Chapter 96. Obsession
2023.12.05.
Over the fortnight, the days grew longer and the weather hotter.
Around the time the sun was setting and a cool evening breeze began to linger, the court physician visited Blair's room. It was the regular check-up that took place every week.
Upon receiving permission and stepping inside, he saw Blair sitting propped up in bed with Herdin beside her.
Meeting his cold blue eyes, the court physician flinched.
Though his presence at every weekly check-up should have become familiar, he still tensed whenever facing him. It was a feeling close to instinct.
"Welcome, Sir Ermano."
Only after hearing Blair's greeting did the court physician snap back to his senses and approach the duke and duchess respectfully.
After completing the examination, the court physician delivered the news with a noticeably more relaxed expression.
"The heartbeat is clearer than last week. The baby seems to be growing healthily. How is the morning sickness?"
"It seems to have gotten worse."
"This is the most difficult time. But even if you have no appetite and find it hard, please eat even a little. The baby will grow well from your body's nutrients, so you don't need to worry about that, but as the weather gets hotter, your stamina can easily weaken, my lady."
"Thank you for your concern."
Herdin, who had been listening silently to the physician's words, spoke up.
"Exactly when does the stable period begin?"
"Usually, the stable period is considered to start from the fourth month. Morning sickness also improves significantly around that time. From then on, some even take short trips for prenatal care."
"Then when does the belly show?"
"It varies from person to person, but for a first pregnancy..."
Herdin asked a few more questions related to pregnancy. At first glance, he appeared to be a loving husband and model father-to-be.
The court physician gradually relaxed and smiled at this unexpected side of his usually cold-looking lord.
"Since the two of you are so loving, the baby in your womb must be eager to meet their parents soon."
However, even the faint smile that had been lingering on Blair's face as she listened to him disappeared.
Eventually, the court physician finished the examination and left, leaving only the two of them in the room. Herdin pulled the bell cord to call Melly.
"Prepare dinner in the bedroom."
"Yes, Your Excellency."
When Herdin returned to the bedroom after sending Melly away, Blair had already lain down with her back turned to him. Seeing this, Herdin's gaze grew cold.
For a fortnight now, Blair had been ignoring him.
She would answer if spoken to, but that was all. She never initiated conversation, nor did she meet his eyes.
Still, Herdin waited without pressing her.
He had fully expected this from the moment he forced her to stay by his side, and from her perspective of being made to remain with him, she had every right to be angry.
Nevertheless, he could endure it. As long as she remained by his side as she was now, for however long.
Her stubbornness wouldn't last long anyway. As her belly swelled and her body weakened, cracks would form in her resolve, and she would lean on him again.
It was as Herdin approached her with such thoughts.
Along with a familiar headache, a memory forcefully pierced into his mind.
The time in the memory was late at night.
Blair was asleep, lying uncomfortably on her side. Cradling a round, swollen belly that was visibly prominent even over the blankets.
The him in the memory only stared blankly at the sleeping Blair before turning away. At the same time, the emotions from the memory rushed in and constricted his heart. He burned with frustration at that unreachable situation.
Herdin frowned and took a step. Then the memory that had suddenly surfaced scattered like fragments and disappeared.
'...I thought it had been quiet for a while.'
But even though the memory faded, emotions that seemed his yet not his remained like afterimages, stirring his chest.
It was an unpleasant feeling, but one he couldn't suppress.
Herdin, swept up in those emotions, approached the bed. Blair still had her back turned to him.
He climbed onto the bed, pulled Blair into an embrace, and pressed his lips lingeringly against her pale shoulder.
Her small body that fit perfectly in his arms, the sweet scent from her skin, the soft hair tickling his face—all gave him a sense of security. Yet it wasn't enough.
More. I want to touch you just a little more.
Herdin's hand naturally slid up her leg. Feeling this, Blair grabbed his hand.
"Not today."
"..."
"I want to rest."
"I won't do anything."
At her firm refusal, Herdin suppressed his desire and obediently withdrew his hand. But the burning emotion wouldn't settle at all.
I burn with frustration because I can't touch you more, yet you...
How can you be so indifferent to me?
The reason probably lay with that man she had loved with her life.
It was a miserable and bitter unrequited love.
Herdin gently stroked her belly, which hadn't yet become noticeably prominent to the touch. Recalling the memory like the afterimage he had seen earlier.
Blair closed her eyes without pushing away his touch.
'He'll do as he pleases regardless of my objections anyway.'
She was tired of meaningless emotional expenditure now.
Just as Blair was drifting off to sleep, she heard a knock. It was Melly bringing the meal.
"Come in."
At Herdin's permission, Melly entered pulling a trolley, set the meal on the sitting room table, and left.
Herdin carried Blair to the table.
"Ugh..."
However, as had been the case at every recent mealtime, Blair started experiencing morning sickness before she could even properly eat anything.
Herdin approached Blair, who was crouched in front of a bucket placed in one corner of the room, and rubbed her back until her nausea subsided.
It shouldn't be possible, but Blair's body seemed to have grown even thinner in such a short time. In this moment, he felt a flash of resentment toward the child in her womb.
When the morning sickness finally subsided, Blair slumped down as if drained. Herdin lifted her up.
Blair grabbed his collar and spoke.
"I can't eat any more today. I'm going to sleep."
Herdin carried her to bed and laid her down. Then he brought a tray with lemon tea and crackers.
"Please eat even a little."
Recently, Blair's morning sickness had become so severe that she would throw up even water, and the only things she could consume without revulsion were lemon tea and crackers.
But she didn't accept them and opened her mouth to speak.
"I'd like us to eat separately from now on."
"Why."
"Eating with you is uncomfortable. It feels like being watched."
At her words, Herdin's brow furrowed.
"At least let me eat in peace."
Though her voice lacked strength, her gaze toward him was sharp. It was a look of someone drawing a thorough line between them. It felt unfamiliar, different from the past when she had always been compliant even if not warm.
"Blair."
It was then that Herdin swallowed a sigh, set the tray on the bedside table, and opened his mouth to speak.
"Your Excellency. I apologize for interrupting your meal, but a letter has arrived from the Imperial Palace regarding the trial schedule."
Along with a knock, Mason's voice came from outside.
"Go ahead."
As if pushed out by her words, Herdin left the room.
Blair forced herself to eat one cracker, rinsed her mouth with lemon tea, and lay down on the bed exhausted.
Hoping to fall asleep before he returned.
* * *
It was late at night when Blair opened her eyes again.
Fortunately, it seemed she had fallen asleep before Herdin returned, but she hadn't escaped him. As always when she woke, she was cradled in his arms.
His large hand was naturally wrapped around her belly.
He was obsessed with the child. It was a stark contrast to her previous life, when he had left for the territory immediately after learning of her pregnancy.
Back then, she had been so lonely.
She had wanted to run away, terrified of the fact that she was becoming a mother. At such times, she had yearned for his embrace.
But after she came to accept the reality of becoming a mother, she had rather wished for the child to be born quickly.
Because she was lonely.
Because she needed a family with whom she could give and receive complete love.
Unlike her previous life, the him in this life neither left for the territory nor showed a frightening level of interest in the child in her womb.
But the attention she had so desperately wanted in her previous life, she now detested to a horrifying degree.
Not because he loved the child as a father, but because she knew he considered this child merely as a card in his hand.
She didn't know why he hadn't used the child as his card in her previous life, but now that she knew his purpose, she wouldn't let him use this child as he pleased.
Herdin had scheduled the trial for after she entered the stable period, considering Blair's severe morning sickness.
One month remained until then.
In one month, she could leave this mansion.
Blair placed her hand over her belly, which Herdin was holding, and whispered to the baby inside.
'Grow strong and healthy until then.'
So we can leave together safely.
* * *
A little over a month passed quickly, and the day before the trial arrived.
As late summer set in, the sound of cicadas day and night filled the mansion's garden noisily.
Blair crossed the garden, noisy with cicada songs, and headed for the outdoor enclosure in the backyard. She had moved Pipi, who suffered in the heat as the weather warmed, to the shaded outdoor enclosure.
Blair stroked her belly out of habit. Now entering her fourth month, it was noticeably round to the touch.
The morning sickness that had tormented her so horribly for a while had mostly subsided now, her appetite had returned, and she had started to gain weight, making her physical condition better than at any point since becoming pregnant.
The court physician who examined her this morning also gave his assurance, saying she could attend the trial.
"Pipi."
When Blair called out upon arriving at the outdoor enclosure, Pipi recognized its owner's voice and came fluttering out.
"Pi!"
Always energetic, Pipi made another boisterous entrance today.
Melly, putting a harness on Pipi, looked up at the sky and said.
"The weather is really nice lately. Though it's still a bit hot."
Blair also looked up at the sky following her gaze. Under the clear, bright sky, a cool breeze blew from the shade of the trees.
A faint smile spread across Blair's face as she looked at the scenery.
"You're right. The weather really is nice."
It was a perfect day to leave.