Episode 204: Because I Like You -2
“Mmhmm, do your best today too. I’m gonna sleep now. Nyaang\~”
A night draped in bluish moonlight.
Sitting on her bed, hugging a pillow as she talked on the phone, Kim Jiwoo hung up with a cutesy goodbye.
A call with her mom, who was in Korea.
Kim Jiwoo smacked her lips.
“Hng. I wanted to talk more. We couldn’t even talk for an hour.”
Saying they couldn’t even talk for an hour, rather than talking for a whole hour—there was something odd about the phrasing.
Well, it made sense. This mother-daughter pair was the type to chatter for two or three hours straight and still say, “Let’s talk about the details later.”
To these two, an hour-long call was nothing more than exchanging simple greetings.
“…If only it weren’t time for her to go to work.”
Even after hanging up, seemingly unable to shake off her disappointment, Kim Jiwoo pouted.
The time difference between Italy and Korea was eight hours.
Korea was eight hours ahead.
In other words, while it was 11:30 p.m. here, it was 7:30 a.m. in Korea.
It was precisely the time Mom had to leave for work, so the call had to stop.
“…”
She’d felt it ever since she first came here, but this eight-hour time difference was oddly ambiguous.
The times convenient for calling each other didn’t overlap very well.
From morning to early afternoon, she had classes, so she couldn’t call. Then, after doing this and that, when evening rolled around and she thought about making a call, it was the middle of the night in Korea.
It might not be a big deal to others, but for Kim Jiwoo, whose hobby was chatting with her mom, this was quite a significant problem.
In fact, the only hard thing about coming to Italy was the lack of time to chat with her.
That was why it had been so great when she went to Korea last year, following Jian.
“Hmmm…”
Kim Jiwoo exhaled through her nose and stared at the dark ceiling.
Today was the same; lately, her bedtime kept getting later and later.
It was because she had too much to think about and too much to worry over.
If asked what worried her most, it was undoubtedly her future plans.
She had completed all the courses required for graduation and even received her certificate of completion.
From now on, what to do was entirely her own choice.
She could study more here, or start working—part-time or otherwise.
Or she could return to Korea and prepare for the college entrance exam.
Actually, originally—that is, the plan she’d made right before studying abroad—was to return to Korea.
Cleanly finish all the courses, go back, study what she lacked while preparing for the entrance exam.
And enter university next year.
In a way, there was nothing to worry about.
She had originally planned to do this, and it was the most ordinary and easiest path.
She should just do that.
There was no need to lose sleep over it like this.
“….”
But… she had said so too, during the call with her mom just now.
That there was still something more she wanted to do, so she needed to think about it more.
That it might not be returning to Korea and entering university.
So her mom had asked.
What this “something more she wanted to do” was that made her worry so.
Her parents were the type to let their daughter do whatever she wanted, so it was a purely curious question.
But she hadn’t been able to answer clearly.
Why couldn’t she? …Mmm. Well.
Perhaps it was because she herself was a little confused.
There was definitely something pulling at her, but whether that was the right thing or not was the question.
“Phew…”
Kim Jiwoo had enjoyed every day since coming to Italy.
Of course, it wasn’t that she never had depressing days, but happy days were far more numerous.
Moreover, despite being away from family, she could feel a sense of stability as if she were in her own home.
That was, again, thanks to Jian.
A friend who was simply fun to be with.
A friend whose mere sight made the corners of her mouth twitch upward.
A friend who made her happily ponder how to tease him today.
And… a friend she wanted to stay close to, going forward.
The past two years spent with such a friend had been wonderful for Kim Jiwoo.
Compared to her daily life when she had been in Korea, separated from Jian, they were incomparable.
…Mmm.
Right.
So, to be honest, she had wanted to keep sticking by Jian’s side going forward.
That was the choice that attracted her more than returning to Korea.
However… of course, she couldn’t say that first.
Right?
What would she even say?
“If you’re here, I’ll be here too, and if you go somewhere else, I’ll follow you”?
That was absurd.
How could she say something like that?
It was embarrassing.
And well, she didn’t want to be a burden to Jian either.
Look at how much help she had received thanks to Jian until now.
Playing with her despite being busy, taking her here and there.
Even buying all the meals, and if there was something she wanted, asking, “Where would you have money?” and buying it with his own money.
Thanks to that, she had barely spent any of her allowance since coming here.
Because Jian took care of everything.
That was why she found it even harder to say she wanted to stay together.
It was purely because it was fun being together, but… she was afraid it might sound like she had different intentions.
It was entirely possible, wasn’t it?
It could feel like she was trying to leech off him.
Moreover, these days Jian was in a situation with many worries.
Every time she saw him, he was thinking about something; even while talking, he wouldn’t respond, and when she looked at him, he was worrying about something again.
So, afraid of burdening him even slightly for no reason, she had just stayed quiet.
It was a situation where she couldn’t be selfish.
“….”
Unlike herself, Jian was an important person.
Tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of people cried and laughed because of Jian.
So his worries were bound to be incomparably larger than hers.
She didn’t want to be a hindrance.
Jian had soccer—something more important than anything else.
Because it was a situation where he had to focus even more on that.
That was why it was difficult to speak carelessly.
“…I was wrong.”
Kim Jiwoo sighed at her wide, sleepless eyes that showed no intention of closing.
Sleeping early today? Not happening.
Well, at least she didn’t have school anymore, so that was a relief, perhaps.
Rustle.
—Kim Jiwoo ran her hand over the headboard.
And picked up the phone her hand touched.
Hmm.
I shouldn’t use my phone before bed.
I’ll develop a bad habit.
Hng.
But what can I do when I can’t sleep?
Just a little, just ten minutes before sleeping—wouldn’t that be okay?
Just as Kim Jiwoo was lost in thought.
Vrrrm-!
What a coincidence.
Her phone vibrated.
*Jian: You asleep?*
It was a message from Jian.
*“…Were you really not asleep?”
“Huh? Yeah. Why?”
“No, just… you seemed a bit out of it. Like someone who just woke up…”
“Since when have I been out of it for only a day or two? Haha…”
Kim Jiwoo answered Lee Jian’s question with an awkward laugh.
At that, Lee Jian tilted his head once, then looked forward again and walked.
Late at night.
A quiet street with no one around.
But Kim Jiwoo’s head was noisy.
‘Phew, thank goodness.’
No, she had washed up and been lying down when he suddenly asked if they could meet, so she had hit the panic button.
Having gotten up in a hurry and clattered around doing her makeup, her knee that had banged against the vanity still stung.
Well, anyway.
“…”
“…”
Kim Jiwoo glanced sidelong at Lee Jian.
By the way, why had he suddenly asked to meet at this late hour?
This was someone who had never asked to meet first.
Moreover, having called her out, he was just walking in silence, making her even more curious.
“Let’s meet for a bit”—had he really come just to see her face?
Unable to stand the frustration, Kim Jiwoo finally asked first.
“…Hey.”
“Huh?”
“So why did you suddenly ask to meet?”
“Ah. Um…”
“What. What is it? Dragging me out in the middle of the night like this. Where are you taking me? Surely you don’t have some weird scheme, right?”
“…What are you talking about?”
“What am I talking about? What do you mean what? I’m asking why you called me.”
Lee Jian scratched his head.
“Well… actually, I thought you’d obviously be asleep.”
“Huh?”
“I called thinking you’d be asleep… I’m saying I was flustered because you weren’t asleep.”
“What are you saying? I’m the one who should be flustered. What do you mean you’re flustered?”
“…I know, right.”
‘I know, right?’ What did he mean, ‘I know, right?’
Wondering what kind of conversation this even was, Kim Jiwoo shook her head.
Anyway, this brat was really someone who couldn’t be figured out.
“Then, so why did you send the message?”
“…I couldn’t sleep.”
“Why? Did you drink coffee during the day?”
“No. Just… there was something I was thinking about, so.”
“Ahh, then should I give you some advice? Buy me a meal tomorrow. Then I will.”
“…Okay.”
What.
Successfully making an appointment in a fluster, slyly.
Holding back the corners of her mouth that tried to rise, Kim Jiwoo tapped Lee Jian’s shoulder and asked.
“What is it? Tell me. Speak comfortably, comfortably. Your noona will listen to everything.”
“…”
“Hey, I said speak comfortably.”
Even told to speak comfortably, Lee Jian couldn’t easily open his mouth.
What worry could make him lose sleep and call her out in the middle of the night like this?
Exercising patience and waiting for him to open his mouth, seeing no sign of it opening and just as she clenched her fist.
Lee Jian slowly opened his mouth.
“I think there are times like that sometimes.”
“…?”
“When you like someone so much, that you can’t be by their side… I think there are times like that.”
At the somewhat out-of-the-blue words, Kim Jiwoo looked at Lee Jian.
Lee Jian continued.
“Our team doesn’t have money, you know?”
“Yeah.”
“But they said they’d scrape together every penny they have and give it to me.”
“…That’s touching. But?”
“I am grateful. I’m grateful, but… if that happens, the team’s situation might get worse because of me alone.”
“Why?”
“It’s hard to explain in detail, um. For example, it’s like this. To send a son to college, the rest of the family holds back from what they want to do and can’t do them while saving money.”
“Yeah.”
“Then in the end, even if the son didn’t wish for it, he ends up causing harm to the family.”
“…Hmm. Well, I suppose you could see it that way?”
Lee Jian nodded with a gloomy expression.
“I’m so grateful, but that’s why I can’t accept it. I like our team. So I hate the situation where they have to give up other things because of me.”
“I think I kind of get it.”
Kim Jiwoo nodded too.
Just now, she had felt her heart sink slightly.
Because the worry she herself was having had popped out of Lee Jian’s mouth.
“So then… what about it?”
When Kim Jiwoo asked, Lee Jian shrugged his shoulders.
“If I go to another team… our team can earn a lot of money.”
“Yeah.”
“Thinking about it coldly, that seems right. Mmm. That seems right.”
Going to another team meant leaving far away, didn’t it?
Though she felt uneasy just hearing it, Kim Jiwoo asked while trying her best to appear calm.
“Really? Where would you go?”
“…I don’t know yet. It could be Spain, or France, or England. Ah, or Germany too.”
“Wow, you’d have to go far.”
“…Yeah.”
“Then what, what’s the problem? If that seems right, just do that. Because you feel sorry to the people here?”
“Well… there’s that too.”
“But it’s unavoidable. Like you said, because you like them, there are times you have to leave. You don’t need to feel too sorry, do you?”
“…Is that so.”
Kim Jiwoo hit Lee Jian’s shoulder hard as he nodded weakly.
But maybe it was too hard; as Lee Jian winced and avoided his shoulder, Kim Jiwoo snickered.
“Hey. Don’t think so hard it hurts your head. A man needs to know how to make a clean decision too. You just have to go the way you think is more right. Isn’t that right? It is.”
“…Right.”
“And then, huh? Just don’t regret it. Work hard.”
“Yeah…”
“This brat, becoming a man now. Ah, aren’t you a man? Well. Sometimes you seem like a girl.”
“That’s not it.”
“That is it.”
“It’s not.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Yeah, it’s not.”
After a childish quarrel, both broke into smiles.
“Sigh…”
Perhaps because he had poured out his thoughts, his heart felt a bit lighter.
Lee Jian let out a long sigh, then nodded as if organizing his thoughts.
Considerate of such a Lee Jian, Kim Jiwoo walked beside him in silence.
“…”
“…”
They walked in silence for a while like that.
As they did, various thoughts passed through Kim Jiwoo’s head.
In the midst of that.
Lee Jian spoke.
“But what about you?”
“Huh? Me what?”
“I’m asking what you’ve decided.”
“Me? Well.”
Kim Jiwoo answered with a shrug.
“I still don’t know either. Why?”
“…You’re still worrying?”
“Yeah, well. I’m worrying.”
Worrying.
Actually, it was a problem she wouldn’t need to worry about if someone just told her first, but since they wouldn’t tell her, she was worrying.
“…You might go back to Korea, right?”
“Right.”
“Or you might stay here?”
“That could happen too.”
Could be that, could be that.
But it might be neither… or perhaps she didn’t want it to be either.
Sigh.
Her chest felt suffocated for some reason.
She had never been like this before.
Was not being able to say what was in her heart always such a suffocating thing?
Just as Kim Jiwoo was walking while sighing internally.
“…?”
Suddenly, not sensing the presence that should be beside her, Kim Jiwoo stopped.
What.
Where did he go.
Kim Jiwoo turned her head; Lee Jian was standing back there, quietly looking at her.
“…What are you doing?”
“…”
“Should we go back? Want to go home?”
Was it time to head back?
But even when asked, there was no answer.
Kim Jiwoo tilted her head, about to ask again, when Lee Jian finally spoke.
“What if.”
“Huh?”
“What if. If I go somewhere else.”
“…Yeah.”
What did he want to say that he was hesitating like that?
But she thought she knew what that heart was, so she didn’t rush him.
Then Lee Jian, who had hesitated for a long time, spoke with difficulty.
“…Will you go with me?”
“…Where?”
“…Anywhere.”
Let’s go together.
Anywhere.
Kim Jiwoo barely held back the urge to nod her head fiercely right then and there.