Chapter 98
Sleepless nights followed one after another. With the unending insomnia, Rowina’s nerves were worn down a little more each day. Around the same time, a strange rumor began circulating through the Ludville estate.
It was the dead of night, when everything lay buried in darkness. A servant making his rounds on guard duty caught sight of a pale, indistinct figure in the distance, and his eyes flew wide.
“Gah!”
There was a woman wandering about in a white chemise, her long hair hanging loose. The frozen servant barely managed to open his mouth.
“W-who’s there!”
Instead of answering, the woman slowly lifted her head. At that moment, a gust of wind blew in and snuffed out the flame of the lamp that had been flickering precariously. The terrified servant stumbled backward and fell flat on his backside.
“D-don’t come any closer!”
“What is it? What’s all this noise?”
Another servant, woken belatedly by the shout, flung open a window. The man sitting on the ground pointed into the air with a face gone deathly pale.
“There… a ghost!”
“What?”
“……”
“What are you talking about? There’s nothing there. You must’ve seen things. Tsk…”
Clicking his tongue in annoyance, his fellow servant slammed the window shut. Flustered, the man pointed again to where the woman had been standing.
“No! She was right there!”
But he could not finish. As if no one had ever been there at all, the place was empty.
The rumor of a ghost roaming the courtyard barefoot, with her long hair loose, spread through the estate like wildfire.
Even amid that commotion, Rowina’s mind was fixed entirely not on this place, but on the harbor where Cedric and Damian had disappeared.
Every morning, as soon as dawn broke, she went there, and stayed until late at night as though waiting for a miracle. But no matter how long she waited, the news she wanted never came. The possibility of Damian’s survival, which she clung to like a lifeline, grew fainter by the day, and each time, all her anger and resentment turned toward one man alone.
Her hatred reached its peak when she was denied access to the harbor for health reasons.
Crash.
The moment Killian opened the door and entered the room, a vase that had narrowly grazed his cheek shattered against the wall beside him. No sooner had he touched his lightly cut cheek and confirmed the blood than accusations poured down on him.
“Drop dead!”
“Rowina.”
“Who are you to stop me? By what right? With what shame?”
Rowina rushed at him, grabbed Killian by the collar, and shook him. Her arms were so slender they looked as if they would snap if twisted. Seeing her body grown so thin that her collarbones jutted out starkly, Killian clenched his teeth for a moment, then slowly covered Rowina’s hands with his own.
“Look at yourself right now. Do you think you’re normal?”
“Spare me your useless concern!”
Rowina snapped sharply and shook him off. But he immediately caught her wrist.
“Let go! You disgust me, so right now—”
“Look.”
Dragging the struggling woman along, Killian stood her in front of the full-length mirror. Rowina flinched at the sight of a mirror after so long, then turned her head and slowly swept her gaze over herself.
The woman staring back at her looked no different from a madwoman. Her hair was messily disheveled, her cheeks sunken, and the hollows beneath her eyes made her look so skeletal that anyone seeing her at night would recoil.
“This is you right now. Every time you go to the harbor, you waste away more and more.”
Killian spoke as if chewing the words out between his teeth, then released her wrist.
“I forbade it because at this rate, you looked like you’d be in a coffin soon. Have you come to your senses now?”
Even to his own ears, his tone was cold and merciless. His chest throbbed painfully at the sight of the face crumpling in the mirror, but he could no longer retreat.
Rowina—his one and only woman—was standing at the edge of a cliff swept by a violent storm. He could not let her throw herself down below. That could never happen. Even if he had to take upon himself every blade-like wind and every ounce of resentment.
“You have to find Damian. And that man too. But before that, you mustn’t die.”
“You killed them, didn’t you?”
Rowina, who had frozen at the shocking sight of herself, whipped around. A chilling madness flashed in her green eyes. It was the madness of someone whose body had caught fire and who would embrace the other person to drag them down into hell with her.
“You killed them, and now you’re doing this to me, aren’t you? Isn’t that right?”
“Is that what you want to believe?”
At the question that came back, a sharp crack rang through the room. Rowina had slapped his cheek with all her strength, and she pressed him.
“Answer only yes or no.”
“No.”
“You’re lying…”
Rowina shoved Killian away roughly and staggered backward. Tears ran down her cheeks. Killian reached out to wipe them away, then slowly clenched his fist and lowered his hand.
The answer she wanted had already been decided. But the moment he spoke that answer, the ending would be decided as well.
It was neither strange nor shocking. He knew the wrongs he had committed against this woman. A terrible mistake born of arrogance that had stretched on without end. It would be better if she resented him and killed him instead. But the first choice a woman who had lost everything would make was obvious. And he was terrified of it to the point of horror.
If Rowina were to take her own life. That, at least, he could neither suppose nor imagine. The mere thought made every nerve and muscle in his body seem to shrivel in pain.
“If you want to, believe that.”
“What?”
At the unexpected words, Rowina doubted her ears and narrowed her eyes.
“I’m your paramour, aren’t I? As I said last time. And besides…”
“……”
“I’m the one clinging to you.”
So you can toy with me however you like, use me, and make a mockery of me.
The moment she understood what he meant, it felt as if someone had poured cold water over the crown of Rowina’s head. At the same time, her ragged breathing gradually calmed.
“Right. That’s how it was.”
He meant to continue that ridiculous “game.” While she stood there dumbfounded by the absurdity of it, her cold tears gathered at her chin and fell. Rowina staggered to the couch and sank down, bending forward to massage her throbbing temples with both hands.
“Another headache…”
“Come to think of it, I don’t need you anymore.”
“……”
Alarmed by her sudden action, Killian moved toward her, but Rowina cut him off and slowly raised her face.
“……
What?”
“I said I’m sick of you. When you held your head high and looked down on me, I thought there’d be some fun in making you submit, but now I’m not interested, and it isn’t fun anymore. I’m fed up. So much that I think this must be why you abandoned me too.”
At her last words, the skin beneath Killian’s eyes twitched faintly. Rowina waved her hand as if shooing away a bothersome insect and leaned back against the sofa.
“Get out of my sight. Forever. And never appear before me again.”
She did not want to think about this man anymore. She intended to gather what money she had left and stay in a small house near the harbor. If she prayed and waited every single day, someday Damian might come back into her arms, calling, “Mama.” She wanted to hold on to even that small hope.
A heavy silence wound itself around the two of them. Killian slowly approached her.
Rowina glared up at him, warning him with her eyes not to come any closer. Paying no heed, Killian moved and stood behind her.
“That’s right. I’m an arrogant son of a bitch.”
At the voice above her head, Rowina tilted her head back and met the icy-blue gaze looking down at her. In that instant, she was reminded all over again of the man called Killian Devonshire.
Though he had handed her his leash and behaved himself, he was still a beast hiding sharp fangs that could swallow her whole at any moment.
“That’s why I want to be tamed.”
A large hand lightly wrapped around the base of her throat. He could feel her pulse beating rapidly. His sharpened gaze then moved down past her pitifully gaunt cheek and along the line of her translucent neck, where the veins stood out.
Under that strange gaze, Rowina felt like prey caught in a snare. A chill crawled over the nape of her neck, and cold sweat ran down her spine.
“……
And so?”
Swallowing dryly, Rowina quickly came back to her senses. This feeling was nothing more than a woman’s instinct toward an overwhelmingly dominant male.
“I told you I’m sick of you. Go find another master. There must be plenty of women who’d welcome you gladly.”
“That, I won’t do.”
“I don’t care whether you hate me or resent me. But you may not abandon me.”
“That’s not what you promised.”
“Ah, did you believe that?”
The corners of his mouth lifted in a way so infuriating she wanted to kill him. She was clearly the one holding the leash, yet the gaze staring at the hand that held it often made her falter.
Rowina arched her brows, raised her nails, and swiped at him. She wanted to wound his throat the way he had wrapped his hand around hers, but unfortunately his buttons were fastened all the way up to his neck.
Instead, another wound was carved over the cut on his cheek where the shard had just grazed him. He should have at least grimaced, but Killian did not so much as blink as he caught her hand.
Then an urgent knock forced its way between them.
“Your Highness!”
The one who opened the door in a hurried voice was one of Killian’s subordinates. The moment he released Rowina and turned around, the man continued quickly.
“I believe you must come at once.”
No sooner had he finished speaking than Killian followed the man out of the room. Rowina sprang up from the couch and hurried to the window. Then she silently glared after the carriage as it moved away.
* * *
He was definitely hiding something.
Even if he was not the culprit behind the explosion, it was certain he knew some important fact connected to it. Though his important business here had already ended, Killian often left the estate in a hurry, just as he had that afternoon.
Chewing anxiously on her fingernails, Rowina opened the door to the passage she had happened to discover before in the darkness of the night. After confirming that no one was around, she entered the long passage as she remembered it.
Creeeak.
Beyond the door that opened with a dreary sound was none other than Killian’s bedroom. She intended to search for even the smallest clue while he was asleep.
Rising onto her tiptoes, she crept toward the bed, but the person she had thought would be sleeping was not there. Startled by the empty bed, Rowina hesitated for a moment. But her hesitation was brief.
“There has to be something here somewhere.”
Biting her lower lip, she began opening the drawers of the bedside table one by one. The moment she opened the third drawer, she sensed someone behind her.
“Rowina.”