[Episode 133] — Dependence (2)
“...I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy with work. I’m really late, aren’t I?”
“N-no, not really. On the contrary, being alone gave me plenty of time to think, which was nice.”
Titania lowered her gaze slightly and looked down at Vivian. Though her mother said she had enjoyed being alone, her face was plainly steeped in relief, utterly unlike her words.
She had noticed that Titania was coming and gone as far as the door to greet her. The comfortable expression she wore as she let out a sigh of relief. The fingers that twitched restlessly, not knowing where to put themselves. Her mother was unmistakably different from how she had been four days ago.
Watching her, Titania curved the corners of her eyes into a smile, took Vivian’s fidgeting hand, and led her into the room. Through their joined hands, she could feel her mother’s hand trembling faintly.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to come see you as often as possible, but I can hardly find the time.”
“A-ah, no, it’s all right. Hoo...”
Titania smiled again at the sight of Vivian letting out another sigh of relief. Right now, her mother looked just like a puppy who had thought it had been abandoned by its owner.
‘Did she understand how I felt, even a little?’
The loneliness of being left alone. It was something no one could understand without experiencing the pain themselves. That was why Titania intended to make Vivian experience it firsthand—the Vivian who had pushed her away once again.
How tormented and lonely she had been while her mother was gone.
‘I’m sorry, but it’s all your fault, Mother.’
Perhaps four days had been too long. Seeing Vivian so anxious made Titania feel both sorry for her and fond of her. She could not help smiling at her mother’s change, as though she had finally begun to understand Titania’s feelings, if only a little.
Vivian, who had been fidgeting with her fingers, sighed once more before lifting her head to look at Titania. Then, as if wanting to end this situation as quickly as possible, she urged Titania on.
“So, have you thought it over?”
“...Thought about what?”
For a moment, a surge of emotion welled up inside Vivian. Seeing Titania tilt her head and look at her with an attitude and expression as though she had completely forgotten, Vivian grew angry and raised her voice.
“You...! You said you needed time to sort out your thoughts! You asked me to wait for you...! So...!”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to think about anything personal. You understand, don’t you? You know what position I’m in now. Being queen isn’t exactly a comfortable position.”
Vivian’s shoulders trembled. Faced with an answer that made it impossible for her to keep getting angry, she bit her lower lip and somehow swallowed her anger.
With an expression that seemed genuinely apologetic, Titania knelt on one knee, placed both hands over the back of Vivian’s hand, and held it. Then she smiled sweetly and looked up at Vivian.
“I’m truly sorry. Honestly, how could I make a decision like this? The only reason I can endure something this difficult and painful is because you’re by my side, Mother.”
“......”
“So, could you give me just a little more time to think? I don’t know when I’ll be able to sort out my thoughts, but... I ‘promise’ I’ll sort them out as ‘quickly’ as I can. When that time comes...”
Titania glanced at Vivian’s shackles. It was a look that seemed to say she would unlock them once she had finished thinking. A look designed to create that ‘illusion.’
In the end, Vivian silently nodded.
“Thank you so much, Mother. I really think I’m able to endure all this because of you. It’s been so difficult ever since I became queen. So please stay by my side for just a little while longer. All right?”
“...All right.”
In the end, Vivian clenched her teeth and answered.
Titania’s voice, particularly the words ‘just a little while,’ seemed to linger in her ears. How could she refuse when Titania was pleading this desperately? Besides, she had promised it would only be for a little while. Surely a little while would be all right.
“It really is... only for a little while.”
Vivian narrowed her brows, opened her eyes wide, and stared at Titania. Titania smiled as if she were truly happy and nodded.
The moment Vivian gave her permission—
“Well then, I’ll be going now.”
“Wh-what? Already...?”
“Yes. I only made time to see your face, Mother. I have to get back right away.”
Titania spoke coldly and rose from her seat. How many minutes had passed? At the sight of Titania preparing to leave before even ten minutes had gone by, Vivian’s pupils shook as if an earthquake had struck.
“I’ll come see you sooner next time.”
“Ah...”
Titania offered her a brief farewell. As she turned around at once and headed out of the room, Vivian instinctively reached out, then flinched and hurriedly returned her hand to its place.
‘What would I accomplish by holding her back? She said she’d come again soon anyway.’
With an awkward smile, Vivian simply watched Titania leave the room. She did not even say goodbye. She merely watched.
Once the room had fallen silent again, Vivian drew in a deep breath and slowly exhaled.
In the room so quiet that even the air seemed still, the only sound lingering in her ears was her own breathing. It was so deathly silent that the voice she had heard moments ago seemed like a lie.
‘...I’ll wait.’
Vivian let out a small sigh and collapsed face-first onto the bed. She shook the shackles fastened around her ankles beneath the bed, filling the room with the clinking sound of chains, if only to make the silence disappear a little.
‘...She promised.’
Titania had said she would come sooner next time. Surely she would come within two days at the latest. With nothing but the thought of waiting for Titania, Vivian quietly closed her eyes and tried to sleep.
But the next time Vivian would see Titania—
It would be exactly one week after this day.
*
Vivian began ordering alcohol from the maids instead of things like books. Drinking made her melancholy disappear, and she could fall asleep quickly. She had started drinking to make time pass faster.
The first two days passed very quickly. The moment she became drunk, she fell asleep, and then she would get drunk and fall asleep again. But as time passed, her tolerance gradually increased, and she had to drink more and more before she could get drunk.
As empty bottles accumulated in the room day after day, another day passed, then two, three, four. On the exact fourth day since Titania had visited her room, Vivian ended up making a ridiculous mistake.
When Vivian awoke, clutching her head from the hangover, she saw a note lying on her desk and her expression twisted. The brief message written on it read:
[It would be best if you drank only a little. You wouldn’t wake up no matter how much I tried, so I’m leaving this note behind. Next time, I’d like to see your face while you’re awake.]
“Ah...!”
Realizing that Titania had come and gone while she was asleep, Vivian frowned in irritation. The thought that she had missed Titania, who came once every four days, because she had been drunk made her irritation boil over.
“You said you’d come often! You said you’d come sooner than last time! Then why in the world...!”
She had been about to ask why Titania was taking so long, but her throat choked up and no words came out. When would Titania finally finish making up her mind? Vivian wanted to break these damned shackles and run away right that instant.
The anger that surged up uncontrollably was not directed only at Titania. Veronica, Ainsel, and even Katarina became targets of her fury. Asking why none of them came to visit, Vivian screamed aloud.
Consumed by burning irritation, Vivian picked up one of the bottles lying haphazardly on the floor, uncorked it, and began pouring the alcohol into her mouth. Titania would not come again for another four days anyway. So...
Drip, drip.
Tears slipped silently down Vivian’s cheeks.
Large tears flowed uncontrollably down her face before falling to the floor. Was it because she had been overcome by the alcohol, or by her agitation? Perhaps it was both.
“Haa... You said it would only be a little while...”
Vivian wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, let out a deep sigh, and slumped down onto the bed. She had thought she would simply drink until Titania returned, but from that day onward, Vivian gradually reduced the amount she drank.
It would be troublesome if she got drunk again and failed to meet Titania. Vivian resolved to drink only enough to avoid becoming completely intoxicated—only enough to remain conscious.
*
Another three days passed. On the day it had been exactly one week since she had last seen Titania’s face, Vivian sat on the bed drinking, using the clinking of her chains as accompaniment.
“Have you been drinking all day again?”
The door opened gently, and Titania entered the room with a sweet smile. The sight of Titania’s face after a week sent countless indescribable emotions surging up from the depths of Vivian’s heart.
She wanted to shout and ask why Titania had taken so long, yet she was also happy to see her after so long. Vivian wanted to say something—anything—to Titania, but she did not know what to say and merely moved her lips soundlessly.
In the end, Vivian sharply turned her head away, avoiding Titania’s gaze. She had been angry because she had wanted to see her so badly, but now that Titania was actually here, Vivian somehow felt as though she did not want to meet her. It was a contradictory emotion.
“Even though I told you that you could do whatever you wanted in this room, it’s troubling if you only drink like this. Or are you protesting against me in this manner?”
Vivian took a drink from her glass, gave a derisive laugh, and glared at Titania. ‘Why would I protest against you?’
Titania had asked her to give her time to think ‘for a little while longer,’ and it was Vivian herself who had agreed to wait. That ‘little while’ had simply grown too long, making her angry. This feeling was neither more nor less than that, Vivian told herself as she downed the alcohol in her hand and soothed her burning insides.
Titania let out a quiet laugh as she gazed at Vivian, who looked thoroughly enraged. She picked up a wine bottle rolling across the floor and approached the place where Vivian’s gaze was directed.
“So much alcohol, all by yourself... It would have been nice if you’d called me instead of drinking alone.”
“Me? Call you? Ha!”
Vivian let out an incredulous laugh and glared irritably at Titania. But Titania ignored her gaze, shook the bottle in her hand, and looked at Vivian.
The moment their eyes met, an inexplicable queasiness made Vivian even more irritated. That girl, who gazed only at her while gently curving her eyes in a coquettish smile, was someone Vivian could never hate after all.
How could she hate that girl? She had raised Titania sincerely and lovingly for over a decade. No matter what Titania did to her, Vivian could never truly hate her.
In the end, Vivian turned her head sharply to avoid Titania’s gaze, clicked her tongue, and answered in a sarcastic tone. She swirled her glass, speaking as though teasing a child for her youthful bravado.
“Do you even know how to drink alcohol before you talk like that? You’ve only just become an adult. What business does a kid have drinking...”
At that moment, the cork popped free from the wine bottle in Titania’s hand with a soft pop and fell to the floor, rolling away. Holding the bottle, Titania approached Vivian with a sweet smile—
“......”
“Wh-why...?”
She merely curled her lips into a smile.
A heavy silence settled between them for a moment. Then Titania brought the mouth of the bottle straight to her lips and began pouring the wine into her mouth as if she were drinking water.
Had Vivian ever imagined Titania drinking like that? Titania’s throat bobbed several times to the sound of her gulping, and the wine bottle gradually tilted higher. In an instant, Titania had drunk half of it.
Startled by the sight of Titania holding the wine in her mouth, Vivian could only stare blankly at her. No matter what, drinking like that had to hurt her stomach. Vivian could not help worrying.
And as she stared blankly—
“Mm—?!”
It happened in an instant. A sense of déjà vu washed over her, and Vivian’s eyes widened as she thought that something like this had happened once before.
No—Titania had already done this to her once.
Titania suddenly lowered her head and claimed Vivian’s lips, supporting Vivian’s face with both hands as though gripping her jaw like a cup. She twisted and rubbed at Vivian’s mouth, grinding her lips together forcefully in an attempt to pry them open.
Vivian struck Titania’s shoulders and pushed her away, telling her to go away, telling her to stop, but it was useless. In the end, Titania pressed down on Vivian’s jaw and forced her lips apart.
Once again, Titania had done this to her.
The wine Titania had been holding in her mouth flowed through the narrow gap between Vivian’s lips, filling her mouth. With bubbling, gurgling sounds, the wine traveled down Vivian’s throat.
Like a mother bird feeding her chick, Vivian’s mouth was filled in an instant with the wine Titania passed to her. Vivian came to her senses and tried to spit it out, but Titania did not allow her to.
A tongue slipped between their lips in an instant and stirred the wine inside Vivian’s mouth intensely. The moment Vivian realized that Titania’s tongue had entered her mouth, she sprang up where she stood.
“Mm! Mmph!!”
No matter how loudly Vivian cried out, Titania would not let her go. Their tongues tangled forcefully, and saliva mixed with wine dripped between their lips and ran down Vivian’s chin.
The white negligee she was wearing was stained red in an instant. With the sensation that her mouth had become a wineglass, Vivian’s mind grew hazy. She felt as though she might lose her breath at any moment.
The brutally forceful kiss continued until Vivian came to her senses and bit down on Titania’s lips. The instant a crunch sounded in her mouth, Titania pulled away from Vivian.
“Haa, haa...! You, honestly... Again...!”
Titania took a step back and smiled radiantly. She looked down at Vivian while licking with her tongue the ‘something’ mixed with saliva and wine that had trickled from the corner of her mouth. It was an incredibly bewitching smile.
Vivian hated seeing Titania smile like that while looking at her. She now knew what that smile meant when Titania looked at her that way. That smile was—
“How was it? I know how to drink now, don’t I?”
It was the smile Titania wore when she looked at Vivian not as her ‘mother,’ but as a ‘woman.’