His expression was grave, and as he relayed Xinger’s words, his voice still rang with weight and conviction.
The Second Young Master burst out laughing. “If we’re talking about telling cold jokes, Brother Fan would be second, and no one would dare claim first.”
I, too, found his rigid honesty somewhat amusing, but I could not laugh at all.
I only stared blankly, thinking over what he had just said.
Xinger’s injuries had healed? The traveling physician who treated him had not told him I was in the Cao residence?
Last month, Xinger had been searching everywhere for me. What about now? Where had Xinger gone?
“I was reporting the facts. What joke did I tell?” Young Master Fan said in a low voice.
With a smile on his face, the Second Young Master turned to me and imitated Young Master Fan’s tone, enunciating each word: “Big eyes, a little mouth, especially pretty?”
By the end, perhaps because he saw that my expression was poor, his voice grew softer and softer. Once he finished, he quickly composed himself and cupped his hands to me in apology. “I was wrong. You failed to find your kin, and here I am teasing you. How discourteous of me.”
I bent my knees in a curtsy and said softly, “Second Young Master speaks too seriously. That you are willing to help me is already more than this servant could be grateful for. Let alone ‘what lies in the heart cannot be known by any but oneself’—even if it were my own sorrow, I would not be trapped by it at every moment.”
Young Master Fan’s expression had been indifferent. He stood there idly, and apart from glancing at me at the very beginning, he had treated me as if I did not exist. Or rather, he seemed utterly unconcerned with everything around him.
But as I spoke, I clearly felt two piercing gazes fixed on me the entire time. I met his eyes and, following the moment, said, “Many thanks to Young Master Fan for your righteous assistance. Forgive this servant’s presumption, but may I ask you a few more questions?”
The chill in his eyes faded, though his expression remained淡淡. “Ask.”
I had not expected him to be so straightforward. Unwilling to trouble him and the Second Young Master for long, I hurriedly asked, “You only said that last month Xinger was searching for me everywhere in the city. Does that mean that after that, few people have seen him?”
He nodded and said, “You could say there has been no trace of him at all.”
Most of my hope withered. I continued asking, “When he was searching for me, was he alone? Did anyone see him together with a traveling physician from the jianghu?”
“Alone.”
“Did he look well?”
“Though his clothes were not silk or brocade, they were clean and well-fitting.”
He answered quickly and with certainty, even recalling Xinger’s appearance at the time with perfect clarity. This showed that they had made meticulous inquiries throughout the city. If even so there was no news of Xinger, could it be that Xinger was no longer in Yangzhou?
If he was not here, then beneath this vast heaven and across this boundless earth, where could he have gone?
By now it was already afternoon. At this hour, Cao Yingshan always had to eat some fruit and pastries. I was silent for a while, then curtsied and said, “This servant has finished asking. Young Masters, perhaps my younger brother is no longer in the city. If he truly cannot be found, there is no need to waste any more effort on this. Meetings and partings are impermanent; perhaps this is simply fate. If the Second Young Master has no other matters, this servant will take her leave!”
The Second Young Master sighed. “To tell you the truth, Brother Fan even borrowed guards from the Dusi to search. I won’t say we dug three feet into the ground, but every place that should have been searched was searched. We posted over a hundred notices seeking him alone. Perhaps your younger brother truly is no longer in Yangzhou.”
Young Master Fan looked at me and said, “I will send people to search the outskirts and surrounding areas again. But there are many refugees now, so do not hold too much hope. We can only do our best.”
“Thank you!” I said, my heart desolate, both grateful and shocked, my voice choked.
Back then, when I had asked the Second Young Master for help, it was because I felt he was kindhearted and of noble status, and would likely be willing to help find Xinger. Never had I imagined that he would exert himself so much for a slave like me. And this Young Master Fan as well.
The Second Young Master said gently, “Go on.” So I rose and turned away, my heart knotted with worry.
Originally, I had thought that I would soon be able to see Xinger, that I could tell him to go to Hangzhou to find my family, and then have my family come redeem me. But now even Xinger could not be found. How was I to get in touch with my family?
Just now, for a moment, I had thought of begging the Second Young Master to help me find my family. But Hangzhou was a thousand li away. The difficulties involved—how could they be so easily spoken of? And how could I have the nerve to ask?
As I was silently worrying, a voice suddenly snapped, “Don’t you have eyes when you walk? Bumping into people like that.”
Startled, I quickly stopped and looked up. Cao Yingshan was standing a few steps in front of me, with the senior maid Cuiduo behind her.
Lowering my eyes, I said, “This servant was carrying a basket of apricots. It was too heavy, and I did not notice someone ahead.”
She gave a cold snort. “Does someone owe you money? Wearing that mourning face—just looking at you makes one annoyed. Move aside!”
Without a word, I stepped to the side.
She ignored me after that and hurried away. From afar, I heard her voice again: “How is my makeup today?… Should I have worn that red jacket-skirt? Brother Fan loves it most when I wear red…”
I shook my head with a bitter smile. Even the sharp-tongued, arrogant Cao Yingshan had moments of such anxious unease.
The days passed one by one, and I began to feel my heart grow cold with disappointment.
Because I often washed clothes in cold water, chilblains grew on my hands. At night, when I slipped under the quilt, they would itch unbearably.
During this time, the Second Young Master specially came to find me once more, saying that they had also asked everywhere in the suburbs, but still had not found Xinger.
Although I never saw Young Master Fan again, I often heard Cao Yingshan ordering maids to ask whether Young Master Fan had come. If he had, she would dress and adorn herself with great care. If he had not, she would lose all interest.
However, Young Master Fan was close with the Second Young Master and came by every two or three days.
In the autumn sky hangs the bright moon; its radiance is dampened by dew.
On the Mid-Autumn Festival, the Cao residence held a banquet, inviting the young ladies and young masters of prominent families in Yangzhou.
Cao Yingshan began dressing up right after lunch. She changed through outfit after outfit and tried on countless pieces of jewelry, keeping the maids throughout the room so busy they could hardly cope.
Only as the sun gradually sank in the west was everything finally prepared. Several of us maids, senior and junior, surrounded her as we made our way toward the lakeside.
The banquet was held on an open space by the lake. When the sky was about to darken but the lamps had not yet been lit, both the lake scenery and the courtyard scenery were dim and colorless. But when the sky turned fully dark, lanterns were lit one by one, hazy and blurred, like a river of stars fallen into the mortal world.
Inside the pavilion came laughter and cheerful voices, while opera and pipes and strings drifted out in wavering strains.
At last, the work was done. I only needed to stand watch outside and wait for the banquet to end.
I was sitting on the steps, staring blankly at the moon at the edge of the sky. Thinking of all the Mid-Autumn Festivals of the past, I could not help feeling grief too painful to endure.
Suddenly, I heard hurried footsteps coming from the corridor. Before long, Cao Yingshan came over, lifting her skirt.
Because I was sitting in the dark, she did not see me. As she walked, she said to Cuiduo, “This time I’ve truly lost face. It’s all Cao Wenqing’s fault. Everything was perfectly fine—why did he have to suggest composing poems?”
She suddenly stopped and asked Cuiduo nervously, “Tell me, Brother Fan won’t think I came out because I was trying to avoid writing poetry, will he?”
Cuiduo said, “How could he? This servant accidentally knocked over the tea and wet Miss’s clothes. Surely Miss is allowed to change clothes?”
Cao Yingshan was silent for a while, then sighed and turned to leave.
I quickly stepped forward, curtsied, and said, “What poem does Miss need to compose? This servant is willing to share Miss’s worries.”
Cao Yingshan had not expected that in this quiet, pitch-black place, I would actually be there. Perhaps she also realized that I knew of the embarrassment she had just suffered. She raised her hand and slapped me across the face. “You… you, you, you lowly wretch! You were deliberately watching me make a fool of myself, weren’t you?”
I knelt without moving, having made up my mind to adapt to the life of a slave.
Since I was a slave, then I had to become the slave most valued.
After Cao Yingshan hit me, she was still furious. She lifted her foot to kick me, but I abruptly rose, and her kick landed on empty air.
“You…” She pointed at me in anger.
“You may dodge the first day, but you cannot dodge the fifteenth. Unless Miss does not return to the banquet tonight, unless Miss does not care about others criticizing you behind your back, then there is no harm in not composing this poem.”
She opened her mouth to speak again, but I quickly said, “This servant has a slight understanding of poetry and prose and is willing to serve Miss.”
Cuiduo scolded in a low voice, “Have you been blinded by lard? You thing itching for a beating—why aren’t you getting lost?”
Cao Yingshan raised her hand slightly, stopping Cuiduo, then seized my arm and dragged me toward the side hall’s resting room.
I watched Cao Yingshan enter the pavilion. Standing where I was, I felt lost for a moment and could only desperately suppress the unwillingness in my heart.
“Following her truly wrongs you.” The sound of wind by my ear suddenly turned into a deep voice.
I turned my head in surprise and saw Young Master Fan standing tall and graceful beneath a tree not far away. I could not see his face clearly, yet I could imagine his cold, aloof expression at this moment.
After staring blankly for a moment, I bent to salute. A while later, he said, “Rise.”
He had already walked up to me.
“Do you wish to leave the Cao family?” His voice was cool and淡, blending into the late autumn wind.
I raised my head in astonishment and looked at him in incomprehension. Only after a while did I say, “What does it matter if I wish to? I signed a contract of sale with the Cao family. Wishing is nothing but empty dreaming.”
He said, “I can take you as my attendant concubine. You are fairly good-looking, you understand poetry and prose, your embroidery is not bad, and you know how to care for people. All of the above are my reasons for choosing you.”