# 52
52. The Count's Secret Maid (5)
"Ah, I was mistaken. I thought I was included among the people Master has to take responsibility for."
"Your confidence is excessive."
"Yes, I went too far."
When I grumbled, he laughed again. His laughter right now was annoying.
"I said it just in case. If I am included among those you must take responsibility for, there is no need to do so."
"Why?"
"Because I do well on my own."
"You went too far this time too."
"It's the truth. Even before coming here, I did well on my own. I don't know about other things, but I am really good at my work. So don't worry and take that burden off yourself."
"Isn't that too arrogant? It's not that easy of a problem."
"If it really comes down to it, I just have to die."
"You take death too lightly."
"Because it is an easy problem."
"Why?"
"I never had a reason to live anyway. Nor the qualification. I just lived because I found myself breathing and the morning dawned. It wasn't such a grand life either."
There was no one who would be sad if I died. Before coming here, a life with death was more familiar. Even in this cozy and warm place, I was ultimately sold for gold coins. There still was no such thing as value in my life.
"You don't need qualifications to live. You just live."
Vincent frowned and retorted.
"There are people who shouldn't live."
"I don't think someone who came here because of a family they don't even miss, and does things that might get them killed, grew up receiving tender care. It must have been a hard life, enough to make you risk your life without hesitation."
"......"
"Even if such a thing exists, you are not."
He had a somewhat displeased expression. Annoyance also seeped into his voice. Yet, strangely, I couldn't take my eyes off his face.
"You deserve to live."
"......It's the first time I've heard such words."
"I think about it every time, but it seems the one who is dry isn't me, but you."
"I suppose so."
The end of my words trembled. I smiled, struggling to suppress that trembling. Even knowing he couldn't see me, I wanted to smile for him. To show him that I was okay, that I was still okay. That, just as I had been until now, I wouldn't break down in the future. But he shattered that resolve of mine into pieces.
"Even so, live."
At his casually tossed words, my forcibly raised corners of the mouth distorted. Even though he probably couldn't see me, his remarkably straight eyes met mine.
"Live a happy life."
His voice was still brusque, but knowing the sincerity contained within, I felt like tears would fall. I bit my lips hard to hold back the tears, then barely managed to speak.
"Is it really okay?"
"It is okay."
"Happily?"
"Yes. Very happily."
He calmly uttered the words between his increasingly rough breaths.
"I will."
Then I hung my head. My vision kept blurring, which troubled me. I tried not to blink because I felt like tears would stream down, but the tears welling up fell drop by drop helplessly.
"I definitely will."
So I couldn't hide my sobbing.
What is comfort, really? Even if it's just a simple word, if you've been comforted, isn't that enough? No one had ever told me I deserved to live. I thought I was being greedy. Because I had survived by ignoring the sacrifice of my blood. Although a desire to live even just one more day sprouted in a corner of my heart, I hadn't wished for happiness.
But he told me that wasn't true. Because I knew those words were for me, because his sincerity reached me, I couldn't stop this emotion.
"Thank you."
"......"
I was truly grateful to Vincent for allowing me to feel such an emotion.
I covered my face with both hands. As if trying to pour out everything I had held back all this time, once the crying burst out, I couldn't easily stop. Instead, I clenched my teeth and cried as quietly as possible. However, I couldn't even hold back the faint whimpers.
With his keen hearing, he noticed I was crying and turned his head to the opposite side. Even though he probably couldn't see, his consideration in pretending not to see or hear made me let out a laugh. Meanwhile, I wiped my tears and pulled myself together.
As the wind blew whoosh, the flowers danced. Vincent's golden hair standing among them also fluttered in the wind. His golden hair, with sunlight shattering upon it, shone brilliantly and stole my gaze. Standing nobly, he looked like a person who could shine on his own.
Can I be like that too? Can I become a person who shines on their own? Can I walk alone even in hell like him?
"Will a moment ever come when I think it's a relief to be alive?"
"It will."
"Really?"
When I asked, forcing a smile, he seemed to ponder for a moment, then looked back at me. I was wondering at his somehow determined expression, when he abruptly turned his body. Vincent suddenly strode away. I watched him blankly in bewilderment. He was someone who couldn't see, someone who was afraid to walk without leaning on something, so it was a truly astonishing change. Every time he took a step, the flowers on both sides swayed.
"Master, where are you going!"
"Stay there."
He commanded sharply and moved further away from me. Thanks to that, the distance between us widened quite a bit.
When he reached the edge of the flower bed, he stopped. As I was still looking at him blankly, unable to understand, as if answering my unspoken question, he turned around and slowly took steps.
He walked over.
He was truly 'walking' over.
Without groping his surroundings with a cane, and without anyone's support, he was walking directly toward me on his own two feet.
I was so surprised that my eyes widened. I couldn't believe it even though I was seeing it with my own eyes. There have been times in my life when I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but this was the most powerful one yet.
"Goodness."
My mouth dropped open in shock. It was to the point I even forgot to breathe. Vincent approached me with long strides without the slightest hesitation. The quite far distance narrowed in an instant, and I watched without even blinking as he reached his hand out to me.
Soon after, he grabbed my hand firmly. I looked up blankly at him standing right in front of me. As if he could see my expression, Vincent smiled softly.
"How is it?"
"You can actually see, can't you?"
I yelled out in sheer excitement. The corners of Vincent's mouth rose even higher.
"I practiced a lot. You knew that."
"I did know, but I thought you were practicing walking with a cane. I had no idea you were practicing walking alone. Weren't you afraid of falling?"
"I was. But I knew how to overcome it."
"What was that?"
"I thought that if I fall, I just need to get back up."
Just that? It wasn't even something worth calling a method. However, I knew it was by no means easy for him to accept that obvious truth.
"You said it before. To think of it as adventuring in the dark right now. So I had to be courageous. It was an absurd statement, but it wasn't bad. You just have to think differently, right? Even if I fall while walking alone, I just have to get back up and walk as if nothing happened. What's important is that I walked to the end. Right?"
"That's right."
"I will do as you said, so you do the same."
"......"
"You said you'd stay by my side. That no matter how much I drive you away, you'd keep staying; that if you say you'll save someone else, you'd stay until they're saved, and if they aren't saved, you'll be together forever."
Suddenly, he wiped the smile from his face and furrowed his brows. He must have recalled the time he heard those words. This time, it was me who burst into laughter.
"Come to think of it, you're consistently arrogant, then and now."
"It can't be helped. That's just who I am."
I looked up at him with a bright smile. At my answer, he smoothed his brow and chuckled. Now there really was no longer a man trembling in fear, holed up in his room. From now on, both his body and mind would grow healthier. Such a change in him was a beautiful sight.
"How is it? Even for a brief moment, didn't you think it was a relief to be alive?"
"Pardon?"
"You got to see a good sight, too."
He suddenly asked. I didn't know what to do at his consideration of calling himself a good sight. But just as Vincent said, for a very brief moment, seeing him walk alone, I truly thought it was a relief. That it was a relief he didn't give up. In that moment, I was genuinely happy.
So this time, I couldn't retort. I smiled, struggling to pull up the corners of my mouth that kept wanting to droop, and shouted vigorously.
"Yes!"
* * *
Although it was a short time, I shared many conversations with Vincent. Starting with trivial stories, reminiscing about the past, and venting our complaints, we focused on each other's time like that. As time passed, the regret of parting only grew.
It was my first time feeling reluctant about a parting.
Feeling shy at the unfamiliar sensation, I needlessly poked the ground with my toes, waiting for Renica so I could give her the laundry as usual.
But a little while later, I was surprised to see Renica when she arrived. The area around her eyes was flushed red, and her nose was bright red too.
"Did something happen?"
"No. Nothing happened."
It wasn't the face of someone who had nothing happen. When I asked again what happened, she just kept shaking her head. Seeing her face looking like she might burst into tears at any moment, I led her by the hand to a secluded spot between the annex and the bushes. It didn't seem like a conversation to have in an open space.
We crouched down side by side there. Deep worry filled Renica's face. Thinking of her usual cheerful self, something really serious must have happened. She was the person who had given me a lot of advice, knowingly or unknowingly, while I stayed in this mansion. Because of that, if it was something I could help with, I wanted to help, and if I couldn't help, I at least wanted to lend an ear.
"Can you tell me what happened? Even if I can't be of much help, I can listen to your story. Confiding in someone might lighten your heart."
"......"
"It's okay. I will keep the secret of what we talk about now."
Then, as I waited calmly, Renica, who had been hesitating for a long time even after that, slowly parted her lips.
"......A few days ago, a maid and a servant disappeared."
"Disappeared?"
"Yes."
She nodded her head heavily once.
"The two were lovers. They were secretly dating without anyone knowing."
"And?"
"But... they were caught dating."
"How?"
"It seems they often met by slipping out of their rooms in the middle of the night. Last time, they secretly came out at night and were caught by Lady Isabella. But of all things, the butler was also there at the time."
I opened my eyes wide. You can't automatically find it strange just because a man and a woman met in the middle of the night, but if the frequency was high, it probably wasn't just pure meetings they were having. As if my thoughts were correct, Renica nodded again with a gloomy face.
"That's right. It was a situation that shouldn't have been discovered."
"......"
"The two were punished. On top of that, one of them reached a point where they had to leave this mansion."
So did they run away in the middle of the night? As if reading my doubt, she shook her head and retorted.
"No. The two disappeared, but they didn't disappear by choice."
"What does that mean?"
I frowned at the words I couldn't understand at all, when Renica looked back at me. The area around her eyes was still swollen, and the tip of her nose was red. Looking at her now, her cheeks were red too. But her expression looking at me was stiff.