# 131
131. The Maid Stands Before the Secret (10)
His voice came hollow, like one speaking in a dream. I couldn't say anything. I could neither refute nor respond to his question. I couldn't do anything at all.
The hair tie held in my hand kept wrapping around my wrist, swaying in the wind. As if it had bound my entire body, I couldn't move.
His gaze, which had been sweeping over me as I stood blankly, fixed on the bag I was holding.
"Why are you running away."
Only then did I startle, hiding the bag behind me as I stumbled backward. Vincent, watching me do so, took a step forward, closing the distance between us. I panicked and stepped back. But soon I had no choice but to stop, blocked by the iron gate. The clanking sound of metal scattered on the wind.
"Paula."
"Don't come. Please, don't come."
I pressed myself against the iron gate and shook my head. Fear surged suddenly, rejecting him. I had never imagined such a situation. I never wanted this kind of reunion. Only then did I realize I wasn't ready to face him properly.
Vincent stopped walking at my words. I lowered my head, avoiding his gaze. Trying desperately to calm my anxiously trembling heart, I asked.
"When, since when... Did you know from the beginning?"
"No. I didn't know at first. But I did suspect. What convinced me was when I overheard you reading to Robert that night he was sick."
I too had a memory that came to mind. The night Robert fell ill, I had gone outside the room because I was worried about Vincent, who had been unusually stiff. His face as he grabbed my arm and stared at me fiercely, the subtle words he spoke—I finally understood what they meant. Looking back, it seemed Vincent had been acting strangely since that day.
"Right now I'm adventuring in the darkness, and there's a voice only I can hear. Even though I can't see its form, it could become a fellow adventurer with me, a friend, a family, anything at all.... Those are the words you said to me. Remember?"
Did I say such things? I pondered for a moment, then shook my head. I don't remember.
"I knew because of those words. Because they were words that gave me courage."
Then he must have known about Alicia's lie too. I squeezed my eyes shut. How baffled and absurd it must have been for him to watch Alicia pretending to be me. Yet Vincent didn't interrogate me about it.
"I know what you're afraid of. But I'm not the one who did that. I'm also in the process of finding out why they died like that."
"...I know."
"A lie. You suspected me. I don't know the full circumstances, but you must think I was involved. That's why you're trying to run away like this. Just like five years ago."
His words pierced me sharply. The sudden murder case, a similar incident had occurred five years ago. Back then, it was the butler's doing, but they said there was no butler here now. Then wouldn't I have no choice but to suspect someone in a position to do such a thing?
Yes, I suspected Vincent first. I had thought that perhaps they had done something wrong, and as punishment, he might have killed them.
Had Vincent truly not known that the butler tried to kill me five years ago? I never received a clear answer about that. I heard the butler had left this place, but I couldn't even be sure he truly left, and I was anxious about not knowing why Isabella had suddenly disappeared. The seed of anxiety grew endlessly from the moment it sprouted. On top of that, there was Alicia's situation....
No matter how kindly he acted, he was ultimately a noble. Because to nobles, the lives of people like us were trivial, something they could easily crush in their hands.
I treated them with that mindset every moment. That they could kill me at any time. That was also the reason I couldn't fully trust Vincent. It seemed Vincent had noticed my feelings as well.
I could still feel Vincent's gaze on me, but I couldn't meet his eyes.
"Why did you run away five years ago. I told you to wait."
"Because I wanted to live. I had to."
"Couldn't you trust me?"
"Because I couldn't be certain that you would protect me, Master."
"I trusted you."
"...."
"I trusted you."
His words resonated deeply on the wind. Not knowing how to respond, I chose silence. I wanted so desperately to escape from this situation. But he wouldn't let me go.
"Then again. Even if it were me, I wouldn't have relied on a blind cripple."
"Don't say such things."
"It's the truth."
"Master."
"Then tell me. Why did you run away?"
"I told you. I wanted to live. I was desperate just to preserve my own life."
"Because the butler tried to harm you?"
So he did know. I smiled bitterly. Since when did you know, did you order it after all—words I had wanted to ask someday circled in my chest. But instead of firing those words sharply, I raised my downcast gaze and met him.
"Did you look for me?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I told you I would definitely bring you back."
'I'll bring you to my side. Definitely. Promise me.'
Something surged up in my chest. Not from sadness, but from joy and sorrow. He remembered the promise he made with me. He truly remembered me. His heart finally reached me.
"You said you'd become a ghost and follow me around for the rest of my life if I forgot."
"What?"
"I searched diligently because I was afraid you'd really do that."
So saying, Vincent smiled mischievously. Seeing that face, the tension constricting my chest loosened slightly. I let out a small laugh too. I remembered saying those words. I had boldly blurted them out, afraid he might abandon me.
Faded memories filled this very moment. Before I knew it, we had returned to five years ago.
"I found out about what the butler did later. By then it was already too late. Still, I wanted to find you. At first, I think I searched out of worry. Then out of indignation. And then later... like a habit. Whenever memories of the times I spent with you came to mind, I wondered each time. How you were doing, whether you were even alive. Though I didn't expect you'd stab me in the back like this."
"...So why did you believe me? You should have just dismissed a maid's words."
"Trust must be built on the foundation of belief. I believed in you so I trusted you, and I didn't want to doubt your words. Because the moment I doubted your words, I wouldn't be able to believe in anything between us."
"...."
"I didn't want to do that."
Not wanting to betray the memories with you, I couldn't even bring myself to doubt the words you gave me. Even if you had spoken lies to me, I wanted to believe even those were truth. He was telling me that. It was such a warm words that it seemed to melt even my chilled heart.
"So tell me now. Why did you deceive me?"
"Because I was afraid you'd be disappointed."
"By what?"
"By everything about me."
I had hidden my appearance, but what I wanted to hide wasn't just my looks. I wanted to hide everything about myself. I was afraid that he would be disappointed in me as a person.
"Honestly, I was surprised. It's so different from what you told me."
I immediately understood what he was talking about. I smiled bitterly.
"Even from your perspective, isn't it too different from what you described? To think the person you searched for so desperately turned out to be someone else entirely. Because of that, I wasted time for nothing."
But rather than condemning me, his voice sounded like he was merely grumbling. My eyes widened.
"Why."
"Are you dissatisfied with that? What about the rest?"
"The rest?"
"Looking like this... weren't you disappointed? Doesn't it look terrible?"
His gaze swept over my appearance once more from top to bottom. Then, with a calm face, he spoke.
"Not at all."
"Why...? That can't be. Everyone was disappointed, said it was terrible. Th-that's strange... It's strange..."
I couldn't believe his words. Because there was no one among those who had seen my face who wasn't disappointed in me. Even the parents who gave birth to me hated my face.
"It's not strange."
But he refuted my thoughts.
"It didn't matter what you looked like."
"...."
I stared at him blankly. Vincent took another step forward.
The iron gate behind me wasn't locked. If necessary, I could open it and run out. But I couldn't move a single step. Because Vincent was holding me.
His gaze never left me for even a moment. Vincent stopped with just a single step between us.
The ribbon wrapped around my wrist slipped loose and escaped my hand. Vincent reached out and caught the fluttering end of the ribbon in the air. The hair ribbon now wrapped around his wrist.
Vincent, who toyed with the hair ribbon for a moment, looked at me again.
"Can I touch you now?"
He smiled as if about to cry. Asking for permission. Once again, I couldn't say anything. I couldn't push away Vincent as he took a step closer to me, nor could I push away his large hand burying into the nape of my neck.
Behind me, the iron gate clanged shut loudly. His body drew so close that I instinctively lowered my head.
His hand that had been feeling along my ear slid down and brushed against my cheek. Then it traced around my eyes. My closed eyelashes trembled faintly following his fingertips. The hand that caressed them traveled upward, tracing my forehead in circles, sweeping across my eyebrows, then slowly coming down to familiarize itself with the outline of my small nose.
The wind was clearly cold, but the body heat clinging to my skin was hot. The touch tracing my face, the breath brushing my forehead was so ticklish that my entire body twisted. The golden hair that cascaded down swayed in the wind, gently grazing my head. I gripped the bag's handle tightly as if clinging to a tree trunk for dear life. I felt like I had to hold onto this at least.
When his hand traced my lips, I couldn't hold back and slightly raised my gaze. But unexpectedly, Vincent's eyes were closed. As if, like five years ago when he couldn't see anything, he was trying to remember solely through the sensation beneath his touch. The eyelashes suspended at the corners of his downcast eyes trembled faintly, just like mine.
"So this is what it felt like."
"...."
"This is what it felt like. Like this..."
His hand traced my slightly parted lips, then traveled down to my jaw and wrapped around my neck. Then he gently grasped the hair swaying near my nape. In that moment, his closed eyelids lifted, revealing emerald eyes. I lowered my head again.
He toyed with the hair he had grasped. A moment later, when he withdrew his hand, the long ribbon tied in my hair split to both sides and fluttered. One side fluttered in the air, and the other lightly tapped against my lips. His fingertips followed the ribbon and traced along the line of my lips.
"Lucas was right. It suits you well."
His low voice carried a hint of laughter. I could even hear what sounded like a chuckle.
"I thought I'd recognize you immediately when we met. I hadn't seen you with my eyes, and though my memories were gradually fading, I had etched the sensation of you into my fingertips. But come to think of it, it seems I never really touched your face much."
A careful and tender gesture. Tracing as if confirming that what his fingertips touched was real.
"I can recognize you now."
When I raised my head, my gaze collided with his. In those emerald eyes, I could see my own confused reflection.
"Don't go."
"...."
"Stay by my side."
His remaining hand wrapped around my shoulder. And slowly, he pulled me into his embrace. His scent, seeping into my nose, deepened.
"I missed you."
My vision blurred. I might be crying.
I closed my eyes just like that.
Me too.