Mildly Bleak IF [134 - Episode 1] - A Red Collar for You (4)
“I. Told. You.”
Titania spoke in clipped sentences as she continued slapping the maid across the left cheek. Smack! Smack! Smack! Exactly three times. After Titania struck the maid’s cheek three times, the maid’s knees gave way.
The maid collapsed onto the floor with a thud, tears dripping from her eyes as she clutched her cheek. It was not so much painful as unbearably hot, as though it had been burned by fire. She tried to soothe her heated cheek with her flowing tears, but to no avail.
The maid crawled across the floor, pleading with Titania to stop, saying that it hurt too much. But Titania only frowned, gazed coldly down at her, and said,
“Get up.”
“Ah, uh...”
The maid staggered as she somehow forced herself back to her feet. With trembling hands, she covered and hid her cheek, already swollen to its limit, but Titania paid it no mind and raised her hand above her head.
“Lower your hands.”
The hands that had been covering her bright-red, burning cheek trembled as they lowered. The maid stood with her hands demurely folded, gripping her left hand tightly with her right as she clenched her molars until the muscles in her jaw bulged.
It was an attempt to endure the pain somehow. She forcibly held back her trembling shoulders, gritted her teeth, and squeezed her eyes shut. Knowing that she would be struck again if she lowered her head, the maid held it upright.
“Take. Good. Care. Of Mother.”
Smack! Smack! Smack!!
Once again, three sharp cracks rang out, and the maid’s knees collapsed a second time. The pain was so severe that she wondered if her cheek had split open. In the end, the maid burst into tears and fell face-first onto the floor.
“I-I’m so-orry, I’m so-orry...”
Because her cheeks had swollen to such an extent, the maid could no longer pronounce her words properly. All she could do was bow her head repeatedly and beg Titania for forgiveness. But Titania’s anger showed no sign of abating.
“You were given this job because you’re the person the royal castle trusts most. That’s why I asked you. I told you to take good care of Mother. I told you to grant her whatever she wanted. But what is this supposed to be?”
“I’m so-orry... I’m really, really so-orry...”
“......”
If she herself had been poison, then the maid should have become the medicine. That was why she had entrusted Mother to the maid she trusted most in the royal castle. Yet reality had turned out like this. Even the maid treated Mother like a dog.
Only now did Titania think she understood why Mother’s condition had deteriorated more than she had expected. She felt sickened by her own complacency. Regret and resentment swept over Titania’s body like waves.
“Get up right—!”
Just as she raised her hand again in surging rage, Vivian’s figure entered the edge of Titania’s vision. Vivian was looking at her as though she could not believe what she was seeing, as though she were watching a play.
“...Get out of here at once. Go back to the main castle and keep quiet about this.”
Grind.
Clenching her teeth, Titania lowered the hand she had raised.
The maid roughly nodded her head, then fled from the room on all fours like a dog. Screech, bang! Along with the sound of the door closing, Titania hurried over to Vivian.
Even after witnessing Titania strike the maid as though she meant to burst her cheeks, Vivian’s expression remained cold, as though she felt nothing at all. Titania spoke again, her heart growing anxious.
“......Mother, are you all right...?”
Vivian gave a derisive laugh and harshly shook off the hand Titania extended toward her. At the stinging pain on the back of her hand, Titania lowered her head and looked at Vivian, who was glaring at her as though she wanted to kill her.
Vivian looked up at Titania with a vicious stare and sneered. To Vivian, this situation—Titania beating the maid—looked like nothing more than a ‘play.’ After all, who was it that had put a collar around her neck in the first place?
“How am I supposed to behave now? Should I crawl around in front of you? Or should I perform tricks like a pet? Make animal noises? Is that what I’m supposed to do now?”
“......”
“Say something. How exactly am I supposed to behave toward you? Are you truly trying to treat me like a pet? Didn’t you put this collar on me so you could treat me like a pet, just as your maid said?”
“N-No... That’s not it. I—”
“So now I understand. I understand why you shackled me and put a collar around my neck. Running away was merely a pretty excuse, wasn’t it? Do you even see me as your mother? No, of course you don’t. That’s why you put this dog collar on me.”
“I... I only wanted Mother to...”
I only wanted Mother to understand, just a little, the pain I had felt. It was only because she kept running away whenever I told her not to. That was why I got angry, too. Because I wanted Mother not to leave me.
The words that had risen to her throat would not leave her mouth. They were nothing more than excuses. Excuses meant to placate Mother. In the end, Titania could not bring herself to say anything.
At that silence, Vivian screamed.
“I am not your pet!!”
She screamed in a voice filled with rage that tore through her very lungs. She clawed at the dog collar around her neck as though she meant to rip it apart, howling like a madwoman. Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed while staring at Titania.
“Do you know what I felt when I raised you?! Everything I did was for you!! How could you... How could you look at me that way...? I... I...!”
At the sight of her mother howling at the top of her lungs as she looked at her, Titania took a step backward and shook her head. The green eyes staring at her were empty, unfocused.
“No. No. I’ve never looked at Mother that way. I... I only...”
Titania flinched and trembled at the raw emotions pouring over her. As she faced her mother’s sharp, hostile gaze, a single tear ran down Titania’s cheek.
“B-Because Mother kept abandoning me... Because you kept running away from me... I-I have no one but you... I only need Mother... You’re the one who’s wrong, Mother...”
Along with the tears spilling down her face, the hatred she had built up until now melted away. Within that hatred, melting like ice, was the same sincere affection she had always held for her mother.
In the end, Vivian was not the only one who collapsed. Faced with the sharp hatred pouring from her mother, Titania realized that this was not what she had wanted. What she had truly wished for from Mother was—
“You lied first, Mother. How long did I wait... How long did I wait for you? I waited only for you, but you abandoned me with nothing but a single letter. You left me here and went away. So I...”
“Titania, I—”
“I-I begged you...! I pleaded with you...! I told you not to abandon me, not to run away...! But Mother keeps trying to leave me! What am I supposed to do?! What am I supposed to do?! Please, I don’t want to be alone anymore... I’ll do anything... Just stay by my side. Please don’t hate me...”
She only wanted her mother to stay by her side.
Titania sank to the floor and begged Vivian again and again. She clung to her, over and over. Gently taking Vivian’s fingertips in her hands, she wept and wept like a child afraid of being abandoned.
Please love me. Please don’t abandon me. Please don’t hate me. Please want me. Please tell me you need me. I only need Mother by my side. I don’t need anything else. I’m sorry.
Vivian merely listened with a sorrowful expression as Titania poured out those disjointed words between sobs. Her hatred and guilt became hopelessly tangled inside her, transforming into emotions she could not express in words.
‘Had she been in that much pain?’
She had only wanted her daughter to stand on her own.
‘Had she been this sad?’
She had only been thinking about her daughter’s future.
Vivian looked at Titania, who was clutching her fingertips and crying like a little child. The sight of Titania crying like the six-year-old child she had once been was enough to turn all the hatred Vivian had felt until now into guilt.
As she stroked Titania’s fingertips, Vivian began to cry as well. She had truly believed that Titania would be fine even if she left. She had believed that Titania would leave the nest she had built and soar freely through the vast sky.
But Titania could not fly. She had fallen to the ground and remained there. After Vivian pushed her out of the nest, Titania could not even flap her wings; she could only crawl along the ground. This was the result.
At the foot of the tree beneath the nest, she was crying out for her mother, begging her to help, begging her to save her. And Vivian had merely looked down at her sobbing daughter.
You can do it.
You’ll be able to manage.
I believe in you.
She had encouraged her daughter, who looked as though she might die at any moment, offering nothing but meaningless words of support. She had not even reached out a hand, merely widening the distance between them. And this was the result.
Vivian slowly moved the fingers holding Titania’s fingertips and clasped her hand tightly. The fingers still damp from wiping away tears intertwined with Titania’s, as though they would never come apart again.
Titania tightened her interlaced fingers and, overcome by even greater emotion, sobbed as she whispered to Vivian, having thrown away all her pride.
‘Please don’t abandon me. Please stay by my side. Please don’t run away. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was wrong. I only didn’t want to be separated from Mother.’
At Titania’s choked sobs and whispers, Vivian gently lowered her head and pressed her forehead against Titania’s. Stroking Titania’s cheek with one hand, Vivian whispered as well.
‘I won’t run away anymore. I’ll stay by your side. I love you too. It’s all right. It’s all right. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I left you behind. I’ll stay by your side from now on. Titania. Titania. Titania.’
As though soothing her aching heart, she brushed Titania’s face. Titania gradually leaned into her and began clinging to Vivian. Like a child asking to be held, she embraced Vivian and refused to let go. Looking down at the daughter who was suffering from the wounds Vivian herself had inflicted and clinging to her because of them, Vivian gave a bitter smile.
It was Vivian who had given her wounds that could never heal, and Vivian who had caused her to harbor such poisonous emotions. Vivian had no intention of easily forgiving what Titania had done to her, but...
It was also true that she no longer felt hatred toward her.
The time they spent pouring out their emotions did not last long. In the end, Titania lost all her strength from crying and passed out, still sobbing. Vivian embraced Titania, who had fallen asleep with her head resting on Vivian’s lap, and laid her down on the bed.
Even in sleep, the girl searched for her, murmuring, “Mom, Mom.” Seeing her daughter like that, Vivian was reminded of the past. Recalling the happy, joyful memories she had shared with Titania, Vivian gave a sorrowful smile.
As she continued stroking Titania’s hair and soothing her, Titania shifted in her sleep. At that moment, a small key slipped from Titania’s pocket and fell to the floor.
Vivian knew what the key was without needing to be told.
After taking the key that had fallen from Titania’s pocket, Vivian quietly undid the dog collar around her neck. When she turned the key, the collar came loose with a cheerful click.
It felt as though she had regained the humanity she had lost. Vivian gave a bitter smile at the sensation of finally becoming human again, neatly set the collar aside, and looked down at Titania, sleeping soundly in her bed.
Her daughter, clinging to her so pitifully that it broke her heart.
Vivian felt as though another shackle had been fastened around her. It was as though a shackle named Titania had bound her tightly. Yet she did not find it unpleasant. Rather, she even thought that it might not be so bad.
Was this a normal emotion? Or was it a twisted one?
Vivian stroked Titania’s cheek, then lay down beside her and quietly went to sleep. Sharing a bed with Titania again after so long was, truthfully, as comfortable as it was something she had missed.
*
The first thing Titania saw when she woke was none other than her mother’s face, peacefully asleep beside her.
Only after waking did Titaniya remember what she had done to her mother the day before. Her face flushed bright red with guilt, shame, and all manner of other emotions.
Should I sneak back to my room now? What should I do? Just as Titaniya was fumbling indecisively, she noticed that the collar she had fastened around her sleeping mother’s neck was gone.
Even though her mother had taken the collar off herself, seeing her still here made Titaniya feel as though she might burst into tears. She was so happy that her mother had stayed by her side instead of running away.
Titaniya gently tidied her sleeping mother’s hair and gazed down at her. As expected, whenever she looked at her mother’s face, what stirred deep within her chest was ‘affection.’
She had been imprinting the sight of her sleeping mother in her eyes for the first time in a long while when, at last, her mother awoke and blinked. Her mother merely rolled her eyes up to glance at Titaniya, then smiled with the corners of her eyes curved.
“...Good morning.”
“...Yes, good morning.”
Why did such a simple morning greeting make her heart flutter so much? Feeling as though she might burst into tears at any moment, Titaniya forced a bashful smile to hide her emotions and answered Bibian.
Then, she brushed aside the hair that had fallen over her mother’s face and asked,
“Why are you still here?”
“......Who knows? Why do you think I stayed?”
Bibian gave a quiet chuckle and looked up at Titaniya. Titaniya also smiled down at Bibian. As they gazed at each other with smiles on their faces, the room gradually filled with the sound of their laughter.
When their laughter died down, Bibian let out a sigh, rose from the bed, and approached Titaniya. Standing right before Titaniya’s face, Bibian raised her hand and stroked Titaniya’s head.
Titaniya still did not like being treated as a ‘little child’ by Bibian. Frowning as though slightly irritated, Titaniya gently brushed away Bibian’s hand from her head.
“Because I thought staying by your side was the right choice for now.”
“...You only realized that now?”
“Yes. I was being foolish.”
Bibian chuckled softly. After lifting her head for a moment to look at Titaniya’s face, she stroked Titaniya’s cheek with a sorrowful expression. Was it because she had spent all this time trying only to push Titaniya away?
It seemed like it had been a long time since she had looked so closely at Titaniya’s face.
“...You cut your hair.”
“...It’s been a while.”
“I knew, but I don’t think I ever said anything.”
The hand that had moved down Titaniya’s cheek reached the hair falling over her shoulders. Seeing that her hair had been cut to half its former length, Bibian smiled and stroked Titaniya’s head.
“It suits you.”
“Did you know that cutting my hair was your fault, too?”
“...I thought it might be.”
And so Titaniya and Bibian exchanged small, ordinary stories with each other. Titaniya told her how she had lived during the time she had been without her mother, while Bibian spoke of how she had lived in the cabin.
Their conversation blossomed, filling the room. They unraveled the stories they had been unable to share until now, continuing to speak as though closing the distance between them that had grown while they had kept each other at arm’s length.
They had been talking for a while when Bibian placed her hand over the back of Titaniya’s and met her gaze. The atmosphere had turned somewhat serious, so Titaniya quietly met Bibian’s eyes and listened.
“...I promise I’ll stay by your side from now on.”
“Really...?”
“...Yes. Unless you push me away first, I won’t leave your side.”
“......”
Bibian smiled brightly and held out her little finger to Titaniya. When Titaniya did not extend hers, as though she found the promise difficult to believe, Bibian forcibly took her hand and hooked their little fingers together.
Titaniya looked at their forcibly linked fingers and let out a quiet chuckle.
“Considering all the promises you’ve broken to me, even a thousand needles wouldn’t be enough...”
“Th-this time, I really mean it. I’ll truly keep it...”
At Bibian’s flustered appearance, Titaniya giggled softly and looked down at their linked little fingers. Her mother’s little finger was demurely hooked around her own.
Watching their entwined hands bob up and down as though urging her to seal the promise, Titaniya gave a hollow laugh. If she let herself be deceived again this time, she truly had no idea what she ought to do with her mother.
“...I’ll believe you one last time.”
At Titaniya’s answer—that she believed her—a radiant smile bloomed across Bibian’s face. As though they had finally made peace, Bibian squeezed their linked little fingers tightly and looked at Titaniya.
Bibian wore an expression that seemed to ask for something. She raised only her eyes slightly toward Titaniya, making her request as though she were acting coquettishly. Titaniya gave a quiet chuckle at the attitude and looked at Bibian.
“Th-then, since we’ve made up... may I leave now?”
“.....”
A brief silence passed. At Titaniya’s gaze, which seemed to ask, Surely you don’t intend to keep me locked up here forever, do you?—Bibian let out a low groan. As though she had finished thinking, Titaniya opened her mouth—
“...I’ll allow you as far as the garden.”
“What...?”
She still had no intention of letting Bibian go.
*Chapter 135 continues with A Walk.*