# 9
9. The Count Family's Insufferable Master (9)
Because of the pile stacked so high it blocked my view, I had no choice but to use the central staircase again. Servants were supposed to use the stairs at the back of the mansion, and if anyone saw me, I wouldn't be able to avoid punishment, so I hurried my steps.
"Master. I will read to you again."
"You took quite a while just for going to the study."
"I chose carefully. So you can enjoy listening this time."
Then I opened one of the books I brought.
"Once upon a time, there lived a happy baby pig. The happy baby pig was so happy just spending each and every day."
"What are you doing?"
"Yes? What do you mean?"
When I asked, pretending not to know, he scowled.
"It's a fairy tale book."
"Yes. It is a fairy tale book."
"Are you perhaps planning to read that?"
"I thought a fairy tale book would be just right for you right now, Master."
"What?"
"I judged that what you need most right now, Master, who is in a foul temper, is to listen to a fairy tale that teaches what consideration is through a warm story, so that you may attain peace of mind."
He made an absurd expression. I calmly looked down at the fairy tale book.
"If there's a story you want, please tell me. From the story of the happy baby pig to the little girl who went on an errand, the friendship between the fairy who gives everything and the boy, the siblings' mysterious adventure, and the blue bird's love and peace. Any story is prepared. You said you wouldn't read anything you've already read once, so I prepared several books. Please choose according to your taste."
Surely you haven't read at least one of these. When I said that, he clamped his mouth shut. Veins bulged on the back of his hand gripping the sheets as if he would tear them.
"If there's nothing you want, I'll continue reading the story of the happy baby pig. You wouldn't be unable to listen to even such a short story, would you? I don't think you're that impatient, but if it still becomes too hard to listen to, please let me know."
I rambled on so he couldn't interrupt me and quickly started reading the fairy tale. Perhaps my words worked, he was quiet this time. I was slightly tense, feeling like my breath had stopped, but fortunately, I was able to read the fairy tale to the end.
Of course, he threw the next fairy tale book away.
* * *
Even after that, I continued to read books to him. Fairy tale books, of course. He said he hated it, but I just read them to him. I wanted to use this as an excuse to read various kinds of books.
It had been a long time since I read a book. The bookstore where I worked as a child had no choice but to close as the old owner's health deteriorated. He apologized to me and gave me a few books as gifts. Most of them were fairy tale books.
However, those fairy tale books fell into Alicia's hands. Because of Alicia's personality of coveting anything I had without even reading them, by the time they returned to my hands, they were torn to shreds, unrecognizable. The torn books were eventually used as fuel.
After that, it was hard to come across books. I saved up money a few times to buy some, but I gave up after my father caught me. For the daughter of a poor tenant farmer, buying books was a luxury. When I realized that it was better to buy a day's worth of food with that money, I stopped reading books.
Perhaps because I hadn't read for so long, I was so glad to be able to hold a book in my hands like this. Except for the current situation.
"Can you only read like that?"
"What are you dissatisfied with?"
"Everything. I'm dissatisfied with everything about you."
Again, he's doing that again. Is it because I'm reading him fairy tales? He keeps throwing tantrums. Actually, I wanted to read other books, but he didn't listen properly, and reading a book to someone felt harder than I thought. So I had no choice but to pick up a fairy tale book again, even knowing he hated it.
When I sighed, he got annoyed, asking why I was sighing this time. I also only found out after coming here that I was a person who sighed this much. Moreover, the cause of it was shameless.
"If you're going to read to me, go learn how to breathe first."
"I'm sorry."
"Get out. I don't want to listen anymore."
In the end, I was kicked out holding a book that I hadn't even turned three pages of. Cleaning, serving... and now reading? They say you bring suffering upon yourself, and that's exactly what I did.
Thanks to that, when I returned to my room after finishing my work, I fell asleep as if fainting every time. The fatigue of the day called for sleep. But with so many worries here and there, I couldn't sleep deeply. Because of that, my originally light sleeping habits became even lighter. I also clearly heard the noise of bang! bang! hitting the wall from the very next room.
It was quite a loud noise. And from the Master's room, no less.
Startled, I ran to the next room.
I threw the door open and entered the dark room. Looking straight at the bed, a round figure was huddled close against the wall. Master? As I approached, the figure flinched, but that was all; it showed no other reaction.
"Are you feeling unwell somewhere?"
"……"
"Master."
"……"
"Master?"
"……Who is it."
His murky voice lacked strength.
"It's me. Is something wrong?"
"I had a dream."
"A dream? What kind of dream?"
"A scary dream."
Ah, he had a nightmare. I have them often too, so I know exactly how it feels.
But wondering what the loud noise I heard earlier was, I looked around, but there was nothing that could have made such a loud noise. I thought he might have thrown something like usual, but there were no traces of that either.
My night vision was poor, so it was hard to grasp the details. Vincent had also pulled the sheets over his face, so I couldn't check his condition. However, the hand gripping the sheet was trembling slightly.
"What kind of dream did you have?"
"I don't know. I don't remember."
It was a calm voice, but what seeped out from within was deep terror. I had heard from Isabella that he couldn't get proper sleep. And that the groans heard in the middle of the night were his. But he had never shown any signs of it to me.
What kind of nightmares does he have? I could know without even thinking about it. Definitely terrible, and scary dreams.
"It's just a dream. Please sleep."
"I can't sleep because I feel like I'll dream it again."
"Should I hold your hand at least?"
"Stop it."
He shuddered as if he had heard something terrible in a different sense this time. I frowned slightly and secretly let out a sigh. Seeing him do that, he seems perfectly fine.
"Should I stay by your side until you calm down?"
"……"
There was no definitive answer. After hesitating for a moment, I sat on the floor right next to the bed. The round figure flinched at the noise I made while sitting down, but he didn't yell at me to get out.
I sat down, but I had nothing to say. I hugged my knees to my chest and aimlessly fiddled with my fingers. He didn't speak either. Instead, I could hear his ragged breathing. Listening to that sound gradually calm down, I roughly estimated his condition.
As I kept fiddling with my fingers, suddenly the edge of a faintly drawn line of light covered my hand. When I raised my head, moonlight streaming through a slightly open gap in the curtains was drawn across the floor. My gaze passed through that light and fixed on the yellow moon faintly visible outside the window.
The only light illuminating the darkness was beautiful enough to steal one's gaze. It's pretty. If I reach out, wouldn't I be able to touch it? But no matter how much I reached out, catching the moon was absurd. Even knowing that, I reach my hand out toward the light.
It's quiet.
It's peaceful.
Have I ever felt such peace in my life?
"When I was young, my younger sibling also used to have nightmares often."
So I unknowingly mumbled. Maybe the silence was burdensome.
At the words I suddenly blurted out, the ragged breathing abruptly stopped. But he didn't stop me.
"It was the second sibling, and after having a nightmare, they would cry, 'Sister, sister,' and wake me up."
The second sibling was a gentle child. Unlike me, they had a pretty face, and always wore a pretty smile, calling me 'Sister, sister' and following me around.
I found such a sibling so lovely, and at the same time, pitiful. No matter how good of a child they were, poverty was poison. My father would often send looks, pondering how to use the young and pretty second sibling.
And perhaps because they knew their lot in life despite their young age, the sibling was particularly restless in bed. They would toss and turn as if having a nightmare every time, crying and waking me up often. Then, even in my sleep, I would hold the sibling in my arms and pat their back. And I would hold their hand.
Just like right now.
I placed my hand over his hand, the only thing sticking out from the sheets. The sensation of him flinching at the sudden contact was fully felt. The body temperature contained in the hand was cold. I gripped it tightly.
"Whenever that happened, I would hold my sibling's hand like this. Then my sibling would feel relieved and fall back asleep."
The sibling held my hand tightly and closed their eyes. Shedding round tears, the sibling would fall asleep relying solely on my body heat. As if comforting such a sibling, I patted the back of their hand and shared their fear.
"And I would tell them this: A dream is just a dream anyway, you don't have to be afraid, I'm right here. The moment you are with me right now is reality."
But thinking about it now, this wasn't a good thing to say either. Because reality was more like hell. Still, the good sibling nodded and buried themselves in my arms.
Until the day before they were sold to the red-light district.
"They say you should leave things in dreams in the dream world. Whether it's something that has already happened, or something you're afraid will happen, just dismiss it as a meaningless dream. If you can't dismiss it like that, you just need to overcome what has already happened, and put in the effort to make sure what you're afraid of doesn't happen."
Then I clamped my mouth shut. This was an even more dream-like statement.
Reality is not a fairy tale. It wasn't just beautiful, nor could I go on a mystical adventure. At least my life was like that.
I couldn't make courageous choices like the protagonist in a story. So I couldn't help my sibling until the very moment the second sibling was sold to the red-light district. I couldn't show a miracle of grabbing my sibling's trembling hand and running away together.
Even knowing that my good and pretty sibling would be sold to the red-light district... I ignored my sibling who was forcing a smile.
‘Sister, it's okay. I'm okay.’
The good and pretty sibling rather comforted the hateful older sister. I could only miss my departed sibling and desperately pray for their happiness.
And the following year, the second sibling passed away. They said it was an epidemic. But in reality, they were beaten to death. Seeing my sibling's body again was horrific. Their whole body was swollen, and the area between their legs was terrible just to look at. Their face was in such a state that it was impossible to recognize them.
I held a funeral for the second sibling in secret from my father. It was hard to even call it a funeral. After burying the second sibling next to where the youngest was buried, I picked and placed pretty flowers on top. And it was an old memory that not long after, the fourth sibling joined them there.
I survived by turning a blind eye even to my siblings' deaths.
I was such a wicked girl.
"How could you."
I came to my senses at the voice that suddenly reached my ears. The hand I was holding still trembled, but this time it was different.