3. Love Letter (16)
Every time Edria came to visit the Christopher family, Ethan would always insert himself between us. For someone who claimed to be so busy he barely had time to breathe, he always made sure to show his face. Sometimes he would sit beside me and ramble on about me, mainly telling her about my mistakes, making me writhe in embarrassment. When I told him to go away, he would keep his distance and watch us with a satisfied expression, his gaze so intense it almost stung.
Perhaps finding Ethan strange as well, Edria once brought this up.
'You seem quite different from what I've heard, my lord.'
It was when I had briefly stepped away to return a book I had borrowed from Edria. I was uneasy about leaving the two of them alone in the reception room, but I hurried my steps. As I was returning with the book, I heard voices through the gap in the open door. I stopped by the wall near the door.
'I thought you would be somewhat strict.'
'I hear that often.'
I couldn't tell what expression Ethan had made at that moment. From where I stood, I could only see the back of his head. All I knew was that Edria's expression as she looked at him seemed completely dumbfounded.
After that, Edria had evaluated him like this:
'It seems the lord truly treasures Paula.'
What on earth did she see in him to say such a thing? That he hovered around wanting to play together whenever she visited? That he whined asking if I couldn't come along every time he went out? That he forced everyone to eat the foul-smelling tropical fruit he brought from a country across the sea for my sake, nearly making everyone throw up? Somehow, the more I recalled, the more my assessment of Ethan just kept dropping. I dismissed her words as empty flattery.
"For your information, I'm the oppa. Try calling me oppa."
"No."
"See? She's being so cold like that."
Ethan whispered small as if tattling. But I, who was crouching right next to him, looked up at him in disbelief. I can hear everything, you know?
He told Lucas about the things that had happened during that time. Most of it was voicing his complaints about me. Nevertheless, Ethan was smiling the entire time, as if finding something so enjoyable. Hearing his grumbling, I felt absurd but somehow ended up laughing along with him. Recalling shared memories together was a truly joyful thing.
"Lucas, we're getting along quite well even after becoming family."
"…..."
"You probably wouldn't have wanted that, though."
At that moment, my smiling face stiffened. I quietly looked at Ethan. Ethan did not let his gaze fall from the tombstone.
"So I considered not bringing her, but you wouldn't have wanted that either."
Ethan smiled bitterly. I followed his gaze and stared at the tombstone. No matter how much I spoke to him, that longed-for voice would not return. What stood before us now was not a person, but only a bitter tombstone.
I truly wanted Lucas to be happy. But he was no longer by our side. I couldn't give him a beautiful future as colorful as those flowers. At that thought, a surge of emotion rose up, and my throat burned. I would grow older and change, but you would remain forever unchanged. Forever young and gentle, left all alone.
Countless tombstones dotted the vast land. This was the Christopher family's estate. It was said that when members of the family died, they were buried here. Daniel, who was Florence's grandfather, and her parents were all buried here as well. And someday, Ethan would be buried here too.
It was a space where only a silence as pure as the white tombstones lingered. It made me feel death, parting, and longing.
"It turned out as you wished."
Dropping those words, Ethan fell silent. I looked up at him again. No emotion seeped from his profile as he gazed at the tombstone. But I thought he was crying.
"Oppa."
I now uttered the word 'oppa' with considerable familiarity. Ethan slowly looked at me as if reacting.
"Did you think we'd end up in this kind of relationship?"
The day we first met at the Bellunita family, did you know? A servant and the master's friend. A connection that was meant to briefly pass by would continue like this. At that, Ethan let out a soft laugh.
"Well. What about you, Paula?"
"Hmm, I don't think I knew either."
"I didn't know either."
Ethan agreed with a light tone. I gazed at him. As the wind brushed past him, his stiffly worn black jacket fluttered. His brown eyes gazed into the distance.
"But... yeah, I think I felt it vaguely. They say you sometimes feel fate as you live. Remember? The day Paula suggested we become partners."
At his words, I recalled a time long ago. From our first meeting, I had a feeling that I would somehow see this man who had caused such a stir again. So I thought it would be better to make him an ally and made that suggestion. Though I never imagined I would end up seeing him for this long.
"At the time, I just thought of it as a joke, but after going through a series of events, I thought for the first time that maybe this relationship would last a long time. But realizing we'd soon not see each other again, I dismissed it as a delusion."
Ethan looked at me. Eyes filled with affection now turned to me familiarly. A smile appeared on his face that had looked anxious just moments ago. It was a genuine smile, not a fake one that merely stretched the corners of his mouth.
"What made me certain was when we met again. After Lucas died, I was reluctant to bring it up. I was still just pretending to be an adult. But when I saw Paula, stories about Lucas came out without hesitation. That's when I knew. That I would have a deep relationship with you."
Since when had he been making that face so naturally? The rushing sound now sounded like a refreshing breeze.
"I think I made a good choice. I've been having really enjoyable days lately."
Ethan stretched. As he shook his stiff body this way and that, the sorrow had somehow faded from his face.
"Shall we go?"
I nodded and stood up. Then I brushed off my wrinkled skirt.
Before leaving, I looked at Lucas once more.
'I'll come again.'
I whispered so and turned around. But not far away, Ethan had stopped walking and was standing there.
His gaze had landed on a certain spot. I turned my head following his. It was a place where a large tree was planted next to the row of tombstones. In its shaded ground, a single tombstone was embedded. But there was no name or anything like that inscribed on it. Nevertheless, Ethan couldn't take his eyes off that spot for a long time.
Just then, a wind blew. My half-tied hair fluttered, blocking my view. I held the ends of my hair and looked at Ethan. He still couldn't take his eyes off the tombstone. I heard a voice whispering something low, but it was drowned out by the wind and I couldn't make it out clearly. Was it just my imagination? The sight of Ethan standing in the midst of the dead felt unsettling.
"Ethan-nim."
"Yes?"
So, without realizing, I called him as I used to. Ethan turned to look at me. In contrast to his cheerful voice, a face devoid of any expression caught my eye.
"Why did you ask me to become family?"
I had always been curious. Why specifically 'family'? If he wanted to help me, there were many other ways, like becoming a guardian. But he had suggested becoming family. There was the reason of doing it for his friend's love, but honestly, it was an uncharacteristic proposal for him.
"Because there's no one by my side now."
"…..."
"People can't live alone."
Ethan's face contorted as if he would cry.
"Because I really didn't want to go mad."
The count who survived by devouring his own flesh and blood, a mad man—there were many things people called him in the world. But none of them captured his true self. I think those labels will gradually disappear. Did he think so too? Or did he hope not to become such a person? Perhaps the suggestion to become family was actually a desperate plea for someone to help him.
At that moment, I recalled the day I first met Ethan. The man who had relentlessly knocked on the door to drag out his friend who had shut himself in his room was skillfully hiding his emotions with a smiling face. When he forced that absurd bet, claiming it was for his friend's sake—wasn't it actually because he wanted someone to do the same for him? Did he project himself onto Vincent? Perhaps from that moment on, you were already stained with fear and guilt.
Did you know you would be left all alone like this? At that thought, a slightly melancholy feeling overtook me.
I blinked once. Then the wind died down, and unlike the past, I could see a face that now showed signs of having aged considerably. He had certainly changed. The man who had remained stuck in the past was no more. Change had come to everyone.
I slowly moved my steps and approached him. Ethan's eyes followed me. I stood side by side with him and pulled the corners of my mouth into a smile.
"Let's come see him together next time too."
At that, Ethan, who had opened his eyes wide, soon smiled back. His arm wrapped around mine. Warm body temperature brushed against my shoulder.
"Alright."