish person. Selfish enough to resent him, who had done nothing wrong, simply because he did not love her.
She, too, had only craved love without fully understanding him. She felt she could never forgive herself for even for a moment wishing that he would live without opening his heart to anyone. He, who must have been lonely all alone for so very long.
Swallowing a bitter smile, Seonha folded the flyer in half and tucked it into the bag. As she entered the apartment complex, her steps gradually slowed. It was because she had spotted a familiar car. A luxurious black sedan. It was the same as the car Do-uk drove.
Though it was quite expensive, it was not a model driven only by Do-uk in the entire country, so it might not be him. But Seonha soon let out a deep sigh. No matter how much she tried to feign ignorance, she could not fail to know. The man inside the car was surely Do-uk.
To begin with, she had had no intention of hiding from him. After unexpectedly running into Cheongyangdaek at Do-uk’s house, she had more or less expected that her whereabouts would appear on his radar sooner.
As her steps drew closer to the apartment entrance, Do-uk got out of the car as if he had been waiting, just as she had expected. Seeing as he had been sitting in the driver’s seat, it seemed he had come alone.
Unchanged from before, he approached in a perfectly neat appearance, with a restrained gait that carried an air of confidence.
Even his expressionless face was still handsome, just as it had been when she had fallen for him at first sight during their first meeting. And yet, for some reason, there seemed to be a dark shadow over his face. Perhaps he had lost a little weight, for his already masculine jawline had grown even sharper. The black eyes that rippled the moment they met hers felt unfamiliar.
He walked toward her step by step, neither too hurriedly nor too slowly. Only after he came right in front of her and she heard him quietly exhale a ragged breath did Seonha realize that, while he had been walking toward her, she had been holding her own breath.
“……”
The two of them could say nothing for a while as they looked at each other. It must have been a very brief moment, yet the silence felt long enough to last forever. Before she could part her lips, he, who had been staring at her as if his gaze might burn her face, opened his mouth.
“You… gained weight?”
After meeting him again for the first time in nearly two months, the tip of her nose had somehow stung, but those words shattered all those emotions in an instant.
She looked at him in disbelief. She thought she already knew and had adapted to his extraordinary way of speaking and his prickly personality, but apparently not.
That was how much of a shock it was. To say that as soon as they met after so long, even before exchanging greetings—asking whether she had gained weight.
There was a limit to being insensitive and unaware. Had he perhaps forgotten the confession she had made at the hotel the last time they met?
“What… what are you saying?”
Even if it had been a joke, she would have been angry, but seeing him ask with a serious expression, sincerely wondering whether she had gained weight and not joking, she felt that the self who had just been walking over while pitying his past had become a complete fool.
Moreover, it was true that she had gained a little weight while traveling, and what irritated her most was that she found herself worrying inwardly whether her face looked chubby to him. How could he say something like that to a woman who had confessed to him? Was he in his right mind? The more she thought about it, the hotter her forehead grew.
“Is that… really something to say right now?”
“I did think before that I wished you’d gain a little weight, and I probably would have been even more pissed off if you looked like you hadn’t even managed to get a bowl of gruel. Still, it’s obvious you’ve been living too well without me all this time, so it makes me angry. Your complexion looks excessively good too.”
At his utterly shameless answer, Seonha was rendered speechless.
“I couldn’t even get food down.”
“Wh-what…”
“Get in the car. Let’s go somewhere and talk. It’s still cold.”
Seeing the tip of her nose turn slightly red in the chilly wind, Do-uk snatched the things Seonha was holding as he spoke. Seonha, who had been dazed for a moment, only came to her senses after seeing him put the bulging bag in the back seat.
“My friend is waiting for me. I have to go home.”
Ignoring Seonha’s troubled tone, he got into the driver’s seat. Annoyed at him for not listening to a word she said, she glared at the car, then soon let out a sigh and opened the passenger door. The atmosphere had already been awkward, but sitting close together in the enclosed space made her feel even more stifled.
“Don’t go anywhere else. Say it here.”
Seonha flinched in surprise at her own voice, which came out colder than she had expected. Since she had said it while looking straight ahead instead of meeting his eyes, she might have seemed angry. Though she felt too embarrassed to face him, she was not angry.
No matter how much time had passed, their last meeting, when she had impulsively confessed to him, came back to her on its own. Even over that cowardly confession, regret surged again. Even for the sake of sorting out the documents, it had not been possible for that to be the last time they saw each other and be done, so why on earth had she done that?
“Are you angry? Now that I think about it, saying you gained weight was a little rude. I’ll fix it.”
Do-uk glanced at her and spoke in a low voice.
She pressed a hand to her forehead. Not only had he misunderstood that she was angry, but he even seemed to think the reason was because he had said she had gained weight.
“To be precise, you didn’t get fat. You just put on a little weight. Just enough to look good. Before, you were too thin.”
“That still means I gained weight!”
Seonha whipped her head around and glared at him. Why had the conversation come back to this again? She wondered if this man had come looking for her just to tease her.
Having raised her voice in agitation, she then noticed him chuckling softly. It was a laugh of his that was by no means common. In that instant, the tension that had stiffened her shoulders since earlier suddenly loosened.
Had he noticed that she was unknowingly tense because of her confession that day and tried to ease the mood with such a joke?
She knew he was not that considerate type, but somehow she thought perhaps she might be right. At the very least, it seemed as if he was quietly telling her not to worry, that he would not despise or trample on the feelings she had hidden for so long.
She was hesitating to part her lips when a vibration sounded from the pocket of her outerwear. Seonha glanced at him, gauging his reaction, and answered the phone.
“Yeah, Daae.”
—Why aren’t you here yet? Are there a lot of bags? I told you we should go grocery shopping together.
“It’s not that. I just stopped by somewhere for a bit. I’ll be there soon.”
—Hmm, hurry back. You know I’m impatient. I want to tell you quickly.
“Did something happen?”
—I’m going to set you up on a blind date.
Seonha hurriedly lowered the call volume. Clearing her throat for no reason, she awkwardly looked to the side and saw his face, which had not only hardened but was growing distorted.
He had definitely… heard.
“Wh-what are you talking about? That.”
—What do you mean, what am I talking about? Are you not going to date now? It’s already been two months since you got divorced. Well, with a gap of about two months, you’ve done all the courtesy you needed to do.
Daae knew that their relationship had been completely settled from the point Seonha left the house. Seonha had not told her they had not yet stamped the divorce papers. She had not been confident she could explain it without the story getting tangled, while keeping their special relationship a secret.
Sometimes when I see your husband—no, your ex-husband—in the news or articles, it makes my blood boil, and I get this feeling like I'm the one coming out on the losing end for no reason. If that man remarries, even if you don't want to hear it, the news will spread to every corner of the country immediately. Do you really think you'll be okay then? Don't let that happen. Beat him to the punch and meet a new guy first. You have to live well as if to spite him. Don't shut yourself up alone after getting blindsided by news that your ex-husband has a new woman.
She understood Daae's heart—that she was looking out for her as a friend—but the timing couldn't have been worse.
Although she had lowered her voice as much as possible, so nothing beyond the offer to set her up on a blind date should have been audible, the atmosphere was rapidly chilling. She didn't cast so much as a glance toward the driver's seat, staring intently at the people passing by outside the car window instead, but the savage aura radiating from beside her was enough to make her shiver.
"Hey, don't talk nonsense."
"I'm saying this because I can see right through you. You're all gloomy inside even though you pretend to be perfectly fine and cheerful in front of me. Just meet him once. Who's telling you to get married again? Just date for now, just date. He's really a great guy."
"Let's talk about that later... Let's hang up for now."
Seonha pressed the end call button and shoved her phone into her pocket.
"Later? Do you even intend to refuse? If you don't want to, just say so outright. Why are you being so lukewarm? Could it be that you want to go on the blind date?"
He poured out sharp words as if he'd been waiting for this. She had wondered if he had softened somewhere after two months, but as expected, he was exactly the same. The tone that had prickled like a hedgehog ever since she brought up divorce was back.
"You're a married woman. You haven't forgotten, have you?"
But he seemed not to have realized yet that when he raised his spines, she would sprout thorns of her own.
"We may not have divorced on paper, but our contract has already ended. It's practically the same thing."
"What? So you're saying you'll meet some other man?"
Douk glared at her as if asking if she'd lost her mind.
"There's no reason I can't meet someone. And there's even less reason for you to condemn me for it."
"And you call that..."
At a loss for words, Douk let out a cold, hollow laugh. Soon, he was gazing at her with infinitely serious eyes.
"Why is there no reason you can't meet someone?"
"What do you mean?"
"You like me."
"......."
Seonha's expression darkened. She was the one who had confessed to him face-to-face, yet hearing those words come from his mouth made her feel as if her heart had plummeted to her feet. She bit her flushed lips so hard they threatened to leave teeth marks.
"Did you keep it to yourself for three years because you were afraid I'd get angry? That you liked me."
Her heart beat erratically at his low question. It felt as if he was about to answer her confession. She didn't want to hear his words. Her confession hadn't been one made to hear an answer in the first place. She wanted to run away without hearing a single thing.
"Seonha."
Her eyes shook at the tender call she had never once heard before. She gripped the door handle beside her.
"If there's nothing particularly important, I'll be going. As I said, my friend is waiting. The paperwork..."
"I'm not finalizing it. I have no intention of divorcing. No matter how much time passes, my decision won't change. It'll be faster for you to give up."
Seonha, barely suppressing the urge to leap out of the car, felt intense emotions surging up her throat.
"Say something that makes sense. Choe Douk, what on earth do you intend to do with me—"
"I love you."
"......."
Her wildly beating heart stopped.
Right now... what?
"I'm sorry it took me so long."
She stopped breathing. Her aimlessly shaking eyes seemed to freeze upon a single point. Her mind went blank. It was the exact feeling of hearing something utterly absurd.
"It was all my first time. I let three years pass without even properly realizing how precious you were to me. I didn't know what it meant for something to be precious, or how to treat something precious. I didn't know anything. That not knowing was wrong... I know now. I just realized too late."
The breath she had been holding burst out in an instant. At his confession, a laugh escaped her first. But soon, the smile vanished from her face, leaving an emptiness in its place.
"You... why is everything so easy for you?"
Would it have been less miserable if he had simply gotten angry at her confession, raging that he had broken their contract all along? At least that would have been his honest heart.
"Love? You love me?"
"Seonha."
"Don't call me that!"
The end of Seonha's voice cracked painfully.
"For the past three years, I tried so hard to win even a scrap of your heart... so why is everything so easy and light for you?"
"You think my heart is light?"
She didn't want to pry into the sincerity embedded in his voice, lower and heavier than ever before.
"Choe Douk, you're a capable businessman. I don't believe you. You instinctively know. That if you say those words, I'll grant you the contract you want and do anything for you. That those words are the answer to getting what you want."
Seonha hung her head and squeezed her eyes shut, unable to see his wounded gaze. Wrapping her own wounds was more than enough for her.
If she wavered at his words, unable to discern whether they were true or false, she would only be hurt again. She would end up moving like a puppet manipulated by a single word of love from him. Even if those words were a lie.
This time, it wouldn't be a simple one-sided love. She would be unable to break free from him, as if trapped in a swamp, intoxicated by the lie called love that he spoke of.
"I couldn't properly understand my own feelings, so I made things hard for you all this time, but I've never lied, and I won't in the future. Believe me."
She ignored the desperate voice piercing her ears. Letting out a hollow laugh and shaking her head, she barely suppressed the tears threatening to force their way out.
"Then you're mistaken. That isn't love. You just... need sex. A familiar partner. Don't mistake your needs for love."
"Yu Seonha!"
Seonha drove in the final nail. For him, and for herself.
"And I'm sorry, but I've forgotten you. I came back having forgotten everything during those two months. My feelings are over. That lie you concocted while I was gone doesn't work on me anymore."
Finishing her last words, she got out of the car. Only after she turned her back on him did she shed silent tears.