The Malicious Member Has Returned! Episode 2
* * *
My body was heavy.
I blinked my blurry eyes, trying to grasp the situation.
So….
Right.
I drank like crazy at the club, crawled on the pavement shoving my panic meds into my mouth… and got arrested on the spot.
“I’d rather die than live like this! I’m going to die!”
Drunk, I took more pills than usual, and I felt myself doing all sorts of things.
Rambling, auditory hallucinations, visual hallucinations—everything.
So I must have looked weak to anyone who saw me.
Already burdened with the label of “Malicious Member,” all that remained after this emergency arrest was a blacklist from the entertainment industry.
The members’ feelings toward me weren’t good to begin with… wouldn’t they try to kill me this time?
Ah….
Since it’s come to this, maybe it’d be better to just die.
“Hey, Kim Chunyong. Wake up.”
Strangely, though, I was intoxicated. Strange enough that I even recalled something I had wished for.
- Make a contract with me.
That day, the one thing I had wished for ever since that incident occurred—to gain a chance to turn everything back.…
But was going back to the past even possible? Unless I was really selling my soul to a demon.
“Haha….”
A hollow laugh escaped me.
“You laughing? Then why aren’t you coming out, you bastard.”
But it’s strange. Why does it really feel like….
“Kim Chunyong! Mom says come eat!”
…I’ve returned to before the accident?
After living submerged in alcohol, my head had always been foggy like mist, but now everything felt incredibly clear.
The pillow touching my cheek was fluffy. The blanket against my skin was soft. I buried my face in the pillow and breathed in, then my body stiffened at the sudden sense of wrongness.
“…Wait.”
This is the bed in my parents’ house that I got rid of three years ago.
Why is this at the police station?
“A dream? Or a final gift before the industry blacklist?”
I sprang up from the bed and flung the door open.
Standing in front of the door with a fierce expression was a familiar daughter of my mother—that is, my noona—who had her hair tied up roughly with a scrunchie and wore horn-rimmed glasses.
“Damn, how long ago did I tell you to come out, you making me move in the end?”
Even if I stood on my head and looked, it was my noona, Kim Bomi.
“N-Noona. Is it really you?”
“What. Did you have a dream? Or did you get shot in the head? Why is this crazy bastard like this.”
Seeing swear words mixed into every sentence, it was definitely her.
“N-Noona?”
I staggered over and hugged her tightly.
After that day’s accident, unlike my parents or younger sister, my noona never even appeared in my dreams.
I had thought it was her final lesson to scold me, who had killed the entire family.
Since she had been a high school teacher, I thought she was punishing me for my mistakes.
Because not everyone could just forgive me.
“Wow, shit! Why are you being creepy? Hey. Won’t you get off? Get lost, will you!”
“Ugh, what? Why are you and Kim Chunyong hugging?”
From the side, another voice I had missed was heard. My younger sister, Kim Nari.
I flailed my arms in the air, trying to pull Kim Nari into the hug too.
“Yaaah, Kim Nari. You come here too….”
“Are you crazy? No! Mom, Dad! Come here. Kim Chunyong has gone crazy!”
“Nari! Didn’t Mom tell you not to talk to Oppa like that!”
“What kind of kids are this loud from early morning….”
“Uh, Mom. Dad… hug me, quickly. I missed you….”
To have such a happy dream right before hitting the lowest point of my life. I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest even if I died.
Mom and Dad, who came out of the kitchen, approached awkwardly, patting my shoulder with worried voices.
“…Chunyong. Are you okay? Honey, check if he has a fever.”
“Well, he doesn’t have a fever… what. Son. Why are you crying!”
Why am I crying?
“Damn, my oppa is an idol who won the Rookie Award. Is this real….”
“Eh? A family trip to Cebu together? No, tickets must be expensive if we buy them right now?”
“…You already booked tickets? Oh my! Oh my! Honey, look at this!”
The day after Arrows won the Rookie Award.
I had boldly proposed an overseas trip to the family. I said I’d prepare everything, so they should just bring themselves.
Our family deserved it. They were precious people who had cheered endlessly for their reckless second son who said he’d become an idol.
“Ah, no! Mom, Dad!”
“Kim Chunyong, take care of Nari!”
“Noona! Aah, no! No! Please!”
On the day of departure, a quiet dawn. If I had known the limousine bus carrying only our family would flip, I wouldn’t have brought it up.
And if I had known that only I, only I alone would survive, then never.
My world that had shone in rapeseed colors was dyed pitch black from that day on.
The members and fans who had worried about me at first when I was depressed grew distant at some point.…
It probably started from that day.
The day I went to a fan meeting drunk, trying not to hear the screaming hallucinations.
“Sorry, I’m sorry… just a moment, outside, sorry, I’m really sorry.”
“Rex, Rex!”
I don’t deserve to hear such cheers.
After running out of the fan meeting venue due to uncontrollable self-loathing, I couldn’t turn back. The more I ruined myself, the more those who didn’t love me cheered.
So what remained for me was not an “idol from an unfortunate family,” but the label of a “mentally broken malicious member.”
So you all who appeared in my dream can never know why I’m crying. I have no intention of telling you either.
Because your flesh and blood is filthy and cowardly.
I just wanted to feel this warmth.
“Huuu….”
I chose to just keep my mouth shut, shedding tears pathetically.
The family, not knowing the reason, began whispering among themselves in lowered voices.
“The only thing going for Kim Chunyong is his face, but crying made him look totally ugly. What do we do….”
“I think he’s really stressed about being cut from the debut team. His mentality is completely shot?”
“He was fine yesterday. How did he become like this overnight?”
“Well, we aren’t the ones going through it, so we can’t know everything….”
“Let’s just calm him down and put him to bed. We’ll all be late if this goes on longer.”
Even while not understanding, the family warmly pushed me back toward the bed and even covered me with a blanket.
This is exactly the same as before.
It was a dream that felt so real.
Having finished getting ready to leave, my noona pointed her finger at me and scolded me.
“Hey, Kim Chunyong. Get some more sleep first. Skip going to the practice room today. In that state with a screw loose, you can’t do anything.”
My noona’s sharp yet warm advice, heard after so long.
Stuttering under her stern gaze, I answered.
“Pr-practice room? Practice for what?”
“What do we do… I think he’s really crazy. You begged me and Nari to book a one-week pass at a private practice room. How could you forget? Do you have money to spare?”
“Bomi, stop tormenting Chunyong and go to work! You’ll miss the bus!”
“Ah, okay! Anyway… do your best, trainee dongsaeng. Huh? If you’re going on a survival show after being cut from the debut team, you have to do even better.”
Slam.
“…Ha.”
My four family members all went outside the house, and I was left alone in the house of memories. I roughly wiped my damp face and smiled.
This much is enough.
Even if the agency officials who couldn’t endure it any longer kick me out now, even if I go to prison for drug overdose, I can keep enduring with this memory.
I closed my eyes, waiting to wake from the dream. Because this shallow sleep caused by alcohol always broke after holding out like this.
The white noise in the house gradually faded, and at the moment I felt my body floating.
Pop!
A bizarrely cute notification sound rang beside my ear.
Pop! Pop!
Three times in a row at that.
“…Nothing like this has ever happened before.”
Startled, I blinked and sat up. The source of the notification was the smartphone I had used seven years ago.
On the clean, gleaming smartphone screen, a preview of a message from an app of unknown origin was displayed.
- X: Seems like you still haven’t grasped the situation lol
- X: It’s understandable! Everyone is like that at first :-)
- X: How does it feel to meet your family again? Motivated to work hard? Puhahaha lol
“Wh-what is this?”
And as if answering my startled muttering, another message flew in.
- X: Oh? What do you mean. We made a contract, Kim Chunyong -_- This is reality
- X: You can’t keep thinking it’s a dream!!
Reality? Where in the world is there such a dream-like reality.
- X: If you don’t believe it, why don’t you search on your phone? Your name, your group name. It might be nice to see the articles cursing you out too lolol ;-D
I did as the message said and entered a portal site, searching this and that.
Our group name, my name, the curses toward me, my arrest records.
“…Huh, they’re gone.”
All those numerous articles were gone.
Not a single one.
Moreover, the only article related to me in the entertainment section was just one thing.
[August Entertainment rides the wave of idol survival program trends]
[AG Ent. joins hands with Music Days to announce in-house survival audition. ‘A fresh wind will blow in the entertainment industry’]
[Appearance of a new boy group? AG Ent. in-house idol survival ‘Targeting Star’]
[‘Madness Boy’ Choi Gaon selected as MC for idol survival ‘Targeting Star’!]
Eight years ago.
The idol survival program
Launch notification articles.
I pulled down the notification bar of the phone as if bewitched and checked the date.
May 3, 202X.
The date was exactly one week before the first filming.
I almost dropped the phone. This was the first time in my life I had felt such bewilderment.
“So, then all those auditory and visual hallucinations I saw at the police station because of alcohol….”
Pop!
- X: Yes yes it’s real!! Because you passed out just like that, I specially sent you back to a time period you’d like lol
- X: Now now then let’s proceed with the contract hurry up we don’t have time for this?
- X: Check the Goal Window in the menu tab and fighting!! Ah if you don’t know something text me okay haha
[The app is automatically updating.]
The unknown messages stopped, and that strange app updated by itself and a menu tab really appeared.
I grabbed my dizzy head, and with trembling hands pressed the ‘Goal Window’ in the very center.
[Goal Window
Current Goal: Final 6 of survival program
Final Goal: The greatest idol in K-pop history (Progress 1%)
Upon Failure: Return to pre-contract situation]
“Debuting again with our group, becoming the greatest idol in K-pop history.…”
Forcibly reading the letters that refused to register, I vaguely remembered seeing these words in that blue window back then.
And the part at the very bottom, ‘Upon Failure.’…
Return to pre-contract situation.
It meant going back to when I was arrested in an emergency.
Honestly, I didn’t mind going back to that time and paying the price for my sins alone.
Because I was that cheap of a human. Because I had to be.
But if that happened.
The funeral hall where I sat alone. The countless reporters lined up in front of it.
The expressions of the members pitying me, and the alcohol burning down my throat, alcohol.
A completely ruined life.
When my thoughts reached that point, a voice burst out of my mouth involuntarily.
“…I have to do it no matter what.”
I absolutely must.
To atone to the other people I had sinned against, I had to become the greatest idol in K-pop history no matter what I had to do.
I sprang up from my spot to prepare to go out. There was no time to waste lying down like this.
Every minute and second of having returned like this was precious.
* * *
“Haaaaaah….”
Kim Jieun, the part-timer at Hanmaeum Private Practice Studio, was squirming in extreme boredom.
Three months since taking a leave of absence from university.
It was a part-time job started due to Mom’s nagging to work if I wasn’t going to study for TOEIC, but I hadn’t known that taking someone else’s money would be this painful.
Most of all, Hanmaeum Private Practice Studio was.
“There are way too few people, fuck!”
It was a private practice studio on the verge of going under.
So if you asked whether she didn't work at all, that wasn't the case either.
Of the eight hours she worked, four were spent sitting upright at the counter, and the remaining four were spent scrubbing, wiping, and dusting practice rooms that no one used.
What kind of terrible balance was this?
[Bang Minji: But don't some of the people who come in occasionally look handsome or pretty?]
[Bang Minji: I mean like trainees lollll]
Jieun snorted at her friend's clueless message and replied.
[Kim Jieun: Handsome or pretty people my ass;; middle school orchestra groups are our most regular customers....]
[Kim Jieun: Ah right, but there are a few first-timers with reservations today]
[Kim Jieun: But one of them has a really weird name lol I saw it and was like is this for real? and checked three times]
[Bang Minji: Oh, what name?]
"I reserved a week pass."
"Ah, yes. Your name is…."
Jieun scrolled down the messaging window she'd been excitedly exchanging just moments ago, then checked the face of the person standing in front of the counter.
"H-holy shit."
She couldn't stop the curse from slipping out.
"…
Excuse me?"
Jieun slapped her own mouth that had blurted out her inner thoughts without thinking, then stammered as she spoke again.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I-I misspoke. So, your name?"
The man scratched his cheek and answered in an awkward voice.
"Ack, ahem. No. Kim… Kim Chunyong."
"Chunyong… Mr. Chunyong. Yes. P-please go to practice room 8. Yes. Number 8."
"Huh? I reserved practice room 3."
"Practice room 3 is, right now! The audio equipment is broken. Room 8 is much better. Room 8 has the best facilities in our studio. You don't have to pay extra. Just use it for the whole week!"
"Ah… yes. Thank you."
Jieun blankly watched the man's back as he walked toward room 8, the most expensive room at Hanmaeum Private Practice Studio, then hurriedly reopened her friend's chat window and typed frantically.
[Kim Jieun: Hey fuck I'm going crazy really crazy fucking crazy]
[Kim Jieun: The guy I said had a weird name is reeeeally handsome he looks kinda scary but you get me right crazy just fucking handsome the delinquent type I like]
[Kim Jieun: Is that guy not gonna debut somewhere? If he actually debuts I'll pour all my wages and tuition into him]
[Kim Jieun: Fuck! Fuck! I'd die for him!]
Unaware that he had delivered a fiery jolt to Jieun's otherwise laid-back part-time life, Kim Chunyong stepped into the spacious room 8 and stretched out languidly.
Then he muttered in a low voice.
"…
I've got seven years of idol experience under my belt, after all."
Even as a malicious member, an idol was an idol.
Even if it meant drinking until he threw up, he had stood on stage because he felt sorry to his members.
But a debut survival show he'd already done before?
He'd tear it apart, without fail.