“Whew…”
I set my bag in the overhead compartment and sat down, and a sigh escaped me automatically.
From Incheon to Rome—now it was time for another flight of over thirteen hours.
But the reason for the sigh wasn’t so much helplessness at the long flight as the fact that I had finally escaped the chaos and could catch my breath.
The process of getting through the airport and onto the plane had been that chaotic.
I got out of the car without a thought and entered the airport, and from the start, I felt that something was wrong.
Why were there so many people from early morning… With bodyguards attached, pushing through the crowd felt like swimming through a rough sea.
Well, I would have been happy if the crowds had simply gathered because it was a good season to travel.
That it was because of me was something I couldn’t understand at all… yet I couldn’t exactly deny it, either.
The people who had come to the airport held gifts instead of travel carriers, and wore my uniform instead of floral shirts.
Wouldn’t it be funny to deny that they had come to see me?
I couldn’t understand why they would come from the crack of dawn just to watch me go board a plane, but.
Anyway, amid a farewell grand enough to feel burdensome, I had to wave with slight trepidation as I made my way to the departures gate.
On top of that, I had to suffer cameras and microphones with not a speck of consideration.
My hair was disheveled and my face was puffy from coming out early in the morning, but.
They ignored all that and more or less forced me to stand before countless cameras.
I wanted to ignore them and run away, but I felt like I’d only get on their bad side for no reason, so I had no choice.
And I spent time being interrogated as if I were some criminal.
I was so out of it that I don’t really remember, but I think I mainly got questions about the World Cup.
With my brain stiff from the early morning, I forced it to work and barely answered before finally escaping that spot as if fleeing.
“…”
So how could a sigh not escape me?
Finally finding some relief, I leaned back into the seat and let out another long sigh.
Then Jiwoo, who had been organizing luggage beside me, turned to look at me.
“The ground’s going to cave in. Why are you sighing so much?”
“…It’s been crazy since morning.”
“Whew, true. Our superstar must be tired. I seriously can’t keep up with you.”
Jiwoo shook his head and sat down, and I suddenly felt sorry.
Because of me, Jiwoo had to leave for the departures gate without properly greeting his family.
His feet probably didn’t want to move, and seeing him not complain even once somehow made me feel more apologetic.
“…Are you okay?”
“Huh? About what?”
“You could have stayed longer.”
“What are you talking about? I have to go to school.”
Seeing Jiwoo shrug as if it were no big deal, I wondered—if my mentality were even half as strong as his, couldn’t I have become a much bigger player by now?
I myself felt like I should have stayed another day or so.
But anyway, it was time to go, that much was true.
I prepared myself for the long flight once again.
I took out anything that would get in the way from my pockets, changed my shoes into in-flight slippers, and got a blanket.
Then, looking out the window, I suddenly felt a strange emotion rising up.
I had ridden planes so often for away matches that I was as used to it as one could be, yet this was only the second time I was boarding a plane from Korea to Italy.
Memories of the time before that first flight were suddenly coming back vividly.
Back then… my heart had been complicated in many ways.
A spoonful of excitement, a spoonful of liberation, and the rest was vague fear.
Thanks to that, I remembered my stomach hurting and gurgling at random times, which had been troublesome.
Right before departure, I had seriously considered saying I couldn’t go even now.
Still, seeing how comfortable I felt now, it seemed my time in Italy hadn’t been so bad after all.
Could I say that I’ve endured pretty well all this time?
Or maybe… it was because there were two of us going together instead of one, so I felt less lonely.
“Hey, are you going to sleep right away?”
“Hm, no.”
“Then want to watch a movie or something?”
“…Yeah.”
Anyway, it was time to go back.
∙∙∙
“I watched the match. That’s so you.”
“Was it good? Huh? Still, you missed us, right? It’s more fun playing with us, yeah?”
“Glad you got back without getting hurt. Congrats on your national team debut.”
After a short holiday, it was the day I finally punched in at the Fiorentina training ground I had been longing for.
The moment I arrived at the training ground, the seniors swarmed around like puppies waiting for their owner, every one of them talking at me, leaving me dazed.
While I had enjoyed many things in Korea, I suspected the reason I had occasionally wanted to hurry back to Italy was none other than these people.
“The maknae is here. Didn’t you miss this captain?”
“Not really…”
“What? Come on, you’re joking, right?”
“…I’m joking.”
“Damn, I almost cried. You punk.”
Because my personality falls slightly outside the bounds of normal, no matter how long I’ve known someone, if we’ve been apart for a while, it feels awkward meeting again.
But seeing how it felt like no time had passed the moment we reunited, I felt that I had become inseparable from these people.
This went beyond just being close; what should I call it?
A bond forged through comradeship built by suffering together through hell?
So when I saw the seniors, I felt happy on one hand, and on the other, the thought that it was time to suffer again.
While in Korea, my mind had loosened up a bit, and I had worried whether I could tighten it back up upon returning.
Perhaps it had been a needless worry.
“Jian! You’re here! Oh my, my baby!”
In the midst of sharing the joy of reunion with my seniors, I turned at the sound of my name called more delightfully than anyone else’s, and the Coach was rushing out in his slippers.
Having run out of the clubhouse in one bound, the Coach began to feel over my face and body with his hands.
“Anywhere, are you hurt or uncomfortable?”
“Uh, no.”
“How’s your condition? Can you train today? Want to rest more?”
“Ah, no. I’ve rested plenty, so I’m fine. I need to start training quickly…”
“Yes, yes. Still, don’t overdo it. Let’s start back slowly.”
Even if we were both men, I was bewildered by his touch coming on so boldly.
Laughter erupted among the seniors while groans also escaped them.
“Wow, the Coach is too much. Couldn’t you have welcomed me like that when I got back from the national team too?”
“That’s discrimination, Coach.”
At that, the Coach’s expression, which had been wearing a beaming smile, changed completely.
“Are you guys the same as Jian, you brats!”
And then he turned his head back toward me, and as if nothing had happened, a blossom of a smile bloomed on his face again.
That felt a little scary on one hand, and was a bit embarrassing in front of the seniors.
“True. I’d do the same if it were me.”
“The maknae and us can’t be the same.”
I couldn’t understand why the seniors were nodding in agreement again.
∙∙∙
Whether when I returned to Florence and lay down on my bed in my room for the first time in a while to sleep,
Or when I returned to the training ground and resumed training with the seniors.
I had strongly felt like I had returned home, but I realized the real thing was actually elsewhere.
Waaaaaaaah─!
Standing in the middle of the center circle, familiar decibels of cheering enveloped my entire body.
The tone of this cheering, the feel of the grass beneath my feet.
Everything felt comfortable like my own home, making me feel as though I had returned after briefly dreaming.
I’m home.
Today was the day of a league match against Lazio at my home ground, Artemio Franchi.
Lazio was no easy team, and besides, it was my comeback match after a brief absence.
It would only be natural to be overflowing with tension in many ways, but strangely, I wasn’t.
At that, the match against Napoli suddenly came to mind, making me wary of myself on one hand, yet I also felt certain that this was a different feeling from back then.
Today, the fact that I didn’t particularly feel tense didn’t seem to be due to some groundless, dangerous arrogance.
Right now, how should I put it?
It wasn’t as if I felt like I could do anything.
It was just that my heart was at ease.
Beeeeeeep-!
With the whistle, I roll the ball backward and the match begins.
At the same time, the cheers flowing from all directions grow louder, and soon I begin to hear voices calling my name.
It felt as if they had been waiting for me, so it should naturally sound a bit burdensome,
But the fact that it didn’t feel that way at all was a wonder even to me.
If I thought about why, it was partly because this place felt as comfortable as home,
And on the other hand, I thought the match in Korea might have weighed heavily on me.
I can say it now, but it had been a match so burdensome that my hands and feet trembled.
It was simply a friendly match, yet the expectations accumulated by my karma had shot up without knowing how high the sky was.
Playing soccer before that had been enough to make my chest feel tight.
It was a pressure and burden of a different dimension from a league match.
Compared to that, now it was nothing.
Objectively speaking, a league match could be considered far more important than a friendly… yet apart from importance, the weight I felt was like that.
One might say I’d grown too cocky from briefly going somewhere and coming back, but honestly,
I was already feeling this level of thing as nothing.
Pa-aang-!
Pa-aang-!
Near the halfway line, I lightly exchange passes and move.
My body wasn’t exactly light, but perhaps because my heart was light, the sound of kicking the ball rang out crisply.
At the same time, I looked around to secure my vision, and I felt as though the weather was exceptionally good today.
Because I could clearly see every corner of the stadium even far away.
So my mind naturally spun smoothly, and answers on how to break down the opponent began writing themselves with ease.
Pa-aang-!
So there was no need to hesitate or delay.
After exchanging a few horizontal passes for a moment, I soon changed direction forward and began the attack.
Pa-aang-!
I sent the ball to the right, watched the formation of the opposing defense settling in as they fell back, and dashed toward the box.
…It was a strange thing.
As if I were holding a cheat sheet, just by looking at the defensive line standing before me, I could clearly see how to break through.
It almost felt as if this weren’t a match, but a training situation where I was practicing offensive tactics.
During practice, don’t we usually proceed with the answer already set?
‘Do it like this, like this, and then like this, like that.’
Right now was like that.
Tatatat-!
I ran toward the empty space clearly visible to me and raised my hand.
At that, my eyes met Romero, who had the ball, and soon a pass flew toward me.
I found myself receiving the ball near the box.
The opposing defenders dashed toward me, kicking up grass.
It was clearly a pressing situation, yet it didn’t feel pressing.
Everything felt peaceful, as if set to 0.5x speed.
Pa-aang-!
I softly trapped the ball.
And with a few movements, I evaded the charging defenders and kept the ball.
It wasn’t difficult.
Clearly.
I was feeling this important league match as if it were practice.