Episode 25
“What are you talking about? A lemon? Where?”
“Where else? Inside a woman’s body. They say he put that in there because it would be troublesome if just anyone got pregnant.”
“Wow, that’s truly shocking……”
“But I guess it works. If it didn’t, the Valdemaera family would be overflowing with illegitimate children by now, but even if there are rumors that they play around shamelessly, there aren’t any rumors about bastards. Right?”
The students who were old enough also brought up Akenaus’s promiscuous private life for a brief moment. But before more than a few words had passed, the focus of their interest returned to Ezekail. It was only natural that they felt more interest and affection for Ezekail, who had saved them, than for Akenaus, whose face they had never even seen and who was surrounded by filthy rumors.
“So? Is Lord Ezekail like that too?”
“How would we know? But I…… I’d never thought about things like this before, but after seeing him, honestly, if he said he wanted me even once, I think I’d just close my eyes and sleep with him. And what’s wrong with sleeping once when you have the chance with a man that handsome and that exceptional? He’s a man I couldn’t even dream of marrying anyway. I’d experience him for one night and live the rest of my life on that memory.”
“Listen to her! You’re crazy, crazy.”
“Why? I agree. A man like that ought to spread his descendants around for the sake of future generations. Is there really no way to get a job at the Valdemaera mansion?”
“Well. But doesn’t a mansion as large as Valdemaera have dozens of people working there? Just how beautiful would you have to be to stand out above everyone else?”
“Wouldn’t someone like her be able to?”
The students, who had gathered in the dormitory room and been chattering noisily, suddenly pointed at Rose, who was sitting alone at her desk studying.
Rose lifted her head in surprise.
“What would be the point? She has no interest. Unni gets terribly shy when we talk about men. Look, she’s still stubbornly studying all by herself.”
“I know, right? If I had that face, I would’ve run straight out past the school gates that day. Who knows? He might fall for me at first sight.”
“How are you still turning pages in the middle of all this?”
Playful rebukes flew toward Rose, who had not joined the conversation.
Rose hesitated for a moment, then quietly closed her book. She had kept it open because it somehow felt embarrassing to fuss among the younger girls, but making a show of trying to concentrate had been useless. Ever since the man’s name had come up in earnest, she had not solved a single problem.
Besides, Ezekail of the Valdemaera family was someone she could never dare even look up at.
Because she had often been told by those around her that she was pretty and pleasing to the eye, she did think she must not be unpleasant to look at. But in the end, she was nothing more than a frog in a well who had never left a neighborhood or school full of people in similar circumstances. Rose knew her place very well. She was not one of those devastating beauties from history whose status had risen and whose lives had changed through their looks alone.
Moreover, if rarity was the question, Ezekail—young, handsome, and in possession of status, reputation, and wealth—was far rarer than she was, with neither money nor rank to her name. A man who lacked nothing would meet a woman who lacked nothing, just like him.
Rose smiled awkwardly and made an excuse.
“Something that absurd would never happen to me anyway.”
“We all know that too. But this is just imagining. What’s wrong with that? It doesn’t cost money to imagine, and no one’s going to arrest you for committing a crime.”
“That’s right. When else would we get a chance to feel excited like this? We call it a school, but our life is no different from a convent.”
“Unni, even after seeing him, you didn’t feel anything? Your heart didn’t pound, you didn’t want to kiss him?”
……She could not bring herself to deny it.
There was no way her heart had not trembled. There was no way she had not imagined kissing him. There was no way she had not wondered, and envied, what sort of extraordinary woman would discuss marriage with a man like that. And in doing so, there was no way she had not regretted her own insignificant status.
“Choose. Whether three people die, or whether you kill one.”
Before even imagining became a sin, before she began policing herself, she had certainly been that way.
Rose lowered her eyes and quietly brushed her lips. It still felt as if his warmth lingered inside the flesh of her lower lip, which was swollen and full.
The inside of the lips was not a part that could easily brush against others even by accident, like a hand or shoulder. The moment his touched her tender, secret inner lips, and a heat and texture different from her own seeped into her……
Her chest shuddered.
It was hot and distant.
It felt as though she might melt, as though she were being burned, as though it were as far away as a fantasy, and also as though her heart ached with numbness.
The man, who had seemed to taste her by slowly and gently touching the surface of her lips first, slipped through the slight parting that had opened. As though he wanted to swallow her whole in one breath, he stole all her air. She had no time to worry about her own clumsiness. Compared to him, who persistently entwined and swept his tongue against hers, her breathing was so shallow that all she could do was barely pant.
She could feel heat in his breath. The tongue that explored inside was hot too. Only then did she recall his condition.
She had nearly forgotten. He was still a patient in need of rest.
She hurriedly tapped his shoulder and whispered.
“Major, I don’t think you’ve recovered. You still have a fever……”
At her voice, which revealed her worry, he chuckled and replied.
“I don’t think that fever came from illness.”
Just when it seemed he was giving her a little room to breathe, he pressed his lips against hers again in a wet, clinging friction.
Was this what kissing was?
Was it such a dense, sticky communion? It was completely different from the feeling she had vaguely imagined in her head. It was as though she were standing in the middle of a raging storm. Her mind grew hazy from the deep immersion.
There was no way to control the moans that kept leaking out. It seemed the same was true for him. His low breathing tickled and dampened her ear.
She had never known the day would come when she would kiss someone, and she had known even less that the other person would be this man. It was overwhelming, yet even that burden was unbearably sweet.
Was that why?
Awareness came to her suddenly. The cold, stern rebuke of her conscience brushed against her ear.
Come to your senses. Don’t forget what you’ve done.
It was an instant. It felt as if her blood had turned cold. Her heart dropped with a thud. It would have been better if it had been an emotion that could be easily divided, like “I like this” or “I hate this.” A chilling self-reproach cut deeply through her heart.
She could not find her bearings. She could not forgive herself for having found it so sweet. Belatedly, she tried to pull her lips away and retreat. But the hand that had come to support the back of her head did not allow even an inch of deviation.
“Don’t run away.”
It was only one sentence. Compared to the tone he used when addressing other employees, it was not particularly forceful as an order. Or perhaps it was an unexpectedly gentle tone……
But to Rose, every word he spoke was an order. It was a shackle engraved by guilt. If he wanted something, she had no right to refuse.
And so she obeyed exactly as she had heard. Carefully parting her lips, she let him take as much as he wanted of her tender inner flesh.
For a long while, he rubbed, pressed, and sucked at her lips. Whenever her reason began to blur under the dizzying sensation that stirred her up, she forced herself to summon her memories and maintain a lucid consciousness. When she was finally released, her lips were so numb and tender that she hesitated even to touch them.
Rose let the hand that had been touching her lips fall.
It felt as though she had stepped forward knowing it was a bottomless swamp.
❖ ❖ ❖
Though several crises had come, he gradually improved. On the day the firmly closed bedroom door finally opened and Rose relayed Ezekail’s instruction to prepare bathwater outside, Mrs. Serva even grew teary-eyed.
“You’ve worked so hard, Rose.”
“He hasn’t fully recovered yet. He still has a bit of a fever even now, and he can suddenly worsen again, so he needs to rest more. The Major also thinks it’s too early to contact Dr. Briman.”
Unless his symptoms showed outwardly, Ezekail did not reveal every trifling ailment he was experiencing. To begin with, he was a man long accustomed to enduring considerable pain. So Rose, too, could only observe him closely and guess at his condition. From what she saw, the dizziness, retching, and tinnitus still seemed to remain. It was just that compared to the extreme withdrawal symptoms, this much was on the minor side, so he was probably ignoring it. She did not know whether it was fortunate or unfortunate that he was used to pain and discomfort.
“Still, isn’t it something that he has endured this far? Every time I heard something crashing and shattering loudly in that room, my heart shriveled up so badly…… Truly, if it hadn’t been for you, Rose, it would have been difficult. I never expected it would be such a painful time. I should have listened to you sooner.”
Mrs. Serva seemed to regret having dismissed Rose’s earlier advice to be wary of Rothernum and wine. She kept stroking Rose’s face and the backs of her hands.
“Just looking at your face, I can tell how hard it was. Look how gaunt you’ve become in that short time. And why are there bruises here and there…… goodness.”
Rose demurred awkwardly.
“The Major had it much harder. He was far more injured too.”
“Even so, how can you compare the body of a soldier who served as an officer to that of a delicate young lady? He doesn’t even blink at most wounds.”
Mrs. Serva shook her head.
“You saw those scars too, Rose. If he’d applied medicine properly and received proper treatment, the scars wouldn’t have been left to that extent. He must have barely treated them and then gone running around at the forefront of the front lines every time, and that’s how he ended up like that. It’s obvious without even seeing it. And Master is so robust that once he gets through this period, he’ll recover quickly too.”
She patted Rose’s shoulder.
“An ordinary external wound would be better, if anything. We all know it was the sort of aftereffect that drains the life out of a person. That’s exactly the sort of thing with no answer. Even so, thanks to you standing firmly by his side, Master was able to get through the hardest crisis. It’s easy to say, but not just anyone can do such a thing.”
Rose glossed over it with an ambiguous smile.
“You saved Master, Rose. Truly, you and Master are no ordinary connection. Thanks to Master happening to pass through Sielsa, Rose’s school was safe, and you also came to this mansion at precisely the right time, didn’t you?”