# 90
90. That Strange Customer Is Still Strange (4)
After that, I had a bit more conversation with him before wrapping up our reunion. Alicia might return, and I couldn't keep him, a guest of the mansion, confined to a dirty storage room forever.
Ethan, checking the time as he stood up, asked me.
"But who is Anne? It seemed like you were calling Paula that."
"Ah, that's my name."
"When did you change your name?"
"……It just happened. Please call me Anne from now on."
"I like Paula better."
"Please."
I. Beg. You. I emphasized the last words by breaking them apart letter by letter. Though he made a displeased face, Ethan nodded.
"You're not going to tell Vincent?"
"No."
"Why?"
Why……
"Because I don't want him to know I was that maid back then."
"Why? It'd be good if he knew. Vincent—come to think of it, Vincent didn't seem to recognize Paula. That's strange……"
Ethan crossed his arms and fell into thought. Actually, there was nothing strange about it.
"Did you perhaps deceive him about something?"
"……."
At the sudden question, I hesitated. Ethan's eyes flashed as he looked at me.
"Don't tell me…… you didn't deceive him about your face, did you?"
"……."
"Paula."
"He will know me by a different appearance."
At my answer, Ethan let out a deep sigh. Rarely, he even scowled deeply. His gaze as he frowned at me seemed to scold me, asking why I had done such a thing.
I couldn't say anything in response. Not because I thought I was wrong, but because it was too natural. How could I honestly tell him I had a face like this?
"Ethan. I don't want my master to know who I am. I just want him to stay unaware, like now. Forever."
"Paula."
"I want to remain a good memory."
"What exactly would be not a good memory about knowing what Paula looks like?"
"Look at me."
Ethan looked at me as if asking what I was getting at. Instead, feeling even more frustrated, I spread my arms and revealed myself. Look at me. Look at this woman. This penniless, unsightly, ugly dwarf. The one everyone looked upon with horror.
"How unpleasant would it be if that maid back then was someone like me."
"What does that have to do with anything? Because of your face?"
"Yes."
"So you grew out your bangs for that reason too. Right?"
Right. He was exactly right.
"Your name too?"
"That too. And also in case someone might come after me. You know why I left this mansion."
Perhaps he remembered the conversation from our last meeting, because he said nothing more.
"Does Paula think Vincent is someone who judges others based on their appearance?"
"I wonder. But he'd surely be disappointed to see an ugly face."
"What does that mean. That would never happen."
"Ethan. People always imagine things they're curious about. What might that person be like, what kind of face might that pretty child's sister have. What on earth did the insolent maid who constantly nagged beside me back then actually look like. They imagine such things and picture them in their minds. And when that appearance doesn't match what they imagined, people feel disappointed."
"Paula."
"I don't want my master to be disappointed."
I didn't think Vincent was someone who held prejudices based on appearances. But separate from that, an image of me had already formed in his mind.
He must have imagined the face of the maid who stayed by his side while he lived in darkness. Perhaps at first, he might have imagined an ugly face. But I made him imagine me with a pretty appearance. That was my greed, my shallow pride.
"Vincent wouldn't do that."
"Everyone who saw my face reacted that way. Everyone was surprised when they saw my face. Sometimes people even got angry. The word 'ugly' has always followed me around like a tag."
"……."
"Ethan. I'm leaving here soon. I was temporarily hired, so my period is almost up. Once the temporary employment period ends, I'll have no reason to come back here. With the master too…… I'll never see him again. We'll part ways anyway, so it's better that he doesn't know."
"Are you sure? Do you truly want Vincent not to know?"
"Yes. I want him not to know."
It's okay to remain a good memory for someone. It's okay to remain pretty.
I'm glad Vincent's eyes became able to see. I felt sorry for Ethan, but now I thought this way. If after I left, he had continued to shut himself in his room, or if he had still lived as the blind Count of Velunita, I might have wanted to stay by his side again.
Because he was living well, I could brush off my feelings.
"With a pretty face, as a good memory, as a memory of the past…… that's how I want to remain."
"……."
"The master wouldn't want to see me either. I'd be a stain on his life. And because he no longer has need of someone like me."
"Paula truly hasn't changed."
Those words felt like a reprimand. We changed, but you're still the same. He was right. Because change was unfamiliar and difficult for me.
Just because I had lived for five years as if eating sweet cake smeared with poison, the person called 'me' hadn't changed. In the end, going round and round, I was struggling in miserable poverty again, and even though that devil bastard had left, I couldn't escape this hell.
I couldn't say I had changed just because I changed my name and cut my long bangs to reveal my face. Because once the bangs dangling before my eyes grew back, they could hide me again. True change was something bigger, something that would overturn the life stretching out before me in an instant.
Like the man who lost his sight and shut himself in his room, then gathered courage to step outside again. Like the man who, trembling with fear of death, still tried to grasp hope with his own hands. Like her who lived bravely despite having lost love. Like Ethan who silently accepted his friend's sacrifice and his brothers' deaths.
I couldn't do that. Only I couldn't.
"I hoped you'd live a bit more happily."
"I am happy."
"Truly happy people don't feel ashamed of themselves."
I smiled bitterly. This was why I disliked Ethan. People with sharp intuition were also skilled at digging into others' innermost hearts. Things I had tightly hidden deep away, afraid they'd be wounded if touched, things even I wouldn't dare approach—he easily unearthed them and laid them bare before me. Look at this. This is what you were hiding.
"If that's Paula's heart, I don't want to force you."
"Thank you."
"But well, no one knows what the future holds."
What? I looked up at Ethan at his meaningful words, and he smiled softly. Somehow it was a sinister smile. A sense of foreboding surged. I looked at him desperately, begging him not to do anything, but he only smiled.
The small face with round eyes opened even wider tilted to the left. Then swayed to the right before tilting its head left again. The shining purple eyes revealed questions. Chubby cheeks rose slightly then stretched long. I carefully scrutinized the small face before me.
"Why? Is there something on my face?"
"No. Nothing……"
Even though I was staring, I pretended not to see and pointlessly brushed off Robert's pants. At first I hadn't felt much, but now my gaze kept drawn.
So this young master is Violet's son. Once I recognized it, there were definitely similarities. The light golden hair, the purple eyes, even the unpredictable personality. Examining him closely, if Violet had a son, it would definitely be Robert.
After finishing preparations, I headed to the reception room with Robert and his nanny. Joelly, Vincent, and Ethan, who had arrived first, were sitting around the table. Their lively conversation made them look quite enjoying themselves.
Robert scampered over to them.
"It's Ethan!"
"Hello, little one."
Ethan smiled slightly and picked Robert up, stroking his head. Unlike when he greeted me, his demeanor was subtly calm. Robert giggled.
"You've grown a lot since I last saw you."
"Yeah, I grew! I'm not a little one anymore!"
"In my eyes, you're still a little one."
"No—"
Robert swung his legs as he protested. Then he raised both arms high, explaining that he had grown this much, and Ethan stroked his head again. Perhaps because he was Violet's son—seeing him act playfully, Ethan seemed to get along well with Robert.
Then Robert looked around as if searching for something.
"What's wrong?"
"Where's Mommy?"
"Mommy couldn't come together."
Seeing his bright smile turn sullen, it seemed he had been looking forward to it.
As the atmosphere dampened slightly, Ethan changed the subject by saying he brought something fun. When he picked something up from the sofa, Robert paid attention. What he held was a small stone carving shaped like an animal. And not just one, but several.
Wow. Robert smiled brightly as he received the stone carvings and examined them this way and that. Each carving was a different animal. The sullen look on Robert's face as he continuously examined the carvings disappeared. I was inwardly impressed. Not just Vincent, but Ethan also seemed skilled at handling Robert.
Ethan noticed me standing by the door and gave me a glance. As the corners of his lips rose, I slightly bowed my head.
"Have Robert sit here. Audrey, milk, please."
"Yes."
After pouring the milk Audrey had prepared into a glass, I placed it in front of Robert. Robert happily picked up the glass and sipped. The nanny attended to him beside him.
I stood vacantly behind the nanny before going to help Audrey. Alicia held the teapot and filled Vincent's cup first.
"It's hot, so please be careful."
Her voice was gentle. Alicia glanced at Vincent as she poured the tea. Vincent also gave her a brief glance before picking up his teacup.
Joelly chattered about the tea. How it was hard to obtain, how it was good for the skin. Vincent and Ethan only occasionally nodded without making any particular response. The one who actually reacted to the explanation was Alicia. 'Wow! Really? Where did you get it?' Her excessive reaction seemed less about being interested in the tea and more about wanting to join the conversation. Audrey immediately gave her a look, and she had to step back with a disappointed face.
Now that I think about it, Johnny isn't here. I looked around, then took the dessert plate Audrey handed me and set it down on the table. Robert's eyes sparkled. When I cut it into easy-to-eat pieces and handed it over, he quickly gobbled it up and beamed. Seeing him act so quickly when food was in front of him was cute, and I smiled softly.
Then my eyes met Vincent's. I immediately wiped the smile from my face and bowed my head deeply. Even so, I continued to feel his gaze, so as I set down the snack plate with my head slightly turned, I caught sight of Ethan sitting next to him.
His stiff face was unfamiliar. His face as he sipped the tea with a noble demeanor held no trace of a smile.
Looking at that unreadable face, I recalled what he had said last time. Why does this feel ominous for no reason? When I glared at him slightly, he seemed to feel my gaze and raised his eyes. His stiff face softened slightly when he saw me. No, he was smirking.
Ethan moved his lips.
'Your gaze is intense.'
'Don't do anything.'
I replied by moving my lips the same way, then picked up a snack and handed it over. It meant eat this and please keep your mouth shut. Whether he noticed my earnest feelings, Ethan accepted the snack with his eyes curving into smiles.
'I wonder about that.'
But he still added those ominous words.
When I glared fiercely, Ethan, taking a bite of the snack, couldn't hold back his laughter and snickered. He was definitely teasing me. Making people anxious like that—what's so fun about it? Seeing him about to grin again, negating his previously stiff face, silent curses leaked out of me.
Remarkably noticing, Ethan spat out the tea he had been sipping. Choking was the price for giving someone a headache.
"Oh my. Are you okay?"
"Cough, cough. Yeah. I'm fine."
"Be careful. The tea is hot."
Joelly worriedly handed over a handkerchief. Receiving it, Ethan wiped his mouth, but I had already seen him drooling. I suppressed my desire to scoff at his clumsiness and stepped back calmly. Then when I raised my head again, Vincent was looking at me.
My heart dropped. Could he have seen just now too? Worried, I bowed my head deeply again. Was it because of the joy of meeting after so long—I kept making mistakes. I fidgeted with my clasped hands, waiting for this time to pass quickly.