The Toxic Member Has Returned! Episode 1: The Toxic Idol Member.
Toxic idol member.
It was a term that could refer to a member whose departure would probably be more helpful to the team, but in the modern idol industry, “toxic member” had a somewhat broader meaning.
Someone who stayed stuck in a corner of the team, subtly driving fans up the wall and burdening the other hardworking members.
Someone tabloid reporters obsessed with views gleefully tossed around in articles, yet who was too ambiguous a case to simply kick out.
Literally toxic stock, a useless burden, a toxic member.
That was me, Kim Chunyong.
The name used the character chun(春), meaning spring, and yong(龍), meaning dragon—a dragon of spring.
I liked this name.
It was the name my late paternal grandmother, whom I loved most, had given me, and more than anything, I liked the sound of Chunyong.
It rolls right off the tongue. Chunyong. How nice is that?
But people didn’t call me by my name as it was.
“Mr. Rex, Mr. Rex!”
The name our agency president gave me: Rex. A childish stage name made by taking the T out of T-rex—simple, depending on how you looked at it.
They said the name Chunyong was too old-fashioned for an idol or whatever. It was nothing but cute, so I had no idea why they insisted on giving me such a characterless stage name.
Was it because he was an old guy, so the moment he saw the character for dragon, he thought of dinosaurs?
Anyway, add trash to that and you got Rex-trash.
That was the derogatory name the public called me.
“Mr. Rex, you need to pull yourself together. Only then can we call a lawyer or conduct an investigation, can’t we?”
I slowly blinked both eyes and muttered at the police officer berating me.
“I’m… Chunyong, though….”
At the police station, they should be calling me by my real name. Seriously.
“Whatever! Is that what matters right now? Ha, this is driving me crazy….”
Avoiding the eyes of the police officer who was roughly mussing up his own hair, I turned my head toward the door, beyond which a ringing murmur seemed to echo.
Was it because of this damned hangover?
Or because of the alcohol I’d poured into my mouth to forget that hangover instead?
I didn’t know why, but I could hear people whispering clearly.
“Did you hear? The person inside is Rex from Arrows.”
“What? You mean that Rex-trash?”
“Yeah. They said he was lying in the street, so they made an emergency arrest? He says he only drank, but looking at his current state, well, you know. It kind of looks like he might be on something?”
“Huh… There’s going to be a huge fuss when he gets investigated for that. I heard Arrows’ Chinese member ran away to China too. Then isn’t the team really falling apart?”
“The other members are the only ones I feel sorry for. At least that Chinese member did decently while he was there. But what the hell is Rex-trash?”
“I heard he caused so many problems they call him a toxic member. Pfft, that was my first time hearing something like that.”
“Yeah. He’s famous. Toxic member, scandal member Rex! But… well, as far as I know, he wasn’t like that from the beginning.”
Suddenly, my heart began pounding anxiously.
It was always like this whenever I heard “that story.”
“You know Rex. Together with his family….”
Stop, stop.
“After winning Rookie of the Year, he went on a family trip….”
I said stop, didn’t I? Why won’t you listen?
“They all died in a car accident, and he was the only one left alive, so he ended up like that, right?”
Bam!
“I told you to shut the hell up!”
Only after I slammed my fist down on the desk did the voices fall silent. The police officer watching me looked utterly stunned. I hadn’t meant to startle him.
I hurriedly made an excuse.
“Ah, it’s just. Those people outside, they were talking about o-our… family….”
“…
Huh.”
Pity settled in the police officer’s eyes. He let out a sigh loud enough for me to hear, tapped the desk with his finger, and said,
“Listen, Mr. Rex. There’s no one outside right now.”
I wondered if this was how it felt to be caught in a downpour in the dead of winter.
Trembling like an aspen from head to toe, I asked again.
“No one… no one’s there? No, I definitely just heard voices….”
“No. The reason you’re thinking of that right now is, well, probably because you’re too drunk, Mr. Rex. If you’re taking any medication… it might be an auditory hallucination related to that.”
The police officer stood up and patted my shoulder.
“For now, sober up a little and call a lawyer first. We’ll talk again after that.”
And so I was left alone in the interrogation room.
My dizzy mind showed no sign of returning easily. This wouldn’t do.
To come to my senses, I leaned back in the chair and began spinning around and around. Clear droplets of water streamed down from my eyes.
—Do you regret it?
“Ah, shit… Not this again.”
Maybe the alcohol still hadn’t worn off, because I was hearing hallucinations in my head again. Since I was hearing it anyway, I might as well answer.
Still spinning around in the chair, I replied in a stupid voice.
“Yeah, of course I regret it.”
—What do you regret?
“Well, there’s too much….”
I folded my fingers one by one as I chewed over the things I regretted.
Getting on stage drunk and throwing up. Storming out during a variety show because I got pissed off when they brought up my family.
Not clarifying the dating rumor that broke out in a fit of anger. Acting like an asshole to the fans.
…
And then, despite all that, not properly leaving the group because of my own greed.
Yelling at the members who took care of me, asking them if they thought they were my real family or something.
Not rejecting the temptation from my manager hyung when he suggested that, since things must be hard for me, I try making some drinking buddies.
What else was there?
“…
Ah.”
I roughly rubbed my face and folded down one more finger.
Suggesting a trip to Cebu to my family, who had never once been overseas.…
I almost forgot.
To think I’d forgotten the most horrible thing. It sounded a little rich coming from a guy who couldn’t live without alcohol, but alcohol really was bad. It made your head worse, I swear.
The voice, which had burst into laughter at my words, asked again.
—Wow, that’s a lot. Then out of all of those, what do you regret the most?
“…….”
I stopped the chair I’d been spinning. The world whirled before my eyes. I could see my tears decorating the air in slow motion.
Damn it.
Forcing open lips that wouldn’t move, I barely managed to spit out,
“…
That I survived like this, all alone.”
At my answer, which was almost a sob, the hallucination whispered softly.
—If you could undo all of it, would you?
No sooner had those words ended than a blue window suddenly appeared before my eyes.
“Now I’m even seeing hallucinations….”
Had alcohol really melted my brain? Because I’d drunk too much all this time?
In any case, I strained my eyes to read the words embedded in the window.
[Nice to meet you!
Our company, Star Sirius, is very pleased to enter into an idol contract with you.
The terms of the contract between our company and you are as follows.
1. Star Sirius (hereinafter referred to as “Party A”)
shall provide Kim Chunyong (hereinafter referred to as “Party B”)
with various conveniences necessary to become the greatest idol in K-pop history.
2. Party B shall make maximum use of the conveniences provided by Party A and become the greatest idol in K-pop history by the time of his enlistment in the returned time period.
3. If Party B fails to fulfill Clause 2 of the contract, Party A may rightfully return Party B to the original time period.
If you agree to the contract, please press Next. Next▷]
Was this a dream?
“…
What the hell is all this saying?”
I stared blankly at the blue window and muttered.
Then, as if lightly urging me on, something spoke once more inside my head.
—You can start over from the beginning. Of course, you’ll have to fulfill every condition of the contract. What will you do?…
The things I did when I was a toxic member, my irreversible mistakes.
It was saying I could make all of them as if they had never happened and start over from the beginning.
“Ha, haha.”
Why even ask something like that?
What did it mean, what would I do?
Gritting my teeth, I growled,
“Fuck, I’d even sell my soul!”
The voice ringing in my head cackled. That voice was chilling like a devil’s, yet also ecstatic like an angel’s.
—Haha, I don’t need your soul. Instead, let’s make a contract. Press Next.
Even in a situation where I was out of my mind, my resolve was the same as always.
If I could start over. If I could turn everything back.
If I could make my mistakes into things that had never happened.
I really would do anything.
After swiping uselessly at the air a few times, I simply punched the Next button with my fist.
The sound of someone clapping joyfully thundered through my head.
—I knew you would! Congratulations on the contract. Then now, I’ll give you a choice. When do you want to go back to?
I wanted to answer the voice. But no words came out.
My body stiffening and falling asleep like that for three whole days—one of the side effects that came from drinking alcohol and taking panic disorder medication.
—Oh dear, you’re about to pass out, aren’t you? This is troublesome.
I tried to hold on to my fleeing consciousness, but my vision was already flashing red, blue, and yellow as it gradually turned white.
Thud.
—All the strength drained from my body, and the hand I had somehow been trying to lift fell downward.
I had to come to my senses. I had to….
The voice clicked its tongue.
—I’ve been especially generous. Cases like this aren’t common, so be sure to thank me later.
After you wake up again, that is.
With that voice as the last thing I heard, I completely lost consciousness.