236_What Changed -3
Humans are animals who can’t help it.
Well, plants are the same, actually.
No matter how big of a deal something is, you have to eat first.
Because that’s how you survive.
“···”
I lay there blankly staring at the ceiling for a long time.
My heart kept pounding, and while all sorts of thoughts ran through my head, my stomach was still hungry.
My stomach growled almost once every ten seconds, so I had no choice but to quietly open the door and slip out.
The moment I opened the door, a delicious smell wafted up from the first floor, so I came down the stairs sheepishly.
When I came down, Ji-u was cooking.
Normally... I would’ve sat at the table, picking a fight for no reason while talking to her.
Today, I didn’t have the courage for that, so I coughed for no reason and sat on the sofa waiting.
Ji-u, too, focused on cooking without a word.
···If Dad hadn’t been there, I might not have been able to lift my butt off the sofa.
I had made it to the living room, but I didn’t have the courage to sit facing Ji-u at the table.
Fortunately, Dad sat first and called me over, so I sat at the table, sheepish again.
“Why are you two so quiet today?”
“···.”
“···.”
“What, did you two fight or something?”
Even after sitting at the table, we just ate quietly, so I felt like I was going to choke.
It was strange enough that Dad asked if we had fought.
Well, I... tend to focus on my food when eating anyway.
But even Ji-u, who could usually talk while eating, was only using her mouth for eating today, so the awkward atmosphere overflowed.
“···”
I kept stealing glances.
Feeling somehow uncomfortable, I kept gauging Ji-u’s mood even while eating.
It was an unreadable expression.
She didn’t look happy or upset.
But since Ji-u usually has a bright expression most of the time, it made me anxious.
I wondered if she felt uncomfortable because of my selfishness, and I felt sorry.
Those words—“I’ll think about it and give you an answer”—kept making me feel uneasy.
Thanks to that, I had no idea if the rice was going into my mouth or my nose, nor the mental space to taste it.
All sorts of thoughts just filled my mind.
What if she thought about it and decided this isn’t right? What if she’s worrying about how to reject me without hurting me? What if she hugged me because she felt sorry? And so on.
With so many thoughts swirling, I felt like I couldn’t even digest my food.
If Ji-u said she was sorry, I was already worried about how I’d face her in the future.
Anyway, I finished the meal and fled to my room.
And lying down, I couldn’t stay still no matter what.
I kept picking up my phone and putting it down every three minutes for no reason, showing strange symptoms.
Thinking I should at least sleep early, I drew the curtains, turned off all the lights, and lay down, but my eyes were wide open.
“···”
In the darkness, Ji-u’s face kept flickering.
Thinking of Ji-u as just that boyish kid from before, it was an awkward thing to say, but up close, Ji-u’s face was truly pretty.
The feeling of when I hugged Ji-u kept popping up, disturbing my sleep.
That touch and scent still clung to my body, as if they were still attached to me, and wouldn’t fade.
Even spacing out, that moment would suddenly come to mind, and each time, my heart would pound like it would burst.
Lying still, I could do interval training—was this what they called image training? I wondered.
In the end, I had no choice but to give up on falling asleep early.
I got out of bed thinking I should go out for some night air or break a sweat.
Then I quietly went down to the first floor, put on my shoes, and went out to the garden.
The house was quiet, as if Dad and Ji-u were asleep.
I walked slowly while breathing, then eventually ran slowly.
When thoughts pile up and you can’t sleep, moving until you sweat is the best.
I lost count of how many laps I ran around the garden.
“Hoo, hoo···”
But the funny thing was, even though I ran until I sweated like that, my head didn’t clear up.
Whenever I had worries, running until I sweated usually made them disappear.
The thoughts refused to disappear, as if I had caught some disease, so I was bewildered.
I had no choice but to sit on a small bench and look at the night sky.
Twinkling stars brightly embroidered the dark sky.
Ji-u had said so.
That when you have worries, quietly looking at the stars makes your heart feel at ease.
That looking at the vast universe makes even the biggest worries feel like worthless dust, so you feel okay.
But no matter how much I gazed at the stars, this feeling I was having right now didn’t feel worthless at all.
Rather, it only felt like it was growing bigger and bigger.
Thanks to that, I was letting out deep, deep sighs long enough to reach the stars.
“···!”
In the distance, something sparkled like a star.
I furrowed my brow trying to see what it was, and it got closer.
Something round and gold.
···It was a gold medal.
Ji-u in pajamas was walking this way.
“Hup.”
A strange exclamation burst from my mouth, and my butt flinched.
What should I do?
Should I run away, pretending not to have noticed?
But if I ran away, it would look weird.
I couldn’t do this, nor that.
While I was restless, fidgeting with only my butt, before I knew it, Ji-u, turned white under the moonlight, was standing before me.
“What are you doing at this hour?”
“···Huh?”
“I’m asking if you’re not sleeping.”
“···Ah.”
While I only gave stupid answers, Ji-u sat beside me.
And for a moment, I thought Ji-u was looking at the stars I had been watching, then she opened her mouth again.
“Anyway, I just remembered I have something to return to you.”
“···What is it?”
“This.”
Ji-u held out her hand in front of me.
A sparkling gold medal.
I took it in a flurry, and Ji-u continued.
“It’s yours, so I can’t keep it.”
“···Ah, I see.”
“‘I see’? What’s with the ‘I see’? Anyway, well... congratulations? Again.”
“···Yeah. Thanks.”
Right now, there was something else I wanted back more than this stupid gold medal.
But asking for that felt somehow like begging, so I couldn’t open my mouth.
So I just fiddled with the gold medal for no reason.
Looking at the gold medal, a sudden curiosity came to me, and I cautiously asked Ji-u.
“But, you know.”
“Yeah?”
“This gold medal.”
“Yeah.”
“Why did you tell me to win this so badly?”
“Why did I tell you to win it?”
I nodded.
I had told her to do her best, but this was Ji-u, who had never said I absolutely had to win.
But that Ji-u had said I had to win this gold medal no matter what.
So I had won it.
Ji-u shrugged her shoulders.
“Is that something to be curious about? You have to win a gold medal no matter what, right?”
“···Right.”
“Plus, the opponent was Japan. You absolutely couldn’t lose.”
“···That’s true too.”
It was such an obvious thing to say that I felt silly for asking.
But, aside from those reasons, there was actually a different reason why I thought I had to stake my life on it.
“What? Why are you giving it back?”
“···You take it.”
“This? Why would I?”
When I handed the gold medal back, Ji-u tilted her head and looked at me.
I took that gaze with my side profile and spoke while looking straight ahead.
“I won it because you told me to, so.”
“Huh?”
“I won it to give it to you, so I’m giving it to you.”
This gold medal was won because Ji-u told me to win it.
I had only one thought: if I gave this to her, Ji-u would be happy.
So of course I was giving it to her.
“···”
“···”
Ah, jeez.
It was so awkward again I could die.
My whole body was itchy for no reason, and I was scratching the back of my neck when Ji-u spoke.
“No. You keep it.”
“···Why?”
“Why? It’s yours, so obviously you should keep it. Did I ask you to win this because I wanted it?”
“···Then why did you?”
Ji-u sighed.
“I told you to win the gold medal because you’d be happy if you won it, you idiot. You think I did it for myself?”
Ji-u spoke as if it was absurd, but I retorted without thinking.
“···You’re right though.”
“Right about what?”
“I said you’re right that I won it to make you happy.”
“···Ha, really. You went far away and came back a bolder kid.”
Sneakily.
Having worked up the courage, I glanced at Ji-u, and her face was flushed under the moonlight.
Since I’d already been called shameless, I wondered if I should get even more shameless.
“It’s not just that. Everything else I did was to make you happy too.”
“···What are you talking about, again?”
“Training hard and trying to win in matches—it was all because you’d be happy if I won.”
“···”
The first time is hard, but the second is easy.
It’s similar to how you give up trying to avoid the rain once you get wet anyway.
Smoothly.
Letting out words I couldn’t say until now somehow made my heart feel lighter.
But on the other hand, I was worried if my feelings made Ji-u uncomfortable.
Ji-u, who had been silent, opened her mouth.
“···Then why do you think I went all the way to the stadium and cheered so hard?”
“···Why?”
“To see you happy. You think I did it for myself? Seeing you happy makes me happy, so...”
Hmm.
So, seeing Ji-u happy made me happy.
And Ji-u was happy seeing me happy.
“···”
I washed my face with both hands.
The corners of my mouth suddenly rose like they would reach my ears, and I wanted to hide it.
Ji-u said.
“So, what. What happens now?”
“···Huh?”
“No, I mean. That... you said you’d think about it and give me an answer.”
“···Yeah.”
“That you’d accept it. Me. So what happens now?”
Accepting it means...
“Like, are we starting from Day 1 today, or what.”
Ji-u spoke as if frustrated.
...Day 1.
I couldn’t bring myself to answer, but it wasn’t a no, so I just nodded.
Then Ji-u, too, pouted her lips and nodded.
“Yeah, then whatever. Do that.”
“···Uh.”
“Uh. Sure, do that.”
“Do that.”
What kind of conversation is this.
We kept grabbing at each other’s words, then Ji-u stood up first.
“I’m going to sleep. You sleep early too.”
“···Yeah.”
Ji-u in pajamas trotted away.
I kept my head down, still washing my face, and only raised my head again once the sound of her presence had faded.
“···”
And looking at the night sky where the stars twinkled again, my mood was quite different from before.
Only then did drowsiness pour down like a tidal wave.
∙∙∙
A day in mid-September 2023.
Manchester City’s home ground, Etihad Stadium, was bustling with many spectators.
Today was the day of the seventh round league match against Nottingham Forest FC.
Perhaps thanks to the news that I Jian, who had temporarily left due to the Asian Games schedule, had returned.
The stadium seemed even rowdier than usual.
Amidst that, I Wonhun and Gim Jiu could be seen sitting in a corner of the stands, as always today.
Gim Jiu was grinning while looking at her phone.
Me: Don’t get hurt today either!
Me: Got it???
I wondered who she was texting, and as expected, it was I Jian. Well, actually, you could tell just from her expression without even looking at the screen.
Because Gim Jiu only made this expression when exchanging texts with I Jian.
Still, there must be a reason why that smile looked especially bright today.
“You’re going to catch a fly.”
“···Huh? Ah.”
I Wonhun cackled as he watched Gim Jiu come to her senses and close her mouth.
Wonhun had heard that these little brats, who had been stubbornly insisting otherwise, had finally admitted it.
They had told him as if revealing some grand secret, and it was hilarious.
Everyone except the two of them already knew.
“Did you have a good date yesterday?”
“Huh? D-date?”
“Why so surprised. You went out to eat dinner together.”
“Ah, that. Right, well. We just went to eat.”
Gim Jiu smiled awkwardly and scratched her head.
Day 1 since the day before yesterday.
And yesterday, the second day, they had gone on a date.
But honestly, it wasn’t like they had done anything special.
They just went to a nice restaurant together and ate.
And took a walk.
They came back home after chatting about this and that.
Calling this a date was a stretch, since they were things they normally did anyway.
It didn’t feel particularly special.
Well, if they had exchanged mushy displays of affection, maybe it would’ve been different.
But both I Jian and Gim Jiu were still shy, so they had acted like usual.
Other than that, everything was the same as always.
But there was exactly one thing that had changed.
Well, nothing much.
She had changed Jian-i’s name saved in her phone.
Vrrrr-
At the vibration sound, Gim Jiu quickly checked the message.
It was a reply from Jian-i.
Jianing♥: Mm
Jianing♥: See you later
She added a heart to the originally saved name.
Well, they weren’t just friends anymore, so she figured it was okay to add one.
Yeah.
She could at least do this much.
She wasn’t sure if it counted as a date, but anyway, they had gone on a date.
And she had come to the stadium today to cheer in person.
“···.”
...Hmm.
But come to think of it, it was strange.
They were doing things that only girlfriends do, but looking at it, weren’t these all things they used to do before?
Nothing was different from usual.
What changed?
Gim Jiu scratched her head as if confused.
Going by that, maybe counting from the day before yesterday as Day 1 was wrong too.
Perhaps the real Day 1... might have been the day they first met.
Because what they did then and now was the same.
And their hearts hadn’t changed either.