# 103
103. That Still Strange Guest (17)
However, a shadow fell over his face.
"Do you understand what I mean?"
"......I'm sorry. I don't think I do."
"I'm saying the things I want to remember are gradually fading. Because time flows on, whether I want it to or not."
"......"
"Because I can't be certain."
His forced smile looked truly uncertain. So I became curious. What were these "things I want to remember" that he would speak of them like that? I wanted to ask what he wanted to remember. But I only moved my lips, ultimately unable to spit out the words.
There was nothing as painful as chasing after the past.
"I see... I need that."
"......"
"I need certainty."
As if savoring the word, he murmured "certainty" softly from his mouth. The dead pupils flashed distinctly for an instant. But soon, as if it had been my imagination, the eyes that blinked open had returned to their original lightless state.
"I've said useless things."
He suddenly wrapped up the conversation. His cleaned-up face was as stiff as usual.
"There's a saying that curiosity kills the cat. Don't wander around carelessly. Understood?"
"......I'll keep that in mind."
I was stunned by his suddenly cold attitude. As if I had been dreaming. I lowered my head again.
I waited for Vincent to leave first. Since he had said all he wanted to say, I thought he would kick off from his seat and leave right away. But he didn't move. I didn't know what he was thinking, but his silence was a bit frightening.
Suddenly, Vincent stepped toward me. His breath brushed past my hair. I dropped my head even lower. A beam of light flowing in from the window soaked the floor. His shadow and mine merged together, wavering.
My eyes that captured this shook mercilessly.
"There's one more thing I'm curious about."
"S-speak."
"How did you and Alicia end up coming here."
An unexpected name flowed from his mouth. This time I couldn't hide my surprise.
I had never once taken seriously anything Alicia said. She was confident she had seduced Vincent, but it was clearly absurd no matter how you looked at it. No matter how popular Alicia was with many men for her pretty appearance, the other party was a noble. I had brushed it off as a joke, thinking it absolutely impossible.
But why is he asking about Alicia?
When Alicia's name came clearly from Vincent's mouth, I couldn't come to my senses. How on earth did he know, had she said something, my head filled with questions but no proper words came out. Barely managing to gather my whitening mind, I spat out a single sentence.
'......Do you know my sister?'
'I saw her often when I went to meet Joelli. We had a few conversations too.'
It was natural to run into Alicia, who served Joelli. But if he remembered her name, it was hard to consider their relationship as merely having exchanged a few words. Something deeper, having built a friendship... that made no sense.
In that moment, the scene I had witnessed in Joelli's room came to mind.
'Has your sister ever done something like this?'
'Why do you ask that?'
'Just curious.'
'Well... there was a period when we lived apart for a while.'
My mood crashed to rock bottom. I wanted to run away. I didn't want to have a conversation about him and Alicia. I felt like I wouldn't be able to properly answer his question.
'You're sisters and you don't know?'
'Being sisters doesn't mean knowing everything.'
'Seems like you're not on good terms.'
Since he was right, I didn't bother arguing. I smiled bitterly and cast my eyes down. I shouldn't blatantly avoid his gaze, but right now I didn't want to face him. Perhaps sensing my discomfort, he left without adding anything further.
What kind of situation was this?
While I sat blankly on the bed, the door opened and Alicia came in humming a tune. I grabbed Alicia's arm and pulled her down to sit on the bed.
"What are you doing!"
Alicia irritably shook off the arm I had grabbed.
"You, how did you get close to that man."
"What? What man?"
"The owner of this place."
Then Alicia smoothed her furrowed expression and replied casually, "Oh, that?" I could sense composure in the way she twirled her hair with her fingers. Yes, composure. An unprecedented composure was visible in Alicia right now.
"I'm asking how it happened."
"How it happened? We just happened to have a few conversations, and I left a good impression."
"Don't lie."
"Why would I be lying! What about you! Aren't you going to tell me how you know that man Christopher?"
"Just answer my question! I'm asking how you got close!"
"Ugh, that's all! Why do you keep asking!"
Alicia, who had turned away as if annoyed, suddenly looked at me.
"Did Sir Vincent say something?"
I hesitated for a moment at the sudden question. Then Alicia's face gradually stiffened. Why was she making that expression? The quiet face, as if her breath had stopped, was unfamiliar.
"Unnie."
What? Flustered by the unexpected call of 'unnie,' Alicia suddenly grabbed my arm. Then she pressed her face right up close.
"W-why are you doing this."
"What did Sir Vincent say?"
The eyes directed at me revealed anxiety. The situation had reversed. Strength filled Alicia's hand gripping my arm as she demanded to know what he had said.
I didn't answer. My grabbed arm hurt, so I scowled and twisted my body, but Alicia tenaciously held onto me and pulled.
"Let go, it hurts!"
"I'm asking what he said! Did you two talk alone?"
"I said it hurts!"
"Then tell me. What did you talk about!"
She acted as if she wouldn't let go unless I answered, so I had no choice but to continue speaking.
"He just asked if you had ever done this kind of work!"
"Is that all? What did you say?"
"I said I didn't know! That's everything!"
So let go! As I said that and twisted my whole body, only then did Alicia release me. I pulled my body back and stroked my forearm that had been grabbed. She had gripped me so tightly that red handprints remained. As I looked down at them in dismay and then looked back at Alicia, she was still staring fixedly at me.
"Is that really everything?"
"What in the world... what was I supposed to have heard?"
"Why would he ask something like that..."
Without even responding to my words, Alicia muttered to herself. After being so tenacious just a moment ago, now I wasn't even in her sights. Alicia, who kept muttering, suddenly smiled broadly and clapped her hands.
"Sir Vincent must be interested in me!"
"What?"
"Oh my! I'm so happy!"
She suddenly bounced up excitedly, then tilted her head back and began laughing heartily. Watching Alicia's bizarre behavior blankly, I threw out a remark.
"Are you crazy?"
Has she finally gone crazy?
She couldn't be acting like that unless she had. Getting irritated, then suddenly pretending to be composed, then stiffening her expression again, and now even laughing? She'd always had an unpredictable personality, but right now made the least sense.
I looked at Alicia as if watching a crazy person. Unconcerned by my gaze, Alicia strode toward me again.
"Did he ask anything else about me? Hm? What else did he say?"
"Other than that, he didn't say anything."
"Ah, what! Why are you hiding! I'm asking what he said!"
"I said there wasn't anything!"
Feeling like a proper conversation would no longer be possible, I stood up. Then Alicia clung behind me and nagged. 'What exactly did he say, what did he say, did he say I'm really pretty, hm? hm?' Dodging Alicia, I wandered around the room, then lay down on the bed and pulled the sheets over myself. Alicia shook my shoulders.
"Hey! Tell me and then sleep!"
"I don't know!"
I shouldn't have talked to her.
* * *
Today again, Ethan was holed up in bed. I stood in front of the bed, gazing blankly at his figure, then called out, "Sir Ethan." A response came right away, telling me to just leave the meal anywhere and go. It was clearly something he spat out automatically since I always woke him for meals.
Ethan still skipped meals habitually, as if it were a routine. He skipped not only breakfast but even lunch, so bringing meals to his room was now a natural course of action. Even then, I had to plead with him to barely get him to eat while still in bed.
Today too, I diligently woke him as he tried to skip even lunch. I pressed the utensils into the hand of Ethan, who reluctantly rose with a rumpled appearance. He ate the soup with a scowl on his face.
"Why are you so fixated on eating."
"Because I'm worried."
"You won't die from skipping a few meals."
"That's true, but......"
I watched Ethan for a moment, his eyes closed as he fumbled with the spoon, unclear whether it was heading toward his nose or his mouth, then continued speaking.
"You remind me of my former master."
At my words, Ethan's hand paused.
Was it because he skipped meals and holed up in his room only sleeping? I kept seeing the Vincent of the past overlapping with Ethan's figure.
Vincent had also holed up in his room like this, sleeping without eating. Unlike Vincent, Ethan skipped breakfast and lunch but always ate dinner, and occasionally seemed to go outside, but even so, I couldn't help but worry.
I hadn't told Ethan about what happened with Vincent. What would it accomplish to tell him that while he remembered me, he couldn't recognize me?
And my answer to the question of whether I missed him was still 'no.' Because remembering and missing are different.
I didn't want to become any more uncomfortable with Ethan over matters related to that. Ethan had also brought up the bet, but it seemed like empty words, and in truth, he didn't seem particularly interested. Taking a rest seemed to be his higher priority.
"I've caused you worry. I'll make sure to eat my meals properly from now on, so don't worry."
Ethan smiled apologetically. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. Feeling suddenly embarrassed, I rubbed the back of my neck.
On my way to see Robert after finishing serving Ethan's meal, I ran into Johnny. Unlike usual, he hesitated, observing my condition. Ever since I cried in front of him last time, he'd been subtly watching me. Thanks to that, I was constantly reminded of the fact that I had bawled my eyes out.
"If you have nothing to say, get lost."
"No, well... I was just wondering if you've been having a hard time lately."
What is he even saying. I ignored the pointless remark.
Leaving Johnny behind, I reached Robert's door. As soon as I opened it and went in, a tiny thing bounced out and clung right onto my waist. Upon checking, it was Robert. The nanny who followed behind greeted me with an awkward smile.
"Welcome. Did you make sure Sir Christopher ate his meal?"
"Yes. But......"
I briefly cast my gaze down to look at the small head clinging to my waist. The way he kept lifting his legs seemed like he wanted to be picked up. When I bent down and picked him up, he snuggled right into my embrace.
But he somehow looked gloomy, and I was wondering about it when the nanny, as if noticing my question, added something.
"I think he's upset because Anne hasn't been coming often lately."
"Excuse me?"
It had been a bit sparse lately, but honestly I was quite flustered. Was I that close with Robert?
"Ugly."
Ah, I think the nanny is mistaken.
"Does Robert hate Anne now?"
My heart dropped at Robert's words. I hadn't expected him to think that.
"That can't be. I don't hate you."
"Then why don't you come see Robert?"
He was a child sensitive to loneliness. No matter what kind of relationship it was, when someone he met daily suddenly stopped showing their face, he might have thought he was abandoned. Feeling a pang of sympathy, I patted his small back.
"Sir Ethan... no, from next time I'll come often."
"Yeah. Ugly."
If only he'd fix that nickname.
Just then, as if reading my thoughts, the kind nanny interjected.
"Young master. You should call her Anne."
"No!"
This little brat.