Episode 97
“We found nothing of the sort.”
“Then!”
“It means there are no survivors.”
Just as Rowena’s eyes flashed and she moved as if to cling to the investigator’s sleeve, a voice approaching from behind stopped her.
“Killian!”
It was a name that had burst from her mouth for the first time in so long. Rowena, her eyes gleaming wildly, put strength into her legs to rise from her seat. But perhaps because of the shock from moments before, her body would not obey, and she could hardly stand. Killian caught her as she swayed.
Smack.
The sharp sound of flesh striking flesh tore through the air. Rowena glared at Killian, whose head had turned with the blow, and seized him by the collar, his cheek reddening.
“It was you.”
“……”
“You’re the culprit!”
Her voice trembled mercilessly, but it was saturated with an emotion so intense it was almost overpowering. Rage and resentment hot enough to burn her entire body wrapped around Rowena.
“It’s all your fault!”
She was not shouting only because of Cecilia’s words. Even if Cecilia’s words had been nothing more than a coincidence, looking back, everything had been because of Killian.
Countless moments flashed rapidly through Rowena’s agitated mind.
If he had not forcibly confined her, if he had not chased her all the way here and threatened her.
No. Before that, if he had not cast her aside so cruelly and then brazenly come looking for her.
Once the hands of the clock began to turn back, they raced uncontrollably toward the end at a terrifying speed.
If, from the very beginning… she had never met him on that train. Though she had been the one to open the door to the first-class compartment, it had been none other than Killian who had seduced her when she had known nothing. If only she had not been helplessly captivated.
“Bring him back.”
Her body, so thin these past few days that bone could be felt beneath the skin, seemed weightless. Even with her fist gripping his collar, her arms were so frail they looked as though they would snap limply with the slightest force. But her eyes alone were sharp and blazing, like those of a she-cat.
“Bring him back! You murderer!”
Rowena cried out like a howl and shook Killian by the collar. Her head rang as though she had been struck on the back of it with a blunt weapon. Even so, she was so furious she could go mad, and her heart hurt as if it were being wrung out. As her blood pressure rose rapidly, her face grew redder and her breathing grew ragged.
“You did all of this! It’s your fault!”
“…
Rowena.”
“흐흑……”
His voice as he called her name sounded as pained as hers. But she ignored it, deciding she must have heard wrong. Then, drained even of the strength to be angry, Rowena slid down and collapsed onto the dirt ground. With her arm still held in his hand, all the strength left her body like a wooden doll whose strings had been cut.
People nearby began to gather at the sudden commotion. Killian took off his jacket and lifted her into his arms, wrapping it around her as he did.
As if the rage with which she had struggled meant nothing, Rowena, stunned by the shock, surrendered herself to his careful touch.
“Damian.”
As they headed toward the carriage, Rowena, her cheek resting against his broad chest, murmured weakly.
“Damian is your son. Not another man’s child.”
“……”
Contrary to her expectation that he would pull his hands away in shock and drop her, Killian merely stopped for a moment, and no change appeared on his face. A few seconds passed as heavily as years. In the silence, Rowena watched Killian begin walking again and seat her in the carriage, then parted her dry lips.
“You knew. Didn’t you?”
Instead of answering, Killian sat across from her with a shadowed face. No sooner had the carriage door closed than the carriage lurched into motion. In the silence pressing down on her shoulders, Rowena suddenly pitched forward. She pushed away Killian’s shoulder as he quickly caught her and let out a dry laugh.
“Ha! Hahahaha……”
“……”
Her tone was calm, but every breath she expelled was desperate.
“Of course. There’s no way you wouldn’t have known. Not when it’s you.”
She felt as though she were floundering in a deep swamp. Her body was hot, and her lips trembled. Before she went mad, she needed someone to resent. Someone to blame, to point at, to pour all her anger onto. And the man before her was a villain who had no right to complain even if he received all her resentment.
“Since when did you know?”
The dry laughter only slowly subsided after her lungs began to hurt as if they were being torn apart. Killian clenched and unclenched his fist so tightly that the tendons stood out, then answered slowly.
“Not long after I met you again.”
At the unexpected answer, Rowena’s lips parted. It had not been here. It had been when they encountered each other in the countryside of Ethelwood, at that old villa, worn and on the verge of collapse.
“So that’s why……”
That was why the atmosphere had strangely softened, why he had treated her with indulgence. Because he had learned that the mistress he had abandoned had given birth to his child and had been raising him in secret.
“How did that feel? Were you happy? Did it seem as though I was still bound to you? Did the fact that I gave birth to and raised your son make it seem as though I still loved you?”
As if driving a blue blade into his heart with every word, Rowena asked the questions and glared at Killian when he did not answer. If she could, she wanted to strangle this man to death. Yet at the same time, she became despairingly certain. No matter how suspicious it was, Killian was not the culprit. If only Cedric had died, then he would undoubtedly have been behind it. But when the vessel exploded, Cedric had been with Damian. He would never kill his own son. More than anything else, that child was the one existence that could become a certain shackle around her ankle.
“Answer me. Why did you pretend not to know?”
“Because you.”
Killian, who had been steadfastly accepting the accusations that followed, confessed as though making a penitent admission.
“Because I was afraid you would run away from me again.”
“Why? Even if I desperately tried to run, you could have used the child as a hostage.”
“He is my son too.”
For the first time, his voice gained force, and he clenched his teeth. At that reaction, unlike the man who had maintained his composure like the cold-blooded creature he was, Rowena looked properly at the man before her for the first time. The veins at his temples stood out, and his eyes were bloodshot and red. It was hateful.
“Haha……! A son? You’ve barely even seen him properly. And now you pretend to be a devoted father.”
Her breathing grew increasingly shallow. Struggling to breathe, Rowena clutched her throat and finally burst into the tears she had been holding back. Hot liquid poured endlessly down her cheeks. She was dizzy, and numbness began spreading from her fingertips. Her whole body trembled with nausea.
“Y-you have no qualification, no right. I c-curse you.”
The curse she spat out between gasps was wretched, as though crawling along the ground, and painful, as though wringing out every organ in her body. She could not hold herself up, and it was difficult to remain seated. Her hands and feet convulsed finely, and pain surged through her chest.
Killian quickly reached out and unfastened the buttons at the collar of her dress.
“Wh-what are you……”
“Stay still.”
Holding Rowena as she recoiled in horror, he undid the buttons down to her waist and lowered the dress. Next came the corset. Only after he had undone all the carefully tied laces could Rowena finally draw a deep breath. But it was only a little better than before; her complexion was still deathly blue. Gradually, her vision went white, and she felt drained of strength, as though all the blood had left her body.
As her head was about to fall to the side, Killian supported it, moved seats, and carefully laid Rowena’s head on his thigh. He swept his hand over her forehead, damp with cold sweat, and gently stroked her blond hair.
“Damian…… Cedric……”
He paused for a moment at the whisper that sounded like a dying gasp, then kissed the unconscious Rowena on the forehead.
“Blame me. Hate me and curse me.”
“……”
“If that is what lets you live, if that is what lets you endure, then do it.”
Even if Rowena obediently came into his arms and then tore into his heart with a knife she had hidden, he could no longer release the arms that held her. Rather than see her grieve and despair, it was better to see her blame and hate him.
It was better for her to unleash the anger buried deep in her heart and stab him dozens, hundreds of times.
“Rowena.”
“……”
“Rowena.”
She was a woman he had to be careful even to touch. Careful to call by name, careful to meet her eyes. Every day, every moment, Rowena wielded him, tore him to pieces, and then made him live again. Killian brought his hand near her nose, confirmed that her breathing was gradually calming, and caressed her soft cheek.
It was a little while later that the carriage, which had been running without hesitation, began to slow. An errand boy waiting in the alley approached and knocked on the window.
“Sir.”
As soon as the owner of the carriage opened the window, the boy took off his cap, bowed, and held out with both hands a letter sealed with a signet.
While Killian accepted the letter and read its contents, the boy received his pay from the coachman, bowed deeply, and turned away. Just as he was about to leave, a low voice caught him by the ankle.
“Wait.”
“Yes?”
When the boy turned back, Killian beckoned him closer. As the boy approached again, he took an envelope from his breast.
“Give this to the person who sent the letter.”
Along with the envelope, he handed over a sum larger than what the boy had just received. The boy’s eyes lit up, and he took the letter before quickly hurrying away. After glancing at his shrinking back, Killian closed the carriage door and tapped twice on the wall connected to the driver’s seat with his cane.
The horses, which had been catching their breath, snorted and began moving their hooves again. Dust rose in the place where the carriage had departed, then soon disappeared.