[Episode 19] - Nothing More Than Pity.
After that, the evening banquet ended with a single remark from the Queen Dowager that she was tired. I, too, no longer knew what else to say, so after exchanging only a few farewells, I headed to the guest room where the princess was resting.
...In the game, there hadn’t been many mentions of the First Queen. Only that she had died of illness, and that the king had truly loved her.
There had only been those small bits of background. Even when I searched my memories, I didn’t think there had been any explanation that the First Queen had blindly craved His Majesty’s love.
After hearing the Queen Dowager’s story, I tried, if only a little, to understand the First Queen, who had made an extreme choice because of love, and the king, who spent all day in his room longing for her.
‘Maternal love and romantic love are different... huh.’
But the more I mulled it over, the less I understood. They had loved each other so much, and yet they had given no love at all to the princess born from that love.
There is a saying that a child is a “blessing.”
To them, was the princess not a “blessing”?
Entering the guest room, I looked down at the princess, who was sleeping soundly beneath the blanket. With the blanket pulled all the way up over her head, she was curled up asleep, wandering dreamland with soft little breaths, unaware that I had come in.
When I gently lowered the blanket to her shoulders so she wouldn’t wake, Ainsel, tightly clutched in the princess’s hand, came into view. She must have talked with Ainsel under the blanket while waiting for me.
‘I’m glad I handed it to her when she left the banquet hall.’
I carefully pried open the princess’s tiny fingers one by one and rescued Ainsel from her grasp. When I wiped the mirror, which was covered in the princess’s fingerprints, Ainsel quietly revealed himself.
-Have you finished speaking with the Queen Dowager?
“...Yeah, it’s over. Did you have fun playing with the princess?”
-Yes. After the maid left, I chatted with the princess about small things. That boating today was fun, or that Her Majesty the Queen Dowager wasn’t as scary as she had thought.
Imagining the princess with the blanket pulled over her head, turning the space beneath it into her own secret base while whispering with Ainsel, made me smile for some reason.
Holding Ainsel so the princess wouldn’t wake, I quietly headed to the terrace. When I stepped out, the fragrant night breeze blowing from the garden swept through my hair.
I hung Ainsel back on my ear and sat on the terrace railing, looking down at the garden at night. Thanks to the bright starlight and moonlight, the garden was tinged with a faint blue glow, creating an atmosphere different from the daytime.
Unlike the night sky of a city, the moon shone brightly, scattering a gentle blue light over the dark garden, while jewel-like stars flowing like the Milky Way glittered and illuminated the garden together with the moonlight.
Was it because of the garden, imbued with the mild mood of a summer night? I felt my heart, which had been unsettled after hearing the Queen Dowager’s story about the First Queen, grow a little quieter.
“...The Queen Dowager told me about the First Queen.”
-......
“Even after hearing it, I didn’t know what to say. I don’t think it’s a story I can understand. Nor do I want to understand it. Ha.”
For some reason, a hollow laugh escaped me. Ainsel wouldn’t be able to say anything about the First Queen anyway, so this was no different from talking to myself. Frustrated, I rubbed my face and asked Ainsel.
“You said it, didn’t you? That Vivian performed the body-swapping ritual because she ‘was jealous of the First Queen, who was loved by the king.’ And that she failed.”
-...Yes, that’s right. Vivian truly loved the king that much. Enough to become the Second Queen because she wanted to be loved by him.
...None of them were normal.
Vivian, the king, the First Queen.
To me, none of them seemed normal.
Cooling my throbbing head in the night breeze, I continued thinking. First of all, what was certain was that the First Queen must not be in a sound state right now.
‘I don’t know if she’s dead or alive, but judging from the timeline, I should assume she’s somehow alive. Vivian married as the Second Queen after the First Queen’s suicide.’
And the reason that Vivian carried out the ritual was “because she was jealous of the First Queen, who was loved by the king.”
If so, there was a high possibility that Vivian and the First Queen had met. And after meeting the First Queen like that, perhaps Vivian had gone mad with jealousy after “seeing the First Queen being loved by the king.”
That was why she cast the body-swapping ritual.
‘It’s just a guess, but it’s probably right. The only thing Ainsel can talk about is the content of Vivian’s ritual. Considering the nature of fairies, who do not lie, that much must certainly be true.’
However, Vivian “failed” the ritual.
And as a result of that failure, I had entered Vivian’s body. Then what was the cause of the failure? To begin with, Vivian had been one of the thirteen “Witches of the Coven” said to exist in this world.
It was hard to believe that such a witch had failed because of some simple mistake. No, was it possible that she failed because she was blinded by jealousy and made a mistake? Ainsel and Sylphy had said they tried to stop Vivian, after all.
Why was Ainsel unable to talk about the First Queen in the first place? Had he made a “contract” with the First Queen? Not to speak about her? Then that would mean she, too, “can see fairies,” wouldn’t it?
“......Haa. I don’t know.”
The First Queen, probably alive.
The reason Vivian’s ritual failed.
Ainsel, who could not speak about the First Queen.
All of it could only be vaguely guessed at, and there was nothing I could know for certain. Cooling my head, heated from thought, in the night wind, I let out a long sigh.
“For now, I’ll think of it as you being threatened, Ainsel.”
-You...
“So once everything is over, you have to tell me. Got it?”
-...All right. I’m truly sorry.
At my words, Ainsel could only barely answer in a choked voice. Seeing him react like this, it seemed certain that someone really had forced him to keep silent.
“...Let’s go in. It’s cold.”
I must have been on the terrace for quite a while, because when the night breeze brushed against my body, goosebumps rose all over me. It was about time to return to the main palace as well, so I went back into the room to wake the sleeping princess.
When I entered the room, I saw the princess still sleeping soundly on the bed, breathing softly. I carefully sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the princess, sleeping with her body tightly curled up.
The sight of her lying on her stomach, all curled up, was just like a little puppy.
When I brushed the messy strands of hair on the princess’s cheek behind her ear, the portrait of the First Queen I had seen earlier came to mind. Perhaps because she was her daughter, they really did resemble each other.
In a voice so small it wouldn’t wake the princess, I asked Ainsel.
“The reason Vivian hated the princess... was it perhaps because she resembled the First Queen?”
-...Yes. That’s right. She said she hated that face resembling hers so much... and took her anger out on me.
Hearing Ainsel’s answer left a bitter taste in my mouth for some reason.
As I gazed intently at the princess’s peaceful sleeping face, I remembered the expression she had worn earlier in the room full of portraits, while looking at the First Queen’s portrait.
The princess calling the First Queen in the portrait “Mother,” looking so truly longing, as if she wanted to meet her, with that sorrowful expression—it kept flickering before my eyes.
Did this child, who yearned for her parents’ love, know that she had never once received anything from them that could be called love? Did the princess even know that, from the beginning, they had no interest in her at all?
They...
“His Majesty and the First Queen loved ‘only each other,’ and had no interest in the princess born as a result. Is this not what it means for ‘maternal love’ and ‘romantic love’ to be different?”
“......”
Bitter.
The taste in my mouth was terribly bitter.
I, too, did not “love” the princess. At most, it was “pity.” This feeling I felt while looking at the princess, unloved by her parents and left all alone in this vast royal castle, was nothing more than “pity.”
So I would help the princess only until the king came out of his room and everything returned to “the way it was supposed to be.” If everything returned to normal...
‘By then, she won’t need me by her side.’
I gently tidied the princess’s hair, thinking I should slowly wake her now. If I stayed here too long, Ellie in the main palace would surely worry.
Just as I was about to slowly shake the princess’s shoulder, the princess’s small hand tightly grasped my index finger. I looked down at it, let out another small sigh, and simply lay down on the bed.
Even after I lay down, the princess showed no sign of letting go of my finger. As if she were a child pleading with me not to go. Like a little child clinging to the hem of her mother’s clothes.
“...It can’t be helped.”
I let out a deep sigh like someone who had given up on everything, then pulled the blanket up to my waist and lay beneath it. If I pulled the blanket any higher, the princess looked like she would be buried under it all the way to the top of her head.
The Queen Dowager probably wouldn’t say anything if I spent just one day at the detached palace. To begin with, if the princess went to greet the Queen Dowager tomorrow morning, the Queen Dowager would surely be pleased.
So...
Even if I was a little uncomfortable today, it seemed I would have to sleep like this.
Over the blanket covering the princess up to her shoulders, I gently patted the princess’s body and drifted off to sleep. Between the waves of drowsiness that came blinking over me, I faintly heard Ainsel’s voice by my ear.
-...Sleep peacefully, Vivian. See you tomorrow.
Unable to answer that farewell, I fell asleep just like that.
*
She was in a white space.
The princess turned her head, trying to figure out where this place was. In a space entirely pure white in every direction, far away, she seemed to see two people—a man and a woman.
The princess realized who those two people were.
For some reason, her heart pounded, and feeling cold sweat break out, the princess ran after the backs of the two people. But no matter how much she ran, the distance between her and the two of them did not shrink.
“Mother..! Father..!”
She ran, and ran, and ran again.
The anxiety caused by the pure white space and the impatience of the distance not closing made the princess’s feet heavy. As if shackles had been fastened to them, as if something huge had grabbed hold of her.
“Take me with you..! Mother!”
Even so, for some reason, the princess felt she had to follow the two of them. She did not know why. It was just that, for some reason, she was busy chasing after them in this space.
The moment she somehow managed to take one step, then another, with footsteps so heavy it felt as if someone was holding her back, the princess was able to grab the clothing of the woman with black hair.
And the moment she raised her head in joy—
The princess woke from her sleep.
The moment she opened her eyes, the princess was able to confirm what it was she had been holding in her dream. The finger of Her Majesty the Queen, who was sleeping soundly beside her.
The dazzling, pure white light she had seen in her dream was the morning sunlight pouring in from the window. With half-asleep eyes, the princess half-raised herself and looked at Her Majesty the Queen’s finger, which she was holding.
Then, tilting her head as if she found it strange, she worked hard with her still-sleepy mind to recall the memories of last night. Surely, she had been playing and talking with Ainsel under the blanket..?
At some point, she must have fallen asleep, because when she opened her eyes, it was morning.
And beside her, Her Majesty the Queen was sleeping with her.
“Mm?”
Why is Her Majesty the Queen sleeping in my bed?
No matter how much she thought about it, the princess couldn’t understand. She fully sat up from where she had been half-raised, yawned so wide her mouth nearly split, and rubbed her sleepy eyes.
Then she shook the shoulder of Her Majesty the Queen, asleep beside her, urging her to hurry and wake up. Her Majesty the Queen woke with a “Guh!” and stared blankly at the princess with half-asleep eyes.
At that sight, the princess shook Her Majesty the Queen’s shoulder as if telling her to hurry and get up.
“Even if you are Her Majesty the Queen, you can’t sleep in my bed...”
“...??? Hm?? Your bed..? This is the detached palace, you know..?”
“The detached palace..?”
At the words “detached palace,” the princess whipped her head around to check her surroundings, and only then realized this was not the room she usually stayed in.
“Ah...”
Now fully awake, the princess finally remembered what she had said, and her face turned red with embarrassment.
Like a bright red, perfectly ripe apple.