Episode 48
“How are your eyes?”
After Dr. Briman left, Rose looked down at Ejekail, who was lying back against the chaise longue.
“Well, how do they look to you?”
His reply abruptly reminded her of the dream she’d had the other day. Standing by Ejekail’s head, Rose froze in the middle of changing the wet towel.
“So this is where you were. Do you know how long I searched for you?”
His sight had not yet returned. It had never been a condition that would improve after only one or two treatments. She knew that perfectly well, yet because she was in no position to stand tall, she found herself shrinking for no reason.
Quickly composing her startled heart, Rose carefully touched the area around his eyes. Though she kept cooling them with a cold wet towel, she could still feel heat there. He must surely have been in considerable pain, yet the man endured it alone without showing it to her. He had been like that last time as well. With no proper medicine to speak of, unable even to ease the pain, he had tossed and turned all night. Since she, too, was in no state to sleep with her mind so troubled, she had spent the dawn beside him with her eyes wide open.
“It must hurt. But why don’t you ever say that it hurts?”
“Because I’m wondering which would be better?”
“Which what?”
“If I make a fuss, you’re kind, so you’ll worry about me. In exchange, I’ll become a rather pathetic man who only ever shows you how frail and weak he is. But if I act calm and say it doesn’t hurt, I may seem like a strong man, though your concern for me will lessen a little.”
Ejekail tilted his head slightly.
“Rose, choose for me. Which would be better?”
“I…”
“Yes, tell me. You?”
“I’m always concerned about you, Major. It will never lessen. So when you need me, please just tell me honestly.”
Sometimes Rose amazed Ejekail. As if she had stepped into his mind and back out again, Rose always gave him precisely the answer he wanted to hear. Her very existence was a comfort and a gift.
He answered at once.
“I always need you.”
Whether his body hurt or not, he needed Rose.
When Rose was there, the density of the air was different. The darkness that had always felt so stifling he thought he would go mad became quite bearable. Breathing came easily. Daily life seemed rather all right.
Ejekail did not miss the chance while Rose’s fingers lingered there, and with his own hand he abruptly covered the back of hers. Beneath their paired hands, half his face was completely hidden, leaving only his high nose bridge and beautifully shaped lips exposed.
“I like the feeling of you stroking my face like this.”
“Why?”
“Because I can tell from your touch that you’re a gentle person. It feels like you’re encouraging me not to be in pain. I was waiting for it, but lately you haven’t touched me at all.”
Ejekail put strength into their overlapped hands and slowly drew them downward. With his weight added to it, Rose’s soft palm swept heavily over the firm bones of his facial contours. Even so, that peculiar ticklish sensation did not disappear.
The tips of her fingers, having traveled down across his cheek, touched his lips. He carefully held her slender knuckles and kissed the delicate skin.
“When I’m with you like this, all my worries are forgotten.”
…Liar.
You liar.
Rose hid a bitter smile.
He never forgot “that woman,” anytime, anywhere, and yet he told her such blissful lies.
Perhaps the one who was fundamentally kind was not herself, filled with unspeakable secrets, but this man.
The lips that kissed each joint of her fingers naturally came to rest at the very center of her wrist. Peck, peck—leaving behind sensuous touches, he persistently drew Rose closer to him. As if he did not wish to allow even the slightest gap between them, as if it were only natural that they cling together like one body.
How many more days would there be when she could enjoy this touch, this feeling, this warmth, as she did now?
Even as she drove herself to remember the past and keep her shame, whenever she faced this affection—like a precarious lamp that might go out at any moment—every minute and second felt so precious and so painfully brief that she would turn away from reality for a while and sink into it.
With her free arm, Rose embraced the nape of Ejekail’s neck. Feeling her breath come close to his ear, Ejekail tapped his own cheek. Rose pressed her lips to the spot he indicated with his finger.
“What’s this, Rose? It’s rare for you to be so forward.”
“Because I want you to forget all the difficult things.”
When he heard her answer, she could feel through the skin touching his the movement of the muscles that drew up the corners of his mouth in a smile.
He probably could not even guess.
What she hoped he would forget, and with what feelings she had given that answer.
Rose closed her eyes and wished.
I hope this moment never ends.
She was afraid to imagine how he would change once he learned who she truly was. And so she could only wish, and wish again.
Please, let today not hurry away.
And let tomorrow come just a little… slowly.
❖ ❖ ❖
Captain Mongkam sent a letter containing news from Cleris. As Ejekail had ordered, he had temporarily halted the pursuit of “that woman” and summoned the company to begin reserve training in preparation for emergencies, but even amid that, the faithful adjutant conveyed the news of the Valdemaira family as soon as he heard it.
“Given that, exceptionally, they even placed a bounty on an officer of an enemy nation, it seems the other side is also watching your movements closely, Major. And by any chance, have you contacted the main family?”
In truth, Rose had been the one contacting them. Without Ejekail’s permission, borrowing the title of his representative. Through Merlot, the errand man the main family had secretly sent in, she had conveyed the news that the doctor and Ejekail were proceeding smoothly with treatment, and had also informed them of the special bond between the 37th Regiment and Ejekail, as well as his intention to return to his post once his sight recovered.
“They say House Valdemaira has replied that it remains prepared to faithfully serve in its officer’s post with the 37th Regiment and will answer whenever the nation calls, but I do not know how much faith we should place in this declaration. On the other hand, if they were to say at once that they would return the officer’s commission, their intentions would be too obvious, so it also seems like they may be trying to buy time.”
Having already heard the main family’s reaction through Merlot, Rose was not particularly surprised as she read the letter.
According to the errand man, who had stayed a few more days at the main estate before coming down, Akenaus was on edge out of fear that the official declaration the family had issued might get him dragged into the army. There was also a later story that he had immediately barged into his father’s study and loudly demanded to know what on earth he was thinking, saying they ought to pull out early before war broke out again.
“They used my military achievements to receive all sorts of benefits for the family business, then made a commotion in Cleris with an attempted poisoning among blood relatives. They must have been worried the Valdemaira name would become a laughingstock if they returned the officer’s commission right after that.”
Ejekail sneered.
Rose secretly hid her surprise. She had heard that, in reality, the excuse his father had given while calming the agitated Akenaus was the family’s reputation. Blood was blood, after all. Their ways of thinking flowed in similar directions.
“If I can’t return, whether they shove that bastard in my place or not is none of my concern. In any case, I have nothing to lose. They say that even if the sky falls, there’s a hole to escape through—fortune hasn’t abandoned me entirely, it seems.”
Seeing Ejekail welcome the family’s decision, Rose also felt a quiet relief.
Thank goodness. I didn’t judge wrong. She was relieved that the result of going so far as to write a letter and make a request had not ended up as needless meddling. At any rate, if he had even one more place left to return to, it would be a source of strength for him as well.
It was a good decision. She had done well.
As Rose resolved this, she forced herself to ignore the uneasy stir in one corner of her heart.
…But someday, when he returns to his rightful place, where will I return to?
❖ ❖ ❖
As summer fully arrived, the days grew longer. Rose asked Merlot to pick the apricots that had ripened on the tree and stewed them with sugar.
“It’s apricot compote. This one isn’t very sweet, so you should find it edible.”
Compote, made with little sugar and preserving the shape of the fruit flesh, did not keep well and could not be eaten over a long period. It was a dessert that resembled her, made diligently for this one season and disappearing together with summer as it faded.
“Did the apricot tree bear fruit?”
“Yes. I was worried because the soil is barren, but it still bore fruit in its own way.”
Because the climate and environment were not very favorable, the apricots had grown sparsely. Merlot had offered to bring better, tastier apricots, but Rose had deliberately made the compote with the apricots from the garden.
“At this rate, winter will be here before long.”
“Were you waiting for winter?”
“There’s so much I have to do with you. And it’s also the season when I first met you.”
Rose realized the premise omitted from the very beginning.
“Once I can see,” there’s so much I have to do with you.
Even on the night they had walked through the garden together, Ejekail had mentioned that his sight would have returned by the time winter came. That was not simply a mere wish, but a meaning that, no matter how late, a conclusion somehow had to be reached before then.
Because the positions he had left behind in the family and the army would not wait for him indefinitely without any promise.
This summer was a reprieve that would never come again for him, either.