Side Story Episode 4 2024.06.
2
1. “Because I love him.” Kaian had been Clodel’s first and only love. Back when they were still being played upon the chessboard her uncle had laid out, she had let affection take root, thinking, “What’s so wrong with liking my husband a little, anyway?” At the time, Clodel had been estranged from the entire world. When she believed she would die with no way of getting better, she had not even been afraid of having her body chewed up by crocodiles. In that brief instant, she had simply thought it would be better for her own body, which would soon be headed for the underground tombs, to be ruined rather than his, with so much life still ahead of him. And so Kaian was frightening, but once she realized that, contrary to his way of speaking and his expression, he did not truly hate her that much inside, her fear quickly vanished. She had never acted falsely or calculatedly when dealing with Kaian. She had merely tried to speak and behave a little more freely before the man everyone else feared. “I can’t treat him as if nothing is wrong like I used to.” Kaian was a man like the sun come down to earth. That was why, whenever Clodel looked at Julien in her arms, she would imagine what her son would look like when he was grown. The heir of Rowen ought to carry a blazing radiance about him and command the world. “My baby. My little sun.” How proud and pleased she would be if Julien only grew up like Kaian. But at some point, whenever she saw him, her heart began to pound first. It was excessive nervousness. For a while, because she had learned that many emotions passed through Kaian’s red eyes despite his impassive face, she had studied them closely to understand what he meant when he spoke. Now, however, even when their eyes merely met, her face burned and her pulse throbbed beneath her throat, making her look away without realizing it. “You’re only acting like this now, all of a sudden?” It was only natural that Hanna would ask back with a stunned expression. “Sometimes my heart beats so hard I feel like I can’t breathe.” “It wasn’t like that before.” “Exactly. I don’t know why I’m like this either. It’s driving me mad.” She had even asked the physician for a sedative, but it had not helped much. Perhaps because she had unintentionally behaved as if she were putting distance between herself and Kaian, drawing a line in that way, things between Kaian and Clodel had been very plain lately. What they had was something so very special, something radiant they had barely obtained at the end of emotions others could not easily experience. Did even a love so desperately longed for fade once it was fulfilled? But she could not ask Kaian that. She was afraid that if she felt the fact that things had changed and made it an established truth, it might become irreversible. Julien was still young, and the days they had to live were so terribly long. The reason she could no longer treat her husband as comfortably as before lay solely in her own feelings. In a way, Clodel, who had begun with a political marriage, was walking backward through the stages of affection other people usually went through. “Even when he only calls my name, my voice or fingertips tremble.” Normally, seeing someone’s face and feeling one’s heart flutter and pound, seeing that love shimmer before one’s eyes, would come first. “Even the slightest touch makes my body shrink back.” For Clodel, who had never been with another man, the order of those feelings had become all jumbled up. “I feel like my face will turn red just from seeing his face.” Hanna stared blankly at her, then muttered, “……
He might actually like that.” “What?” Hanna was worried about Clodel’s condition. “She wasn’t like this when I left for the Sol Continent.” If there had been any difficulty in Clodel’s condition or in the couple’s relationship, Hanna would never have even considered leaving her side. She had thought the two of them were so firmly joined together that they would never part, as if they had not merely been glued fast, but carved from a single block of stone. “It’s true His Majesty’s looks are conspicuous enough to invite misunderstanding, but surely not to this degree.” In Hanna’s eyes, Rohan, who was affectionate and full of warmth and humanity, was far more handsome. In any case, she could not simply leave Clodel to suffer. After thinking it over carefully, Hanna offered advice. “After the founding of the kingdom, there were many things His Majesty had to concern himself with. You’re much busier than before too, Your Majesty.” Clodel, in her own way, had to receive and look after those who had newly become nobles of the kingdom. There had once been a time when she had worried whether she could be acknowledged as the duchess within Rowen Castle. After Kaian left for the battlefield, Baron Colon had put her forward as the lady of the castle and had her act as the rear supply base, so by now she had become acquainted with the women of the vassal houses and was on amicable terms with them. In that situation, when Rowen became fully independent as a kingdom, the positions of those among the existing family retainers who had no titles grew ambiguous. “Your Majesty. I have admired you since the very first day you came to Rowen Castle. Is it true I cannot be invited to your tea parties?” “How can some rolling stone come in and push out the stones already set in place? Your Majesty, we are the ones who truly belong to you.” “Of course. Please look at my hands. The places that split open from sewing cotton into military uniforms during the war are still covered in scars.” For Clodel, forming bonds with the vassal families had been absolutely necessary for Julien’s standing. But because Rowen had suddenly become independent from Oberon, her position had become awkward. “Hohoho. How could one so noble possibly lend an ear to the words of lowly women?” “Was Her Majesty not originally Princess Vermonte?” “Do you remember when we first met you at the royal castle in the capital? The sight of you and His Majesty dancing together was so beautiful. We said there could be no more perfect a pair.” “Even when rumors were rampant that the two of you were divorcing, we never believed them.” With Clodel in the middle, the women who had been retainers of House Rowen and the noble ladies who had once been nobles of Oberon but had come over to the Kingdom of Rowen kept each other in check. Even amid such exhausting circumstances, she had mustered her strength to mediate. “Everything I do is for Kaian and Julien.” If she and Kaian grew distant, what meaning did any of it have? To her, troubled as she was, Hanna broached the subject. “You still haven’t shown His Majesty how you swim, have you?” “Mm-hm.” On Julien’s first birthday, Rowen had suddenly been founded as a kingdom, and afterward they had been busy preparing for the coronation. Once the autumn harvest was settled and winter came, even in Rowen, the air was a little different from the height of summer, so swimming had not appealed to her, nor had she had the time for it. Julien, who had begun walking in earnest, was growing stronger by the day, his little legs never tiring, until he could make several circuits around the castle without batting an eye. “This is exactly when you need an occasion.” “An occasion?” “Something feels different from before, but you don’t really know any particular reason that makes you think, ‘This is it,’ right?” Hanna’s words, as always, sounded plausible. “The fact that His Majesty taught you to swim in the castle’s rear garden must have become a special memory for him too.” That had been when she first kissed Kaian. While trying to pry into when Hanna and Rohan had started dating, Clodel had ended up spilling her own memories instead. “……
Do you think so?” “Of course. Naturally.” Hanna spoke with absolute confidence. “His Majesty will surely be pleased too.” Hanna’s words always carried weight. Clodel nodded and gathered her courage. *** It was a few days later that she was able to spend time with Kaian in the rear garden. He was still so busy that there had not been a free moment until he finished speaking with officials who had come from afar. Only after Rohan, who had mistakenly brought up the term “cooling-off period” to Kaian, was saddled with the task of transporting laborers from the Sol Continent for road construction as punishment for his insolence, and the estimated construction start date was set, were the officials able to return to their territories. They left while burning with competitive spirit, each claiming that the new roads being laid would be utterly marvelous and perfectly straight. Even during those few days, Clodel had been on edge, fearing that her request to Kaian—to make time for her, and to enjoy tea together in the rear garden—might be canceled. She was sitting by the lakeside where silver ripples flowed, waiting for him. “You didn’t come with anyone.” Hearing his voice from close by along with the sound of grass being stepped on, Clodel turned around in delight, then froze where she was. Unlike her, who had come comfortably dressed in a Rowen-style dress as she had when she was the lord’s wife in order to reminisce about the past together, Kaian was dressed in thoroughly formal attire. “…….” The embroidery on the uniform she had never seen before, as if newly tailored, was splendid, and the polished gold buttons shone, but none of it could match the radiance emanating from Kaian’s face. Clodel could not even call his name and merely stared at him as if bewitched. “Is there something on my face?” “Ah, no.” Clodel covered her face with her hands and moved aside, making room for him to sit. Thump. Thump. “Aaaah! Not again.” On the other hand, when she thought of what she was about to do today, Kaian’s attire was so serious that it worried her. “……
Is it all right if it gets wet?” Madame Marcel would be horrified. “You said you would show me that you can swim properly.” Kaian, who had no idea what was circling through her mind, spoke as if amused. “Yes. You may look forward to it.” Trying to stay calm, Clodel untied the Rowen outer skirt she had worn and took off her dress. Clad in drawers and a strapped undergarment, she slowly entered the lake. The lake she felt after so long welcomed Clodel, unlike how difficult it had been to come here. The familiar water temperature she had felt when she first cut through the current and floated in the water, the tree branches spread cozily over it, and the blossoms drifting here and there with elegant charm. Clodel felt her heart settle calmly as it had before. Splash. Lying back on the water and seeing the blue sky, Clodel drew in a deep breath, let it out, and laughed aloud. After that, she swam about here and there, ducking underwater and diving beneath the surface, playing to her heart’s content for quite some time. For a moment, she even forgot that Kaian was watching. “Pwah.” Swimming toward the shore, Clodel asked him, “How was it? I learned well, didn’t I?” “You did.” She had hoped he would praise her. At his more lukewarm reaction than expected, Clodel lightly bit her lower lip. But what mattered began now. She approached and sat before Kaian, then slowly pulled down the strap of the undergarment resting on her shoulder. His eyes widened as he watched. “You may do whatever you want.” Just as she was about to take off the undergarment clinging to her body, Kaian hurriedly snatched up her hand and gripped it. “Are you insane? What are you doing right now?”