Honesty Is Easier -1
A sudden thought occurs to me: humans are creatures of adaptation.
“Yo—keep your head up today!”
“Ah, yes. Thank you.”
On my way to the training ground after finishing morning classes.
I exchange greetings with the friendly man, easy and familiar now, and keep walking.
The man greeting me looks familiar by now, and I'm quite adept at receiving his greetings too.
As if we’ve been greeting each other every single morning.
“···”
Truth is, I don’t know him.
I have no idea who he is. It’s the first time I’ve seen his face, and of course I don’t know his name. He just greets me first, so I respond.
Still, I’ve grown somewhat used to these things now.
I’ve grown fairly accustomed to these bewildering situations where I don’t know someone, yet they know me.
Honestly, I didn’t think I’d get used to it.
I thought it was impossible to get used to. At first, it was hard enough that I felt that way.
Of course, it’s nice to receive words of encouragement, but the fact that it was coming from someone I didn’t know at all felt really strange.
How should I put it.
If I had to put it a bit negatively, should I say it felt like I was being watched?
To be completely honest, it was scary too.
I’d once told Jiu about this without thinking. When was it? About a month ago, maybe.
After eating at my house and walking Jiu back to her place, we were chatting about this and that. I must have said it then.
That it was so annoying when strangers recognized me.
Actually, scared was the more accurate word than annoyed, but I didn’t want to say I was scared in front of Jiu, so I just said it was annoying.
Anyway.
That’s what Jiu said back then.
That I should accept it gratefully since it was something to be thankful for.
That I’d get used to it anyway, so it was fine.
But even after I got used to it, she told me not to take it for granted and to keep being grateful.
Honestly, it still feels more burdensome than grateful. The emotions I feel toward the cheers directed at me. Of course, I mean cheers from strangers.
But as Jiu said, I am getting used to it.
Even though I’d thought I’d never be able to get used to it.
Then, if I get even more used to it, will gratitude come first?
I don’t know if that day will come, but I should remember Jiu’s words.
Jiu doesn’t always say the right things, but at least she’s someone who keeps all her words… There’s something to learn from her.
Jiu: Train hard today too
Jiu: Listen to the manager and coaches
Jiu: Especially listen to the seniors
Jiu: Huh??
Jiu: Got it??
It’s the same even now.
It’s training I go to every day, yet she still sends me messages telling me to work hard, as if it’s something new.
I’d be working hard anyway even if she didn’t say anything, but I’ll also get used to this encouragement and won’t forget to be grateful.
Me: Got it
Me: I’ll work hard
Me: See you tonight
My head itches. I washed my hair before coming out, strange.
Scratching my head, I made my way to the training ground.
“Hey, hey. Run harder, harder!”
“Your feet are showing. I see your feet.”
“If you loafed around for a week, then work harder~”
The training ground is especially lively today.
The players who rested against Verona are playing a light mini-game, while those in recovery training watch them and throw in a comment or two.
“Tsk-tsk, slow, so slow~ that’s why you can’t go to the World Cup.”
“Ah, come on, shut up!”
Because of those seniors, I hold back a laugh while quietly riding the stationary bike.
Then it suddenly hits me.
That this atmosphere is quite enjoyable.
Actually… last week, the week before, I’d felt a bit of emptiness.
It was the week when several players were away for the national team.
It had felt somewhat hollow back then… but with everyone gathered like this, it feels full.
It’s a strange thing.
When I first joined the first team, everything had felt scary.
Especially the seniors covered in tattoos; just looking at them made me feel intimidated.
But now they all just feel familiar. I feel it once again—familiarity is a frightening thing.
“Hey, but where did Dušan go?”
“Dušan? Probably doing weights inside.”
While I’m lost in those thoughts, the conversation of the seniors beside me flows into my ears.
Come to think of it, Senior Vlahović is the only one not visible.
Hmm.
Come to think of it, Senior Vlahović has felt a bit different lately.
Not just today, but even before, there were often times when he was off by himself.
During breaks, he didn’t really chat about personal stuff with the other seniors either.
Actually, I’d heard something.
That there was a possibility Senior Vlahović might leave the team. I’d heard it from the owner at the fruit shop while buying bananas, but anyway.
Well, I don’t know if it’s true or not yet.
It’s just that kind of rumor going around.
Neither Vlahović nor any other senior has ever brought it up.
He might leave, or he might not.
But if I imagine Senior Vlahović leaving the team… it feels strange.
I’m not sure why, but it’s definitely not a good feeling.
Suddenly, I recall when I first came to the first team and had my first training session. Back then, after training ended, Senior Vlahović had said this to me.
“I like you.”
Honestly, I was so out of it that I didn’t know what was what.
To the point where I couldn’t remember at all how I’d played.
But seeing how strongly those words remained in my memory despite that situation, it seems I quite liked hearing them.
Well… wouldn’t that have been inevitable?
When everything was trembling and I was frozen, not knowing if I’d done well or not, I heard those words.
My heart pounded at that friendly word Senior Vlahović readily offered.
Especially since my first impression of him was a bit scary; I think his image changed completely with those words, which made it even more so.
Anyway, after that too, the senior took good care of me.
During training, of course, and during matches too.
It felt like he accommodated me a lot. And who am I to deserve that.
So perhaps that’s why the match against Verona was burdensome for me.
I think I’d come to rely on Senior Vlahović quite a bit without realizing it.
Well, anyway… Vlahović got along well with me like that, and with other teammates without any problems too.
We played soccer quite joyfully.
At least outwardly, there didn’t seem to be any problem.
But now they say that senior might leave the team. That’s why I feel a bit strange.
Of course… I know too. That the pro world is like that.
Pros don’t choose a team simply because they enjoy the relationships with teammates or playing soccer together. I know there are values more important than that.
It could be money, or the size of the team.
There are complex adult circumstances intertwined in many ways.
Not being an adult, I don’t really know such things yet.
I just find playing soccer here quite enjoyable and comfortable… If Senior Vlahović leaves the team, I probably won’t be able to deeply understand him.
Hmmm.
I just don’t really know.
Maybe later, I might too……
“Yeeeaaah-!”
The raucous noise from the training ground cuts off my wandering thoughts.
I look up to see Senior Bonaventura scoring a goal and cheering during the mini-game.
The senior ran about celebrating as if he’d scored in an actual match, then jumped with all his might and shouted as he landed.
“Jiu────!!”
“…Ack, ack!”
And I choked on my own saliva.
“Uh… Senior?”
“Hm? What?”
“Um, earlier… you did some kind of celebration earlier.”
“Celebration? Ah, that?”
After training ended.
When I approached Senior Bonaventura and asked, he grinned.
The senior crouched once more and spontaneously recreated that celebration.
“Jiu────!!”
“…”
“This, right?”
No, so… I didn’t mishear it.
What the heck?
As I frowned and looked at him, he continued grinning and said,
“What? You don’t know Ronaldo’s celebration?”
“I… I do know it, but…”
“Right. I was imitating that.”
“But, it seems a bit different from the one I know.”
No, I do know the celebration itself.
When I was at Juventus, I saw the kids going crazy doing that celebration.
But… is it my imagination, or is the pronunciation a bit different?
While Senior Bonaventura just kept grinning, Captain Biragi came over and tapped the back of his head.
“Hey, jerk. Stop teasing the kid.”
“What am I teasing him about?”
“Why are you shouting someone else’s girlfriend’s name?”
“What girlfriend? They aren’t dating, right? Right, maknae?”
I was too flustered to answer.
Instead, I asked back.
“How… did you know the name…”
“Ah, I met her yesterday. In the stands.”
“You met her…?”
“Yeah. I was watching the match, and this Korean friend sitting next to me was cheering for you like crazy. Every time you touched the ball, she’d stand up and shout. I caught on right away. So we chatted a bit.”
At Senior Bonaventura’s words, my heart suddenly sank.
I don’t know about the captain, but this senior is pretty worrisome.
“What… did you talk about?”
“Hm? Just, you know, talked about you. How long have you known each other, how she came to Italy, what kind of relationship you have. That sort of thing?”
“…Why would you talk about that?”
“Well, it’s just fascinating, isn’t it.”
Ha, jeez.
This is absurd. Why talk about me behind my back… no, and.
Why would you ask what kind of relationship we have?
“…So what did she say?”
…but I’m curious.
What Jiu said.
When I asked, Senior Bonaventura shrugged and answered.
“She said you’re just childhood friends. That you’re not dating.”
“…Right. I told you that.”
“I just thought you were saying that because you were shy. But turns out it’s really not like that. So I asked if I should introduce her to one of the decent guys in our youth team.”
“…Excuse me?”
What the heck is this?
When I glared at Senior Bonaventura with widened eyes, he raised both hands as if to calm me down.
“Whoa, whoa. Why are you getting mad? You said you’re not dating.”
“No, it’s just…”
“Well, the reason is obvious, right? You do like her. Otherwise why would you be mad?”
…I let out a sigh for a moment.
The breath I exhaled was as hot as if I were in the middle of a match.
Indeed.
I did get worked up for a moment, but why did I get worked up?
There’s no reason to be.
While I stood there with a sullen expression, the captain beside me spoke.
“She cheered like crazy for you. Calling your name before you even came out, jumping up and down when you touched the ball, getting furious when you got fouled. When you scored, she was as happy as if she’d scored herself. How thankful a thing that is.”
“…Who said I’m not thankful?”
“If you’re thankful, you should return the favor.”
“I’ve done a lot. I buy her meals, buy her gifts…”
When I mumbled that, Senior Bonaventura clicked his tongue.
“Oh, you kid. Would someone cheer that hard just because you’re really friends? A gift is supposed to be something the other person wants. What do you think that is?”
“…What is it, then?”
“Are you asking because you don’t know?”
I ask because I don’t know, obviously…
“Maknae.”
“Yes.”
The captain says.
“People’s hearts can’t be seen with the eyes. So if you don’t express them, they can’t be known. Misunderstandings don’t happen for no reason.”
“…”
“Sometimes, showing your heart as it is, honestly, is the best thing to do. Otherwise, there will definitely come a moment you regret later.”
“…”
“Be honest with your heart. Then you’ll be the one who finds comfort. Honesty is a mindset you keep for yourself.”
When I didn’t answer, Senior Bonaventura thumped his chest as if frustrated.
“You frustrated maknae who only knows soccer. And you call yourself an Italian man?”
“…I’m Korean, though.”
“Oh, really? Then be an Italian man starting today.”
…What are you talking about.
I pouted, and the two of them giggled among themselves as if something was funny.
“Is it funny?”
“It is. What’s as fun as a sixteen-year-old’s love story?”
“…I’m going.”
I shook my head and turned around.
Come to think of it, Coach Luca and Manager Tony were like that too, and Manager Vincenzo as well.
Why are they all so interested in other people’s business, as if it’s so fun?
“Maknae! Good luck!”
“There’s an Italian saying. He who only waits will starve to death!”
“You know what the guys here are like? Don’t regret it later and make your move now!”
Ah, jeez.
I’ll handle it myself, so mind your own business.
“…”
I headed home, pouting fiercely.