Chapter 69. Embracing the Needle
He bound her with the intent to steal every last breath from her. Blair, suffocating, pushed against him, but rather than being pushed back, he seized the nape of her neck and persistently pressed closer.
It was a kiss devoid of consent or consideration, driven solely by desire.
Blair could finally catch her breath only in the moment she was suffocating to the point of dizziness—after Herdin's lips had descended to her neck and roughly sucked.
Regaining her senses a beat too late, Blair struggled to escape his embrace and pleaded.
"Let me wash first... I want to do it after washing."
Having gone out, to the forest no less, her body felt sticky.
But Herdin ignored her words and pulled down the front of her dress. His gaze somehow carried a chilling light.
"Did you meet him?"
A sinister voice flowed from the lips that drew near. His touch in handling her was exceedingly rough.
Blair furrowed her brow and urgently grabbed his arm.
"Herdin, wait—"
But as if refusing to give her even a moment to slip away, Herdin cupped her cheek and locked eyes with her.
"Answer me. I'm asking you."
As his grip tightened, Blair swallowed a whimper and opened her mouth.
"...I know what you're worried about. But right now, there's no other alternative. I'll be careful to make sure nothing happens—"
Before Blair could finish speaking, Herdin's hand rummaged through her dress. The suddenness made Blair gasp and stop mid-sentence.
Herdin searched for traces of Mikhail on her. However, the only trace was the faint scent of men's perfume that had lingered in her hair earlier. Even that had now faded.
He felt relieved, then immediately mocked himself. He found his own behavior utterly exasperating and infuriating.
But what made him even angrier...
Was the fact that even after confirming this, nothing changed beyond a fleeting moment of relief.
The fact that this woman still only thought of fleeing from him. The only difference being that her refuge wasn't that bastard. That was all.
His fury was directed entirely at the woman in his arms. At this woman who only thought of running from him.
"But shouldn't we uncover the truth of the incident first before anything else?"
"..."
"Nothing has been resolved on this end, so why are you already thinking about running away?"
"I have no such intention. I said I'd keep the contract, since I made a promise with you..."
"..."
"You too... no, you know it better than anyone. That I practice every night to overcome my phobia."
Herdin's gaze, watching Blair's eyes distort as if she might cry, sank coldly.
Yes, I know.
I know it all too well.
That all of it is ultimately preparation to leave my side.
I had momentarily forgotten that.
Bewitched by that innocent face.
"Who knows. Maybe I don't know. When I think about how the Queen Mother might have actually abandoned you, I got scared, and maybe I wanted to run away too late."
Both Herdin and Blair herself had tacitly suspected that Katrina might have even used her own daughter's life.
But it was a possibility neither could bring themselves to voice.
The moment that possibility materialized and spilled from his mouth, those ice-cold words became a dagger that tore through Blair's heart.
It was intimately connected to the self-contempt that had tormented her for so long.
Blair's always-composed eyes began to violently waver.
Seeing that, Herdin twisted his lips. He didn't stop there.
"You'd rather not know than be abandoned, right?"
"..."
"That's what you do best."
If only that were the truth.
If only you were utterly abandoned by that woman, wounded, and lost all will to run.
"This divorce you want so badly—I can't grant it before the incident is resolved."
Herdin raised his damp fingers and stroked Blair's cheek.
The decidedly sensual gesture, in this moment, was precisely what shattered her so utterly.
"So until then, don't harbor false hopes and listen to me."
Tears welled up in Blair's eyes as she looked at Herdin murmuring coldly.
His figure overlapped with the past.
In the end, you haven't changed at all.
And yet, I who fell in love with you again.
It was laughable and miserable how I would be hurt by you once more. The wounds I had momentarily forgotten were being torn open anew by sharp thorns.
The tears pooling in Blair's eyes overflowed silently. Herdin felt an inexplicable satisfaction from that sight.
It sounded crazy, but at least in this moment, he felt a strange elation, as if he had become someone significant to her.
Because your tears, your wounds, were entirely mine.
But simultaneously, the anxiety that always faintly surfaced whenever he looked at her assailed him once more.
The fear that the woman before his eyes, the woman in his arms, might vanish.
That fear drove him mad.
Herdin bent down and kissed her. Blair turned her head to avoid him, but was swiftly restrained by his hand catching her face.
With their lips still pressed together, Herdin gathered Blair in his arms and joined his body with hers.
"Ah..."
Though Blair didn't resist, her freed lips avoided him.
Even in this moment, her body that burned hot with desire for him, her heart that raced for him, made her unbearably miserable.
When her body began to shake violently, Blair ultimately couldn't endure any longer and pulled him close.
It was like embracing needlework—sharp thorns that couldn't be extracted pierced agonizingly into her heart.
* * *
The precarious flame of the lighter came to rest on the candle wick. Once the candle caught fire, the lighter's flame was extinguished.
Seeing Blair light the candle, Rina exclaimed in admiration.
"Oh my! Are you okay, Madam?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Sweat beaded on Blair's forehead as if she'd engaged in strenuous exercise, her breathing rougher than usual, and her hands trembling—yet compared to before, when the mere sight of fire sent her into panic, it was tremendous progress.
Having watched Blair closer and longer than anyone, Rina found her all the more admirable for it.
"Wow, you're really amazing. I don't personally get phobias and all, but honestly this must be incredibly hard. You could probably live on your own now."
Blair flinched at Rina's careless remark, even though she couldn't possibly know about her contractual marriage.
Quickly extinguishing the candle for Blair, who still couldn't tear her eyes from the fire, Rina added,
"Ah, of course you know I'm just saying that, right? You better not be thinking of going anywhere leaving me behind."
"Yeah..."
"Well, it's not like a Duchess would go off on her own anyway."
Blair responded to Rina, who smiled with even greater pride, not with an awkward lie, but with a smile.
A week had passed since her argument with Herdin, and she no longer practiced overcoming her pyrophobia with him. Since that day, practice had become solely Blair's responsibility.
That didn't mean he stopped visiting the bedroom.
He came to her every night and coupled with her as usual, but that was all. No conversation passed between them.
Blair kept her mouth shut, not wanting to speak with him, and Herdin acted as though he had no purpose or interest beyond her body. Sometimes his persistence felt almost bestial.
For several days, nights lingered where only rough breaths and moans circulated.
Eventually, as if giving up on Blair who showed no response, Herdin stopped coming to her room.
Recalling their conversation from the day of the argument, he could have pressed her to recover her memories quickly, as he desired—yet there was no such inclination.
His behavior and the flow of circumstances were terrifyingly similar to her past life.
But if there was one difference, Blair had no intention of repeating the pattern of doing nothing, as she had in her previous life.
'What Herdin wants is the truth about the Empress Palace incident.'
So she planned to give him what he wanted and then leave.
Not for his sake, but because she didn't want to break her promise to herself—that she would never run from the truth, no matter what.
And it was for Esmeralda as well.
"Madam, Lady Lorrelaine has arrived."
Just as Blair was lost in thought, repeatedly opening and closing her lighter without purpose, Melly's voice came with a knock.
"Tell her to come in."
At the permission, Rina left and Agnes entered the room.
"Welcome, Agnes. It rained heavily last night—I hope the roads weren't too treacherous."
"Fortunately, I only took well-maintained roads, so I came comfortably. Thank you for your concern."
Agnes greeted Blair with her usual warm smile. Then, spotting the lighter in Blair's hand, her eyes widened.
"Is that a lighter?"
"Yes. I've been practicing lighting candles."
"It seems the practice with His Excellency is paying off. I didn't expect you to adapt this quickly. They say a husband is more reliable than anyone else, after all. Isn't that right?"
Blair smiled instead of answering Agnes. It was an ambiguous response, but Agnes didn't seem to catch the meaning.
"Anyway, why did you summon me to the bedroom instead of the greenhouse today? Are you feeling unwell...?"
"No, nothing like that."
Blair paused briefly before revealing her true purpose, then finally opened her mouth as if having made up her mind.
"I want to try hypnosis."
As expected, Agnes showed reluctance.
"Is this something His Excellency has agreed to?"
"No, but... I don't think there's time to wait any longer."
"No time to wait?"
"If my mother was truly involved in that incident, she won't just sit idly by. Then that case might remain buried forever."
Rather than a complete lie, Blair chose to hide her true purpose and reveal only part of her reasons—a method to provoke Agnes.
For she was Herdin's subordinate, while also holding loyalty to Delmark itself.