Heiner's jaw clenched. He set down the ledger and took out the jewelry box. During their courtship, he had seen this jewelry box a few times. Heiner opened it slowly.
Contrary to his expectation that it would contain the countless jewels she had once owned, the inside was completely empty. Only a single diamond ring sat alone within.
It was their wedding ring.
Heiner stared at it blankly. The large diamond sparkled in the darkness.
He could not find any other jewels in the room. It meant that this was the only jewel Anette currently possessed.
'On the day of the shooting accident, I heard Anette disposed of several jewels.'
But according to what he had heard, it had not been a very large amount. Did that mean those had been all the jewels she owned?
The amount from the disposal had not been very large, and since swapping out jewels at every turn had been her hobby since her maiden days, he had not paid it much mind.
But looking back on it now, it had been her putting her affairs in order.
Heiner picked up the diamond ring with trembling hands.
"Where did the ring go?"
"I just took it off."
"Just like that?"
"It's meaningless now, isn't it?"
Heiner looked down at his own hand. Their wedding ring was still on his ring finger. He had never once tried to take this ring off.
Even when he had hated her from the bottom of his heart.
Even when he had occasionally wanted to just kill her and be at peace.
Even when he had made up useless excuses to visit her room just to see her face.
Even when he had paced through the garden where her room was visible for countless nights.
Heiner had never once tried to take this ring off.
***
The woman lying on the bed as if dead was pale, yet still beautiful.
Because the nurses had steadily tended to her, Anette did not look very different from usual. It felt as though she might open her eyes at any moment if he called her name.
Heiner stared blankly at the bandage wrapped around her wrist. The bandage wrapped around her small, thin arm looked strangely thick.
He fiddled with the ring in his hand. He had tried to put it back on her, but unfortunately, the bandaged side was her left hand. Moreover, her hand was weakly clenched into a fist.
She looked so frail that he was afraid to touch her carelessly. Even if it was merely putting a ring on her finger, he simply could not bring himself to do it.
After agonizing over it, Heiner eventually put the ring back into his pocket.
The steel chair creaked. He rested his elbows on both knees and stared intently at her face. The face he had stolen glances at and longed for over a very long time…….
Old memories surged up like the jet of a fountain.
A little girl sitting in the corner of the flower bed, sniffling sorrowfully. A high-quality dress, long hair grown out and beautifully braided, eyes like glass.
"Anette."
A being so dazzling and noble that merely looking upon her felt like a sin.
"I still…… do not know what I should do."
You are still not innocent. Even if you chose death, that cannot take the place of your innocence.
So nothing is resolved between us.
If you wake up like this, what on earth should I do?
Heiner clasped his hands together and rested his chin upon them. His heart was in such turmoil that he could hardly sit straight.
"If you wake up……"
His throat tightened slightly. He let out a trembling breath and continued with difficulty.
"Let us go to Glenford."
He could not suggest they go back to when they were happy. He could not be certain that everything would get better than before. They had come too far for that.
"If you want to see the sea, I will show it to you."
Even so, Heiner said those words.
"I will let you go wherever you want to go."
If you want to ride a train, we will ride together; if you want to walk along the beach, we will walk together; if you want to see a painter's work, we will see it together; if you want to pick up seashells on the beach, we will pick them up together.
"So come with me……"
Heiner reached out his hand as if to touch her cheek. But the hand that hesitated in mid-air could not bring itself to touch her and was soon withdrawn.
He still hated her. He still could not forgive her. He still wanted revenge, and he still wanted to keep her tied to his side while leaving her miserable.
"So let us go together."
Even so, Heiner said those words.
***
It was on the evening of the fourth day that Anette woke.
Heiner, who had been sitting beside the bed going through documents, keenly caught her slight movement. Her eyelashes and fingertips were moving faintly.
Heiner sprang up and blurted out her name in a trembling voice.
"Anette?"
As if responding to him, her eyelids fluttered. Heiner immediately called for the doctor.
"Anette, are you conscious?"
Anette's eyes opened slowly. Her hazy pupils were unfocused. Afraid those eyes would close again, Heiner spoke to her without cease.
"Can you hear me? Can you see me?"
Light gradually returned to her blue eyes. She blinked a few more times. Heiner called her name again in a desperate voice mixed with relief and anxiety.
"Anette……!"
Anette's gaze, which had been fumbling at some point in the empty air, reached him. For an instant, all her movements stopped short. Her chapped lips opened and then closed again.
In the next moment, Anette's eyes filled with despair and dejection.
The hand and shoulders that had been lying limply on the bed began to tremble faintly. Her quiet breathing gradually quickened. Her eyes, soaked with sorrow like a young animal, seemed to ask, why?
Heiner watched that series of changes without properly comprehending them.
The door burst open. Several nurses and a doctor hurried into the room. The doctor excused himself to Heiner, who stood blankly at the bedside.
"I will check on the patient's condition."
Heiner stepped back in a daze. While the doctor examined Anette's condition, he could not take his eyes off her face.
Tears trickled down from the corners of Anette's eyes. She sobbed in a choked voice, her shoulders shaking.
"Madam, could you nod your head once? ……Madam, can you hear me? Could you please nod your head once?"
The doctor's calm voice whirled around in his head. Heiner clenched his fist tightly and then relaxed it.
The blood-soaked bed. The body lying like a wax doll. The limply hanging arm. The urgent hands performing emergency treatment……. It was as if that day were replaying.
The doctor, having finished several checks, approached Heiner.
"Hmm, she seems to have regained consciousness, but her mental state is very unstable. I think we should let her rest for a while."
"……."
"……Excuse me…… Commander. Your wife needs to rest for a while."
Only then did Heiner turn his head toward the doctor with a stiff, jerky motion. A belated answer slipped out.
"Ah, yes."
"It would be best if only one nurse remained and the room was vacated."
"……Yes."
Heiner nodded with a face that even he thought looked vacant. It took several seconds for his mind to process the doctor's words.
Anette was trembling with her eyes shut tight. Tears constantly streamed down her temples. He slowly turned to leave.
Even until he left the room, Heiner kept looking at her. Scenes replayed endlessly in his mind: Anette's eyelids opening, the revealed pupils darkening, and finally tears welling up.
Her pale face flickered through the narrowing door crack. Soon the door closed completely. He leaned unsteadily against the wall beside the door. He raised his head slightly and closed his eyes. He was tired.
'I have to…… talk to her.'
Even in the midst of his confusion, Heiner thought so. He didn't know what to talk about first, or how to do it. He just had to.
He felt there would be much to say. Much to ask and much to hear. That she was in a mentally unstable state…… yes, that was possible since she had only just woken up.
She would be fine once she came to her senses. Heiner intended to try talking to her. Something he had avoided for a very long time.
Perhaps Anette regretted attempting suicide. It must have hurt when she slit her wrist. She was a woman who hated pain.
Pain was not something one grew accustomed to. Heiner knew that very well. A weak woman like her could not endure pain. A woman like her…….
The thoughts that had been branching out aimlessly withered.
A hollow laugh slipped through his lips. His large body, leaning against the wall, slid down. He grabbed his hair with both hands as if tearing it out and hung his head between his knees.
He knew these were all foolish thoughts. They could not turn everything back to the way it was just because Anette had attempted suicide.
'But then, do I want to keep driving her into the abyss?'
I don't know.
In a situation where he himself could not find an answer, talking to Anette would not change anything.
The notion that Anette might regret her suicide attempt was also ridiculous. Heiner had been able to read everything in her eyes when she woke.
Anette was despairing at having survived.
Amidst everything being as unclear as fog, only that was certain.
That was the only reality left.