# 85
85. To You, Whom I Tried to Forget But Could Not Erase (9)
I tried to stop him in a panic, but Vincent, who didn't even lend an ear to my words, strode right into the kitchen. To let a superior set foot in such a place—Audrey would have had a fit if she'd seen it.
His face was nonchalant as he looked around the shabby kitchen. I anxiously scanned his back, then turned around, thinking I should hurry up and find a candle so we could leave. Digging deep into a large cupboard in one corner of the kitchen, I found a few spare candles.
Where was the candlestick again? I turned around and jumped in surprise. Vincent was standing right behind me, having approached without me noticing. He looked down at me as if seeing something curious.
"Why are there candles in a place like that?"
"S-sometimes I need them urgently. I just need to find a candlestick, so please wait outside."
"Where is the candlestick?"
"Nearby here... J-just please wait outside. Okay?"
My heart was pounding, worried that someone might come in and see us like this. When I begged him to wait outside, promising I'd find it myself, Vincent reluctantly turned around. I let out a breath of relief watching him leave the kitchen.
I rummaged under the cupboard and around it, but there was no spare candlestick to be found. I had no choice but to grab the old, used one that remained. Cradling it in my arms, I stepped out to find Vincent waiting for me. It was a bit puzzling. Why was he still here?
"Why are you still here?"
"You're going back to Robert, right? I'm coming too."
"Ah, I understand."
He didn't show it, but he must have been worried about Robert. I nodded and walked ahead. Perhaps because I'd reclaimed the lamp's light, I was no longer afraid. Or maybe it was because he was beside me.
The wind still howled like a scream through the corridor. The sound of branches crashing against each other could be heard too. Amidst it all, our footsteps mixed together as we trudged along. Two clusters of light illuminated my path.
Being like this felt just like that time five years ago. The days when I held Vincent's hand and led the way forward.
A bittersweet sensation surged through me in an instant. My nose tingled. I rubbed the tip of my nose needlessly and took a step forward. Thanks to being with the Master, I could easily climb the central staircase.
"Did you deliver the letter to Robert?"
"Yes. He was very pleased. Thank you so much."
"What about that?"
"What do you mean?"
"The ink."
I nearly stopped walking without realizing it. I barely maintained my faltering steps and swallowed dryly. The tension I'd momentarily forgotten surged back. I clutched my chest, afraid he might hear my pounding heart. I was suddenly grateful for the eerie noises surrounding us.
Was now the right time? The moment to say I couldn't find it, to apologize. I didn't know if he'd let it go easily, but there was no other way.
I steadied my breathing, calmed my thudding heart, and gathered my resolve. I mustn't show my nervousness. I closed my eyes briefly, then opened them, about to turn and give my answer—
"Excuse me!"
In that instant, my vision flashed white. The end of the corridor, Vincent's startled face—everything became vividly bright. And the moment I realized it, darkness crashed in.
Simultaneously, a deafening roar thundered.
KWA-BOOM!
"Aaah!"
I covered my ears with both hands and screamed without thinking. The tremendous thunder brought back the terror. It felt as if lightning had struck right beside me. As a result, I dropped the lamp I was holding.
When I opened my eyes to the sound of shattering glass, something flew past me and crashed into the wall. I dodged instinctively, lost my balance, and fell hard on my backside. Seizing that moment, thunder struck down fiercely once more.
RUMBLE! I covered my ears again and curled up. Wind swirled violently from somewhere. Even the last remaining light was snuffed out. The corridor was plunged into darkness in an instant.
I stayed curled up like that for a while. The thunder that churned my mind continued to rumble before finally subsiding at some point.
Gradually, my senses returned. When I opened my eyes and looked around, there was only pitch-black darkness. Even the moonlight was obscured by dark clouds, without a trace of faint light.
My hair and clothes were blown wildly in the wind. Glass shattering—it seemed the lamp wasn't the only thing broken. Wind was coming in from somewhere. From right beside me, perhaps. Something had flown in—maybe a branch or a stone. It was wind strong enough to sweep a person away.
I grabbed my disheveled hair and felt around. It was so dark in every direction that I couldn't tell where I was. Only the humming, rumbling wind and thunder announced their presence. Vincent—where was he? I barely gathered my wits and felt along the floor for him.
"M-Master? Master!"
I called out urgently, but no answer returned.
I crawled along the floor toward where Vincent should have been. But nothing came to hand. I called out again, but still silence. No matter how much I peered into the darkness or felt around, I couldn't figure out where he was.
'No, I don't even know where I am.'
Was the path I'd been walking even the corridor? Fear seized me. My body hadn't been blown away anywhere, yet strangely, everything felt unfamiliar. Because it was dark—that's right, because the surroundings were too dark and cold, just like back then.
Like that day.
There's someone else in the darkness. I can hear footsteps approaching. Even though I know full well there's nothing but pitch-black darkness and no one else around, it felt like someone beyond that darkness was watching me. The warning that a sharp blade could spring out at any moment and stab me, dragging me to death, made every hair on my body stand on end. The warning that I shouldn't be here.
They're coming to kill me. I need to run.
But why won't my body move? It's as if the wind is holding me back. Telling me not to go. That this is my end.
"...la."
A hoarse voice calls me. Faint, as if barely managing to exhale what little breath remained. I turned my head toward the sound, and something flowed over, soaking my hand. Blood. Red blood visible even in the darkness.
And a man lying there.
"N-no—"
Don't do this. This shouldn't happen. A scream that wouldn't come out choked my throat. I shook my head frantically and scrambled backward. It's happening again. This nightmare again. The moment when dreadful terror bound me, the sensation of death descending.
"Don't do this. Don't do this to me."
Don't drag me back there again. I scrambled backward, but the nightmare wouldn't disappear from before me. My vision grew hazy, so why was that face only becoming clearer? Why are you like that? Why, why... Lord Lucas.
The fingertips raised toward the air were trembling. Brown eyes muddled with pain looked at me desperately. A face contorted as if about to cry was shouting at me. To run. To go quickly. No. Actually, wasn't he asking for help? Wasn't he begging me not to abandon him? Wasn't I just assuming his feelings on my own?
Because I... wanted to live... so...
"That's right, Sister."
Cold hands gripped my shoulders. The warmth pressed against my back was cold enough to freeze my entire body. Even the breath grazing my ear exuded frost. The young voice that clung to me every night sobbing now pierced my throat with venom.
"Sister is a selfish person who only knows herself."
"No. No."
"Not satisfied with flesh and blood, you devoured even the man who was kind to you, and survived all alone."
"Stop it. Stop..."
"Sister, Sister, come with us too. Come with us."
At that moment, pale feet suddenly jutted out before my eyes. One, two, three. Different-sized feet swayed in the air as if dancing. I let out a silent scream. Tender voices called me. Sister, Sister. Eldest sister. The voices of siblings who had long died, a baby's cries, echoed from all directions.
I wheezed, struggling to breathe. Guilt left me not knowing what to do. I was sickened by my own ugliness, having survived by turning away from my siblings' deaths.
I wanted to hold the tender hands clinging to me and share my warmth. But I couldn't bring myself to, and instead curled up tighter. I covered my ears with both hands and sobbed. The wind that had sounded like screams, the thunder that had struck down fiercely—none of it could be heard in this moment. Only the dream-like voices ensnared me.
"Paula."
Then, someone called me. Paula. Paula. It was so strained, so frail it seemed about to break at any moment. A cry that couldn't be heard without listening closely. I knew that cry well.
Lord Lucas. I thought of him, who must be fighting alone in pain. This time, I wanted to stay by his side. I didn't want to leave him alone again.
I crawled toward him on my hands and knees. My surroundings flickered. Lucas appeared and disappeared repeatedly. I was afraid he'd be swallowed by the darkness like this. My palms stung, but I didn't care. I just crawled toward him. Crying, I called him. Lord Lucas. Lord Lucas.
The moment I reached where he was, I reached out frantically. When the thunder stopped, the surroundings darkened again. I felt through the darkness for him. Soon, the smooth texture of fabric met my touch. I ran my hand down and felt a cool body trembling. I gripped it tightly and with my other hand, embraced the large frame.
"I'm right here."
I pressed closer, pulling him into my embrace. The sound of chattering teeth reached my ears. The large body held like a child was trembling. He was so terrified he couldn't even breathe properly.
I stroked his back and pressed my cheek against his coarse hair.
"I'll stay by your side."
This time, I'll stay by your side.
I traced my thumb over his trembling hand. I held him tighter and patted his back. Faintly, I tried to share my body heat with him. I hoped he wouldn't be afraid anymore.
Unlike his cool body temperature, the hot breath he exhaled shattered against my shoulder. Then, a hot sensation pressed firmly over the thin fabric. I felt a slight tremor, but it wasn't as severe as before. The trembling of his body gradually subsided.
The heat spread across my shoulder, then moved to the side and pressed against my neck. I flinched at the unfamiliar sensation touching my skin. As if to soothe me, the heat moved back over the fabric. The hair tickling my ear felt pleasant. A large hand gripped my back tightly.
"...la..."
The sky still rumbled, but the darkness was no longer frightening. The body pressed against mine grew gradually warmer, soothing my heart. Bringing me relief.
The moon revealed itself between the dark clouds. Moonlight streamed through the window, driving away the darkness. The pitch-black surroundings gradually brightened. It felt as if that light was illuminating even my mind.
Suddenly, my senses returned.
'What was I just doing?'
I blinked, looking at the brightened corridor. As I rolled my eyes slightly, I saw shimmering hair. Hair suffused with light—golden. I blinked once, twice, three times before registering my posture. I was holding someone in my arms.
When I tried to pull away slightly, the other person clung to me as if unwilling to let go. Flustered, I instinctively patted his large back. I, um, that is to say, just now...
I rolled my eyes around, then tried to pull away again. This time, he let me go willingly. I leaned back and looked down at the face of the person I'd been holding. As the moonlight grew brighter, the face before me was revealed in the ever-brightening light.
Emerald eyes bearing a distinct heterochromia held my reflection and blinked. His dazed face somehow looked even more shocked than mine. Vincent, who had been clinging to my chest, looked back and forth between my face and his own state before crying out in horror.
"Aaah!"
"Ugh!"
He shoved me away with surprising force.