EP.40 When You Come Home, Make Sure to Wash Your Hands and Feet
Very fortunately, the regressor had a habit of listening to a word before executing someone. It was a habit usually developed to extract information before killing, but anyway, giving even a moment for final words was a relief. The regressor is better than the Military Nation.
After hearing the whole story, the regressor still had a cold face. She threateningly spun Cheonang around and looked back and forth between me and Aji.
"So you're saying you were trying to wash Aji because she was dirty. Is that what you mean?"
"Isn't that obvious? Just look. I brought a box to use as a bathtub, a hose, and even soap, and set up next to the water tank—if this isn't a bath, what is it?"
"I wonder..."
Perhaps the suspicion eased a little, as the regressor floated Cheonang back above her head and crossed her arms. However, her expression still held a trace of doubt.
"You might have used that as an excuse to do something strange."
"What? No, really. This is so absurd I can't even."
I might tolerate other things, but I couldn't stand such suspicion. I flared up, left Aji, and stood up from my spot. Aji, who had been keeping her eyes shut tight, perked up her ears and opened her eyes slightly when my touch disappeared.
"Hah! Even if it's a ridiculous misunderstanding born from short and deficient thinking, there should be limits! I am human, the lord of all creation! Even if I'm currently stuck underground, give my eyes to a mere beast? Never! Go back to school and study more about the difference between primates and dogs!"
"Woof? I don't get washed?"
"No. You're getting washed today no matter what. Wait. Even if the sky falls and I fall into the Bottomless Pit, I will definitely wash you."
"Whimper..."
Leaving behind Aji whose ears and tail drooped, I confronted the regressor.
"Then what? If you say you can't entrust Aji to me, will Trainee Shay wash her instead?"
The regressor spoke hesitantly.
"...If she must be washed. I'd rather do it myself."
"Why can you do it but I can't?"
"You're a man, and Aji is a woman. For you to take off her clothes and Aji... ahem, even if you don't have impure thoughts, that's not allowed! It's indecent!"
What on earth is in this regressor's head that she lives with such thoughts all the time? When did I ever have impure thoughts? I never once...
Uh. Um.
Such thoughts might, very briefly, flash by like lightning. Humans do sometimes tend to be swayed by impulsive and primal desires. They say shepherds in remote places who never see other people sometimes commit crazy acts that are hard to even express in words.
But it is by overcoming instinct with reason that one becomes truly human. A momentary wavering doesn't define me.
I swept my hair back and let out a deep breath.
"Trainee Shay, are you perhaps conscious of Aji sexually?"
"What? What are you talking about."
"You're not conscious of her? Even when Aji clings to you, you don't have any thoughts? Even when she's half-naked, you don't even notice?"
"Of course not."
"Then you could wash Aji and finish the job without any distracting thoughts?"
"Of course."
"If Trainee Shay can do so, why do you think I cannot?"
"Well..."
'Well. You're a man and I'm... Oops. Right. I'm cross-dressing as a man right now!'
Huh?
Right? You were cross-dressing.
Even I forgot for a moment. How can you forget when you're the one doing it. Why even cross-dress if you're going to forget... Sigh, never mind. Her head is full of delusions, she cross-dressed out of fear of suffering "impure acts" in prison. Tsk tsk, her self-awareness.
Wait a minute. Cross-dressing. I couldn't think of it earlier...
This might be useful.
Facing the regressor who had fallen into self-contradiction, I cleared my throat and spoke.
"Do you realize you're being extremely suspicious right now? You were just driving a sincere and innocent person into a corner merely because he's a man, and now you, who are also a man, want to wash with Aji? This intent seems impure."
"No! I never said I'd wash with Aji!"
"Then? You said it's impure for me, a man, to wash Aji. And you claim to have no distracting thoughts. Does that make sense? Wow, so if you do it, it's a romance that transcends even species, but if someone else does it, it's bestiality? That's actually scary."
"Bestiality! Aji is a woman!"
The regressor blushed and hastily made excuses, but that was a checkmate. I pretended to be greatly shocked, pressing my hand to my forehead with my mouth agape.
"Good heavens! So you're confident you can love Aji as a woman, meaning your love is true love, and my touch without emotion is mere molestation? Huh? Doesn't something seem off? Contact with emotion is obviously more indecent, isn't it?"
"I never said that!"
"What's different! You and I are in exactly the same situation! Yet you block me saying I'm impure, but you're fine? Don't you yourself feel something is wrong with your logic?"
"Ugh...!"
Phew. My experience of thoroughly reading the Military Nation's educational book "Let's Play with Logic" in middle school is shining through.
The regressor, crushed by my perfect logic, gritted her teeth.
'Grr...! Why can every single word be so irritating...!'
The reason you find it irritating is because your logic is pathetic compared to mine. People naturally feel envy and jealousy toward the irresistibly strong. Drown in my storm-like logic.
"Haha! So what will you do? It's self-contradiction! No matter what method you choose, you'll be consumed by your own logic! Mwahahaha, try spouting more nonsense!"
"Then!"
Cornered, the regressor thought of someone and shouted as if it were her ultimate move.
"Then we can just entrust it to someone who's definitely a woman!"
"Huh?"
Reading the regressor's thoughts, I couldn't help but ask back.
"...So. You're telling me to wash the King of Dogs?"
After hearing the whole story from the regressor, the vampire slightly furrowed her elegant brow. The regressor who had actually brought the vampire found her voice getting smaller as she spoke.
"Uh, um. But, there was no one else to ask..."
'Even so, asking Tírkanjaka to do such menial work might be too much...?'
She called the vampire because she didn't want to lose to me, but the other party was a vampire who had lived for 1,200 years and was once the Queen of Shadows who ruled half the world. To try to use her like a maid.
Is it spoiled behavior, or arrogance?
The vampire didn't hide her discomfort either.
"Is that all there is to the reason you called me to this rooftop?"
"Ugh..."
Hehehe. Serves you right. Regressor. The world doesn't go your way, does it? Should I add insult to injury?
Fatal Move: Instigating Sister-in-law!
I clung to the vampire's side and whispered like a sycophant.
"Goodness. That's what I'm saying. That greenhorn who still has wet blood behind her ears dares to order an adult to do work? And washing a dirty dog at that! I mean, I'm so dumbfounded I can't even speak, right? With Trainee Tírkanjaka's status, even sitting respectfully beside her and feeding her when she has a meal wouldn't be enough, no! Chewing her food for her wouldn't be enough, yet she makes you work? That insolent brat, please sock her one. Argh!"
Why me?!
A blood-red fist materialized in the air and lightly struck my head as it passed. The vampire cast a glance at me as I sat on the ground.
"There's nothing you won't say. Insolent as she may be, she is still my disciple. This is not a matter for a nobody like you to meddle in."
"Grrr..."
"Stop exaggerating. I hit you softly."
Softly? You mean carve out my flesh, don't you?
I didn't feel any particular hostility so I let her hit me, but it hurt way too much! Well, she's the type to go "Oh, fascinating" even when shot, so how would she know ordinary human pain. Vampires don't understand human suffering. I should never believe it when these creatures say they'll hit softly from now on.
The vampire's gaze now turned to the regressor. The regressor was thoroughly intimidated.
'Tsk. Right. She's just being spoiled. What more is there to pursue.'
Her heart softening a little, the vampire quietly admonished the regressor.
"And Shay, quite apart from your presumptuous behavior, I'm afraid I cannot grant your request."
"Ah, that. I'm sorry. I was too..."
"No. It's a matter of capability. I don't have the ability to wash the King of Dogs."
The vampire descended from the coffin and slowly approached Aji. As gently as always, without a shred of hostility. She simply walked on the ground with proud dignity.
"The King of Dogs will not entrust her body to me."
And Aji reacted.
When I and the regressor were around, Aji never showed her displeasure even if she was uncomfortable. Even when I held her in my arms and turned on the water, even when the regressor blocked me, Aji just watched quietly.
However, as the vampire approached, she flinched as if uncomfortable. This was the Aji who stayed by my side or the regressor's even under the threat of getting wet, yet as the vampire drew closer, she wrinkled her nose and bared her teeth.
As if Aji's reaction was natural, the vampire nodded and explained.
"For I am not a living being. The King of Dogs cannot feel any goodwill toward me. The King of Beasts, who is a friend to humans and has tamed herself, would show constant goodwill to you even when in a foul mood, but..."
Grrrr.
A low growl. A howl warning not to approach, signaling her discomfort. It was a wild expression of intent, qualitatively different from the tantrums she had shown me.
"She wouldn't go that far against a corpse like me."
The vampire faced Aji for a moment before sharply turning away. Then Aji's growling also subsided. Lightly stepping. With faint footsteps that felt weightless, the vampire walked away coldly and lonely.
"Long, long ago, the Kings of Beasts who had been touched by human hands were the greatest enemies of vampires. Even Elders who could maintain their form under the sun couldn't hide their identity before the Kings of Beasts. Among them, the King of Dogs, who was friendly only to humans, was the greatest enemy... They didn't attack humans, but they would spit hostility at vampires without hesitation."
As the vampire moved away, Aji lost interest and sat back down. The vampire, who had turned around at a slight distance, gave up with a somewhat lonely voice.
"It's the same for this generation's King. Now that you know, you understand why my help is useless."
"Uh..."
Within that resignation, the murmur of one separated from time was calm, making it all the more sorrowful. The regressor didn't know what to do and hesitated.
'It's my fault. I let myself get provoked by that man and brought Tírkanjaka... I still have a lot I need Tírkanjaka's help with, but I've hurt her feelings.'
It's absurd that she's blaming me even now... Provocation? The person who falls for provocation is at fault. Who told you to have such a low ignition point?
The regressor shot me a resentful glare and approached the vampire.
"Um, Tírkanjaka."
"What. Is there more you want this master to do?"
The vampire answered nonchalantly, but that very nonchalance made her feel even more distant. The regressor couldn't come up with appropriate words and swallowed them. In the end, there was only one thing the regressor could say at times like this.
The words to say when you have nothing to say are predetermined. An apology.
"Tírkanjaka. I'm sorry..."
"Oh my."
But that's the wrong answer. An apology is a band-aid for the heart. An act that builds a wall between the wound in the other person's heart and yourself.
Tsk, she self-destructs just because I teased her a little. With this, there's no satisfaction in teasing her. It seems she regressed 13 times and learned everything else but social skills.
Should I help out a little.