Episode 79
“Dead? Don’t be absurd. I knew you would be alive.”
“…….”
Rowina, stunned as if she had seen a ghost, sank weakly to the floor. Cecilia, who had belatedly followed after her, came rushing over, panting.
“Madam!”
At the sight of Rowina’s complexion changing in an instant, Cecilia covered her mouth with both hands. Whatever the reason, the color had drained from her lively cheeks, and her intelligent eyes were wavering out of focus. And before her stood… the guest from the annex. A foreign duke, and a business associate of her father’s.
It had all happened in an instant, making it difficult to grasp the situation.
Just then, a jet-black jacket settled over Rowina’s slumped shoulders.
“Your Highness?”
“It seems the lady is unwell.”
“I will escort her.”
“No. I will.”
No sooner had Cecilia reached out than Killian carefully lifted Rowina into his arms and strode toward the door. When Jenok, who had been waiting outside, opened it from the other side, a carriage drenched in rain was waiting there, as if it had been standing in that place for some time.
Cecilia remained where she was, holding her breath until the carriage carrying the two of them disappeared into the distance.
It felt as though something irreversible had happened. Something beyond her power to do anything about.
* * *
Rowina, who had been held like a doll, drenched in shock, began to struggle just as the carriage door closed and the carriage started to move. As she thrashed, her wig fell off, revealing the blond hair hidden beneath.
“Let go of me! Where are you taking me?”
When she looked ready to fling open the carriage door and throw herself out at once, Killian caught her by the waist and sat her beside him. At the same time, he buried his face in her shoulder and, with trembling hands, touched her cheeks, flushed with agitation. Then he examined her from head to toe, as if he meant to inspect even every last strand of hair.
“Are you hurt anywhere?”
“What?”
“Anywhere uncomfortable? Injured?”
“What on earth are you talking about right now?”
Her anger had flared hot for a moment, but at the questions that followed, Rowina lost her strength and roughly shoved his hand away. This was the situation she had feared so much, yet the fear had vanished completely, replaced by bewilderment. She wondered why he was acting this way. The man who had seemed likely to strangle her at once for deceiving him was doing something she could never have imagined. But what she needed to do now was not ask questions, but make demands.
“Let me go. Right now.”
“…….”
“I don’t know why you’re doing this, but you and I ended five years ago. Everything went wrong from the moment you came looking for me again. So… let go!”
Before she could even finish speaking, both her arms were seized. She struggled, telling him to release her, but Killian snorted as if her resistance was laughable and interrogated her with bloodshot eyes.
“Ended? Says who? After deceiving me with your death?”
Pain was steeped in his voice. She could even sense longing in it. She must have misheard. She did not know how he had been at Owen’s mansion, but he was a man who had shoved her into a carriage as if kidnapping her the moment they were reunited. When Rowina pressed her lips tightly together to the very end and turned away, Killian’s patience wore thin, and he seized her chin, forcing her to look at him.
“Tell me. How did you escape from Rofs Island, and how have you been living? What is your relationship with Viscountess Lauren Senes and Cedric Godwell?”
“I have nothing to say. Let me go.”
“Rowina Filone!”
For the first time, Killian raised his voice and tightened his grip. Though he did not say it aloud, she could feel the silent threat that he would not leave the people around her alone. Rowina lifted the eyes she had stubbornly cast down in an attempt to avoid his gaze.
“You are always like this. Pressing down, trampling underfoot, and if you cannot have something, you must destroy it with your own hands. You have no remorse and no guilt.”
“Answer my question.”
With all the strength she had, Rowina shook off his hand and grabbed him by the collar.
“If you answer me first, then I will answer you. Why did you come looking for me? After abandoning me so miserably?”
She was not talking about now. She was talking about what had happened before. Rain poured down so fiercely that it was hard to see even an inch ahead, crashing against the carriage windows with a hiss. Two pairs of sharpened gazes clashed in the air, locked in a precarious tug-of-war.
“I had been living just fine for the past five years, having forgotten you.”
“Say that again.”
Killian spoke ominously, taking her throat in both hands. In the place where relief, rapture, longing, and tenderness had swept through him like waves, anger came surging in belatedly.
She was the woman who had deceived him with her death and run away with his son. He thought of all the sleepless nights he had spent. In every sense, she was the only woman who provoked him. Anger, hatred, love—everything. If he simply tightened his grip, he could snap that slender neck.
Facing his eyes, which were filled with madness, Rowina ground out her reply.
“I can say it as many times as you like. I forgot you completely. Even after coming here… Ah!”
He placed his hand over her left breast. Lowering his head until their noses nearly touched, he whispered.
“Then explain it.”
“…….”
“Why is your heart beating this fast?”
Instead of answering, Rowina clenched her teeth. It was infuriating, but it was true. Whether it was because she had not yet recovered from the shock, or because of her anger, the pounding of her heart seemed to reach all the way to her ears. But even if she said so, it would only sound like an excuse to get out of the situation. Getting any more agitated would only put her at a disadvantage. She could not allow herself to be swayed by him any longer. Rowina squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them and asked clearly in return.
“I did not run away.”
“……
What?”
“I never promised you anything.”
It was the moment she returned to him the very words he had spoken five years ago. As if he remembered as well, his brows twitched.
“Did I ever say with my own mouth that I would accept your proposal? Did I ever say with my own mouth that I would become the duchess?”
She had not. Not even once. At the realization that suddenly came back to him, Killian went rigid. She was about to press into that opening when his declaration dropped over her head.
“Enough of this pointless wordplay. We are returning to Ethelwood. We will start again from there.”
“Start again? Who decided that?”
Rowina spoke sharply and pulled away from his arms, sitting opposite him. She wanted to open the carriage door at once, but they were in the middle of a main road. She could not be kidnapped like this. She could not be dragged back into that hell. Damian. Cedric. Lauren. Three faces flashed through her mind. Most of all, Damian was with Cedric right now. She wanted to kill this man who had chased her to the end just to torment her. It was then.
Suddenly, Killian took a pistol from the inner pocket of his jacket. While Rowina froze in shock at the unexpected weapon, he placed the trigger in her hand.
“What are you… What are you doing?”
“Shoot.”
Killian made her aim the muzzle at his left breast. Listening to the steep beat of his own heart, he inhaled the scent he had yearned for so desperately. Those had been days when the fear that he might never smell it again had nearly driven him mad.
“Because the only way for you to escape is to kill me now.”
“Who.”
Rowina let out a hollow laugh and smiled.
“Who said I would kill you?”
“What… Rowina!”
Shaking off his hand, Rowina turned the muzzle toward her own head. Killian stiffened at the unexpected situation for only a moment before reaching out, and she shouted fiercely.
“Don’t touch me! If I pull the trigger by mistake, I’ll die instantly.”
“……
Put it down.”
“If you take me by force, I will pull this trigger. The same goes if you harm the people around me.”
She spoke boldly, but in truth, it was a gamble. She was nothing more than a toy to him, and there was no guarantee he would listen just because she threatened him with her life.
Facing Killian, who was looking at her with unreadable eyes, Rowina swallowed dryly. In any case, it was all or nothing. Either she would be dragged away and live a life worse than death, or she would at least decide her own death with her own hands. Damian weighed on her until the very end, but Cedric and Lauren were there, so they would take good care of him.
“Stop the carriage at once. By the time I count to three.”
“…….”
“One.”
Her voice trembled as she counted. Her heart was pounding even more wildly than before, and sweat gathered in her palms. Managing her expression as much as she could, Rowina moved her lips.
“Two.”
She began to pull the trigger little by little. Just as her lips parted to say three, a hand swept over her and snatched the pistol away. It happened in an instant.
“Give it back!”
“Calm down. The carriage has stopped.”
Killian let out a heavy sigh and slipped the pistol back into his coat.
“It seems you learned how to gamble while I was away.”
“Just because you took that gun……”
“Get out.”
The carriage door opened. Outside, the rain had already weakened considerably. Silently thanking God, Rowina stepped down from the carriage. She was about to hurry away at once when her arm was caught.
“I am letting you go for now, but remember that I am only giving you a brief reprieve.”
“What does that……”
“Lauren Senes. What route do you think Owen used to obtain that medicine?”
Rowina’s pupils shook violently. At the sight, Killian relaxed the line of his hardened mouth and stroked her cheek.
“Starting tomorrow, stay at the Ludville mansion. That is the most I can concede.”
He draped his jacket over her shoulders, since she had come out without even properly putting on a coat, and handed her an umbrella. Then he instructed Jenok, who had followed him out.
“Escort her.”
“Yes.”
Watching Rowina and Jenok immediately climb into another carriage, Killian suppressed the excitement that had risen all the way to the top of his head. Forgotten? Him?
For a moment, he had truly wanted to strangle her, but only for a moment. If they ever met again, he had expected that beyond rapture and joy, rage and betrayal might drive him to kill her, but that prediction had shattered completely. He could no longer force Rowina. Just the slightest frown from her made his chest hurt as if it were being wrung dry, and the sight of her getting out of the carriage as though fleeing made it feel as if someone had carved out his heart. Moreover, the instant she had pointed the gun at herself, he had become powerless for the first time in his life, all his will breaking.
“……
I can turn it back.”
He no longer wanted to remain in a one-sided relationship. He wanted her to smile at him, the way she had smiled at that man, Cedric Godwell. He wanted her to return with him to the ducal castle of her own will.
Since she loved the son who looked exactly like him, she had to love him as well. Like on the train when they first met. Like that day when they had fallen in love with each other at first sight.
It was far too late, but he could turn it back. He had to turn it back. Even if he had to stake everything.