(2) Bad Girl
2018.08.06.
Swooooosh—
The sound of water flowing came from the bathroom.
Doyeon sat with her legs crossed on the living room sofa, gazing quietly at the bathroom door.
It had been a very long time since a stranger had entered this house.
'No, is this the first time? Except for when Dad came on the day I moved in.'
The house was the only comfortable space for Doyeon.
A place where it was okay to not wear her lenses. A place where there was no getting hurt by witnessing others’ true emotions. A place where only a lovely black beast showing unwavering loyalty existed.
The reason she had brought a stranger, and a man she was seeing for the first time in her life, into such a place was—
'He was so starkly blue.'
Probably because she couldn’t just leave alone someone feeling pure despair.
It wasn’t a lie that she had a hobby of picking up abandoned animals.
Ever since she was young, Doyeon had picked up animals from the streets, fed them well, groomed them well, and helped them meet good owners.
She wanted to raise them all, but she had learned at a young age that even animals had compatibility, so they couldn’t all be kept together.
Bringing Juwon had ultimately stemmed from a similar thought.
She didn’t know what circumstances had dyed him in such a stark blue despair, but she would feed him well, clothe him well, and send him off.
Doyeon turned her gaze away from the bathroom door.
At Doyeon’s feet, Rubin was lying languidly.
When Doyeon tapped the sofa, Rubin sprang up as if he had been waiting, climbed onto the sofa, and sat down.
Doyeon stroked Rubin’s head. Rubin lay down, tilting his ears back as if in a good mood.
"Bear with it a little even if it’s uncomfortable. That child will be leaving soon."
+++
Click—
The sound of the bathroom door opening was heard.
Doyeon slowly turned her head.
Juwon, standing in front of the bathroom, came into view.
Having washed clean and shaved, there was no trace of his earlier appearance left on him.
His wet hair was completely swept back, revealing a smooth forehead, and below his forehead were thick, neat eyebrows.
The eyes beneath his eyebrows were narrow and sharp, his nose high and straight.
Beneath the nose that stretched in a long, beautiful curve were lips with an exceptionally thick lower lip.
Below the slender, sharp jawline stretched a long neck and broad shoulders, a chest and a stomach with firm muscles settled over abs.
As Doyeon’s eyes slowly traveled from his face to his chest, from his chest to his stomach, Juwon covered his chest with both arms and stepped back.
"Why are you observing me so closely?"
Juwon had a long towel wrapped around his waist.
Doyeon rose from the sofa and approached him.
Juwon retreated further.
"W-why?"
"Why are you so scared? Are you afraid I’ll jump you?"
"Yeah. Your—no, Nuna—your eyes are no joke right now."
"Or are you secretly hoping for that?"
"No, I wouldn’t expect something like that in this situation."
Doyeon snorted at Juwon’s words, which sounded extremely tense.
"Don’t worry. You’re not my type."
Doyeon’s type was a man with a mole under his thumb.
It had been an exceptionally vivid dream.
Though it was a dream, that brilliant pink filled the space between the two of them so solidly that no other emotion could squeeze in, unchanging even after a long time.
Below the thumb of his left hand that held Doyeon’s hand tightly, there had been a small, black dot.
It was a dream, but so vivid that Doyeon had accepted it as a prophetic dream.
Because of that, no matter how handsome, cool, or good-looking a man was, he couldn’t stir Doyeon’s emotions.
All men were the same.
Because the men who approached her harbored similar thoughts, wanted similar things.
"Where did you put the clothes?"
"Over there in the corner. I figured there’d be no point in washing if I put those back on."
"Yeah, they smelled."
"How on earth did you endure that smell?"
"I’m used to it. Abandoned animals usually smell a lot."
"I’m not abandoned, and I’m not an animal."
"Oh my, is that so? I didn’t know. By the way."
Doyeon stopped walking.
Juwon backed away to avoid the approaching Doyeon, and as he kept retreating, his legs hit the bathtub, leaving him half-sitting on it.
Now hunched over, Juwon was at eye level with Doyeon.
Doyeon stared intently at Juwon’s face right in front of her.
Juwon endured Doyeon’s gaze without even breathing.
Soon, a faint smile rose to Doyeon’s lips.
"You’re really handsomely built. Yes, I can find you a good owner."
At Doyeon’s words, Juwon furrowed his brows, sprang up, and looked down at her.
Juwon’s hand gripped Doyeon’s shoulder hard.
"I’m not a beast. I don’t need an owner."
Anger tinged his low voice, but Doyeon wasn’t frightened in the least.
"Is that so? Then will you go back to your house?"
Juwon’s pupils shook, but they soon stilled.
Juwon narrowed his brows slightly and glared at Doyeon as he spoke.
"I’m going, I said I’m going!"
"Really?"
"Really."
This side of Juwon was fascinating.
Most people steeped in despair didn’t have the luxury to mind their pride.
The deeper the blue color, the more so.
But Juwon was dyed in an incomparably pure blue of despair, yet he was scared of what he should be scared of, and his pride was hurt by what should hurt it.
How was such a thing possible?
That piqued Doyeon’s interest.
"I wish you wouldn’t go."
At Doyeon’s honest words, Juwon’s pupils shook once more.
But as if steeling himself, he let go of Doyeon’s shoulder and trudged toward where he’d left his clothes.
"Get out so I can get dressed."
"No. This is my house."
"...What if I move to the living room to change?"
"Of course I’d follow and watch."
"You’re a bad woman."
"It’s not every day you get to see a handsome man’s body."
"You’re really wicked. But I can be wicked too."
"Oh my, is that so?"
"I don’t care if Nuna watches or not. I’ll change right here."
"Fine. I’ll enjoy the view."
Contrary to his words, Juwon hesitated.
Even though he should have underwear on beneath the long towel around his waist, his hesitant appearance drew a laugh.
Doyeon realized she was smiling without knowing it and was flustered.
As she was hurriedly composing her expression, Juwon picked up his pants.
Juwon awkwardly put on his pants while keeping the towel around his waist.
The sight of him sighing as if he’d overcome a hurdle after putting on his pants made her laugh again.
After putting on his t-shirt too, Juwon spun around sharply.
"I thought I wouldn’t be able to put them on... why are you laughing?"
Doyeon covered her mouth with one hand.
"It’s just, you look amusing."
"Yeah? Then I’ve paid for the meal since I gave you amusement."
"You’ll smell again."
"I don’t care. Because I’m leaving this house now."
Trying to pass Doyeon near the bathroom entrance, Rubin growled from in front of the bathroom.
Juwon stopped and turned to look at Doyeon.
"Hey, move him."
"You sure make a lot of demands. Why don’t you stop being stubborn and just stay?"
"I told you. I’m not a beast, and I don’t need an owner."
"It’s not like I can keep you forever. I was just going to raise you well and help you meet a good owner. Was that so repulsive?"
"I don’t need a good owner or whatever."
"Are you really going to leave? You won’t regret it?"
"I won’t, something like that."
"Alright, then."
At Doyeon’s gesture, Rubin moved aside.
Still not reassured, Juwon pressed close against the wall to pass Rubin.
Doyeon also exited the bathroom.
Doyeon stood with her arms crossed, watching Juwon put on his shoes.
Having finished putting on his shoes, Juwon opened the front door.
She thought he would leave just like that, but Juwon stopped, turned around, and slightly bowed his head.
"Thank you for feeding me."
He was a polite child.
+++
Having come out of the officetel, Juwon stopped in front of the entrance and looked up at the sky.
The sky was terribly black, though probably only his eyes saw it that way.
Juwon’s world was always submerged in darkness.
He had come out because he didn’t want to be treated like a dog, but he had nowhere to go.
To Juwon, who had failed at everything, there was nowhere to go.
'So what if I’m treated like a dog. Knowing my place.'
A bitter smile escaped him.
Perhaps he had been afraid.
Even though he had only met her today, he could tell Doyeon was a kind person.
Being beside a kind person made him think the foolish thought that everything would be forgiven.
There was nothing to be forgiven, and he wasn’t qualified to receive such things.
He was afraid of thinking that way.
He was afraid of melting into the warmth of that house.
Perhaps he had left that house as if fleeing.
Having nowhere to go was the same now as it had been earlier.
Juwon stood blankly, taking in the pitch-black sky.
'Where do I go now?'
+++
As soon as Doyeon sat on the sofa, Rubin also climbed up and lay with his chin resting on Doyeon’s thigh.
Stroking Rubin’s head, Doyeon looked around the empty living room.
Even though just one person had come in and left after a very short while, it felt emptier than usual.
It seemed she needed warmth more than she’d thought.
The thought that being alone was fine had been an excuse to hide her longing for warmth.
Humans were social animals, and Doyeon was no different.
But meeting people meant getting hurt by their true emotions, so she kept bringing animals close instead.
Because animals expressed their emotions honestly. Because they didn’t lie.
"What should I do, Rubin."
Rubin perked up his ears.
"That child’s emotion was just blue. So starkly blue that it seemed no other emotion could arise, which worried me. No, to be honest. That blue was so solid that I didn’t think it would change to another color no matter what happened. It puts me at ease. Am I selfish?"
Even her only family, her father, had shown her false emotions.
Every time she witnessed her smiling father’s true emotions, Doyeon felt a pain like a knife stabbing her heart.
"I think his true emotion is nothing but despair, which both worries me and puts me at ease. Maybe it’s not him, but I who needs him. For such a selfish reason."
—You’re a bad woman.
She snorted at the memory of Juwon’s words.
"That’s right, I really am a bad woman. Then I’ll just keep being a bad woman, I guess."
Doyeon got up and left the house.
She had thought she would have to search for a while, but the moment the officetel elevator doors opened, she saw Juwon’s back.
Juwon was standing blankly, looking up at the sky.
Doyeon quietly walked to his side and stopped.
She raised her head and looked up at the sky he was watching.
The cloudy sky was a grayish blue.
"What’s in the sky?"
"Why did you come out?"
"To bring you back in."
"I said I’m fine."
"I won’t treat you like a dog."
"Why are you being so nice to me? Do you pity me?"
"I don’t know. I’m concerned about you."
"Don’t be concerned."
Juwon turned to look at Doyeon.
"I’m someone who doesn’t deserve that kind of attention."
"Oh my, you say interesting things."
Smiling, Doyeon gently placed her hand on Juwon’s cheek.
Without avoiding it, Juwon met Doyeon’s eyes.
"I decide whether there’s any qualification between us. And I’ve judged that you deserve my attention."
Juwon slightly narrowed his brows and caught Doyeon’s slender wrist.
"Do you always seduce men like this?"
"Why? Do you think you’ll fall head over heels for me?"
Even with her wrist caught, Doyeon showed no sign of fear.
"Yeah. So I’m scared to death."
+++
Perhaps because it was a face he’d seen once before, when Juwon came back in, Rubin wagged his tail and welcomed him.
But Juwon slipped past Rubin and went inside.
"Wash up again and come out. And let’s throw those clothes away."
"Are they that bad?"
"Yeah."
"Nuna is really straightforward."
"Would you rather I lied?"
"No, it’s fine either way. And if I throw these away, I have nothing to wear."
"Don’t worry. I can buy you a few sets of clothes."
"You must have money to spare."
"I told you. My dad has a lot of money."
While Juwon went to wash, Doyeon took out an oversized t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants she had bought and came out.
When Juwon came out after washing again, Doyeon held out the new clothes.
"Wear these. The pants might be a bit short, but I don’t like you walking around in just underwear."
"......."
"The room on the first floor without any nameplate is empty. I’ll lay out a blanket, so sleep there."
"What are you going to do if I end up settling here since you’re treating me so well?"
"You sure worry about a lot of things."
"No, I think that’s something Nuna should be hearing. I’m looking out for you. What would people think of a woman living alone bringing a man in, feeding him, and letting him stay over?"
"I don’t know. Is that so important?"
"Then isn’t it important?"
"I just want to live doing what I want. Would that be a problem?"
"If that’s Nuna’s way, I can’t say anything."
"Yes. Don’t worry about me and just eat well and sleep well."
"Didn’t you say you wouldn’t treat me like a dog?"
"That’s why I’m treating you like a younger brother."
Juwon furrowed his brows.
Sorrow was buried in the deepened wrinkles between his brows.
It seemed that "nuna" or "younger brother" stimulated his sadness after all.
She would have to be careful with that.
"We have leftover food, leftover clothes, and a spare room in our house. So don’t worry about me and sleep tight. By tomorrow, you might want to go back to your own home."
"What if... I don’t want to go back?"
"Then stay in this house until you want to go back. My dad has a lot of money, and I always have leftover food and a spare room."
#dark