Chapter 95
Killian never did tell her where their destination was. Because of that, Rowena had no idea where they were headed until the carriage came to a stop.
“We’ve arrived.”
At the coachman’s words, the carriage gradually slowed and came to a halt before a secluded lake with few signs of people. With Killian’s escort, Rowena stepped down from the carriage, looked around, and gaped.
“There are still lakes frozen over?”
“This lake is frozen for half the year.”
“I’ve never been here before.”
“I imagine not. It’s private property.”
Now that she thought about it, they did seem to have passed through several gates. As if reading Rowena’s curiosity, Killian added,
“An acquaintance of mine owns this place.”
“Ah, so that’s why…”
Convinced, Rowena admired the river spread out before her. In the middle of it, she could see a small gazebo floating there. Pointing at it, Rowena looked at Killian.
“What’s that?”
“A place to rest. Normally, you’d have to take a boat to get there.”
“How interesting. I wonder how they built it.”
While Rowena was marveling, Killian took two pairs of skates from the coachman and seated her on a bench. Then he immediately knelt down and began untying the laces of one pair.
“Wh-what are you doing?”
Having sat down as if swept along, Rowena soon pushed at Killian’s shoulder when he tried to put the skate on her.
“Didn’t you say you wanted to try?”
“When did I ever!”
“On the train.”
He spoke as if it had been yesterday, but by now it felt like a very distant past. Belatedly remembering, Rowena bit her lower lip.
“That was ages ago. I don’t want to.”
“Are you afraid?”
She was about to get up and head back to the carriage, but the provocation that flew at her caught her by the ankle. Rowena whipped around and snapped,
“I am not. I just don’t want to. I’ve never done it before, and if you suddenly tell me to skate—”
“Is that so? I thought you were running away.”
Cutting her off midway, Killian narrowed his eyes.
“If you’re frightened, then it can’t be helped.”
At his tone, as if he were graciously letting her off, Rowena could not bear it any longer and strode back to him, snatching the skates from his hand.
“I’ll do it, then. How hard could it be?”
“Do you even know how to put them on?”
“That’s…”
Though she had seized the skates with confidence, the question that followed left her momentarily speechless. Rowena hesitated and muttered,
“I just have to put them on somehow.”
“Give them to me.”
With a silent laugh, Killian gently took the skates back from her hand.
“Sit.”
“I said I’ll put them on myself.”
“What are you afraid of this time?”
“Who says I am!”
When she retorted indignantly, he jerked his chin toward the bench as if telling her to prove it. In the end, Rowena plopped down and thrust out her foot as if telling him to get on with it.
Before her cheeks could belatedly flush at her own half-childish behavior, Killian removed her shoes and carefully began putting the skates on her.
A man who had never had reason to bow his head to anyone in his life now naturally knelt before her. Feeling strange, Rowena quietly entrusted her foot to him. It was just like when he had wiped away the tea spilled on her foot. Rowena decided that the stiffness in her upright back was due to the discomfort of the unfamiliar situation.
“I should just do it my—”
“Stay still.”
After the quiet warning, Killian began tying the skate laces. He tightened them firmly so she would not fall, and while tying them, his left hand faltered several times.
“Does it hurt somewhere?”
“No. It’s just my first time.”
“You’ve always been the one being waited on.”
Even at her sarcasm, Killian wordlessly moved his hands and tied the laces into a secure knot. Having suddenly lost anything to say, Rowena looked down at him for a moment as if she were observing some rare beast.
The sight of the man putting skates on her with the solemnity of an attendant serving a queen was so unfamiliar that she could not have imagined it even in a dream. His hair was as black as ebony, and the lashes fanning over his cheeks were just as dark. Perhaps sensing her gaze, Killian, holding the right skate this time, slowly lifted his eyes. When their gazes met, Rowena felt embarrassed and parted her lips.
“…
I didn’t know you knew how to do this.”
“Neither did I.”
Replying as though it were nothing, Killian then removed her other shoe and put on the remaining skate.
Rowena looked down at the skates she was wearing with unfamiliar eyes.
It was her first time in her life. Even in her homeland, outdoor skating rinks opened in winter, but Killian disliked crowded places unless it was an absolutely necessary banquet, so she had never once tried it. As she quietly stared at the tightly tied laces, Killian, who had by then sat beside her and put on his own skates, stood and offered her his hand.
No sooner had she hesitantly taken his hand and risen than Rowena lost her balance and staggered. Killian firmly supported her waist and led her toward the lake.
Rowena, carefully moving one step at a time, stopped right before the lake. Though the surface was frozen solid, an inexplicable fear that she might sink swept over her.
“I think it would be better to do this another time after all.”
“Another time?”
“I don’t think now is—eek!”
She tried to turn back toward the bench, but her body tilted backward. She squeezed her eyes shut, thinking she was about to hit the back of her head, but a large hand wrapped around her shoulders.
The sky, mottled in violet, crimson, and navy, was the first thing that entered her sight. Then came the gaze looking down at her.
“…”
“I thought you’d changed a great deal, but it seems not so much.”
As it had been in the restaurant earlier, his voice was tinged with laughter. Rowena pushed herself out of Killian’s arms and glared at him for a moment before taking a deep breath.
“If it’s too much, we can go back.”
“I’m not going back. I changed my mind.”
Speaking resolutely, Rowena stepped onto the lake again, one step at a time. Unable to find her balance, her legs trembled, and cold sweat trickled down the back of her neck at the fear that she might sink into the unfathomable depths below. She had managed to stand on the lake, but with no idea how to skate, she stood there blankly. Killian approached, took her hand, and placed it on his arm before she could shake him off.
“Isn’t that much better?”
She did not want to admit it, but he was right. Instead of answering, Rowena nodded. Killian silently lifted the corners of his mouth and began guiding her forward little by little. As they slowly moved at an unforced, gentle pace, the balance that had felt as if it might collapse at any moment began to steady, and Rowena gradually grew used to the skates.
With no room to look ahead, one hand clutching Killian’s arm and her eyes fixed only on her feet, she moved forward until, at some point, her path was blocked. When she slowly raised her head, the gazebo that had seemed so far away was right before her.
“When did…?”
“It’s less impressive than you think.”
Killian climbed onto the gazebo first, held out his hand to her, and pulled Rowena up with force.
The moment she was off the ice, her legs trembled. Once up, Rowena collapsed onto a chair. Killian suddenly pointed somewhere.
“Can you see over there?”
“The carriage…
I can.”
The carriage they had ridden in was visible in the distance. It was strange, and then strange again. She had only been looking down at her feet, and yet before she knew it, she had come this far.
As Rowena stared blankly at the path they had just crossed, her trembling breath slowly calmed. When she had regained some composure, Killian, standing beside her, quietly spoke.
“How have you been all this time?”
“…”
Rowena slowly lifted her gaze from the scenery. It was the first time. Since they had met again, it was the first time they were speaking calmly.
After hesitating over how to answer, she parted her lips.
“Didn’t you already investigate?”
“I want to hear it from your own mouth.”
“…
I lived peacefully and happily.”
In a pastoral and quiet countryside like the valley where she had once lived, she had lived happily with people who looked kindly upon her.
“As you know, I published a novel too.”
“I read it.”
At the unexpected answer, Rowena blinked. He had been a man uninterested in literature or art unless she said she wanted to go. The ducal estate’s library, filled with all sorts of precious books, had been packed only with science and practical volumes.
“How was it?”
“It was interesting.”
It was a simple and clear answer. Rowena, who had inwardly expected something more, burst into a small laugh despite herself at the brief reply.
“I’m glad you didn’t close it halfway through.”
The air had, before she knew it, made her generous. The landscape, lightly veiled in mist, made it feel as though the place they were in was not reality. She wanted to set aside love-hate and wariness alike, and simply talk. As one human being to another.
“The protagonist of the novel must be you.”
“That’s right.”
“And the man who cruelly toyed with her would naturally be me.”
“Part of that is right, and part of it is wrong.”
As if exchanging Zen riddles, Rowena shook her head.
“It was you, but it was also the social world that looked at me with contempt. And it was my foolish self, too.”
It was a self-deprecating remark, but her tone was calm and composed. Killian, looking down at Rowena with unreadable eyes, sat down beside her.
Rowena did not move away, nor did she avoid his gaze. It was probably because of the atmosphere, but that simple fact made his chest swell.
“Rowena. I…”
“…”
“I’ve never begged anyone for forgiveness.”
He was a duke of a nation. From the time he was born, learned to speak, and began to walk, whatever he pointed to became right even if it was wrong; even if it was water, the moment he called it fire, people called it fire.
Therefore, right and wrong had never even been considerations in his judgment of value. Whether something was necessary or not had been the only standard.
The same had been true of his heart.
“I’ve never pleaded so desperately in my life. If I could, I would carve out my heart and show it to you. To show you how desperate and earnest I am.”
Unlike the ease with which he had led her hand to his arm earlier, beneath a gaze that seemed as though it would devour her, his hands could not touch even a single hair on her. Instead of answering, Rowena quietly looked at him, then cast her gaze over the misty lake spread beyond his shoulder.
With neither entrance nor exit visible, it was just like the space between them. If she alone escaped from here, this man would probably wander this lake forever.
“…
It’s cold.”
After a long silence, those were the only words Rowena returned. Instead of answering, Killian nodded and held out his hand.
In silence, the carriage raced toward the mansion. After parting awkwardly from Killian and entering the annex, Rowena found someone in her room.
“You’re late.”
“…
Cecilia?”
Cecilia, glaring at Rowena with blazing eyes, held something out.
“An urgent message from Ethelwood. Read it.”
The thought of Cedric flashed through Rowena’s mind, and she hesitated with guilt before finally taking it. The more she read, the more her hands trembled like aspen leaves. A single word shook every nerve in her body.
A small vessel that departed from Ethelwood exploded at dawn today due to a mysterious bomb.
On the passenger list was a familiar name.
Cedric Godwell. And one other.